by Miria Masdan
“What’s this?”
“This is you and me about 10 minutes ago,” he looked at me.
I look at the screen, and I see him standing at the computers and me standing behind him. I’m just staring into space. He turns and looks at me. I hear him calling out my name and then he grabs my shoulders and shakes me. I begin to fall, and he catches me and he lowers me to the floor. He places his mouth over mine, and I can see his body shaking. He’s like that for only a few minutes and then I sit up and look at him.
“See, you passed out,” he says. “The man, did he do anything before he left?”
“No,” I look at the screen, “he said he had a meeting, and that he’d be back.”
“I’m sorry,” he looks at his watch. “The ceremony starts in an hour. I have to hand you over to my commander.”
“Wait, can you see all of the POE? I look at him and then back at the monitor. “Can you show me more?”
He pushes more buttons on the computer, and another screen pops up. This time it is outside in the courtyard. I see myself being escorted into the building by my Proctor.
“I lied.”
“I know,” his voice is quiet. “Where are you going?”
He changes screens again and this time the lobby pops up. I see myself again, but this time I’m passing through a doorway.
“The laborer wing,” I say. “I’m in trouble.”
“Are you having an affair with your Proctor?” He looks right into my eyes. “Or has he ever done anything to indicate that he is interested in you?”
I don’t look away, I should, but I don’t. “You can let me go. I can walk out of here, and we can forget all of this.”
“I don’t think so,” he says.
“I won’t make it in the wastelands,” I say. “You’ll be responsible for killing me.”
“He violated protocol,” he says.
“I didn’t stop him,” I say, “I didn’t want to.”
“Are you working with the rebels?”
I shake my head, “Quinn?”
“The Federation law is specific,” he says. “If you’re broken you’re susceptible to disease. You could cause an outbreak.”
“Please, give me a chance,” I beg. “I’ve been like this my whole life. I’ve never harmed anyone.”
“You can plead your case at your tribunal,” he says. “I’m sorry. My job is to protect the citizens of the Federation.”
“I’m a citizen,” I snap.
“You are a virus,” he snarls.
“You can save me.”
He is angry. He stands up and walks right up to me. “You broke the law.”
“Then why haven’t you turned me in yet?” I’m terrified. “What are you waiting for?”
He is so close I can see into his eyes. I remember his eyes, his face. I don’t think, I just lean into him and place my lips on his.
He grabs my arms hard, digging his fingers into the soft part above my elbow. I winch, but he doesn’t pull away. I feel the heat rise from deep within me and spread throughout my entire body.
He slips his hands down to my wrists, grabs them, forces them behind me and pulls my body towards him. I can feel him against me. His lips move down my neck and come to rest just below my collar bone.
I gasp for air. He pushes me against the wall beside the monitor. He releases my wrist and lets his hands stop on my hips. My entire body is hot. He allows his hands to wander. He slides them under my shirt, right above the belt line.
I tremble.
He kisses me again.
The door opens, and Adam walks into the room.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Emma
“Emma!” Adam shouts. “Officer Calder, please step aside.”
He stands between me and Adam; shielding me with his body. I can see the back of his neck and head. He has a scar; it’s about an inch long and just above his left ear.
My head is spinning. I can hear him and Adam arguing. I focus my thoughts on the scar. I remember him falling and hitting his head. I remember holding my sleeve against his head, trying to stop the blood. I was wearing my white sweater; the one my mother knitted for me. I was ten years old.
“How can this be?” I think. “Who is he?”
He reaches back for me. His hand touches my side. I look up at him.
“I know what you did,” he growls. “I won’t let you near her.”
“What I did?” Adam grins and keeps walking. “It’s not any different than what you are doing. We are the same, except I have the advantage. She belongs to me.”
“What is he talking about,” he turns and looks at me. “Emma?”
He said my name. My heart melts; his tone, the glint in his eyes, his eyes. I’m only inches away from him. I know them. I gaze into those eyes almost every night. I shudder; in my nightmare…he always dies.
I reach out and touch his shoulder. I’m trembling out of fear or desire; I’m not sure. Adam is right, he gave into his emotions; he broke the law too. But it wasn’t his fault; I kissed him, and I want to do it again.
“Quinn,” my voice is small, “he’s applied to be my partner.”
He looks at me, and I think I see a slight glint of disappointment in his eyes. He looks back to Adam. He takes a step away from me.
“You have broken the law,” he says.
Adam laughs, “The law doesn’t apply to me.”
I reach for Quinn. The pain has returned, and I can’t see. My entire body feels like it’s on fire. I close my eyes and grab my head. I drop to my knees.
“Emma?” Quinn’s words are faint. I can feel him shaking me.
“What did you do to her,” Adam’s words are angry.
“Adam,” I whisper. “It wasn’t his fault.”
My vision returns, and the pain leaves even quicker than it came.
Quinn is still holding me; he looks terrified.
“I can have you both arrested,” says Adam. “You both broke the law.”
“This is going too far,” I say. “He was just trying to help me after your man locked me in here.”
“What are you talking about,” Adam looks confused. “I didn’t have anyone lock you up.”
“There was a man,” says Quinn, “he said your father had a special order on Emma.”
“There’s no such order,” says Adam.
“Why would someone lie,” I ask?
“They must be trying to get to my family,” says Adam. “I’ll have guards posted to you.”
“Tonight is the heightening,” I say.
“You won’t be going anywhere,” Adam snaps. “You will be with me tonight.”
“What?”
“Don’t disagree,” he says. “I won’t have any disobedience.”
“He’s right,” Quinn says. “You’ll be safer with him.”
“You’re not agreeing with him, are you?”
“He has to,” Adam says. “He’s guilty too. I’m untouchable, and you’d be fine out there, but a Federation officer wouldn’t be welcomed, not by the people he banished.”
Adam grabs my arm and pulls me towards the door.
“You’re hurting me,” I cringe. “Adam?”
“Let her go!” says Quinn. He grabs my hand. I can feel the heat rise from my fingers, up my arm, and through my body. I should pull away, but I want more.
Adam yanks my arm. My shoulder jerks and I stumble into him. He grabs me around the waist; his hand slides across my abdomen and comes to rest on my hip.
Quinn lets go of my hand; the heat stops. I wonder if he felt it too. The pain cleared my mind. The brief moment of my blackout was the first time that I felt dulled, and I didn’t like it.
“This won’t end well,” Quinn says.
“For you, not me,” Adam says. “I don’t think you understand who you are dealing with.”
Adam lets go of my arm and reaches into his pocket. He pulls out a device. It is small and flat, with several buttons. He points it at Quinn. Everything is happe
ning so fast. He pushes a button and Quinn falls. He hits the ground hard. I throw an elbow into Adams's stomach. He gasps and releases me. I go to Quinn and drop down to my knees.
“I’m sorry,” I place my hand gently on his back and turn to look at Adam. He’s smiling. “You killed him?”
“No,” he says. “He’s alive. I can’t have him turning us in, just in case he decides to be a hero.”
“I don’t understand,” I choke, my throat is tight, and I can’t swallow. I’m fighting back tears and trying to maintain my composure. I don’t want Adam to see me fall apart. I’m not supposed to be able to feel anger or fear, or love. It’s bad enough that Quinn knows, but Adam can never know. Right now, I am a mess. I finally found him; the man from my nightmares, my memories, whatever they are and I failed. I let him get hurt. I could have stopped Adam. I could have walked away. But I was selfish; I wanted more.
“I reset him,” he says. “He will reboot and he won’t remember anything that has happened in the last hour.”
“That’s impossible,” I say. I look at him. I know he must have been behind my reboot, but how?
“You are young and naive,” he says. “I am capable of things you cannot even imagine.”
“I remember,” I challenge him. “I can report you.”
He laughs. “Look at him. He can’t help you. You are all alone.”
“I’m stronger than you think,” I say.
“I know exactly how strong you are,” he says. “I love that about you. What I don’t like is your constant need for him. He consumes too much of your time.”
“How could you know,” I ask? “I’ve never told anyone.”
“It’s in your program,” he says. “I know everything about you.”
“Who is he?” I ask. “How do I know him?”
“No, no, no, it’s not going to be that easy for you,” he says. “I may not like your obsession with him, but I like a fight, and the fire you have for him.”
I look towards the door. He is standing in front of it, and despite what I said, I’m not strong enough to get around him. He proved that earlier.
“What are you going to do?” I ask. “Reset me too?”
“I’ve done it before,” he laughs.
“What do you mean?” My mind is racing. He’s reset me? What did he do that he didn’t want me to remember? I feel dirty and weak; like I just witnessed a terrible crime, and I’m helpless to do anything.
“It doesn’t hurt,” he says. “But don’t resist because it can cause permanent damage.”
My entire body is shaking. I try to breath slow and steady, but I’m unable to take in enough air, and I’m gasping. My head feels light.
“Please wake up,” I shake Quinn. “Help me, please.”
“He can hear you,” he says. “It takes a few minutes before it kicks in. Imagine how terrible it is to be aware, but unable to save you.”
“Quinn, please!” I beg.
“Oh yes, Quinn please help her,” he laughs. “She always cries out for you, and you’re never there to help her. How ironic that the women you love chose to give you up to protect you and you were just about to send her off to the wastelands.”
Adam, please,” I beg. “Who is he?”
“You’re mine,” he says.
I grab Quinn’s face with both of my hands. He is not looking at me, even though his eyes are opened. He’s looking off into nothing.
“I’m sorry,” I say. I think about our last moments in my nightmare. He is always willing to die. He accepts his fate and smiles at me. I always know that he gave himself to save me because he loves me. But right now I am looking at him, and he is lost. There are no last words, no undying declaration of love; he is gone.
I lean down and kiss his lips and then rest my head on his shoulder.
I can feel his breath on my neck and feel his heart beat against my chest. He is strong. I don’t want to forget him.
I jump up and charge towards Adam. I catch him off guard. He stumbles back, but he doesn’t fall. He rights himself and laughs.
“Always with the spunk,” he says. “I love it.”
“I hate you,” I lash out at him. He grabs my wrist and yanks. I slam into him. He grabs my face and kisses me hard. I push away from him, and he pushes me at the same time. I lose my balance and fall next to Quinn.
“What do you want Emma?” Adam snarls. “I always win.”
“You’re not going to get away with this,” I warn.
“You always say that,” he says. “And I always get away with it, over and over, and again.”
He is standing over me. I try to move, but I can’t. He pins me with his body. He grabs me, holding my arms down. My head is resting on Quinn’s chest. He grabs at my shirt, pulling it up, exposing my abdomen. I try to fight. I turn my head. I can see Quinn. I think I see him move, hear him grunt. Is he fighting?
“Quinn,” I cry.
Adam kisses my face, my mouth. My tears fall. I try to push him away, but he is too strong.
A noise from beyond the room breaks the chaos. It’s the warning bell. The ceremony will be starting in 30 minutes.
He pushes me aside. I’m lying next to Quinn; I’m looking at him. He’s looking at me. His warm brown eyes; I think of home. He reminds me of home. I don’t want to forget him.
And then there is nothing.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Quinn
“Calder,” Max voice echoes, “what the Hell are you doing?”
He punches my shoulder. I open my eyes and glare up at him. “What?”
“The ceremony starts in ten minutes,” he says.
“What,” I ask? “I haven’t finished prepping.”
“You did,” he looks at me for a second. “Are you okay? I know last night was rough, no sleep, and it was your home, but there’s some serious shit going on right now.”
“The guy did you find him?”
No,” he says. “We’ve searched the entire building. Did you find anything? It was a good call to use the old monitors, a little low tech, but the thermal should be useful.”
“I have no idea,” I say. “I fell asleep.”
“How are you going to make it through tonight,” he says. “Smith has some serious plans for us. Now get your ass up, and let’s go.”
“Hang on,” I look around the room. “I feel like I forget something.”
“There’s no time,” he says. “Come back later.”
We head to the lower levels of the forum for a quick debriefing. My head is aching, and I only pay half attention to Max as he talks about what they’ve done to locate the suspect.
I take my position at the back of the forum. The seats are full with family, staff, and representatives from all Federation components. If someone is planning an attack, today would be a good day. It is the one day in the Federation that the government doesn’t have complete control over its citizens.
My head is still pounding. I look around the forum, and I have no idea, or recollection of preparing for the ceremony. I access my program.
“Video and data log.”
REPORT: unavailable
“Video and data log.”
REPORT: unavailable
“Audio and data log.”
REPORT: unavailable
What the Hell is going on? How can my files be unavailable? I’m sure it has to do with the energy spikes and the off-line life force. I decide to have Smith check out my system, as soon as the ceremony is over.
I scan the forum; all life forces are on-line and within protocol. I think about what Max said about the older monitors. If I had a thermal device, I could scan everyone, and it wouldn’t matter if they were on-line, or off-line. I could individually check each life force. My current program is only capable of detecting on-line Federation citizens.
I place my visual display on standby and start scanning the forum with my eyes. I look for anyone acting unusual. I’m about halfway through when the lights dim, and the head proctor walk
s out on stage.
I maintain my focus on the audience. No one looks suspicious. I glance at the stage every time a new intern is announced. They all seem within protocol.
“Emma Greene,” the proctor calls.
I look up expecting to see a female intern, but no one walks out. That’s unusual. A moment later a slender, dark haired girl walks onto the stage. She has her hands fisted at her side.
The proctor smiles at her; she looks confused and nervous. That’s unusual. I initiate my visual display and scan her.
Her scan is normal. I watch her carefully. The proctors have finished calling her order. She takes a seat, but she doesn’t maintain proper Federation protocol. She turns her head slightly, looking at the stage. She exchanges glances with the proctor. He returns the gesture, and she looks away. She should be still, and focused, but she is looking around the forum. She glances my way, and her gaze stops. She’s noticed me looking at her. She looks shocked.
I think I might have just found someone of interest. I tag her in my program so that I won’t misplace her location. My plans for Smith to scan me are replaced with plans for an interrogation.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Emma
I step into the line. My head is aching. Sean is behind me. I look at the girl’s hair in front of me. I muffle a smirk. All I can think about is stumbling up the stairs. We’re all lined up, waiting for the Proctors to call our names. But we are alone in the hallway. The mumbles of quiet conversations fill the space.
“Emma,” Sean whispers. “I need to talk to you. What happened to you? Where did he take you, are you in trouble?”
“Okay, that was way more than one question,” I say. “And what are you talking about?”
“Not here,” he looks around. He seems nervous, “tonight at the banquet. We can talk about it then.”
“Okay,” I say, “but you brought it up, and why are you acting so weird?”
“I’ll find you and we can meet on the balcony.” He uses the back of his hand to wipe his brow.
“What do you think it’ll be like?” I ask. I’ve heard rumors about the banquet.
