by Miria Masdan
“Where did you go?” Grace asks. “I thought I saw you and then you were just gone.”
“I ran back to my room,” I lie. “I forgot something.”
I can tell she doesn’t believe me, but I don’t care. My mind is still going over, everything that just happened. I look towards the main entrance. I don’t see him.
“You’re so preoccupied,” Grace says, “is it the guy from earlier?’
“What guy?” Sean asks. “Who’s she talking about?”
“No,” I grumble. “It’s no one.”
Sean is looking at me. His mouth is slightly opened, as if he wants to say something, but doesn’t dare.
“Hey look,” Grace says, pointing towards the door. “There he is.”
I whip my head around. He is standing in the doorway, and he’s looking right at me. I look back at Grace. She, Mandy and Sean are all staring at me.
“What?” I say.
“Nothing,” Grace says, “He’s looking at you. You know what I think?”
“Oh, I can only imagine,” I sigh. “What is your opinion?”
“I think, you and he,” she leans closer. “I think you met up with him. What’s he like?”
“You’re crazy,” I say. “He is a Defense officer. I don’t have a death wish.”
“But tonight,” Mandy says. “He is fair game.”
“See…see what you’ve done,” I huff. “You’ve corrupted her too.”
Sean doesn’t say anything. He’s looking at Quinn. He doesn’t look happy.
Quinn edges around the perimeter of the room, stopping by a large ornate staircase that leads to the upper conference rooms. He leans against the wall and looks around the room. I avoid eye contact.
He fixes his gaze on something. I look in the direction that he is looking in; I see the man he was talking to earlier. He looks at Quinn and nods towards the staircase and the balcony.
He acknowledges him with a return nod and then heads up the staircase. He stands leaning on the balcony rail, looking out over the festivities. I look away. My eyes are wandering the room, not stopping on anyone. I look up towards him, but I scan right past him. He’s looking at me. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of me since he entered the room.
I think about what he said when he was in the surveillance room. He thinks I’m involved in a breach. How would I be involved in something so serious? I’ve never even left my territory.
I frown. I would’ve at least expected him to be a bit more discrete after our earlier encounter. After all, he did violate my hand. I wonder what he would think of me if he knew I had followed him, and that I can’t stop thinking about him. Defense officers not only have heightened emotions, but they also have access to the parts of the territory that the ordinary civilians would never dare enter. There are old cities underneath the new cities and lands beyond our borders. There are entire areas of black market and undesirables that inhabit these areas. They are lawless and dangerous; giving up their programs and all the benefits of being online with the Federation systems. They are, however, loyal to the Federation and fearful of the wastelands beyond the borders. Police also have the means to cover their discretions and the brotherhood of their peers to protect each another. If touching my hand was monumental for him; I can’t imagine his reaction if he remembered our kiss or how he touched me. A smile comes across my face. I envision his body pressed against mine my mouth tasting his lips and I feel a warm sensation spread throughout my body. Then I think of his eyes.
I feel a jolting in my chest. I have to find him tonight. I look back up to the balcony; he’s gone. I scan the room looking for him, but I can’t find him. I look towards his friend. He’s busy socializing.
I feel a hand on my arm.
“Emma,” Sean’s voice is soft. “I need to talk to you.”
“Hum?” I say, not taking my eyes off the crowd.
“Now,” he says. He grabs my hand and stands up.
“What?” I look at him. “What’s so important?”
“Please,” he looks desperate.
“Okay,” I say. I huff and stand up. I looked over my shoulder, one last time. I still can’t see him. I’m annoyed with Sean. Earlier today, I would have been happy for the extra attention, but now all I want is to find Quinn.
He leads me out into the hallway. I follow him for a few minutes. He doesn’t say anything as he looks back over his shoulder. I turn around. I don’t see anyone.
“Where are we going?”
“To the balcony,” he says.
I remember the conversation I overheard in the hallway earlier. They wanted someone, a “her” to meet them on the balcony. Were they talking about me? There is only one other way to reach the outside balcony, the forum. It’s dark, and there will be no one around. My heart is racing. If I am the “her” in the conversation, I heard earlier…who is the other person? And If I’m not the “her” then Sean and I might be walking into a situation that’s not safe.
We enter the forum. The only lights are from the aisles and below the stage. I stop, and my hand slips out of Sean’s hand. He turns around. He reaches for me, but I back away just in time.
“What is your problem,” I’m annoyed and I don’t want to go any further with him.
“My problem,” he asks? “We’re friends, right? I thought we might, I don’t know.”
“You thought wrong,” I say. I hesitate before I continue. I feel sorry because he is right before I found Quinn I considered spending my heightening with him. “I’m sorry. It’s just Adam. He wants me to stay with him tonight.”
As soon as the words came out of my mouth; I froze. Adam did say that to me, earlier. I can’t think straight. My mind is swirling, and I feel dizzy. I grab the back of the seat next to me. I remember the surveillance room, and how I passed out. I can’t do that right now. I need to focus and calm myself down. I take slow deep breaths.
“Emma?” Sean asks. “Are you okay?”
“What?” I say. “I’m fine. I have to get back.”
“NO!”
I jump. I can feel the pit of my stomach sink. I let go of the seat and back towards the door. My head is still spinning, and it takes all of my energy to keep myself on my feet.
He reaches out for me and this time he catches my sleeve. He pulls me to him and grabs my arm.
“You’re hurting me,” I say, but I don’t fight. He’s holding me up, and I’m not sure I can stand on my own right now.
“It would be so much easier,” he says, “if you would just come with me, and stop being so difficult. We don’t have time for this, not after earlier.”
“You,” I ask? “What is going on? Sean, I need to know.”
“No, you don’t,” he says.
I push against him with all of my strength. I catch him off guard, and he falls backward.
“Leave me alone,” I hiss.
I look towards the door. I can hear something outside. Sean must have heard it too, because he takes off into the darkness, behind the stage.
The door whips open. It’s Quinn. He rushes in and stops only a few feet from me.
“Hey!”
“Quinn, you have to go.” I take a step backward.
“What are you doing?” His words are sharp and accusing. “You aren’t supposed to be in here. How do you know my name?”
“I forgot something,” I lie to him, “I just need to retrieve it and then I’m heading to bed.”
“Are you alone?” he asks. “I thought I heard another voice.”
“Yes,” I lie again. I’m getting good at it.
“You didn’t answer my question,” he steps closer.
“Do you remember me,” I ask? “Quinn?”
“I don’t remember telling you my name,” he looks confused. “Listen; I didn’t mean anything by being so familiar with you. I wasn’t suggesting, we…”
“What,” I ask? “So the receptor, that’s what you remember?”
“And the forum,” he says.
“What about this morning,” I ask? “Do you remember seeing me?”
“No,” he says.
“I don’t know what is going on, but I don’t want to get you involved,” I say. “Please go.”
“I can’t do that,” he says, “I have to detain anyone acting suspicious. Have you noticed anything unusual?”
“You mean, other than this,” I say, “because this is strange.”
“There’s something going on here,” he says. “Are you sure you are alone?”
“I’m not alone,” I say, “I’m with you.”
“Are you?”
“You touched me,” I say.
“You didn’t complain,” he says. “I am allowed to touch. You, on the other hand, are not.”
“What if I told you we meet before,” I ask?
“When,” he asks?
“What if I told you I knew who is behind what’s going on around here?”
“Do you,” he asks?
“No, but if I did would you let me go,” I ask?
He laughs.
He looks incredible when he laughs. His left cheek has a dimple, and he looks boyish, rather than his usual serious, menacing appearance.
“There’s been a breach,” he says.
“Here,” I let out a small, nervous laugh “at the POE? There’s nothing to steal here. Why would someone break in?”
“Not here, the border.” His boyish look is gone; it’s back to his stone façade. “We are investigating some unusual activities at the POE. We think they are connected. I think you are involved.”
“Me? I’m not anybody, but good luck finding whoever is responsible.” I turn to walk away. The room is dim, but he’s standing too close to me. I am such a mess of emotions and twisted, mangled thoughts, that there is no way I will be able to conceal them from him.
“It’s not safe wandering around,” He steps up behind me and grabs my arm. I turn to face him. He loosens his grip, almost letting me go. I wonder if being so close to me stirs an intense reaction throughout his body, as it does mine. I gasp, as he grabs me tighter. I look into his eyes; I need to reassure myself that they are indeed the same eyes I stare into each night. The same eyes that I watch close for the last time, as death takes him. They are dark. I want them to be his so bad, that I can feel the ache tear my insides apart. I lean closer to him. I can’t tell; there’s not enough light in the forum.
He pulls me closer, decreasing the air between us. I breathe him in, and a dizzying wave of heat and desire, buckles my knees. He slips his hand around my middle, catching me with a well-placed grasp, and an intentional swoop, that eliminates the gap between us.
“Quinn,” I beg.
“You said, you were alone,” he says. “I know you’re lying; who, are you meeting?”
He tightens his grip and holds me steady. His chest is touching my chest. I can smell him: warm earth and crisp air; like a perfect autumn breeze. I close my eyes and can see him leaning against my tree. He lets me go, and I take a few steps back. I need to focus.
“No one,” I say. I’m scared, but he is looking right into my eyes. I back down the aisle. “There’s something wrong with you. You should go to the health office and have your systems checked out.”
“I’m fine, and I assure you that I am within all scopes of the law.” He steps towards me. “But you…I think you’re hiding something.”
I take a deep breath and his scent, almost drops me to my knees. I want to grab him again. I don’t want to leave, but I know Sean is hiding someplace in the dark. I need to get away from both of them. I need to think and sort my emotions out.
He grabs me again.
“Let go of me,” I say, “I’m leaving.”
“You don’t have to be scared of me.” He says. “But I could detain you; question you and your family. It will be easier if you cooperate.”
“I haven’t done anything wrong. And my family, they didn’t even come to the ceremony.” I stop and look right at him. Suddenly, I realize how unusual that is; why didn’t they come? My heart starts racing, and a thousand images and thoughts flash through my mind. What if something is wrong? “Arrest me if you must but it’s a waste of your time. If there is someone here stealing something don’t you think, your time could be spent more wisely?”
“What if I think you are involved?”
“Me?” My mouth dips down into a frown. “I’m just a kid from Agriculture…I’m no one and all I want is for today to be over.”
“You have no plans for tonight?” He says. “You’re just going to go to bed?”
“You don’t remember,” I say. “If you’re going to arrest me, then do it.”
He looks away from me. He rubs the back of his neck with his hand and tips his head down.
“Can I go,” I say, “please?”
“No, I think you need to come back with me.” He looks at me. “I have a few questions for you.”
“I don’t…”
A sharp, clanking sound from someplace backstage stops our conversation. We both turn towards the noise. Then the distinct sound of footfalls, running away, makes me jump into action.
He pulls out his gun and charges past me, but he stops and comes back and grabs me. “You are coming with me.”
I don’t fight.
We head down into the dark hallways behind the stage. He pulls me along, keeping me as close to him as possible. We come to a tee in the hall, and we stop. I look to my left and then to my right. I see a figure turn the far corner. We race off after them. We catch up with them at the door to the balcony stairs.
I wonder if this is one of the people I heard earlier, or if it is Sean; it would make sense, but am I the “her” they were talking about earlier? So what is it that they need to finish with this mysterious girl?
“Stop,” Quinn yells.
They do and step out into the dim light of the hall. It’s Sean.
“It’s, okay,” I yank my arm away from Quinn.
I step between them. I’m still angry at Sean, but I don’t want Quinn to shoot him.
“He just wants to talk,” I say. “We’ve known each other since we were kids and tomorrow we’re leaving, going our separate ways.”
“There are places for talking and places for…other things.” I think I detect a hint of disappointment in his voice. He frowns, and he slightly lowers his gun. The hallway is dark, except for a few safety lights by the doors. “This is not a place you go to talk.”
“It’s all I want.” Sean steps closer to me. “I’ve had a crush on her forever. I need to say goodbye.”
I look up at Sean. Did he really just admit that he likes me? I feel terrible. I’ve ignored him all day.
He grabs my hand. I flinch, but he hangs on tight. I look back at Quinn. I’m confused and annoyed. Quinn must see it on my face because he raises his gun, and he steps closer to us. I’ve been touched a lot today; first by Adam, then Quinn and now Sean.
He could arrest both of us right now. He already suspects me; this could be just what he needs to be convinced. An investigation could be ordered, and banishment is the punishment.
Sean tightens his grip and pulls me towards him. I feel something hard against my back. I look down, but it’s too dark to see anything.
“Sean?” I try to pull my arm away.
“I’m not letting you ruin this; we’ve worked so hard.” He pulls me back towards the door. He reaches around, opens the door and when his hand reappears; he’s holding a gun.
Everything is happening so fast. My eyes shift towards Quinn. He isn’t looking at me. He’s focused on Sean.
I hear him take a deep breath, “let her go.”
He’s calm.
But I can feel Sean’s body shaking against mine.
Sean shoots. Quinn falls and hits the floor. My heart stops. I’m watching him die, again. But this time it is for real.
I break away from Sean. I fall to my knees beside Quinn. He’s breathing, gasping for air. I search his body for a woun
d. I don’t find anything; there’s no blood and no wound. I touch his face. He’s looking forward, not at me, but through me.
He gags. I lift his head and rest it in my arms.
“What did you do?” I say.
“He’ll survive,” Sean says. “We aren’t murderers.”
“Emma,” his voice is unsteady.
“You’re going to be okay,” I say. I try and remember what I say to him in my dream, and tears come to my eyes.
“You lied to me,” he says.
“I was trying to protect you,” I say. “I’ve always tried to, but no matter what I do; you still get hurt.”
“What,” he asks? “I don’t know you.”
“You do,” I say. “You just forgot. They made you…somehow. I don’t understand it.”
“Who,” he asks?
“Benson,” I say.
“Wait, what are you talking about,” asks Sean. “What did Benson do?”
“He re-set him,” I say. “He had this machine. He tried to re-set me, but it didn’t work.”
“No, of course, it wouldn’t,” he says. “I programmed you with impenetrable security.”
“What?”
“You need to come with me now,” he says.
“I’m not leaving him,” I say.
“Who is that?” I hear another voice.
I turn my head and see a man. He’s tall, with disheveled blond hair. He’s wearing jeans and a dark jacket. I’ve never seen a man like him before. He’s not neat, tidy or Federation approved.
I’m still holding Quinn. He is still breathing, and I can feel his heart beat against my palm. But his eyes are closed.
“He’s an Officer,” Sean says. “He was following her.”
“Does he know anything?” The man says. He walks towards me.
“Who is he?” He’s talking to me.
I don’t answer. I’m trembling. I can barely hear his words over the beating of my heart. I lean over Quinn, trying to protect him from the man.
He kneels next to me. He reaches up and brushes my hair off my face. He lets his hand rest on my check.
He sighs, “I know this is difficult for you.”
“We don’t have time for theatrics,” Sean says. “There might be more officers. And Benson is involved. He tried to re-set her.”
