“Embrace who you are,” The Creator said. “Love yourself for your past, your present, and your future. And you will find that others will love you just as thoroughly.” Her eyes flickered over to Nick, crinkling at her obvious unspoken sentiment. “And should you need me at all, I’m always here for you.”
“Thank you,” Magda said, her tone sincerely.
The walk back to Nick’s bedroom was silent but comfortable. It amazed her at how easy the two fell in step together, how easy it was to relax around Nick. Her guard unwillingly came down and she was left vulnerable and exposed. And, she realized, that was not a bad thing. Nick was worthy of seeing her this way, of knowing her deepest fears, her darkest secrets. She squeezed his arm tighter and Nick grinned down at her.
“Well, if that wasn’t surprising,” he began as he opened the door and ushered her inside, “I don’t know what is. Remy sacrificing everything. And we still don’t know what for.”
“Yes, we do,” Magdalena said as she walked inside. Nick shut the door firmly behind them, ensuring to lock it. “James.”
Nick furrowed his brow. “What?” he asked.
“James, it has to be James,” Magda said, a small smile on her face. Her hands were placed on her stomach, pressed flat thanks to the corset currently adorning her frame. Perhaps she was able to recognize love now that she found herself in it. “She’s in love with him. The Magistrate must have threatened him or offered him something useful, something Remy knew she couldn’t say no to. That’s the only reason she would give up life on earth for life in The Neverland.”
Magda’s curious eyes traced Nick’s face. She knew she was subconsciously looking for any flicker of jealousy and resentment, any tell that would reveal he still had feelings for Remy, but Magda was happy to report he looked genuinely happy for his friend and concerned at the predicament she found herself in.
“Certainly The Creator won’t force her to follow through,” Nick said, looking at Magda with curiosity. “You’ve done this before. With Hook. You’ve been at these discussions. What happens?”
Magda bit her bottom lip. James was correct in that she had been here before, but that did not mean things would unfold as they had in the past.
“All I know,” Magda said, looking back up into his eyes. Goodness, they were captivating. Just like the rest of him. “All I know is that The Creator doesn’t press issues. If The Magistrate and James come to some kind of conclusion, a resolution that works for both of them, she doesn’t intervene, even if it’s terrible. She’s not proactive. She doesn’t react. It’s like she has faith in them to work out their problems together.”
“They need all the nudging and shoving they can get,” Nick muttered. “Especially now, with Remy mixed up in it. Certainly that has to be an exception. She’s alive, for crying out loud.”
Magda shrugged. “I would not know,” she murmured.
Nick nodded. “Let’s talk about something else,” he suggested. “Something more important. Us.”
Magda felt her breath leave her before she nodded. “Yes,” she said. “Yes, we do need to discuss what’s to become of us.”
“What’s to become-?” Nick furrowed his brow and tilted his head to the side. “I’m not quite sure what you mean, Tink. You’re mine and I’m yours. There’s nothing becoming or disappearing. It’s something that shall always remain.”
Magda felt her lips turn up. “I want to apologize,” she found herself saying, though she had no idea why. She did not have to apologize. It was not necessary. There was nothing to fix. But she was sorry about her presumptive beliefs and she wanted Nick to know that he was more important than her pride. “For what I said earlier.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Nick said, reaching out to curl an errant strand of hair around Magda’s ear. She suppressed a shiver; goodness, she loved when he touched her. “I cannot pretend to know what you’ve gone through in your life, Magda, but I do know you like to keep everyone at a distance, even those you truly care for, like James. I believe it’s because you are not sure what will become of you if you allowed anyone to reach you where they could genuinely hurt you. You do not know how you would handle being hurt so you would rather not experience it at all.”
Magda bit her bottom lip and nodded.
“I cannot promise you I won’t hurt you,” Nick continued. “I apologize in advance because I am not the most tactful person. I am blunt and opinionated and my face tends to react before my mind does which causes me to look a certain way…” He wrinkles his forehead, shaking his head. “I am not a lovable person, Magda. My parents were there in name only but they never traded me to someone in exchange for something – though I would not put it past them had they been intelligent enough to think I might be worth something…” He looked lost, wistful, and perhaps a tad bitter. “I do not know what it’s like to train with a cold Viking. I learned my skill through experience, which is why I have scars littering my body.
“I suppose, what I’m trying to tell you, is although I have not personally experienced all that you’ve gone through, I can understand your hesitancy to trust someone,” he concluded, picking his eyes up to lock with hers. “I do not take it personally, but I want you to know I will never want to be with anyone else now that I have you. Not even Remy. No one. If I am anything, I am loyal, and if I choose to be with you, it’s for as long as you’ll have me. I cannot tell you what the future holds, but I hope – I know – it’s us together somewhere.”
Magda could not stop herself from leaning forward and capturing Nick’s lips with hers. The kiss turned passionate and it was not long before her neck was explored with his mouth, and then her shoulders, and then her collarbone. It was not long before Nick’s hands were on her back, his fingers skillfully untying the lace of her corset. She should stop him but she didn’t. It felt too right, too good. She did not blink an eye when her corset fell to the floor. He unbound her hair so each lock fell down like the water of a waterfall. She hoped it was as graceful as she imagined.
She was not nervous when he started stripping off his clothes. In fact, she assisted him, loving the way his muscles tensed underneath her touch. He always seemed so confident, so experienced, that it surprised her that she affected him in the same way he affected her.
The only time Magda tensed was when he noticed the scars marring her back. Before now, she never paid much attention to her beauty. She knew she was beautiful in her own way. She used it as a weapon when the situation called for it. James had taught her this skill, and out of everything she learned – physical, mental, and emotional combat – she struggled with the trick of confidence, the knowing what colors flattered her, how to smile just so, the appropriate amount of cleavage to use in order to distract but not dissuade.
Now, Nick was staring at one of her few flaws. She could not hide them behind beautiful clothing. They were bare, for him to see, and in that moment, she hated herself. She was ashamed. And that made her angry because she never hated herself.
But Nick still had one last trick up his sleeve. He reached out and caressed them. She flinched.
“Trust me,” he told her in a low, husky voice. Magda swallowed but could not find it in her to push him away. Not yet, at least. “You are beautiful, my love. Do not doubt it.”
Before Magda even realized what he was doing, Nick placed his lips on her back, on her scars. It seared her skin and she tensed. His grip on her tightened, keeping her in place.
“Nick,” she said, her voice tight.
“No,” he insisted, the words vibrating against her skin. “You must know you have nothing to be ashamed of.”
A tear crawled down her cheek and ended up rolling to the point of her chin. Magda did not even notice she was crying until she felt Nick’s hands on her shoulder, his chest against her back, holding her against his solid frame.
“Why are you crying?” Nick asked, gently turning her around. He brushed a lock of hair out of her face and curled it behind her.
&
nbsp; Magda shrugged her shoulders but could not find a way to stop the tears from falling. At least she wasn’t a blubbering mess. “I do not know,” she replied. “I feel so out of sorts. I’ve never been this type of girl before, and I feel silly for my behavior.”
“Do not feel silly,” Nick told her, his low voice gentle. “Your emotions make you honest, and honesty is a beautiful thing.” He picked Magda’s head up, using the knuckle of his thumb. “I’ve been here for centuries and you are the most beautiful thing I have seen in my unnaturally long life.” He cocked a grin. “I cannot look away from you, Magda, even if I wanted to. Which I do not. Not ever.”
He leaned towards her and captured her lips with a soft kiss. Magda’s eyes closed on their own accord. How could she not? Nick literally captured her breath, stole it from her the way he stole her heart, before she even realized what he was doing. The softness of his lips made her stomach get light, like she felt this strange feeling of flying and staying in place simultaneously. Her heart pounded against her chest, like it was getting too big for her chest and needed space before it burst.
Nick opened his eyes just as she did, as the kiss came to a natural conclusion, and locked eyes with Magda.
He did not have to speak. Words weren’t needed, not in this moment. Nick reached out and took her face in his hand before pulling her towards him, recapturing her lips with his. Magda’s eyes crashed shut the same way waves hit the shore and suddenly, her entire body was on fire. Her sense of feeling was heightened, every fiber of her being much more aware than usual. And it felt…
It felt. It felt.
Magda arched her neck without realizing just what that meant. Nick descended eagerly, as though he wanted to taste every part of her. He sucked on her skin, gnawed the flesh gently with his teeth, causing Magda to make sounds she had never heard herself ever make before.
.
She wanted more. She wanted to know more about this side of her, a side she had never met before, a side she had never even considered to be part of her.
When Nick’s lips reached the crevice of her breasts, just below her collarbone, he stopped and picked his eyes up, still dark with lust. Lust for her.
“I’m sorry,” he told her and he sounded sincere. “I lost myself.”
“No, I” - Magda stopped herself. What was she supposed to say? What did she want to say? She bit her bottom lip and looked into those deep, brown eyes. She could get lost in them. She could forget about her problems and simply get lost… “I don’t want you to stop.”
His brow perked. “No?” he asked, as though he could not quite believe what she said. To be honest, Magda did not quite believe it either.
She shook her head. “No,” she told him, her voice just a whisper, if that.
His lips curled up but the moment was too intimate for a smile. “Then I won’t stop,” he promised and swept her away in another passionate kiss that would go on much longer than either originally anticipated.
Twenty-One
Remy’s eyes were closed as she felt James tracing the curve of her back with his fingers. She had no idea how he was even able to move after what had transpired between them, let alone remain awake. She was teetering on the edge between conscious and unconscious, and selfishly, she wanted nothing more than to allow slumber to take hold of her.
“What’s going to happen?” Remy asked. She was not sure if the words actually came out the way they were supposed to. She was not sure if they were slurred or decipherable. “With everything?”
She felt James roll to his side so his head was propped up by his right hand. His hook was placed carefully on his hip. It would seem he did not even want to risk placing it on Remy just in case he accidentally cut her.
“I’m not sure,” he told her. “I suppose that depends on you.”
Remy tilted her head to the side, furrowing her brow. “Up to me?” She felt herself get pulled from slumber’s grip but she still had to blink a couple of times before she was certain she would not fall asleep. “How is that?”
“More than anything, Remy, you have choices,” James said, his crystal blue eyes gentle and open. It was one of the few times she had seen them where they weren’t guarded or hiding something in any way. “That power is often overlooked but it truly is powerful. What would you like to happen?”
Remy still was not clear as to what he was trying to tell her, though she did know him well enough to know there was something in his words that dictated a hidden message.
“I guess I would want to go…” She let her voice trail off. Oh. She wanted to go home. But where home was now – was it with James or was it back in Port George, with her parents? – was up to her. “James, I” –
“Stop.” He sat up abruptly, throwing his long legs off the side of the bed so his strong back faced her and she couldn’t see his face. She turned to face him, her body still tangled in the sheets. Was it daft to try and cover herself when he already saw her completely exposed? “I don’t want…” He shook his head and glanced at her over his shoulder. “I’m a selfish man. I don’t want to hear what you want if it’s not what I want.”
“And how do you know our desires aren’t aligned?” she asked. She moved over so she was just behind him, where she could wrap her arms around his back, pressing her torso into his skin so he could feel her heart beating against his muscle.
“I…” He clenched his jaw and she knew, in that moment, that his guard was back up. “Do not play with me, Remy. I am not a man to tease.”
“You are not a man at all,” Remy pointed out, his lips pressed against his shoulder. “You are a Viking. A ruler. A conqueror. Not a man.”
She watched as James clenched his jaw, causing the muscle to jump the same way her pulse did whenever she was around the pirate captain. Her grip on his shoulders got tighter and she refused to let him go, not now. Not ever.
“I am in love with you,” she said in a low voice, her lips caressing his skin. She could swear he shuddered against her but she could not be sure. Her heart squeezed painfully at the admission but her body – and her heart – were calm. She had done the right thing. It had been a risk, yes, especially considering she had no idea what his true feelings for her were. But that was what love was, was it not? Taking risks based on that love? “I want to go wherever you are.”
James was silent for a long moment, so long it hurt Remy to hold her breath. Finally, he turned his torso so it faced her, and before she could blink, he was suddenly on top of her, her back in the bed, his pelvis pushing into hers. He was not insisting on making love again – which was all right for now, considering she was sore from their first time – but the look in his eyes caused Remy to pause. They were filled with worry, concern, and hesitation, completely unlike the confident way he was on top of her, like she was his for the taking.
And she was.
“Stop,” he commanded in a voice just above a whisper. “Stop lying to me.”
“Why do you think I am lying to you?” Remy asked. She did not fret at his lack of admission regarding his feelings for her in return. Her hands found his hair and without thinking too much on it, began to run her fingers through his blond hair. She knew the gesture soothed him. If their conversation wasn’t as intense, she would have gently scratched his scalp with her fingernails. “Have I ever lied to you?”
James remained silent. She knew he would. He could not say anything to her that would refute her claim. Instead, he rested his head on her chest, on her heart, his eyes closing as he enjoyed the feel of the fingers running through his short hair.
“What are you so afraid of?” she asked in the same gentle voice, making sure she did not sound accusatory or judgmental. She wanted him to feel comfortable with her, where he could trust her with his feelings.
He picked his head up and his crystal blue eyes burned with such ferocity that she nearly flinched at the sight of them. But not in an aggressive way. She was just shocked at how open his feelings came spilling from him and he ha
d not even said a word.
“I had a home once,” he said in a voice so soft, he was not certain Remy even heard him at all. His eyes stared at the wall in front of him, but his grip on her tightened, as though he was afraid she would suddenly disappear. “It was taken from me, ripped from my bloodied, broken fingers during the worst battle I had ever been a part of. It was the only time I lost a battle.”
Remy said nothing. Instead, she started to gently graze his scalp with her nails. His eyes closed on their own accord, and he felt himself getting lost in her touch.
“I don’t know what I would do with myself if I ever lost you,” he told her. Though he was completely relaxed, his tone was firm, fierce even. It spoke a language that one could not easily describe; he just hoped Remy was able to decipher it, regardless. “I cannot lose you. I do not like the thought of you leaving me, even if it’s to return to your rightful place.” He opened his eyes and craned his neck so he could look her in the eye. “I’m a selfish man.”
“Yes,” Remy agreed with a small smile, caressing the tip of his ear with her fingers. “But you are not a liar.”
“I do not want you to leave me,” James told her. “I also do not wish to be humored. If it is your true plan, to somehow continue to find a way back home, then I want no part in it. I want you to tell me now so I can still save my heart from your clutches. I do not like to be filled with false hope. In fact, I do not like to hope at all.”
Remy chuckled despite herself. Her fingers found his hair once more. “You are being a tad dramatic,” she murmured.
“I’m not,” he insisted. “Not when it comes to you.”
Remy paused and allowed his words to sink in. “I’ve already told you, James,” she said, her voice serious. “You are my home. Wherever you are, that is where I want to be. I will not lie to you and tell you that there won’t be things that remind me of earth. There will be times I miss my parents and Charlie. But if I were to choose them over you, my life would be a lie. I would long for you constantly. I would not be truly living.”
Life in Neverland: Book 3 of The Neverland Trilogy Page 15
