by Nhys Glover
We kissed, deep and long. I felt more than saw Rama and Jaron coming over to us. I felt their hesitation, their envy, their longing. Laughing, I broke from Calun, jumped to my feet and threw my arms out to embrace them both.
"Gods' balls, I've missed you!" I exclaimed joyfully.
And then I was kissing my scarred love and my handsome, funny love, and not caring if anyone else looked on or not. All the while, Calun shared with us this homecoming through my mind.
"You remember," I heard Trace say, resignation in his voice. "How is that possible?"
I broke from my husbands and turned to him, feeling only warmth and compassion for this so-called abomination. "It's possible because I am the Goddess Incarnate, like it or not. And she wants me to remember what and who I am. And now I have it all back, all is forgiven, Trace. All of it!"
"What is forgiven?" Rama growled, glowering over at Trace, who was looking bemused.
"Trace was sent from Father to kidnap me. Taking my memories, so I couldn't remember how to fight back, was the only way the Godling had of capturing me. But Trace has been more than a soldier doing his duty. He risked his life saving me from a ferocious beastling, when my father would have been satisfied with him just returning my body. Trace chose to give up everything for me, including the chance to be legitimised as a magical son by the Godling. You will not harm him in any way. Do you understand?" I spoke from the Goddess' place within me, where all authority lay. I had no doubt I would be obeyed.
Trace looked at me as if I had just condemned him to death. I smiled my assurance back at him.
"Don't worry. I am the Goddess Incarnate. My word is law. For whatever reason, the Goddess allowed you to take me and my memories for a short while. It was meant to be. I think it was so we could know about you and your brothers. The Abominations, as you call yourselves. You are anything but.
"You are further evidence that the Godling's justification for holding the kinglunds to ransom is false. Who knows how many others like you have been secretly discovered and put to death to protect the myth that the Godling alone produces magical sons. Generations of men castrated or put to death for having magic. Just as magical women have been castrated so the Prophesy could never be fulfilled. No more!"
I came back to myself with a start and looked around me, wide-eyed and a little stunned that I had shifted so forcefully into the Goddess.
As I checked on the reception my impassioned speech received, I saw men everywhere on bended knee. Again? I really hated it when they did this. I locked eyes with the still reclining Trace and rolled my eyes. He grinned and shrugged, as if I needed to accept my due.
With an exasperated sigh, I said, "Get up and get back to whatever you were about. I need to sleep. It has been a hard couple of days. And I want to be heading home to Dark and my babes at first light."
Flea was the first to rise, clapping madly and laughing all the while. "Welcome back, Goddess. Welcome back!"
Chapter Fifteen
AIRSHA
We arrived back at the stronghold just after sunset. For the last part of the journey my impatience had grown unbearable. I wanted to see my babes, but I needed to see Dark. I needed to reassure him that what he'd chosen to do had been right. That I didn't see his decision to leave the search to others as an indication he loved me any less. I knew him too well to ever think that.
The original search party had journeyed into the forest on foot, I'd discovered, to make sure they didn't miss one sign our mounts left as they passed by. But the second wave of searchers the next day, which included my husbands, rode in until they reached the steadily progressing first wave. Only then did they leave their mounts. So, for the first half of the very long day we had walked back to those mounts and then ridden from there.
Not that I had done much walking. One or other of my husbands carried me, passing me between them as they tired. Trace, who was being carried on a make-shift stretcher, threw me amused glances every time my men bickered over the need to pass me on. It was a little embarrassing how desperately my husbands wanted to keep holding me, even when their strength was gone, and Trace enjoyed my discomfort.
My arrival at the stronghold was greeted with little fanfare, as I was never considered missing by most of the residents of the keep. But Darkin was there, looking worse than even Trace. And far worse than my other husbands, who had spent the last days tromping through the wilderness. I assumed the bruising and cuts on his face were courtesy of Rama. I had seen a few such marks on him as we travelled back during the long day. But the heavy circles under Dark's cavernous eyes and the gaunt hollows in his cheeks told me he had slept little and eaten less while I'd been missing.
He didn't approach us as we came to a halt, but his gaze found mine. I saw the haunted longing in his bloodshot eyes, even in the torchlight.
I slid off my mount and walked up to him, never letting our gazes separate. When I was close enough, I opened my arms to him. On a low moan, he launched himself into my arms, pressing me close. So very close.
Lips came together then, hungry, desperate lips, and I sank into the kisses like a feather bed. I felt wetness on my face, but I knew it wasn't me who cried. When we broke apart, I wiped the tears from Dark's cheeks.
"I am home safe, my love. Because of Zem. Because you gave him permission to take over the search," I told him, meeting his gaze yet again, so he could see the truth written there.
"It wasn't that I didn't think you important. That I didn't want to keep searching..." Darkin began, pleading for understanding.
"I know... I know... It's all right. You don't have to explain. I understand perfectly. The rebels couldn't know I was missing. It would have done irreparable damage to the cause. And you made sure Flea and Zem took charge. They were every bit as good as you in that way. It was the right decision. And I have so much to tell you. But for now... for now, just hold me. I have missed you so much. Even when I couldn't remember you, I missed you."
That caught his attention. "Couldn't remember me?"
"Again, time for that later." I pulled him in close so I could hug him tight. He felt so good in my arms. So big and strong and safe. Always safe!
After we had both had our fill of hugs, I let Rama take over and lead me up to see my babes. Over the time we'd travelled back here, I had contemplated my situation. My milk had dried up considerably, though it was still there, and I could get it back if I took up regularly feeding my babes again. But why do that when they had found another source of nourishment just as good as my own? And Calun was right. I was still their mother, whether it was my mams that fed them or not.
And the wet-nurse needed to feel needed. And I needed to be freer than I had been since pregnancy had taken over my life. The war was coming to us soon. We had more airlings and riders to train, and I had to work with the new lads, helping them to develop fighting skills they might need, as well as the bowman skills Darkin was training them in.
Though I wanted to be fully a mother to my childlings, I couldn't afford to be. I was the Chosen One, the Goddess Incarnate; more than just a mother and wife. Though those personal roles would always come first for me.
When Rama pushed open the door to the babe's room, the nurses began to scurry around like henlings offered grain. Only one remained seated at the sight of me, and that was because she held a babe in each arm as they fed on her full breasts.
I took note of my babes' wet-nurse closely. Her hair was dark brown and tied back in an untidy knot. She was about my age or a little older, but a hard life had aged her. And grief and loss, I imagined. But she looked kind. And though I saw a challenge in her eyes, I knew it was out of fear, because she thought I was about to take away her only reason for being. She didn't know I could never do such a thing.
"This is Tema. She has filled your shoes admirably while you've been gone. Tema, this is my wife, Airsha, the Goddess Incarnate."
Tema began to rise, but I held up my hand to stop her. "No, finish their feed. They seem well pleased
with the bounty you are providing."
The woman blushed at the compliment and settled back to nursing. I extended a hand and traced one soft cheek and then another with the tip of my finger, just to reacquaint myself with the sweetness of them.
"You will take over again?" Tema managed to get out past trembling lips.
I shook my head. "My milk is all but dried up. If you would consider it, I would like it if you stayed on as their wet-nurse. It will mean coming with us to the new Airling Training Centre, though."
Tema's mouth formed a soundless ohh, and I saw tears pooling in her brown eyes. "I... I would be honoured to serve you for as long as I am needed. Thank you, Goddess, thank you!"
Rama rubbed my back, knowing how hard this decision had been for me to make. I had talked it all through with him as we walked and then rode back to the stronghold. And now I had met Tema, I knew it had been the right course of action. For me, the babes and Tema.
I made the most of the rest of the feeding time to bathe and change. Rama joined me in the big tub and took time to untangle the knots in my hair for me. We did no more than bathe, though, because I wanted to get back to the babes, and because when I shared pleasure with my husbands again it needed to be with them all. To reforge the bond between us all.
Clean enough to handle the babes, Rama and I then spent time cuddling and playing with them. It felt as if they knew me and were overjoyed to see me again, though I doubted that was truly the case. We lay with them on our huge bed in our room next to theirs, our knees up so they could lean against them while we played. It felt so familiar and good to hold out shiny objects to reaching hands, or to stroke and tickle them, talking all the while in silly voices.
The funniest thing I'd ever heard was Rama talking baby-talk. Had anyone told me, when I first met him, that this scarred and dangerous man would one day make kissy noises and silly sounds to entertain two infants barely bigger than his hands, I would never have believed them. Yet, here he was, doing just that and never looking happier. Fatherhood had been a blessing, and the Goddess must have known it would be this way when she chose him to father my babes.
"This feels like a dream," Rama said to me at one point. "I'm afraid I'll wake up and you'll be gone again."
I leaned over and kissed his ravaged cheek. "It does to me too. But I'm really here, and so grateful for it."
"What about that bastard who stole you?" He couldn't keep the tension out of his voice, and Ramin whimpered in his arms.
"That bastard foiled my father's attempt to recapture me, remember that."
He sighed. "You love him too, don't you? You want him to join our harem."
I kissed his cheek again. It was clear this was something that had been on his mind ever since I'd defended Trace so forcefully.
"I care for him, yes. But he will not become part of our harem. I can care for many people, I do not have to take them all to my bed. My harem will remain as it is. Trace has another role to play in this drama."
I felt the last of the tension drain out of him. "Good. That's good. I know we'd have tried to make it work... but, good."
I smiled sadly. I wished I could bring Trace into my harem, because I did love him, but I knew the brothers would not be happy with the addition. They would accept it, if that was what I needed, but they would not be happy. And eventually the tensions would undermine the bond we had created so carefully between us. For the good of the whole, I would stay faithful to my four husbands.
Although my infidelity may well have already undermined the bond. Trust was such an important aspect of any relationship. Being with someone else, even if I didn't know my husbands still lived, would be challenging for them. That I shared pleasure with another so soon after losing them, would be an even bigger hurdle. Or should be. But Calun had seen it all in my mind and been unhurt by it. And Rama's only concern seemed to be the addition of another to the harem. Mayhap they would be able to forgive me and be reconciled to what I'd done.
Once mother-time was over, it was Goddess-time. I had sent word that I wanted a meeting with the rebel leaders at the earliest opportunity. That was this evening. Though I was so weary I could barely keep my eyes open, this was too important to put off.
My other husbands and Trace joined me outside the meeting room. I had not spent much time with Trace since coming back to myself, but I'd kept an anxious eye on him when the soldiers carried him through the forest on his stretcher, assuring myself that none took it upon themselves to make him pay for stealing me away. Now he was walking, if stiffly, and looked better than he had since the first day we met.
We had all bathed and put on fresh clothing by now and I smiled at each of my husbands and kissed them briefly, reaffirming our connection. When I reached Trace, I cupped his face in the palm of my hand. His cheeks were shaven smooth, and I liked the look, though the wild scruff had been appealing too, in its own way.
"You have been treated well?" I asked, meeting his dark gaze.
He jerked a nod, avoiding looking at the four jealous men around him. No, I could not have Trace as a lover or husband. But mayhap I could still have him as a friend.
"You told me your greatest wish was to be accepted as a legitimate magical son. Join us in the rebellion and you will have that distinction, as will any of your brethren who choose to side with us. Do you think they might?" I asked.
He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I am happy to find my place among the rebels. Trying to make up for the sin of being born has been exhausting and fruitless, I realise that now. I am content to be among my own kind, where I do not have to work to be accepted as a magical son, though I imagine I will have to work to be accepted as a loyal rebel. I am not foolish enough to believe everyone can so easily let bygones be bygones, after what I did to you." He sent a pointed look in the direction of my men, and I knew what he meant. I might have forgiven him, but they had not.
Trace went on, standing up a little straighter. "As for my brothers... That I cannot say. Some may have family who have joined the rebellion by now and would be open to swapping sides. But others... mayhap not. What have you in mind? That we turn traitor and work from the inside to undermine the Godling's army?"
"I am not sure. What the rebels have been doing is collecting names and abilities of all magical sons and daughters siding with us, so they could be strategically used. It would benefit us greatly if more magical sons could be added to that list."
"I could not vouch for my brothers' loyalty. They might join us only to feed information to the Godling."
I bit at my lip thoughtfully. "If we could tell what they're thinking, it would safeguard us."
He seemed to know where I was going with this. "Young Red? You want me to take her with me into the lions' den?"
I felt sick at the very idea. But mayhap it need not be right into the den. "What if you went back in, talked to your brethren and had those interested in joining us meet our representatives at some neutral location. Flea could be there to vet each one, without their knowledge. Those who passed would be directed to us here, those who didn't would be sent on a wild goose chase that might keep the Godling's men busy for a while."
"You can't think to put Flea in danger," Jaron interrupted, scowling. "She's a little girl, for shite sake."
"A very intelligent, very capable young woman only a few suns younger than me," I countered. "And Trace will be with her, as will Zem, I imagine. Those two have become inseparable while I've been gone."
Jaron smirked. "I think discovering Flea's a girl has done wonders for Zem."
I smiled too. It was going to be difficult to keep Flea's gender a secret now. The lads would notice the way Zem behaved with Flea and jump to conclusions about them. Better to get ahead of that one by letting it be known she was a girl and an Air Mistress.
"Zem is something special," Dark said. "And not just in his ability to see patterns that others miss. If there are more Elemental Masters out there not born of the Godling, like Trace, then I'm thinking Zem m
ight also be one of them. Someone his size shouldn't be such an incredible fighter. You should have seen how he challenged the rebel troops sent to join the search. They laughed in his face when he gave them orders, until he took a couple of them down without raising a sweat."
I considered this. I had seen Zem in action a couple of times now, and he had been surprisingly effective as a fighter for someone his size. Was he another magical son? They seemed to be everywhere.
Or were they being drawn to me for a reason? The Goddess' own reason.
Darkin went on. "I told the rebels your idea about how magic is passed down. They were open to it by the end, though the idea that commoners might have magic does not sit well with them."
I huffed out a laugh. "There will be a lot that won't sit well with them by the time I'm finished. Let's get this done so I can collapse onto a feather mattress."
And together we entered the meeting room, me flanked on all sides by men I loved. Men I trusted.
Chapter Sixteen
AIRSHA
"A secret army of abominations?" Moyna exclaimed, when I introduced the leaders to Trace and explained what he had done to me. And how he had turned his back on everything he valued for me.
"That is what the Godling calls them. Funny how we are the ones who are nature's mistakes, not him, is it not?" I gave a little laugh, just happy to be back where I belonged.
"How many of you are there?" Pointy-beard demanded of Trace. One day I would have to learn his name. But I saw him so rarely, and he was not open to deepening our connection, so it would be a while before I could keep him straight in my head as anyone but Pointy-beard.
"Thirty, at last count. New youths join our ranks all the time, but they have to finish training before they are considered part of the Secret Brotherhood of Abominations. Our name for ourselves, though the few Godslunders who know about our existence call us the Abominations too."
