Jake

by Suzy Shearer

  Chapter Sixteen

  Emily was nervous. Despite seeing Jake twice a week for the past three months, this would be the first time they saw each other outside the club. They eaten snacks at the club often, usually with some of his friends. They’d talked as well, but this was very different. For one, he knew about what had happened to her and for another this was a kind of date. She’d faced the truth that this man meant more to her that she ever thought possible. Now she’d accepted what had happened and wasn’t holding her emotions in check, she knew she was in love, but she had no real idea of how he felt about her.

  Maybe this was only taking their Dom-sub relationship to a next level, or maybe he didn’t want anything else except a sexual partner at the club. One who he occasionally saw outside. She remembered the conversation she’d overheard and thought perhaps he was merely reassuring himself that she hadn’t closed up again and there was nothing else in him meeting her. Emily guessed she’d have to play things by ear. She dropped her mother off and promised to pick her up at two, then drove out to the river to meet Jake.

  She could see him sitting on a rug close to the riverbank as she slid the car into a parking spot alongside a gray SUV, the only other car in the parking lot. Getting out of the car, she then walked down toward him. He glanced up and saw her, his face bursting into a smile as he stood.

  “Em! Hi, how are you?”

  “Hello, Jake. I’m fine.”

  “I’ve got a blanket, or would you prefer to sit at one of the picnic tables?”

  With those simple words Emily felt faint. She tasted bile and would have fallen had not Jake reacted and grabbed her. He held her tight, and she could hear him saying over and over, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” His voice sounded as if it came through a long tunnel. It was weird.

  She clung to him, trying to calm her pounding heart. She actually thought it would burst through her ribcage as she sucked air deeply into her lungs. Finally, she’d calmed a tiny bit and pushed herself a little out of his embrace. He kept one hand on her shoulder as she peered up at him. Emily thought he was about to cry, and he appeared devastated.

  “Oh my God, Emily. I didn’t think. I’m so sorry.”

  She nodded, her breathing almost back to normal, her heart finally settling into a regular rhythm.

  “I’m…”

  “Let’s get out of here.”

  She was about to agree then shook her head. This would be part of her healing process. She looked at him then at the innocuous wooden picnic table.

  “No.”

  Emily hadn’t thought she’d see a damn table and freak. She’d honestly believed coming to the river would be soothing with nothing to frighten her. Time to advance her recovery by facing another fear.

  She took a step forward, then another. Her heart was about to explode, and she held her breath. How she made the ten or twelve paces to reach the table was beyond her knowledge. Jake held her the whole way, his arm around her waist. When she reached the table, she reached out, shocked to see how much her hand, her arm shook. She closed her eyes briefly then opened them, finally took an enormous breath in, then touched the wood.

  Nothing happened.

  It was merely a wooden table—old and weather-worn, with a bench either side. Still shaking, she moved closer until her body touched it, and then she turned in Jake’s arm.

  “Can you help me sit on it?”

  Emily could hear the uncertainty in his voice as he asked, “Are you sure?”

  “Not really, but I think I have to. I think I need to.”

  He nodded, then picked her up around the waist and sat her on the edge.

  Once again nothing happened, although she did get a huge flash of that horrid day. She must have cried out loud because Jake lifted her off the table suddenly and carried her to where he’d laid out the picnic rug. He sat down, cradling her on his lap. He didn’t say anything, and Emily was glad. She wanted to accept what she’d just done. It felt like an enormous weight had shifted. It was still there, but something was different. She’d accomplished something. She’d had a victory, albeit a small one. Sitting on that table had taken almost as much strength as telling Jake what had happened. She lay against his strong chest for about twenty minutes, listening to his calm heartbeat.

  “Jake.”

  “Yes.”

  “I think we should sit there. I think we should eat at the table.”

  “No.”

  “I need to. I have to. I have to see it’s only a table. It’s nothing that can hurt me.”

  He bent his head, and she felt him touch the top of hers with his. “Do you really have to do this?”

  “Yes.”

  “All right.”

  Lifting her off his lap, he set her on the rug alongside himself and then stood. Reaching down, he held out his hands, and Emily took them, allowing him to pull her to her feet. He picked up the rug and took her hand, and together they walked back to the table. Emily dropped his hand and sat on the bench seat. She nodded her head slightly as Jake sat down opposite. He seemed to be searching her face, searching for some sign of discomfort, of panic, but he must have felt she was coping. Granted her heart was beating a little faster and maybe her hands were shaking, but she was okay.

  She touched the table, running a hand lightly along its surface. The terror was still there, but it was rapidly receding. This table wouldn’t hurt her. She was safe.

  “Hungry?”

  Surprised, Emily realized she was, and said, “Yes.”

  “Will you be okay? I’m only going to my car.”

  His voice was hesitant as he pointed to the dark SUV only about twenty feet away.

  “I’ll be fine.”

  And she knew she would be. She’d chalked up another victory today. She watched him stride to the car then return with a basket in one hand and a large Thermos in the other. He settled them on the table and opened the basket.

  “I didn’t know what you liked to eat. Thought I’d get a few different cheeses, some fruit, and biscuits.”

  He laid several cheeses out as well as some grapes. Opening a container, he showed her crackers, then another held slices of apples and pears. A third held watermelon pieces.

  “There’s cheesecake for dessert, too.”

  “Oh yum. I love cheesecake.”

  He poured them both a coffee and set a mug in front of her.

  “Are you really sure you’re all right, Em?”

  “Yes.” Honest at last to him, she was happy to be able to say, “Yes, I truly am.”

  ****

  Jake was surprised at how protective he felt of Emily. While they were at the club and he was in his Dom persona, he knew he would be, but this was different. Yet, when she’d reacted on seeing the fucking table he’d swooped down and wanted to carry her away. He’d had this internal battle within himself. He wanted to ignore what she wanted and pile her into the car. He wanted to do everything he could to stop the pain, and yet he knew this was part of the process she needed to face. They ate and talked. He asked about her mother and then the talk switched to her life in Threshold.

  “I loved it. I honestly think I was made to live in the lifestyle. I even used to teach newbies all about the delights of being a submissive. It was wonderful.”

  “It will be again, Em. I know it will.”

  “I hope so. On Friday, can we scene?”

  “Only if you’re ready for it. I promise I won’t push anything.”

  “I think I’d like to see if…” She fell silent.

  “If what, Em?”

  Her eyes were brimming as she murmured, “I thought I was dead inside. Nothing seemed to get through.”

  “But, Em, that was because you wouldn’t let it. You’ve admitted you push down your emotions.”

  “Was it? What if I still can’t get excited?”

  “Let’s jump that hurdle if we come to it. I think you’ll be fine.”

  They finished eating. Emily sighed and put her arms on the table. She laid
her head on them.

  “I haven’t been outside very much, away from the house, for a long time. I’ve been too frightened,” she murmured.

  “How is it now? Today?”

  “Good. It’s great to feel the sun on my skin.” She lifted her head. “I drive Mom to her appointments. I drive to the club, to my therapist. If I have to go to the supermarket or the gas station, I rush in and out. I check every single car. A couple of times I came here, but I only sat in my car. I couldn’t get out. I even locked myself in the car just in case. I’ve been living in fear for all this time. Why did I do that?”

  “I guess it was a self-preservation thing. You survived a horrible ordeal, so of course it would affect you. I’m sure I check everyone, too, but then you let it take over.”

  “I did.”

  “You have to stand up to it, and now you can. Want to talk about it some more?”

  “Not here, not now. I have to pick up my mother soon, and I have the feeling I’ll be doing a lot more crying.”

  Jake grinned at her when she gave him a lopsided smile.

  “I think you may be right.”

  Emily left around one-thirty, promising to meet Jake at the club on Friday night at seven. He walked her back to her car and kissed her cheek lightly. He’d love to take her in his arms and kiss her with heartfelt passion, but he wasn’t sure how she would take it. He watched her drive away and went back to sit at the table.

  Picking at the leftover fruit, he needed to face the fact she was more to him than merely a submissive. His feelings for her were growing stronger each time they met, but he understood that she saw him merely as her protector—nothing else. The Master who had forced her to face her demons. Once she was strong enough, she’d move on, choose someone who suited her better than he did. How ironic that after all this time steering clear of any involvement his heart was now taken but by with someone who would never look at him with love.

  “I’m in for a heap of hurt.”

  He packed things into the basket and carried everything back to the car. He headed home but side-tracked, going to Steven’s instead. Avril let him into the house.

  “Jake! Hi. Steven’s gone to the office, but I expect him back anytime soon.”

  Jake followed Avril through the house, and she made him sit outside in the large undercover outdoor area. George came bounding up, and he petted him while Avril made them both coffee.

  “You seem worried, Jake.”

  “I’m okay.” He stared out into the yard where George was now playing with a ball. “It’s Emily.”

  Jake found himself pouring out everything that had happened and how he felt.

  “Ash told us about Saturday night and how she finally cracked open. He told us what Nico found out. How on earth could anyone do that to a person? I can’t believe what she went through.”

  “Neither can I. Every time I think about it I get so fucking angry, I could punch something.”

  “I bet you do. Has she spoken any more about it?”

  Jake told her about the incident with the picnic table.

  “I didn’t think. I mean it was only a stupid picnic table, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth I realized what I’d said. Fucking idiot. I should have known better!”

  “Jake, don’t be silly. It was a natural question. I’m sure I would have said the same thing. But she’s okay?”

  “Yes. She ended up making me lift her up. That way she could sit on it, and then we actually ate sitting at it.”

  “That’s great! It means she’s working through things.”

  “Yes. But I still know I hurt her.”

  “I doubt she thinks that way.”

  Steven came through the back door and kissed his wife, then greeted Jake. Jake and Avril told him what had happened, and Steven was of the same opinion as Avril. It was a simple mistake that anyone would have easily made.

  “Actually, Jake, it was probably a good thing. It means another horror is crossed off.”

  “I guess so.”

  But it didn’t ease his aching heart.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Emily was nervous. Everything had changed, and she honestly wasn’t sure what was going to happen. Normally the moment she walked into Silk Rope, she knew exactly what would occur, how she would act, but tonight it was as if the rules had been altered. After putting her coat, bag, and shoes in the locker, Emily walked out to the lounge area. She faltered slightly when she saw Jake talking with Steven. But Avril saw her, smiled, and gave a little wave. She was surprised when Jake took her hand before she could kneel when she reached them.

  “Hello, Emily. How are you?”

  Well, thank you, Master Steven.”

  “Hello, Little Bird.”

  “Hello, Sir.”

  Avril kissed her hello and whispered, “So glad you’re here. These two will talk for hours.” The men were discussing someone’s house renovation, and Avril continued. “I was hoping I’d see you. The shop where Steven bought my kimono has a new stock of them. I wondered if you’d like to come with me and check them out?”

  Emily’s first reaction was to say no, but she hesitated. Maybe she could do this. She liked Avril, and she would be with her.

  “If you’d rather not I understand completely.”

  “No. No it’s not that.” How to explain? “I want to. I truly don’t know if I can. I mean, I can. I—oh hell.”

  Avril laughed then said, “Well the offer is there if you’d like to anytime.”

  Damn it! I can do this. I need to do this.

  “I’ll go.”

  “You will? That’s great. Is there a day that suits you best?”

  “Monday? My mother is actually staying with my eldest brother until Tuesday this weekend. We could go Monday or else Wednesday.”

  “Monday would be perfect. Steven’s got his manager coming over to discuss work stuff. Can I pick you up? I promise if you want to come home any time you can.”

  “Would you mind if I drove?”

  “Of course not.”

  “I can pick you up.”

  Emily could hear the tentative note in her voice, but Avril smiled. “That would be great. Jake can give you the address later.”

  The two women finished making their arrangements and chattered about preferred colors until the men finished their conversation. Emily thought it was as if she were normal, as if it were two women friends talking, and maybe that’s exactly what it was. Jake squeezed Emily’s hand and smiled at her.

  “Shall we go and look for something interesting to watch?”

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Catch up with you later, Jake. See you, Emily.”

  “Yes, Master Steven.”

  “Emily, I’ll see you Monday. Jake, will you give Emily our address?”

  “Sure thing, Avril.”

  Steven and Avril left, and Jake said. “I’m glad you and Avril are getting along. She’s a lovely woman, and Steven’s my best friend.”

  “We’re going shopping,” she blurted out.

  “That’s wonderful, Em. Avril won’t make you do anything stressful. She’ll be there for you if you need her. If things get too much, she’ll be there to hold your hand.”

  Emily was silent for a moment, then whispered, “She knows?”

  “Yes, she does, both her and Steven. They will be here to support you if you need them, maybe if you only want to talk to someone different.”

  “Oh.”

  “Em. You need a support team. You need to know there are people you can call on at any time of the day or night. People who will help you when things are dark. They will be there as well as Ash, Kaden, and Iain. They will all do whatever they can to help you, in the same way as me and your family would.”

  “I … it’s—this is kind of surreal. To talk about what happened, to know other people know.”

  Emily felt her body tighten. Her eyes filled with tears, and she tried to push them down. Jake pulled her closer.

  “Little
Bird, you don’t have to hold things in anymore. Come.” He walked her from the area to find an empty private room. Once inside, he sat down with her on his lap. “Talk to me, Em.”

  With those words it was as if the floodgates had opened. Emily burst into tears, and Jake held her, rocking and caressing her back, simply letting her cry. When she finally stopped, he wiped her eyes with a tissue and gave her a handful. She blew her nose and took a big, cleansing breath.

  “Feel better?”

  “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

  “Guess you have a year’s supply built up, you need to get them all out.”

  She lifted her gaze to him, and he winked. Her heart gave an extra beat as he smiled at her. How on earth was she going to stop herself from telling Jake she was in love with him? She rested her head against his body and sighed. He let her sit for at least half an hour then spoke.

  “Ready to watch?”

  “Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

  He shrugged. “I’m your Master. It’s my duty to care for you, to protect you any way I can.”

  He stood her up, then rose and walked to the door. Emily followed, wishing he truly was her Master and not merely just the one assigned to care for her. She wished he was her real Master instead of the one who would step aside soon. She wished he would be open to getting involved with her.

  Jake walked through the wide hallway then up the back stairs. He finally stopped where a Domme was subjecting her sub to some serious cock punishment. His erect shaft was being flogged. He was cuffed and spread-eagled on a fuck bench, and it was obvious he’d been struck many times. His chest and thighs were streaked red as the Domme inflicted a vicious whip to his testicles. He yelled and hissed as she squeezed his cock hard. She then kissed him savagely on the lips and said, “I expect at least three orgasms now. Understand?”

  “Yes, Mistress. Thank you, Mistress,” he stammered.

  Emily was surprised to find the scene enjoyable to watch as the Domme uncuffed her sub and led him away. It appeared Jake was content to stay in the area as a sub wiped the equipment down. About ten minutes later another sub came to the stage. She took off the wrap covering her naked body and awkwardly lay face down on the bench, waiting. Emily noticed she wore a butt plug, and a few minutes later a Dom arrived, dropped his bag, and cuffed her.