Tough Love (Hidden Secrets)

by Belden, P. J.

  “Nick said my house is almost done. He asked me to come by tomorrow morning to give him my opinion. I told him that I’m sure the house is perfect, but he said he wants me to like it. I’m curious to see how the plans turned out. It’ll be like walking into a new house no doubt. I’m not fully sure how I feel about that. I’m excited for it to be done, but scared too.”

  I smiled at her. She’s been through a lot. Losing her parents, raising the boys, fighting dumb ass people over their views on the boys, and those damn phone calls, they were pissing me off. There were several times that I’ve gotten on the phone and yelled at whoever was on the other end, but it never did anything. They’d just hang up without saying anything.

  Just then a song came on and immediately, it had me thinking of Shannon. So I stood and held my hand out. “Would you do me the honor and dance with me, beautiful lady?”

  She smirks, “With pleasure.”

  Pulling her up to me, I wrapped my arms around her waist and she wrapped her arms around my neck. We began to sway to the sounds of Allison Krause’s When you say nothing at all. Pulling her closer to me, I lowered my head to her shoulder and sighed deeply. Just as the song was ending, Shannon pulls back and looks at me.

  “I love you, Jackson,” she whispers.

  It should have been a sentence that filled me with joy. To know that the one I loved, loved me in return, but it didn’t. In fact it scared me and brought me back to a moment that killed everything that was me. Forcing a smile, I lead her back to the table.

  My mind couldn’t stay focused on her. It kept wandering off to four years ago. No matter how many times I tried to force the thoughts from my head, they kept coming back to me. They kept consuming as if I was back in that moment.

  It had been one hell of a day at work. Eli and I strolled into a club. We were supposed to be meeting a girl he met. She was bringing a friend. Eli looks around then points out two girls at a table off to the right. I’m trying to assess the girl before I get there. She’s pretty. Red curly hair hanging down past her shoulders, she looked on the slender side which is usually a turn off for me. She seemed to wear it well.

  We arrived at the table and her bright green eyes caught me. She was captivating. Looking at Eli, he was smiling. “Jackson, this is my girl Amber. Amber this is my brother Jackson.”

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I say shaking her hand.

  “You too. This is my friend Hannah Conley.”

  Turning to the red haired beauty, “Nice to meet you.”

  “Nice to meet you. I guess at least you’re cute. Seems as though we’re supposed to like each other or something like that. Some kind of human buffer to keep everyone from feeling awkward, seeing as Amber can’t shut up about Eli.”

  “Oh, I’m so glad you said that. That takes off a lot of the pressure tonight. So what am I supposed to sweet talk you or pretend to ignore you?” I joked back taking a seat next to her.

  She laughs. “Hmm,” she pretends to think. “How about you sweet talk me for now and when I’m annoyed you can pretend to ignore me?”

  Leaning closer to her, “Sounds perfect.”

  “Has anyone told you that your eyes are too big for you head?” She asks leaning her chin on her hand.

  “Yup all the time. Has anyone told you that your head is too big for your body?” I throw back.

  This was not the normal type of woman I have come across. She was sassy and brilliant…

  “Jack?”

  “Yeah Hannah?”

  She clears her throat and I look up at her, “I want to go home now.”

  Fuck! Did I actually say Hannah? No I couldn’t have. Did I?

  I put my fork down and wiped my mouth with a napkin. “I have another stop for us tonight.” I smiled at her, reaching for her hand.

  Pulling her hand back, “I’m not feeling well and want to go home please.”

  My heart stopped in my chest. She wouldn’t look at me. “Yeah, okay. Do you want me to get a box for your food?”

  Shaking her head, “No, I’m not hungry.”

  All I could do is nod my head. My heart was breaking in my chest. This was the coldest she’s been to me since we met and even now she’s not being hurtful. Instead she was hurt. Standing, I walked over to her and held my hand out to her. She stood without taking my hand and started walking out the door. I walked alongside her. Placing my hand on her lower back, I watch her flinch. It broke me a little more inside.

  Once she was seated, I ran around the car and got in. Starting it I about laughed at the song that was on. Darius Rucker’s I Got Nothing was playing. We rode in silence and when we arrived home and rode the elevator, she stepped further away from me. I knew what was coming. My heart was breaking already.

  “I’m going to go change,” she said softly.

  When she walked out of the room, I leaned my hands on the back of the chair gripping it for everything it was worth. Trying to figure out what it is I can do to keep her here. To not walk away from me. I could hear her crying from out here. Unable to take it any longer, I opened the door. My fear came to life. She’s packing.

  “Shannon,” my voice cracked.

  “Go away,” she sobbed.

  “Please tell me what’s wrong?”

  She stood up putting the last of her clothes in the bag. “Who’s Hannah?”

  Shit! I did say it out loud.

  “A woman from my past. Why are you leaving?”

  “Tell me about her,” she said looking up at me with tears glistening in her eyes.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” I said through gritted teeth.

  She zips the bag up and lifts it off the bed. “That is why I’m leaving,” she says softly.

  “Because I don’t want to talk about my past?” I said getting a little defensive.

  “Because you won’t let me in!” She yelled.

  She walks past me, “I’ll be back later for the boys’ stuff.”

  I watch as she walks down the hall toward the elevator. With every step that she took, my heart broke a little more. The words to the Darius Rucker’s song were echoing in my head as she continued to walk away. No matter how hard I tried to think of something to keep her here, but nothing was coming to mind. My mind was a complete blank.

  She presses the button on the elevator, then turns to look at me as she walks in. Tears streaming down her face, she says so softly I almost miss it, “I’m sorry I’m not enough Jackson. That I can’t love you enough to let me in. I wish you all the best, but I can’t be with someone that can’t trust me enough to let me in.”

  The doors close and I drop to my knees, holding my chest tightly with my hand. She’s gone. I’ve got nothing without her. My heart broke.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Shannon

  Seeing Jack’s face as the elevator doors closed was almost enough to break my resolve. Something happened in his past that is keeping him from fully being with me. Tonight was the last straw for me. My heart hurt and my world shattered.

  Tonight was so romantic. I thought for sure it was a sign that things had changed and he let me in a little more, so I told him how I felt. Boy was I wrong. Not only had nothing changed, but he completely shut down on me. Then when I said his name, he called me Hannah. I’m not sure who she was and what importance she had to him, but something told me that she was what was keeping us from fully being together.

  As much as I was hurting right now, I had to leave. If he wasn’t going to open up to me then I can’t keep putting myself through the knowledge knowing I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough to break through his wall and be a part of his heart. That hurt me.

  Looking in the rear view mirror, I watched as his building slowly disappeared from sight. I was the happiest I’d ever been when I was with Jackson. It was the first time I felt like part of a family since my parents passed away. The boys were happier. My heart stopped in my chest. The boys were going to be crushed.

  I drove around all night. Pulling int
o my driveway at about nine in the morning, I saw that Nick was just getting out of his truck. He hurried over to my door, opening it.

  “I wasn’t expecting you here…” he trailed off. “Are you okay?”

  “I haven’t been to bed yet,” I groaned getting out of the car.

  “Well the house is ready. You can come in and see it if you want. I was just going to do a final run through before calling you.”

  “Thanks for everything Nick. Um, I will figure out a way to repay you for all of this. I’m looking for a job. I’ll give you so much out of every check.”

  He laughs. “Jack already paid for everything.”

  “Yeah well things change and I don’t want anything from him,” I say irritated.

  “What do you mean?” He stops, standing in front of me.

  “Jack and I aren’t together anymore. We broke up last night. Hence the reason for my not sleeping,” I bit out. “Can we look at the house now?” I snapped.

  “Yeah, of course.” Nick says almost angry.

  He walks me up to the door. The front of the house looks like it was brand new. It still looked like the house that my parents owned for over thirty years but it looked better. Reaching out I ran my hand down the bright red door.

  Tears filled my eyes, “I love this.”

  “It pops against the now grey exterior. This will not show your dirt as well and it is easy to clean,” Nick said referring to the siding. “You ready to go in.”

  Sniffling, “Yes, please.”

  When he opened the door I was not prepared for what I saw. When you opened the door before it was a narrow hallway, but now it was a wide open space. Turning to my left, was the wide open living room. It looked amazing. There was a couch sitting where the wall to the hall used to be with a chair facing each other on either side. In the middle of them was a beautiful coffee table with a glass center. In front of the sitting area hung a flat screen television on the wall below was an entertainment center that housed a bunch of electronics. There was a sitting bench in front of a huge picture window that held books below it. It took me a minute to realize that a lot of this stuff was our stuff. Turning to Nick in confusion.

  “Um, we wanted to make this place your home. Kylee came in and decorated your house using what was here by pictures to upgrading it to newer items, safer things. Go ahead look around.” He said softly.

  I walked further into the house and saw the kitchen. My breath caught in my throat as my hands went to my mouth. It was not the kitchen I was used to. It wasn’t huge, but there was counter space, cupboard space, breathtaking appliances that included wall ovens and was completed with my dream island. When I noticed there was a wall where the door to my room used to be, I again turned to Nick.

  “Go on, look,” he said pointing to the door that was now in the kitchen.

  Slowly, I walked to the door opening it up. Again I was shocked. It was a huge walk in pantry and it was fully stocked. I looked back at Nick with tears freely flowing down my cheeks, but he didn’t say anything. This kitchen was better than the one in Jackson’s upscale condo.

  I continued to move around the house. I found a bathroom just off the living room, I continued down the little hall. The boys’ room looked amazing. It was all decked out to how they have been wanting it done, but I’ve never been able to afford. Inside there was two small closets and another door. Looking around at the decorations in the room, I was in awe. It had all their favorite things.

  “How…How did you know?” I asked tracing a model of the Titanic.

  “We asked them and told them to keep it a secret. We told them it’d be a nice surprise for you to see it all done up,” he again said softly.

  Their playroom was through the other door in their bedroom. It was much the same. Only there was more organization, there were areas; art area, gaming area, toy area. It was so awesome. The boys were going to flip out when they see it.

  Exiting their room, I saw two spare bedrooms that were completely furnished. They weren’t as big as the boys’ room and playroom but they’d do for guest rooms or switching the boys into them as they got older and needed their space from each other.

  As I walked out to the hall again, I swallowed hard when I knew the last room that was left was now going to be my room. With a shaking hand, I reached for the door handle. Just as I touched it, I yanked my hand back unable to do it.

  “I-I can’t do it.” I stammered.

  “Just open the door and look inside when you’re comfortable walk in.”

  He reached out and opened the door. I closed my eyes and held my breath. Nick urged me to open my eyes. My breath left my lungs as I saw what laid out before me. Tentatively, I took a few steps inside the room. There was a huge king sleigh bed against the wall on the right as you walk in the door. There were matching dressers and end tables. Where a wall once stood was a beautiful bay window set up for sitting in. Turning around I saw double doors, walking over I opened them to reveal a beautiful walk in closet. There were pictures lining the walls. They were family portraits and some of just my parents. Seeing the door on the other side of the bed, it would have led to my parents’ bedroom. But part of the wall was taken away for the sitting area and bay window. Walking slowly over, I opened the door to find a beautiful master bathroom inside. There was a double sink vanity, a glass shower, a beautiful corner deep seated tub, and a toilet. It was absolutely breathtaking.

  Turning toward Nick, I ran to him and hugged him. “I’m never going to be able to pay for all this. I’ll try. I really will. Thank you so much.”

  “It was a family effort, Shannon. We all care a lot about you and the boys. We want to see you happy. Are you happy with the place?”

  I laughed into his chest. “Yes, beyond happy.”

  We walk back out to the living room. Nick sat down on one of the chairs as I sat on the couch. Looking around the living room again, I just couldn’t believe this was my house.

  “We redid the basement as well. It is completely finished. Because of the way we set things up here you’re laundry is still downstairs, but now it’s a little less depressing,” he says laughing.

  “I hated going down there to do laundry.” I paused for a moment. “I’m never going to be able to thank you guys enough.”

  Before he could respond my phone started ringing. Looking down, I saw Mary’s number flashing on my phone. Confused as to why she’d be calling me, I answered it telling Nick to wait just as second.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey Sam…err, I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. The boys love to call me that. I just haven’t ever really liked it.”

  “What are you doing right now? If you say Jackson, I just might puke.”

  “Um, no. Nick just walked me through my house.”

  “Do you love it? We all tried to make sure it was perfect. Even Mom and Dad went shopping for you yesterday and filled your pantry, fridge and chest freezer.”

  “They did what?”

  Mary just laughs, “Hey, I was calling to find out if you’d like to come for a girls day slash baby shower for Kayla and I?”

  “Um, Mary, I…”

  “What?” She sounds confused.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Jack and I broke up last night. I just don’t think it’d be smart for me to keep hanging around. It’d get awkward.”

  “Well it’s only us girls. It’ll be me and Kayla-obviously- Kylee, Mylee, Colleen, and you. Come on, don’t punish us because Jack’s stupid?”

  “I don’t know. When is it?”

  “Two weeks. We’re having it at the Chandelier in Colbert at one.”

  “I’ll think about it, okay? That’s all I can give you right now,” I replied sadly.

  “Yeah, okay. We’ll talk soon.” Mary says before hanging up.

  Setting the phone on the coffee table, I tried to keep my emotions in check. The Williams family was an absolutely amazing gro
up of people. Some of them have their problems, Jake came to mind when I thought of this, but they are good people. It hurt to have to say goodbye to them, but I couldn’t come between them and Jack, that’s what I’d feel like I was doing if I continued to hang around them.

  “You want to thank us?” Nick said breaking into my thoughts. “Don’t take the boys and you away from us just because Jackson can’t get his head out of his ass.”

  I was shocked by his outburst. “Nick, I-”

  “Don’t. Just don’t do it. None of us want to lose you. Hope you enjoy your house now. Do not even think of paying us back. You’ll be insulting us if you do.” With that, he got up out of the chair and left.

  My phone beeped as Nick sped out of my driveway. Picking up my phone, I saw a text from Kayla.

  Kayla: Don’t worry about driving all the way out here to get the boys. We’re headed that way and will drop the boys off.

  Me: Okay, but I’m at the house now. You’ll have to bring them here.

  Kayla: Yeah I know.

  Damn, was everyone mad at me? Shaking my head, I walked around the house again looking at everything. There were pieces of the old house, but was new, a fresh start. I walked into my room and crawled up on the bed. It was so comfortable, that I fell asleep.

  I was jolted awake by a loud banging on the door. Confused by my surroundings at first, I shot up in the bed when I realized that the boys were coming home. I ran to the door and opened it. Kayla immediately hugs me.

  “You scared me!” She hissed.

  “Hi Sissy Shan,” the boys said in unison as they ran past me down to their room.

  “No offense hun, but you look like crap.”

  Giving a small laugh, “Thanks Kayla. Have you seen the finished product?”

  “Yeah I saw it yesterday. Why don’t you want to come to the sisters day?”

  Walking over to the couch, I plopped down on it. Looking up, I watched Kayla almost waddling over to sit next to me. She looked so cute pregnant. Honestly I envied her. Even with the boys running havoc all over the house and leaving me exhausted, I still longed for a family of my own.