Far from the World We Know: A Lesbian Romance Novel

by Harper Bliss

  ✶ ✶ ✶

  “She said no,” I explain to Megan. We’re at Sam’s Bar and we’ve both ordered margaritas.

  “You can’t let it defeat you, sis. If you really like her, you need to give her time.”

  “But time for what?” I eagerly sip from my drink.

  “It could be anything. You don’t know her that well. She could have left Chicago to run from a broken relationship. These things take time.”

  “I know,” I groan. “I just… was so excited about her moving here. I had it all figured out in my head already.”

  “I know what you need, Tessie.” Megan looks at me intently. “You need an afternoon with your niece and nephews, say tomorrow after school until about nine?”

  “What?” I thump Megan in the hip with a full fist. “I’m sitting here pouring my heart out to you and you’re asking me to babysit?”

  “I was going to ask you anyway and I wanted to get it out before you had too many of these.” She holds up her cocktail glass and clinks it against mine.

  “You know I’ll do it. I don’t have anything better to do with my free time.”

  “You can stop feeling sorry for yourself now,” Megan says. “It’s not as though you’ll never see her again. You’ll be working together on the much-needed and anticipated rejuvenation of The Ledger. Use that time to get to know her better. Do it stealthily.”

  “It’s just that, the last time we met, I really thought we had a bit of a vibe going on between us. Some light and flirty banter. God, I enjoyed that so much. It was just so nice to talk to another lesbian. It’s hard to explain, but when you never get to do that, and then you do… it just made me feel all warm inside.”

  “I can arrange for Myriam and Isabella to come over for dinner,” Megan says earnestly.

  “No. God no. I don’t want a double dose of happy coupledom rubbed in my face. Them and you and Coach.” I take a few big gulps from my drink. “What’s the big occasion tomorrow evening anyway?”

  Megan pulls up her shoulders. “I don’t know. Scott just said, ‘Get rid of our spawn, I’m taking you somewhere.’”

  “Ugh, that guy.” I roll my eyes at Megan.

  “I know, he’s the worst.” Megan sits there smiling broadly.

  “I’m just so ready for something to happen. I’m ready to fall in love again. I mistakenly believed Laura would be a good candidate, but, well, I guess I’m on track to become Nelson’s lesbian spinster.”

  “Oh stop it. You’re a Douglas, Tess. I won’t have that kind of talk.” Megan mimics Dad’s voice.

  Despite myself, I chuckle. I like Laura, but at this point, it’s really more my ego that got hurt by her refusal. Besides, I’ll be seeing her soon enough. The Ledger needs her.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  LAURA

  On Monday, on my way back from Aunt Milly’s, I decide to lengthen my run. I need it to clear my head. All morning, my drawing arm was all tremors and hesitation again. If this persists, I’ll go broke in a few months. And then there was Tess’s phone call yesterday, which kept me up for a large part of the night battling feelings of inadequacy.

  When I came here, on the long drive down from Chicago, I truly believed that with every mile I bridged, I was preparing myself to leave the past behind a bit more. I guess I was wrong. Every night, I see her face in my dreams. The look of disbelief on it—her lips stretched into a vexed O—just before her head crashed against the marble coffee table.

  I run faster, hoping that a change of pace will also change my thoughts. But Tracy is still a dark cloud hanging over me. Even now, almost nine months after I buried her.

  “She deserved it,” my friend Rachel said. But nobody deserves that. I make a mental note to call Rachel as soon as I get home. I need a friendly voice to talk to. Because now I fear I might have blown my chances at friendship with Tess.

  I couldn’t possible go on a date with her. I’m nowhere near ready to dredge up my past. Questions would come up and all I’d be doing throughout the evening would be finding acceptable ways to dodge normal conversation. Additionally, I can’t make myself vulnerable like that. Nor can I sit across from another woman and let her believe she has a chance with me.

  I take a left into a street I’ve never been down before. Two boys are playing clumsily with a football in the front yard of a house. They wave maniacally as I go past. I give them a smile, and it feels so good to smile. To just forget about everything for a brief instant. I slow my pace a little so I can catch my breath. This is a lovely street, I think, when I hear my name being called. I look back and see Tess in the driveway of the house where the boys were playing.

  Oh shit. I thought this street would be safe, as there are no ranches on it, nor does it house the office of The Ledger.

  “Hey.” I jog back a few feet, but keep my distance. This really is a small town.

  “Meet my two monsters of nephews, Toby and Max.” The boys have come running, curiosity shimmering in their eyes. “Their sister Emma is inside taking a nap.”

  “Hi guys. I’m Laura.” I give the boys another wave. There’s no doubt they’re Megan’s children—and Tess’s nephews—what with the freckles on their noses and the green specks in their eyes.

  “Do you play football?” the youngest one asks.

  I giggle at the thought. “I’m afraid I don’t.”

  “Our dad is the coach,” the oldest says, his little chest swelling with pride.

  “That’s awesome.” What else am I supposed to say to that?

  “He can throw a ball from here all the way to the end of the street,” the youngest says.

  “Let’s not get carried away, Max.” Tess pats him on the shoulder. “Go on. Continue your game. I need to speak to Laura for a second.”

  Obediently, the boys shuffle back to the lawn.

  Tess takes a step closer to me. “I’m sorry about asking you out like that. I don’t want things to be awkward between us.” She looks tired. I spot dark circles under her eyes that I haven’t previously seen.

  “It’s fine.” I wave her off. “It’s not you, Tess. You’re lovely. I’m just…” I’m what? Broken? Damaged goods? “Not ready for any of that.”

  Tess nods her understanding. “Bad break-up?”

  “Something like that.”

  “You seem parched. Can I offer you a glass of water?” Thankfully, Tess picks up on my reluctance to delve deeper into the topic. “I need to go back into the house in case Emma wakes up.”

  I hesitate. My normal reaction would be to say no and continue my run. But Tess has been so nice to me, and I feel like I somehow ought to make it up to her for not wanting to go on a date. “Sure. Thanks.”

  “Come along then.”

  I follow her into the house.

  “I’m on babysitting duty until tonight. Megan and Scott are on a romantic date.” Tess checks the baby monitor. “Which means I’ll sleep like a log tonight. Children are so exhausting.”

  “I can imagine.” I’m in the open-plan kitchen of what looks like a modest but beautifully decorated house.

  Tess pours me some water and hands me a glass. “There you go.” This time, neither her gaze nor her fingers linger. It’s as though she can barely look me in the eye.

  “What does your sister do?”

  “She’s a stay-at-home mom, which is quite possibly the toughest job on the planet.”

  “Do you have any other sisters or brothers?” I ask.

  “Nope. Just me and Megs. Mom seems to take strange pleasure in telling us how hard it was to give birth to one child and then having to do it all over again immediately. She claims that’s why she never wanted to have any more after that ordeal.”

  “Who’s the oldest?” My casual questions seem to relax Tess.

  “I was born first, which makes me thirty minutes older—and oh so much wiser—than Megan.” She gives a chuckle. “Oh sweet irony.” She waves an arm across the room. “Look at all this. Happily married for sixteen years. To the foot
ball coach no less—the value of which should not be underestimated in this town. Her own house, as opposed to still living on Mom and Dad’s ranch. Three gorgeous children.”

  Is Tess having a nervous breakdown in front of me? “Are you all right?”

  She pulls her lips into a smile but, even though I don’t know her that well, it’s as if I can see it’s not an entirely genuine one. “Yes. Of course. It’s a bit early for my midlife crisis. But, you know, when you have a twin, you basically have to resign yourself to being compared to the other your entire life. Guess who always comes out on top?” That smile has turned into a hint of pout.

  “It all depends on how you define success in life. Maybe it’s different here, but in Chicago I had quite a few friends who were single by choice—and all the happier for it. Same goes for having children. We, as women, are so trained to believe that it’s our highest calling in life to procreate, but when you come to think of it, the planet is already seriously overpopulated. All that was automatically assumed a few decades ago just doesn’t fly anymore these days.” I seem to have gone back into preacher mode. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be all heavy-handed.”

  “That’s quite all right. And I really appreciate what you just said.”

  “Good.” I try to find Tess’s eyes, but she still refuses to look at me. “When shall we have our next Ledger meeting?”

  “Some time this week?” Tess leans against the kitchen counter. Then the baby monitor starts producing noise. “Ah, someone’s awake.”

  “I’ll leave you to it,” I say. “Shoot me an email about the meeting.”

  Tess nods and starts for a door to her left, while I head for the front door.

  The boys are still playing football outside, though their tiny hands barely have a grasp on the ball.

  I wave goodbye and try to fall into the easy running rhythm I was in before, but the ground feels heavy underneath my feet and lifting my legs off it seems like much more of a chore than before I stopped.

  ✶ ✶ ✶

  After I’ve showered, I call Rachel—the friend I miss the most after moving south.

  “How’s Texas treating you?” she asks.

  “Not too bad.” We talk about Aunt Milly’s health and the state of the house and then I just blurt it out. “I met someone. She seems eager.”

  “How about you? Are you eager?” Rachel’s voice is dead serious.

  “I like her, but, you know.”

  “No need to mince your words with me, Laura. I know what Tracy did to you. I saw the evidence. And I understand your hesitation. Don’t rush into anything before all your wounds have healed.”

  “Trust me, I won’t. But she asked me out and I said no and now everything is a little awkward between us. Which is a shame because it was just starting to feel good to make a new friend.”

  “You still have friends in Chicago. Never forget that.”

  Who were part of the reason I wanted to leave. “I think about you all the time, Rach,” I joke. It’s not a lie, but after what happened, it was hard to even face my best friend and lead a normal life. Because Rachel knew everything and it was hard to look that knowledge in the eye and not hate myself more.

  “Let me know when I can come down for the weekend. Are you settled in?”

  “More or less, though Aunt Milly has a lot of stuff in the house that I don’t know what to do with.”

  “Has she given you permission to throw it out?”

  “She has. She has taken all she needs to the home. Apparently, the older you get, the less stuff you need.”

  “Take my advice, Laura. Get rid of as much as possible and start fresh. Paint the walls. Get new furniture. Make it your home. In a way, you were lucky that you could leave Chicago and that you weren’t tied to a job at a company that needs you to clock in every day. Though I greatly hope you come back to Chi-town one day, you should do everything to start a new life in Nelson. A clean slate, like we talked about.”

  “Come over soon,” I say, more neediness audible in my voice than I would like. “It can get a bit lonely out here in the boondocks.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  TESS

  “I have to go, Dad. I have a meeting.” My father just shoved a broom in my hands and asked me to sweep the porch.

  “Why do you suddenly have so many meetings? You never used to have so many.”

  “I told you. I’m rebranding The Ledger. I’m meeting the woman who’s doing all the graphic design work.”

  “What’s wrong with how The Ledger looks now? It has looked like that for fifty years and nobody has ever complained. On the contrary, people will surely start fussing if you change everything around.”

  I sigh. “The reason I want it changed is because it’s been the same for that long. It’s not modern.”

  “Pff. Who needs modern when you can have familiar?”

  “I know you certainly don’t.” I push the broom back in his hands. “Here. You do it. It’s good exercise.”

  “Good exercise! Says the girl who sits on her butt all day in meetings.” Dad runs his fingers through his beard. “Who is this woman, by the way, Tessie? Do you have something to tell your mother and me?”

  “She’s new in town.” I can’t help it. I start blushing. Surely my dad will catch on to it and tease me mercilessly.

  “Is that right.” He leans on the broom. “And let me guess… she’s cute?”

  “No. Dad. Lay off. It’s a professional meeting. It’s nothing like that.”

  “Sure, honey. Go on. Off you go to your professional meeting. Is that why you were ironing your pants for half an hour this morning?”

  “I’m leaving.” I head inside to grab my bag and strut to my car, not gracing my father with a glance back. That’s the thing about living with your parents. They ask too many questions. They can’t help it.

  I give our border collie, Moby, a quick scratch behind the ears before hopping into my car. Then I’m off to meet Laura.

  ✶ ✶ ✶

  Laura’s already sitting at the same table—soon we’ll be able to start calling it ‘our table’—when I arrive at Mary’s. She’s dressed in jeans and t-shirt again, which doesn’t make her look frumpy at all. On the contrary. Though I do feel a little overdressed in my silk blouse and pristinely ironed pants.

  “I’ve been meaning to ask you,” she begins to say as soon as she sees me. “Do you go to the hairdresser down the road here, or out of town?” She musses a hand through her hair. “My luscious mane is getting too long.”

  “I can heartily recommend Connie’s Salon,” Mary chimes in from behind us. She’s just bringing Laura’s tea. “And I’d say that even if she weren’t my sister.”

  “I concur.” I sit down. “I’ve been getting my hair done at Connie’s forever. Not that it requires a lot of hard work.” I did spend more than half an hour blow-drying it this morning, however. “The usual,” I say to Mary.

  “Connie it is then. Do I need to make an appointment?”

  “Heavens no. Just walk in.” With that, Mary heads off.

  “I like your hair like that.” Damn it. I hadn’t meant to say that. What is wrong with me? One rejection this week wasn’t enough?

  Laura runs a hand through her hair again and chuckles self-consciously while she does. “I’m so used to keeping it cropped, but with the move, I’ve had to forego a bit of my own maintenance. I at least need to have it cut into shape a bit more.”

  “Trust me. Nobody here cares what your hair looks like.”

  “If that’s true,” Laura asks, “then why does your hair look as though you paid Connie a visit right before coming here?” Her lips curl into a grin.

  “There’s nothing wrong with a lady sprucing herself up a bit on a Wednesday.” I cup my hand over my hair in an exaggerated fashion.

  “Exactly my point.” Laura chuckles and it’s the best sound I’ve heard all day—perhaps all week.

  After Mary has brought my coffee, I tell Laura I picked the design
with the robin as The Ledger’s new logo and she looks at it for a long time, not saying anything.

  “Did I pick the wrong one?” I look at her over the rim of my cup.

  “No, not at all.” Laura shakes her right arm a little. “But that one is the most difficult to digitalize and I’ve been having some issues with my main instrument lately.” She waggles the fingers of her right hand. “This one hasn’t been cooperating.”

  “Have you seen a doctor?” I search Laura’s face for signs of worry but she seems unperturbed by what she just said. Either that, or she’s an excellent actress.

  “No. Not yet. It’s probably just the stress of the move and adapting to all the changes in my life.”

  “And what a big change that must be. Moving here from a city like Chicago?” I probe gently.

  “It’s night and day,” Laura says. “I grew up in the suburbs, but lived in the inner city since college. I do love the quiet here, though. It’s not until I got here that I realized exactly how stressful city life actually is. There’s this unstoppable pulse of energy in the air. People all around all of the time. Traffic. Noise. Confined to living in a small space. Compared to that, the quality of life here is so much better.”

  “In some ways, but on other fronts… pickings are rather slim,” I offer. “No movie theatre, no museums, no nightlife, no concerts… and definitely no lesbian bars.”

  To my relief, Laura laughs. “It’s the same everywhere. Most lesbian bars in Chicago closed years ago. And that’s in a city of almost three million. Gay bars aplenty, though I hear their number is dwindling as well, but lesbian bars just can’t seem to stay afloat.”

  “It’s because we’re cheap dates.”

  “And there’s too much on television.”

  “And the cat isn’t going to feed itself,” I add, enjoying this moment so much because it tells me we are still friends. The awkwardness of having asked Laura on a date has passed.

  We both giggle a little, then Laura looks me straight in the eyes, and says, “I’m going to tell you a secret that may be considered a crime in Nelson, but I think you can help.”