03_A Family To Call Her Own

by Irene Hannon

  “How do you know?” Rebecca asked curiously.

  “At our last meeting he said I needed some time to decompress and regain my perspective. I didn’t buy it then. But now that I’ve been away for a couple of weeks, I have to admit that he’s right. In fact, since I talked to that class at the high school on Friday, I’d go even further. I don’t just need time away from investigative work. I need time away, period.”

  “It sounds like a good idea,” Rebecca agreed. “Can you manage it?”

  He nodded. “I have quite a bit of vacation accumulated. It shouldn’t be an issue. In fact, when Ted—my managing editor—called yesterday, I told him that I’m thinking about taking some time off when this assignment is over. Being in the classroom with those kids was a catalyst, in a sense. It reminded me why I was attracted to teaching in the first place—and also that there’s a whole world out there apart from journalism and a lot of ways to make a difference in the human condition. I’m going to think about it for a couple more days, but I’ve pretty much decided that a long vacation would be a good idea.”

  “It does seem to make sense,” Rebecca concurred. Then she propped her chin in her hand and tilted her head as she studied him. “You know, I imagine you’d probably be a really good teacher.”

  He smiled. “Why do you say that?”

  She considered the question seriously, frowning slightly. “Well, you’ve been out in the real world. You talk from experience. Kids respect that. And you have an intensity…a commitment, I guess is the right word…plus a real sense of integrity, that would be inspiring to young people. Not to mention the fact that you’re obviously an intelligent, well-read, articulate person.”

  Zach was taken aback by her unexpectedly flattering assessment, and he felt his neck redden. He wasn’t a man who handled praise well. It made him uncomfortable. “Well, I think you’re being too generous, but I do appreciate the kind words.”

  She gazed at him speculatively, an idea forming in her mind. “Did you know that Phil Carr hurt his back sandbagging last night?” she asked suddenly.

  Zach frowned. “No.”

  “I found out this morning at church. It sounds like he’ll be out of commission for the rest of the semester. They’ll be looking for a replacement to come in when spring break ends next Monday.”

  Zach digested that piece of news in silence for several seconds. When he spoke, his tone was thoughtful. “That suggests some interesting possibilities,” he mused. On a lot of fronts, he added silently. A trial run at teaching appealed to him. So did staying close to Rebecca. And he could use some time not only away from reporting, but away from the city, when this assignment was finished. Which would be soon, given that the flood waters had crested. But the teaching slot was probably a long shot. “I’m sure they have people in mind already,” he said.

  Rebecca shook her head. “I don’t think so. At least not on such short notice—and for a several-week stint.”

  “Hmm. Well, I’ll have to give that some thought,” he said noncommittally. Then he placed his napkin on the table and smiled. “So…are you ready to head back?”

  Not really, she thought. The evening had been so enjoyable that she hated for it to end. But she couldn’t think of any reason to delay the inevitable, so she summoned up a smile. “If I can move, after all that food,” she joked. “It was wonderful, Zach. Thank you.”

  “It was my pleasure.”

  The ride back was pleasant. The conversation flowed naturally, punctuated by periods of comfortable, contented silence that allowed time for reflection. Zach had proven to be a wonderful companion, Rebecca thought. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been out with a man socially and felt so relaxed.

  But relaxation slowly changed to anticipation as they approached St. Genevieve. Would he kiss her good night again? she wondered, her nerve endings beginning to tingle. She had enjoyed their last kiss, much to her surprise, and she wasn’t averse to repeating the experience. No, that wasn’t quite accurate, she admitted honestly. She wanted to repeat the experience. She wanted him to touch her in that gentle, nonthreatening way, wanted to savor the tender feel of his hand on her cheek. She found it hard to believe, after years of avoiding that type of experience, that she was now looking forward to it. She only hoped Zach was, too!

  When they pulled up in front of her apartment, he turned off the engine and angled himself toward her, draping his arm across the back of her seat. “Home safe and sound,” he announced lightly.

  Rebecca tried to smile, but suddenly her lips felt stiff. She had very limited experience in this good night business, and she suddenly wondered if she was supposed to invite him in. But that scared her. It was too…intimate. For all she knew, inviting a man in also implied an invitation for more, and she figured she’d better not take the risk. “I had a great time, Zach,” she offered, her voice quavering slightly.

  “So did I.”

  His fingers were brushing her shoulder lightly now, back and forth, back and forth, and she suddenly found it difficult to breathe. She tried to discern the intent in his eyes, but in the dim light his expression was unreadable. She dropped her gaze, playing nervously with the clasp of her purse as she searched for something else to say, anything, to break the electric silence between them, but her mind went blank.

  Zach knew Rebecca was nervous. It would take a total clod to miss the signs. But he also knew he was going to kiss her. She’d been nervous the last time, too, but she’d responded once he’d initiated the kiss. He hoped she would do the same tonight. Because for the last twenty minutes that had been the only thing on his mind. He wanted to feel her soft, pliant lips against his, wanted to run his fingertips across her silky skin, wanted to hold her so close that he could feel the thudding of her heart against his chest. And Zach was a man used to getting what he wanted. Not that he ever had to push. He had learned through the years to accurately assess a woman’s interest and he didn’t waste time and energy pursuing unwilling partners. Though he knew Rebecca was nervous, he also knew she was willing. And interested. She just seemed to need a little coaxing.

  Zach didn’t much relish the idea of kissing Rebecca in the car, however. There was too much in the way. For example, the gearshift would definitely hamper his style, he thought wryly. But she hadn’t said anything about coming in. His gaze flickered away from her momentarily to scan the surroundings, coming to rest on a secluded bench discreetly tucked between two pine trees. Thank goodness it was a mild, dry night, he thought in relief.

  Slowly he withdrew his arm and smiled at Rebecca. “If you’re not in a hurry, we could sit for a while,” he suggested casually, his tone giving away none of the anticipatory tension that was slowly beginning to build inside him. “It’s a nice night, and there’s a convenient bench right over there,” he noted, nodding toward the pine trees.

  Rebecca swallowed. This was what she wanted, wasn’t it? So why did she suddenly feel so nervous and uncertain? Everything would be fine. She was only a few steps from her door, not trapped at a secluded scenic overlook or miles from help, should she need it. Which she wouldn’t. Take a deep breath and relax, she told herself.

  “Okay,” she agreed, trying to steady the tremor in her voice.

  Zach gave her shoulder an encouraging squeeze, then got out of the car in one lithe movement and came around to open her door. He took her arm as they walked across the uneven ground, the warmth of his fingers penetrating the soft wool of her sweater. When they reached the old-fashioned park bench, she perched stiffly on the edge while he leaned back, draped his arms across the back and stretched his legs in front, crossing his ankles. He seemed totally relaxed and at ease, Rebecca thought enviously. Of course, he probably had a whole lot more experience at this than she did.

  Rebecca wasn’t sure why she felt so uncomfortable. Maybe because the last time, things had seemed to evolve naturally, spontaneously. She certainly hadn’t expected to be kissed that night. And she’d be willing to bet that Zach hadn’t p
lanned to kiss her, either. It had just happened. Tonight was different. Tonight she felt intent in Zach’s actions. And for some reason that scared her. She shivered suddenly, hoping vainly that Zach wouldn’t notice, but she should have known better. His perceptive eyes never missed a thing.

  “Are you cold?” he inquired solicitously.

  “N-no.”

  “Well, you look cold. Why don’t you lean back and I’ll warm you up.” He reached forward and gently drew her into the protective curve of his right arm, draping it around her shoulder and urging her close. She followed his lead numbly, simply because she didn’t know what else to do. And it was warmer here—although his proximity did nothing to quiet her pounding heart. She gripped her purse tightly in her lap, aware of their thighs only a breath apart, inhaling the distinctive scent of his rugged aftershave, feeling his warm breath on her temple. She was getting in over her head here and she knew it. But she wanted so desperately to give this a chance! Please, Lord, help me find the courage to at least try to relate to this man on a physical level, she prayed fervently.

  Zach knew Rebecca was skittish, but he attributed her nervousness to inexperience. She was probably embarrassed by her lack of sophistication, he reasoned. But if he was reading her signals correctly, she did like him. And she’d had a good time tonight, he could tell. He wanted to tell her to relax, to forget about her lack of experience because it didn’t matter to him. But maybe, instead of telling her, he needed to show her.

  Slowly but very deliberately he let his hand wander from her shoulder to her neck, his thumb playing gently with the lobe of her ear. She went absolutely still, almost as if she was holding her breath, but she didn’t protest, he noted with relief. When he lowered his head to nuzzle her neck, he heard her swiftly indrawn breath, could feel the pounding of her pulse against his lips.

  “You look very lovely tonight, Rebecca,” he murmured softly, his voice husky.

  She swallowed with difficulty. “Th-thank you.”

  He pressed his cheek to hers. “You taste good, too,” he whispered, his breath warm against her skin.

  This time Rebecca didn’t even try to answer. The touch of his lips was now making skyrockets go off.

  Gently, he cupped her chin to turn her face toward his. His lips traveled up the slender column of her throat, which she involuntarily arched to meet his kiss, then across her cheek, up to her forehead. Her eyelids drifted closed, and she sighed with pleasure as he kissed each one very gently.

  Zach tried to quiet the thudding of his heart, but when he spoke, his voice was hoarse with emotion. “Oh, Rebecca…” Without giving her a chance to respond, he cupped her face with his hands and tenderly claimed her lips.

  Rebecca found herself responding tentatively to his touch. Her hand crept around his neck and, without consciously deciding to do so, she turned into the embrace, tunneling her fingers through the soft hair at the base of his neck and pressing herself closer. Caught in his spell, she relaxed in his arms as his kiss worked its magic.

  Zach felt her trusting response, her willingness to explore their attraction, and with a groan he deepened the kiss. If he felt her sudden surprise, her hesitation, he was too caught up in the moment to notice.

  Zach drew her even closer. He shifted so that she was leaning against the back of the bench as he continued to kiss her.

  Rebecca didn’t know at exactly what moment she panicked. All she knew, quite suddenly, was that she had. The old feelings of terror resurfaced with an intensity that took her breath away. She felt powerless, helpless, suffocating as his pressing weight immobilized her. The kiss that had started out so welcome had suddenly become a thing to be feared; his lips, once seeking now seemed demanding as they imprisoned hers; and his arms felt like steel cables holding her in place. She couldn’t breathe, and she clawed at his shoulders desperately as her heart thudded painfully in her chest, hot tears stinging her eyes. But still he seemed oblivious to her distress. Finally, with one last, desperate, superhuman effort she wrenched her lips free, turning her head aside as she gasped for air, struggling to push him away.

  Only then did Rebecca’s ragged breathing and the frantic pressure of her hands against his shoulders penetrate Zach’s consciousness. He hesitated, backing up far enough to look into her face.

  That was the only opening she needed. With a strangled sob she broke free of his arms and jumped unsteadily to her feet, dashing blindly for her apartment as tears streamed down her face. She stumbled once, her heels sinking into the rain-soaked earth, but she quickly regained her footing and continued her irrational flight, her thoughts a chaotic jumble, her emotions tattered. She groped desperately for her key, her fingers closing around it reassuringly as she reached her porch. In a moment she would be safe!

  But just as she stepped up a hand shot out and grasped her wrist, throwing her off balance. She gasped, teetering precariously on the edge of the concrete stoop, until another hand reached out to steady her.

  Once more Rebecca felt trapped, and she tried to shake off the hands, her heart clamoring in her chest. “Let me go, please!” she pleaded, twisting in Zach’s grasp.

  “Rebecca, calm down!” he said tersely, alarmed at her near-hysterical state.

  “Please,” she repeated, her voice breaking on a sob. “Just let me go!”

  “Not until you tell me what this is all about,” Zach said, his voice quiet but touched with steel.

  Rebecca could hear the contained anger in his voice as she averted her face. But she missed the underlying concern and confusion as she struggled to control the irrational fear that held her in a vise. Stay calm, she told herself. Get a grip. You’re two steps from your front door and a single scream will bring a dozen people running. You’re safe. She forced herself to take deep breaths, fighting the sudden wave of blackness that swept over her, willing her heart to slow down.

  “Rebecca, answer me,” Zach demanded, gripping her wrist.

  “Please—just let go of me,” she said brokenly, turning at last to face him.

  Zach took one look at her tear-streaked face, at the almost-wild fear in her eyes, and automatically loosened his grip as her sheer panic finally registered. Tension was radiating from every pore of her body, and she was shaking. Badly. Something was very wrong here, he realized with a frown. Okay, so maybe he’d come on a little too strong. But his overzealous ardor shouldn’t have induced this frenzied response. There was something else going on, something that had made her freak out at what essentially was just a kiss. And his caveman reaction to her panic certainly hadn’t helped the situation, he thought, silently cursing his insensitivity.

  Zach released her wrist, jamming his hands into his pockets. He figured that was the safest place for them, considering that his instinct was to reach over and frame her face with them, erase her tears with the gentle brush of his thumbs over her cheeks, taste the salt on her lips as he kissed away her hurt and fear. But he instinctively knew that touching her in any way whatsoever was not a good idea. He’d already made a major mistake tonight, it appeared, and he was not about to make another one. He was playing it safe from here on out.

  “Rebecca, what’s wrong?” he asked softly, gentling his voice considerably, striving to keep his posture nonthreatening.

  She shook her head jerkily. “Please, Zach. J-just go. You w-wouldn’t understand.”

  “Would you at least give me a chance to try?”

  She shook her head and attempted to swallow past the lump in her throat, praying that he would just leave her alone to mourn the death of her dream of a normal relationship with a man. She had hoped—prayed—that this time it would be different. But it wasn’t. And it never would be.

  Zach gazed at her, trying to probe her eyes, searching for answers she clearly wasn’t going to give. But all he saw reflected in their depths was abject misery, absolute loneliness and utter despair. His gut wrenched painfully as he looked at her, wanting desperately to ease her distress but not knowing how. There were larger
issues at work here, issues he couldn’t hope to uncover tonight in her present state. All he could do was try to calm her, make her feel safe. But that was going to be a monumental task in itself, judging by her body language. She was poised for flight, hovering only inches from her door, ready to bolt at the slightest provocation.

  “Look, Rebecca, I’m sorry,” he apologized huskily, trying to communicate with his eyes that he would never purposely hurt or frighten her. “I guess I just got carried away. I scared you, didn’t I?”

  She hesitated, but finally she lowered her gaze and nodded. Denying the obvious would be foolish. “Y-yes.”

  “I’m sorry,” he repeated, the warmth and tenderness in his voice acting like a balm on her frayed nerves. “That was certainly not my intent. I find you attractive, and I thought the kiss was an appropriate way to demonstrate that. Obviously it wasn’t, because you reacted almost like I was attacking you. I want you to know that was the last thing on my mind, Rebecca. I would never force my attentions on any woman.”

  She knew that, now that the rational side of her brain was finally kicking in. But she also now knew with absolute certainty that she wasn’t equipped to deal with a man of strong passions—like Zach. She was sure that any other woman would be flattered by the advances of such a handsome, intelligent, caring man, would welcome his ardor. But Rebecca wasn’t like other women. And even though she’d followed through on her Valentine’s Day promise to give a relationship one more chance, she’d failed miserably, just as she’d feared.

  Much to her embarrassment, a tear silently rolled down her cheek, and she reached up to brush it away with shaking fingers, turning toward the door as she spoke. “It’s not your fault, Zach,” she told him, her voice catching on a sob. “Just don’t waste your time on me anymore, okay?”

  “Rebecca…” He wanted to reach out and restrain her, and it took every ounce of his willpower to keep his hands in his pockets, balled into fists of helpless frustration.