by Nhys Glover
Rama, the scarred one, stared at me as the handsome one let me go. "Airsha? Love... What does she mean?"
I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself. I wanted to hide away from the too-vulnerable eyes that stared at me − the bright blue, dark amber, hazel and nut-brown eyes. All so easily hurt by a simple shake of my head.
Trace was close enough to me, and I felt his fingers close around my ankle, providing support. Wanting to shield me from what carnage he'd created.
"Get your filthy hands off her," growled the scarred man.
But Trace held on, almost taunting the furious warrior to strike. I needed to stop this.
"I am sorry, I do not know any of you. But I do know Trace. He has helped me, saved me. If anyone has the right to lay hands on me it is him," I said with steel in my voice.
The expression on the scarred man's face was heart-breaking. He looked as if I'd stuck a dagger into his chest and twisted it.
"But you're ours. You're the mother of my babes. Surely you remember that? Surely you know you're the Chosen One? The one prophesied to end the rule of the Godling? Surely you cannot have forgotten all that?"
My eyes filled with tears, and I fell to the ground, burying my head against Trace's shoulder. Though he knew he risked losing the arm he put around me, he did it anyway.
"We need to get her back to the stronghold. Maybe when she sees her babes it'll trigger her memories." The handsome one put his hand on the scarred one's arm. The hand was shaken off.
"This is fraggin' shite. She's ours, and yet she goes to him for comfort? Him! We don't even know who he is!"
The handsome man shrugged, though I could see he was as troubled and hurt by what was happening as his brother.
His brother? Had Trace told me my husbands were brothers? I don't remember him saying such a thing. They looked nothing alike. Mayhap they were brothers in the same way as Trace was brothers with the other abominations who secretly worked for the Godling.
"It's too late to head back tonight. We'll need to make camp here and set out at first light," the dark-haired lad said with more authority than I would have expected from someone so young and scrawny. He looked as if he'd never had a decent meal in his life.
"Calun is with the other search party. I'll go find them," the red-haired lad said.
"No, Flea. It's too late and too dangerous for you on your own. Captain, send two of your men to the other party and tell them the news. Have them make camp for the night and join us on the way back tomorrow," the young general ordered.
With a jerk of his head, the soldier who had first challenged Trace turned to his men and began giving orders.
"You're getting good at that," the red-headed Flea said with amused pride.
The other youth shrugged off the compliment and went to help set up camp. He kept throwing glances at Trace as if he knew things about him he shouldn't.
The two men who were supposed to be my husbands also began to make themselves useful, leaving me alone with Trace. I wanted to check his wounds, now we had found safety, but I didn't know who to ask. Or if getting even more intimate with Trace would ignite a firestorm that was already burning too bright.
As if he knew exactly what I needed, the red-head approached, carrying a bag of medical supplies. I looked at him in surprised gratitude.
"Thank you. I wasn't sure asking was a wise move, but he needs his wounds checked and bandages changed," I said to Flea, who sat down next to me.
"I know you have a kind heart, Airsha, but you have to know this story you are telling will be seen through as soon as Calun gets here," he whispered.
"I... What? What do you mean?" I stammered in shocked horror. Had I given myself away? What had I said or done that might have given me away?
I looked at Trace, knowing my eyes must have been as round as henling eggs. What did Flea mean, when Calun got here? Who was Calun?
"Gods, Airsha, what did he do to you? You have no memories at all. Yet you knew... No, all right. You didn't know. He told you who you were. He stole your memories? Airsha! You cannot protect him." The youth was snarling by the end of his one-sided conversation.
I reached out and placed a calming hand on the lad's arm. I didn't know how he knew, but he obviously knew enough. Or he was a very good guesser.
"I told you it would not work. Let it go. I am resigned to my fate," Trace said tiredly.
"He loves you? And you love him? This is a disaster waiting to happen. The Airluds are not men who'll take lightly to having their wife stolen. Not this way."
"How do you know all this?" I asked in bemusement.
Flea smiled and shrugged. "I'm an Air Mistress. I read thoughts and feelings. And Calun, your third husband, can do way more with you. You and he can be in each other's minds, not just thoughts. You can't hide anything from him."
I felt myself blush, remembering the things I had done with Trace. Then I blushed even more as I realised this Flea person − an Air Mistress? − would have just received those memories. Did she see pictures or just words?
"Pictures. But don't worry. If you knew how much sex I'd seen in people's minds you'd realise how little I care. What I care about is Calun and you, and what's going to happen when he gets into your head."
"Why have you not told them what you know?" I asked in confusion.
Flea tipped her head to the side as if looking at something odd. "Because you don't want me to. Because you're terrified they'll kill him if they know. I'd never betray you. If you remembered anything, you'd remember that I did that once... well, maybe not betrayed you, but conned and lied to you. And I swore I'd never do it again. That you could trust me. And you can. If you want this bastard alive, then so do I. But I don't think me keeping quiet is going to help. Not once Calun gets here."
The depth of the well I was falling into astounded me. Girls who read thoughts, four men who were my husbands, one of whom I could share minds with. And then there was my magic. So much magic it seemed impossible.
"Look, what if I get to Calun first and tell him you need him to give you privacy. That not knowing him and having him go into your mind would be an invasion. You're too traumatised right now to handle it. Which, given what I can hear in there, isn't far from the truth. He'll do that for you. He'd do anything for you. And then I'll see if I can get Trace away before the shite hits us all."
I was amazed by this girl who dressed and behaved like a boy. How could she be so... adult and in command when I was this Goddess person and such a mess?
Flea laughed. "If the things that've happened to you had happened to me, I'd be a mess too. It's all right, Airsha. You may not remember us, or how much we love you, but that doesn't make it any less true. We will get through this."
I threw myself into the girl's arms and began to cry. I clung to her as if she was my lifeline. My rock in a stormy sea. I had been trying to be strong for Trace, the only person I knew or remembered, and it had become too much. I'd felt so alone. Now I had Flea. Her unconditional love and support humbled me. I did not know what I did to deserve it.
"You let me share the affections of your husband. You forgave me and gave me a home, a place to belong and be me. You showed me I could be anyone I chose to be − a fighter, an airling trooper, an Air Mistress, anyone. It was my choice. So, though you don't remember why, you do deserve it."
I laughed softly as I wiped my tears away. "You are very disconcerting, do you know that? I barely think something and you are answering me."
She grinned cheekily. "I've been called worse. And maybe I'm giving away my advantage, but you can block me from your mind. You can do it with Calun too, but that would hurt him right now. So it's better to let me get him to do it for you."
I returned to my task of cleaning and redressing Trace's wounds. They were remarkably advanced in their healing. The moss was clearly magical. But, as the wounds were now closed and showing no sign of blood poisoning, I decided against finding more to put on them. I satisfied myself with a jar of salve I recogni
sed the smell of, and clean bandaging.
"She is quite amazing, is she not?" Trace said as I worked. "She knows everything, and yet she is willing to keep quiet about it all. Is even willing to help protect me? Normally, I would be wondering what her angle was, and what she expected in return. But it is not like that with these people. Your people."
"No, I do not think it is. I think she is totally genuine. I think I must have loved her a great deal. Like a sister. I had a sister once... Mina. You called me Mina. Why did you call me that name?" I asked absently, as I finished up with the last wound on his back.
"Your father told me to. He said she was your best friend, a name you knew well. If you heard it, you would likely accept it as your own."
"Hmm, my father is a cunning man. And it might have worked had I not had the sense that something was not right about it."
A cry went up, and I heard crashing in the darkness. The men were all on their feet, swords drawn, in the blink of an eye. But Flea was already running toward the sound, yelling that it was Calun, and they needed to put down their weapons.
For a long time after Flea disappeared we heard nothing, and the soldiers settled back beside the fire. Finally, Flea appeared at the fireside with a man, who could have been her brother, at her side.
The man, Calun I supposed, had a gentle handsome face and auburn-coloured hair. His eyes unerringly found mine, and I was struck by a sudden and intense sense of familiarity. I knew this man. I didn't know why he was different to the rest, but he was. I knew him.
He walked slowly over to me, as if sleep-walking. Then he knelt down in front of me and took my hands. With infinite tenderness he kissed them, battered and filthy as they were.
'My Heart, I'd given up hope of ever seeing your beautiful face again.' I heard his words though his mouth didn't move. And then he was pressing his forehead to the backs of my hands while he cried silent tears.
"I can hear you," I said in amazement. "You are not talking, but I can hear you."
He rubbed his cheek against my hands like a pet wadja. 'I'm unable to make any sounds. Yet we can speak to each other just fine.'
I decided to try it. 'Did Flea tell you what I needed from you?'
He nodded. 'I understand. I won't intrude. I can only imagine what you're feeling right now. I'm a stranger to you. The last thing you need is to have a stranger invading your mind.'
I giggled a little at that. 'Was that not what happened in the beginning between us?'
He looked at me in shock, and my face must have been registering the same emotion, because he suddenly grinned. 'So you're in there somewhere. I'm not quite the stranger you expected.'
I felt another blush rising up into my cheeks. Thank the gods it was dark and my flaring colour would go unnoticed. Did I always blush so easily?
'Yes, you did. We both do. It always made me feel a little better watching you struggle with it. Flea blushes a lot too.'
'Why do I feel so comfortable with you when the others, especially the scarred one, seem so strange and discomforting?'
'I can't answer that for you, My Heart. Each of us has a different kind of bond with you. I always felt mine was superior to the others, but I kept that to myself for obvious reasons.'
'How could you all be happy sharing me? Men are usually more competitive than that. And I have no idea how I know that, by the way.'
He chuckled again, settling in at my side and giving the curious Trace a nod.
'We're brothers, half-brothers, but closer than most full brothers ever could be. And we've always been more like one person than four. It's hard to explain. All I can say is that we've all been very happy with the arrangement. More than happy to share you. I'd never been with a woman before you, and I've seen that as a good thing. Because any ordinary sexual experience would have been inferior to what we have. It was worth waiting for you.'
I stiffened. This sounded a bit too much like what Trace had said about me being a legend and so much better than men claimed.
'What troubles you?' came the immediate question, and a gentle hand over mine.
'I must be very good at bed-play if you're to be believed.'
Calun laughed out loud, and the men at the fire looked over in surprise. My two other husbands seemed to relax a little. How odd, I would expect them to be jealous I was getting on so well with Calun. Rama had been jealous of Trace even touching me.
'You're very good at bed-play, My Heart, but that's not what sets you apart. This is a very old discussion. Just let's leave it at that for now. You're like no other woman any of us have ever known. We love you more than we love life.'
I decided to change the subject. My curiosity led me to the missing piece of the whole. 'Where is the fourth brother?'
The happiness drained away from Calun's face. 'Losing you has caused our brotherly bond to falter. Darkin is the eldest and the most responsible of us. He agreed with the rebel leaders that your disappearance needed to remain a secret. If we were seen searching high-and-low, instead of training airlings, people would talk. The rebellion would lose momentum and the Godling would win. We, on the other hand, refused to consider leaving your search in other's hands.'
'So this Dark... in, he cares more for the rebellion than me?'
Calun's shocked expression and definite shake of the head reassured me a little. 'Not at all. The opposite is true. But he sees the sense in leaving others to the search. He put Flea and Zem in charge. Which turned out to be the best decision ever, as it was Zem who worked out what had happened to you and where you might have been taken. And he was right. Sometimes going with your mind is the best course of action. Other times going with your heart, which is what the rest of us tend to do, is for the best.'
'So he is off training airlings?'
'No, he is wallowing at the stronghold, trying to look like he's planning our move to the new airling centre. But he's torturing himself, especially since news came last eve that a trail had been found. We took off as soon as we heard and left him to hold down the fort.'
I frowned and shook my head. 'I do not understand. Why is he torturing himself if you suddenly had a chance of finding me?'
'Because, if he'd succeeded in following through on his original plan, we wouldn't have been the ones to find you. And he thinks we'll hold that against him.'
'Will you?'
'No. Not now you're found. Not when Rama realises that if Zem hadn't been put in charge we might never have found you.'
'We were making our way back,' I reminded him. 'Though we were fast running out of energy.'
'I know. Flea told me. That's why I'm being polite to your lover, though I want to tear his head off.'
I turned to look at him fully and pulled back my hand from his. 'How?'
He chuckled again, but humourlessly. 'There's something between you, it's plain to see, and you've been with him for days, with no memory of us. And I know what a big heart you have.'
'You mean I am whorish in my behaviour,' I grumbled, mortified that he was right.
'Never that. Men are naturally drawn to you, and your heart expands to embrace some of those who may need you the most. I don't know how it works. But it isn't about sexual pleasure. It's always about heart with you.'
"Airsha, what is going on?" Trace asked, his patience coming to an end. It must have been very odd to watch me sitting silently with this stranger, laughing and reacting as if a conversation was taking place.
"Is he not staying out of your head?"
Calun scowled at him, and for a moment I thought he might give in to his desire to tear this strange competitor to pieces. It reassured me that he was not rejecting me as an unfaithful wife because I took pleasure in another man's arms unknowingly. Mayhap the others would forgive me too. But then, unless I could remember the love I felt for them, I might not want forgiveness.
"Trace, please. This is between me and my... husband. And yes, I believe he is staying out of my mind, though I have no idea what it would feel like if he was i
n there."
'Will I show you?' Calun asked, bristling.
"No!" I exclaimed guiltily. I shot Trace a quelling look, and he clearly understood how close he'd come to giving away our secret.
Why was I even keeping secrets from my husbands? Surely my duty was to them, rather than this relative stranger who'd stolen me from my home and taken my memories?
Calun stiffened.
"How are my babes?" I asked Calun suddenly, feeling like a terrible mother for not having asked after them sooner.
'They're fine. They have a wet-nurse. A woman who lost her husband in the war and then delivered a babe that died a few days after birth. Having your babes to succour has saved her, I think.'
I wondered about my own milk. It had tapered off to almost nothing during the last two days. Would it come back when I got my babes back? Mayhap they were better off with their new mother.
'Not new mother. Wet-nurse. You're their mother. You always will be, whether you take up feeding them again or not,' Calun said.
'It is discomforting having you read my thoughts like this. Are you sure you are not in my mind?'
'Not in your mind. Only the thoughts you think.' The stark expression had me revisiting what I had been thinking earlier. Oh, gods' balls, I'd thought about the secret I was keeping. And about what Trace had done.
I turned to look at Calun and saw the truth written there. 'Do it. Come into my mind so you can understand.'
It was the strangest experience. One minute I was me, and the next I was seeing the world through Calun's eyes − feeling his feelings as if they were my own. Gods, he loved me so much. How could I ever have forgotten that? As I sank deeper into him, seeing his memories of me, of us, I felt something stirring inside me. I felt the door to my memories cracking open and, in the next breath, pouring out, refilling me with all I was.
Calun must have felt it too, because his eyes widened and filled with tears. In the next moment, we were locked in an embrace that was simply the physical expression of what was going on inside us both. I was home. I was me. And I felt the love I'd lost. All of it so intense and so true.
