FALLING: The Negative Ion Series

by Ryanne Anthony

I nod, still not able to look at him.

  “Why?”

  I frown. “What?”

  “Why would you assume me expressing my love for you was a lie?”

  “Because I know you, Jaxen. You can’t love a girl. You couldn’t. Why would I ever believe you could love me back?”

  “Because it’s the… wait, did you say ‘back’? You love me?”

  I look at the ground as a tear falls down my cheek. “Unfortunately,” I whisper.

  “Why is that unfortunate?”

  My head snaps up. “Because it is!” I shout.

  “Why?” he shouts back.

  I cover my face then ball my fist at my sides as I let out a loud and long groan to the sky.

  “Because you cannot return my feelings! That’s why! And even if you did, we can’t do shit about it because I leave in 75 days! I knew I shouldn’t have started up with you! I knew I would only get my heart broken and I was right!”

  “Come on, Kimber, you’re being completely stupid! Look at me!”

  “NO!” I shout then start walking toward Mom’s car. I get about halfway across the front yard when I hear the door locks and freeze. Her hand comes up and she gives me a stop motion then I’m turned and I look into Jaxen’s blazing eyes as he grips my arms.

  “I love you, Kimber,” he shouts. “I have for at least two years now. Why is that so hard to believe?”

  I still can’t believe it. I shake my head as I say, “You’ve never done anything at all to show me that. And you said so many times that you don’t ‘do’ love. Why should I believe you?”

  “So I said some bullshit in the past. Well, call it a lie or me stupid or whatever but I love you! And I’ve never done anything? Let’s see… I’ve warned off every potential date you’ve ever had! I’ve warned off my band; Roland. I even had a long talk with Parker after I threatened to kill him if he ever hurt my sister. He did the exact same thing. I’ve written songs about you. Sappy, ‘please love me’ songs that the band hates but plays them because the fangirls love them. I hate being lead singer and prefer my drums but I stood at your party and sang that song Ren and I wrote, for you! I put my heart out there for you and you kissed Roland Sampson right in front of me! It tore me to pieces to see the way you kissed him before he left that night. I kept thinking that should have been me and I wanted to tear him into what I was feeling! You don’t know how hard it was to restrain myself that night. The one and only thing that kept me at bay was the fact that I was at a cop’s house and I could’ve been arrested on the spot!”

  I blink at his confession. “You really love me?” I whisper. “Are you sure?”

  “YES! FUCK! I DO! I AM! WHAT ELSE DO I NEED TO DO OR SAY TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE I LOVE YOU?!”

  I startle at his shout and my tears fall heavily down my face. I have to believe him now. He pretty much shouted it to the entire neighborhood. I have never been in more danger of being hurt than I am at this point in my life. He loves me and I love him. We are going to be destroyed when we have to say goodbye.

  Maybe we should just do it now. If I spend these last days with him as his, there is no way I will be able to go anywhere. We’re already standing here, staring at each other in pain. Granted, its pain that I caused because I was too silly to believe this man loved me but still… we will be in even more pain if we continue this and I have to tell him goodbye forever later.

  I sigh and wipe my face. “I believe you, Jaxen. Still, it changes nothing. We’re over.” I turn and continue to walk to Mom’s car, tightening my arms across my chest as I walk. I make it to the end of his parents’ yard when his voice rings out.

  “WHY?! Dammit! Why are you doing this to us, Kimber?”

  I turn and glare at him as he stands in the middle of the grassy area, just to the left of his mother’s beautiful flowers. I try to ignore how angelic he looks as I tell him what is on my mind.

  “Don’t you fucking see, Jaxen? We are already hurting and there is still over 70 days left! If we continue, it will only get worse! Are you looking forward to me breaking down and causing a scene in the airport or the airplane during my flight to New York as it takes me further and further away from the man I love? Do you relish the thought of me not eating, not sleeping and refusing every date I’m asked on for God knows how long because I’m too busy wallowing in my pain over losing you? Is it going to be easy for you to see me go? Do you already count down the days when you can finally be free of me and move on?”

  Jaxen’s mouth tightened as he glared back, absorbing my words.

  “I don’t think of the day you’re leaving. At least I try not to. It guts me to drop you at home after we’ve seen each other. How the fuck will it be easy for me to watch you get on a plane that will literally take you across the country, thousands of miles away from me? You think it will be easy for me to move on? To what? Who compares to you, Kimber? Who else could make stale, funky air smell like roses to me? Who else could make water taste like wine, make more relaxed than marijuana ever did by just the thought of them? Ask me when the last time I had a hard goddamn drink, Kimber! Never mind, I’ll tell you! The night before Samantha told our parents about this New York shit! I haven’t wanted it! I felt drunk enough at feeling that you were leaving me and never knowing how much I love you!”

  Jaxen dropped then, appearing to be completely exhausted. I stare at him, totally confused as to what to do as his arms rest on his knees that are pulled tightly to his chest as he holds his head.

  “And now you want to take the last few days I have, we have. Why? Why are you slowly killing me, Kimber? It’s too fucking soon. Saying goodbye to you… it’s too soon. Please… not yet.” Jaxen turned his glassy eyes up to me and pleaded into mine. “I’ll beg, I swear I will. Don’t leave me yet. Not yet. Please. You don’t know how much I need you now. Please. Don’t do this.”

  Yeah, that broke me.

  I walked over and kneeled in front of him and wiped his face. He pulled me into his arms and made me straddle him, hugging me tight as he sobbed into my neck.

  “Don’t go. I need you. Not yet. Give me these days. Please, Itsy. Please.”

  “Stop. Jaxen, please don’t beg me,” I whisper.

  “I have to, baby. I’m not ready. I won’t ever be but this is too soon. I need to brace myself for July 19th, not May 5th,” he breathed into my neck, his arms tightening more and he started rocking us. “It’s too soon, it’s too soon. I need you.”

  “I know,” I whisper again. “I thought I was doing us a favor, Jaxen. If we continue, how do you think we will be when I leave if we are like this now?

  “I don’t care. I just know that I need you to be mine until you leave. I cannot handle the thought of us both being here and not being able to see you, be with you. Please, Kimber, take me back until July 19th.”

  My arms tighten around him and I nod softly. He lets out a sob and somehow manages to hold me even tighter.

  “Jaxen?”

  No answer, just him holding me as he rocks me.

  “Jaxen?”

  “No. Not yet. I don’t care who’s watching us.”

  “Okay, but… they will all be witnesses to my murder.”

  Jaxen pulls back and frowns at me. “What?”

  I let out a relieved exhale. “You were squeezing the air from me! I couldn’t breathe!”

  Jaxen laughs and holds me again, but not as tight as before. Everything is blurred in the world outside of us. I recall Mom walking over and dropping my bag on the side of us, her kissing mine then Jaxen’s head, her car starting and driving away. I recall Sara calling us, urging us to come in from the cool night air. We didn’t move. We sat in the grass and held each other. It felt like hours.

  Samantha and their little sister, Macy, came out after a while and pried us apart. We shakily stood, staring at each other as we stretched our stiff limbs. Samantha said something in my ear as she stuffed something in my jeans pocket, but I could not understand her because I was too focused on Jaxen. I saw Macy
press something into Jaxen’s hand but he wouldn’t grip it. Macy had to nudge him a few times to get him to break his stare.

  “What, Mickey?”

  Macy sighed. “Stop calling me Mickey! I said, take my car.”

  “Huh? Take it where?”

  “Wherever it is you need to go with your girlfriend. Mom doesn’t think either of you need to be on the bike. Keep the car over the weekend. I’ll be fine without it until Monday morning.”

  “What are you talking about?” Jaxen frowned.

  Samantha sighed. “Did either of you hear what I said?”

  I shook my head. So did Jaxen.

  “Mom sent us out here to tell you she doesn’t need a lawn ornament made out of humans. She wants you two to go somewhere and talk in private. We all need our cars in the morning, so Mickey--”

  “MACY!”

  “Mickey volunteered hers. Now go before Mickey changes her mind.”

  Macy sighs and throws up her hands in defeat then turns toward the house. “I will forever be known as Mickey just because I love cheese! So unfair!”

  “Don’t mind her,” Samantha giggled then followed her sister. “She’s 16 and hormonal.”

  Jaxen and I watched them for a minute then he turned back to me.

  “You want to disappear with me for a couple of days?”

  “I’d love to but…”

  “What?”

  “Let me call Mom first.”

  Jaxen nods and I pull out my phone. My mother answers in a rush and completely aggravated.

  “No, I am not coming to pick you up! Whatever you did to fuck it up this time you will either fix it or walk home, Kimber Elizabeth Forrest!”

  “Relax, Mom,” I giggle. “Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to know if you’ll be okay with me staying away for a couple of days.”

  “Will you be with Jaxen?”

  I loop my arm around Jaxen’s waist. He holds me and kisses my head.

  “Yes, Mom. With Jaxen.”

  “Good,” she sighs. “It’s more than okay, honey. Just check in with me a few times while you’re gone. Your father will be here in the morning and he and I have to talk anyway.”

  “I will, Mom. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Good night, honey.”

  I smile at Jaxen. “Ready?”

  “More than,” he says, grabbing my bag. He holds my hand as we walk to Macy’s red mustang. Jaxen peels out of the driveway, smirking as Macy shrieks she’s going to kill him.

  “And you better gas her up before you bring her back, jackass!”

  Chapter 9

  Finally…

  Jaxen drove us into Los Angeles and checked us into a nice hotel. The room we were given was huge and had a kitchenette. Next, we went to the store to buy stuff to cook since we were both suddenly starving. Since Jaxen had no clothes, we stopped in a Target first and got him some jeans, a few tees, tanks and underwear. I grinned at his choice. Those tees and tanks will show off all his tats well. I grabbed another gown, which Jaxen picked out, and an outfit, that Jaxen also picked and insisted on paying for it all. I brooded over that as we went to the food aisles. It was sweet he wanted to buy me things but not necessary. I finally gave up when he kissed me sweetly in front of the soda area and told me it would be his pleasure to do this for me. I remained quiet as we walked to check out and I had to hide a chuckle as the cashier rang us up and never took her eyes off Jaxen. Yeah, he does that to people. I smirked as I put a Snickers and gum on the belt.

  Finally, we left the store and went back to our room. I went in the bathroom first. I took off my clothes to shower, and as I folded my jeans, something fell out of my pocket. Condoms. Four of them. I cannot believe Samantha stuffed those suckers in my pocket. But I’m so glad she did. I hope Jaxen and I finally do this.

  After my hot shower, Jaxen went in and had one too. I hid the condoms in the bedside table then seasoned the meat while I waited for him to come out. I had to fight off a gasp when he came out in boxer briefs and a tank. He looked sexy as hell and I temporarily forgot about my growling stomach.

  “Ready to cook?”

  “Huh?” I startle. “Oh, yeah. Let’s get on that.”

  We fixed steaks and baked potatoes then sat close to each other on the floor in front of the TV and ate as we watched Signs. Mel Gibson as a priest. I thought that was hilarious, even when I saw it the first time, but once again, the movie engrossed me. When it was over, Jaxen and I cleaned the kitchenette then I brushed my teeth and sat on the couch while Jaxen brushed his.

  Jaxen came back and I smiled. He laid on the far end of the couch and I frowned until he beckoned me over to him. I moved over to him and he pulled me down and I laid on top of him. I loved it. We silently watched Iron Man and I relaxed as Jaxen slowly rubbed my back.

  The next thing I know, the sun was peeking through the blinds, coaxing me awake as I laid in bed. Bed? I don’t remember going to bed. I turned my head and smiled when I saw Jaxen lying next to me. Or should I say lying under me? His head was nestled in the crook of my arm while his arm was draped possessively around my waist. He groaned when I moved him, and I hated to move but I nature was screaming at me. When I finished in the bathroom, I opened the door and Jaxen was waiting to go in.

  “I’m sorry, Jaxen, but I’m going back to bed.”

  “I’m so glad you said that. When I come out, so am I.”

  I smiled as I got some water then got in the bed and laid on my right side. Jaxen came out and climbed in, pulling me close to his body.

  “Thank you.”

  I giggled. “What are you thanking me for?”

  “Last night was the first time I ever slept with a woman.”

  “What?” I frowned. “We didn’t sleep together. I think my virginity is still intact. Unless you’re so small that I didn’t notice you inside me.”

  He smacked my ass and chuckled in my ear. I had to fight hard to control a shudder.

  “I meant literally sleep. I never fall asleep with a woman. You are the first and I enjoyed it. I slept like a baby once I got us in bed.”

  “Sorry I fell asleep on you,” I whisper. I wasn’t sorry but actually embarrassed.

  “I’m not. I loved it. I really enjoyed carrying you to bed. You’re so light, I think I could have slept holding you up all night.”

  I giggled again then turned to face him. I smiled and softly kissed his neck. “You said nothing about my hair. Don’t you like it?”

  “I do,” he said then ran his fingers through it. “I think it’s very you.”

  “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “Good,” I sigh and put my head against his neck. He methodically rubs my back again.

  “Jaxen?”

  “Mmm?”

  “Let’s do something today.”

  “Okay. What?”

  “Let’s make love.”

  I felt his body stiffen and I immediately look up at him.

  “You still want me, don’t you?”

  “You’re my O2, baby.”

  I smile. “There’s nothing to stop us, no obstacles this time. It’s perfect.”

  “You don’t have to convince me, Kimber. I want you more than you know but I want to make sure you’re sure. I need you to be 100% positive I deserve this gift you’re offering me.”

  I blush and smile. “If I wasn’t before, Jaxen, after that sentence, I would be.”

  “It is a gift, Kimber,” Jaxen whispers as he brushes my hair away from my face. “One I’ve never had before and I am completely honored you want to give it to me.”

  I lean my head on his arm and smile again.

  “I want to give it to you because I love you. Very much.”

  “I love you too, Kimber.”

  “Please don’t call me that. I like it better when you call me ‘baby’.”

  “I like that, too. You are my baby,” Jaxen grins then kisses me. “And I love how you say ‘Jaxen’. I swear I only want you to call me that. I’ll b
e right back.”

  I grip his arms. “Where are you going?”

  “I don’t have any condoms. I’m going to go buy some.”

  “I have four,” I whisper. “Samantha stuffed them in my pocket last night.”

  “Only four? I need at least twelve more.”

  “We’re going to have sex sixteen times?”

  “At least. I’ve waited for you for months, baby. I need to make up for that.”

  I blushed at that and let him go. I watched as he dressed and left then nervously sat on the bed and waited for him to return. Then I paced. Then I cleaned. Then I opened the bar and had a shot of rum. It burned.

  I was finally feeling relaxed and got back in the bed. I took off my gown and waited. Then I thought maybe I’d appear too anxious and put it back on. Well, then I thought it was going to come off anyway, and took it off again. By this time I was sweaty and not feeling attractive at all, so I ran to the shower and let the spray relax me. I dried my hair and came out with a towel wrapped around me and didn’t know what to put on.

  I finally went through a Target bag and grabbed one of Jaxen’s new tees and threw that on, thinking that wouldn’t make me appear too eager. I had just sat on the bed again when our door opened and Jaxen strolled in holding a bag.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I smiled.

  “Change your mind?”

  “No, I didn’t. I showered and put on one of your tees. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Looks better on you than it ever would on me,” Jaxen said as he walked over to me. He kissed my temple and smiled. “I’m going to shower. You have a small reprieve because I’m going to be quick in there.”

  “Okay,” I blushed.

  Jaxen went in the bathroom and I heard the water fall immediately after he closed the door. I laid back on the bed and tried very hard not to count the seconds he was in there.

  221, 222, 223…

  At 737, the bathroom door opened and Jaxen came out in a towel and was rubbing his head with another. When he stopped rubbing, he tossed the towel on a chair and I got a good look at all of his bare chest. His tats shined and my eyes zoomed in on one in particular. I frowned as I jumped off the bed and ran over to him to get a closer look. I had to be imagining it.