The Heaven I Found In Hell

by Ashley Andrews

  We ended up chasing each other around our dorm room, passing the kitchen, living area, and each of our own bedrooms until we heard a knock. We stopped, but that didn't mean I returned her camera, I didn't. I had a tight hold of it, as she answered the door.

  "That must be them."

  Before I was able to ask her whom she might have invited, she opened the door, and in came two girls and three guys, one of whom was Nathan.

  "Guys, this is Alex." She said, introducing me to the strangers that were inside my room. Well, Nathan wasn't unknown to me, but the majority was anyhow.

  "Alex, this is Nathan, you already know him, and then this is Blake."

  Riley pointed to a guy who stood an inch taller than Nathan. Blake, as Riley had introduced, had dirty blonde hair and crystal green eyes. He had that surfer look with his dark, but perfectly tanned skin. At the moment, he wore his jersey and his football leggings (if you call it that), and had his duffel bag over his left shoulder. Before I got more time to survey him, Riley continued with the introductions.

  "…this is Anthony,"

  I turned to the person in between Nathan and Blake. He had jet-black hair like me, but compared to my bright aqua blue eyes, his were a dull but beautiful color, gray. He was the smallest from the three guys, but he was nonetheless tall. He must've been 6'2" if I estimated correctly.

  The next person Riley introduced to me caused me to widen my eyes. The name caught me off guard.

  "…this is Cindy."

  I turned to the person who was apparently Cindy, and immediately realized why the other girls earlier had compared me to her. She had strawberry blonde hair, and china blue eyes. She wore a silk top and a micro-miniskirt, and had a thick-layer of make-up on. She looked very chic just like how models were on the runway.

  "And last but not the least is Kendra."

  So that was her name…

  Kendra was the girl who had kept silent a while ago. She was a redhead and had light brown eyes. She too had an athletic physique like Riley's.

  By the mention of her name, she turned her gaze to me, and sent me an awkward but even so a friendly smile. I returned it.

  Blake, Cindy, Kendra, Nathan and Anthony greeted me with an exchange of hugs, which I returned. I only seriously hoped that they weren't there when I was humiliated, or else I'd probably end up locking myself in my room. I wasn't anti-social…never, I just by no means let anyone, not even my parents, see me in a weak state.

  "I'm sorry about what happened…" Anthony started. He looked real sorry based on the way he fidgeted in his place. He was too shy to look me in the eyes, as he settled his sights on the unflattering carpeted floor on which we stood on. "I wasn't there…some of the girls just told me…"

  "And what did they tell you about me…?" I asked, apparently curious. The lot of us went to the living room area. Some sat on the floor while the others took their places on the couch. I, unfortunate or not, was on the floor seated beside Nathan.

  "Surprisingly they looked sorry when they told me what happened…"

  "Those fake, plastic tomboys." Obviously, Cindy said that. She opened her small pouch and took out a tiny tube of lip-gloss. She opened the cover and applied a little bit on her already more-than-shiny lips.

  "Cindy!" Riley and Kendra said in raised voices as they both gave Cindy stern looks.

  "That's my team you're talking about!" Riley added.

  "Don't worry. I wasn't talking about you two."

  Kendra rolled her eyes. "Right, you weren't…."

  This group was nice, but odd to me. Blake looked like your typical football captain, proud, arrogant, and cocky, but he was friends with Nathan who captained the soccer team, and Anthony who headed the track team. Both Nathan and Anthony looked like they had more serious outlooks in life, and they seemed shyer than Blake.

  On the girl's side, I couldn't see Cindy being able to relate with Riley and Kendra. Riley and Kendra were athletes, but Cindy was a…. fashionista. And the attitude differences…

  Riley and Kendra looked friendlier…Cindy…looked bitchy…

  Oh my…that means…that I…look bitchy…shit.

  Before I was able to contemplate longer, Nathan cut my train of thoughts short.

  "Chow down, people." Nathan said with a wide, wide smirk. He took the first slice from the pizza box and took a big bite from it. He elbowed my arm and motioned me to 'come and get it.'

  "Nah, it's okay. I'm not hungry yet." I lied.

  I wanted to eat, but not…this. The pizza was greasy…what would my agency say if they saw this?

  The other people, Cindy excluded, already got their own slices and were already halfway done. Cindy and I, on the other hand looked at the pizza box with looks of uncertainty. It looked good, I must admit, but I had worked so hard for this body…

  I wrestled with my inner self, and I was apparently winning, sad to say on my body's part.

  "Guys, don't be scared. Eat!" Anthony said to both Cindy and me.

  Cindy was firm on her decision. She immediately said no, and looked at the TV screen, anywhere but at the appetizing food. Riley and Kendra laughed at Cindy and teased her for being anorexic, while Blake, Anthony, and Nathan were busy getting their second slices.

  I, sadly, had no self-control, as I reached my hand out and got the tiniest slice available. The rest of the group cheered me on for such a 'huge achievement.' It made me laugh. I opened my mouth and took a small bite, before I devoured my slice.

  "My agency will fire me…" I said to myself, but it was loud enough for the rest to hear. Nathan enveloped me into a one-arm hug, which I returned. I circled his waist, and then let go when Riley and Blake were starting to tease us.

  "Don't worry; you're still at the top of your game." Riley's twin comforted.

  "You're at the very top if I must say so." That was Blake who said with a small, but cocky smirk.

  "Don't worry about it Alex, you’re not going to model for a year…" Anthony voiced out. I looked down at the floor, and thought about what he said. He was right.

  He must've thought that I got offended with what he said since he started to apologize. "Oh, shit! I'm so, so sorry…"

  I smiled to myself, before I let out a small laugh. "Nah, it's okay. You're right…"

  "Just…" Nathan started, quite unsure of what to say.

  "Don't worry." Blake finished.

  "Yeah, like what they said." Anthony said unsurely. His tone of uncertainty apparently made Kendra and Riley laugh. I looked at Cindy. She was doing something with her phone, and had a sort of angry look.

  Later I realized why she had that look. Kendra told me that Cindy was getting jealous.

  If I quoted her…

  "Don't worry about it Alex. Cindy's just jealous because you stole her spotlight. The guys' eyes were all on you, and not anymore on her. I'm glad you came. You up staged her. Oh, and don't worry about earlier…the girls will probably apologize tomorrow."

  * * *

  Tomorrow came, and I found myself getting upset again. The moment I woke up, due to Riley's constant screaming, I saw myself looking at a newspaper which had my name in big, bold letters in the Entertainment part of the news. I read the heading.

  Supermodel, Alexandra Levi, cries for being called a porn star.

  And after reading the title, I read the story, but stopped halfway.

  Okay, I get it…I'm a porn star…that was basically what this whole news was going to talk about…

  Victoria's Secret Angel, Alexandra Levi, was found crying as she went back to her dorm room yesterday at around 5p.m. in the afternoon. Apparently, Alexandra was called a porn star by her fellow schoolmates.

  According to a close source who also studies at Ridgeway, some of Alexandra's fellow seniors were teasing her for not being able to play soccer. Alexandra, who is all known to us for being extremely talented for posing for magazine covers and walking down runways is apparently capable of only doing such things.

  I decided to stop.


  * * *

  Chapter 4: No One Can Perfect Calculus

  * * *

  A week passed, and I found myself in my Calculus class completely clueless as to what my teacher was talking about. For three years, I was home-schooled spending my time reading novels and answering basic Math equations and simple Science essays. I looked at the board over and over again just trying to comprehend what was written on it, but nada. I was lost.

  I copied everything that was written on the board, without understanding it. As much as I wanted to 'get it,' I couldn't. What Mr. Taylor was teaching was too advanced, and to my further humiliation, he called my name and asked me to answer an equation that was supposedly 'simple' and 'easy,' according to him.

  I got up from where I sat, and stood on the platform. I took the whiteboard marker that was on the ledge of the board and uncapped it. I eyed the equation, and tried to burn it with my gaze. I absolutely, positively had no idea how I was going to solve it. Mr. Taylor apparently saw me fidgeting, and asked me if I needed help.

  "I'm sorry Mr. Taylor, but I really don't get it." I apologized to him. I stayed standing on the platform, and waited for his reaction. He looked at me, and then shook his head. He went over to where I was and started to solve the equation.

  "Can you continue now what I started?"

  I looked at what he wrote down. His solution was complex for such a 'simple' and 'easy' problem, as what he had said earlier. I shook my head at him, and whispers and murmurs started to erupt from every side of the classroom. I could see my classmates looking at me with a 'what-the-hell' look, as they whispered things to the people beside them.

  Great…not only was I a porn star…but an idiot too who knew nothing else but to walk down platforms in four-inch heels…

  "I can't. I really can't." I said, as I shook my head continuously.

  He nodded at me dejectedly, before he told me to go back to my seat. He called another name, and that person was able to answer the problem effortlessly. I buried my head in my hands and cursed myself in my head. I then felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I looked up, and noticed Nathan's concerned look. I had forgotten to mention it, but Nathan was my seatmate, and the whole time he had been sleeping. He woke up when my mortification started.

  "It's okay." He said to me with a small, comforting smile. "Calculus is Calculus; no one can ever perfect this subject."

  I turned my head to him, and gave him a raised brow. "Didn't you see me? I was far from perfecting this subject. I was humiliated Nathan," I said in a loud whisper.

  "No, you weren't." He said, smiling a small innocent smile at me before he opened his notebook and started to copy the notes on the whiteboard.

  "Right…"

  He saw me roll my eyes, which apparently made him frown.

  "Why are you frowning at me?" I asked with a small smirk. I turned my gaze back to the blackboard, and still not comprehending the lesson, I looked back at my seatmate who was eyeing me innocently.

  "Hmm?" He said, thinking deeply as his eyesight stayed on me.

  "What are you thinking?" I then changed my question.

  "How about I tutor you?" He asked using a casual tone of voice. I thought about it carefully, as he waited for my response.

  "You know who's really good in Math?"

  I asked him, "Who?"

  "Cindy's a genius at this subject." This caused me to widen my eyes and cover my opened mouth with my hands.

  "Cindy? As in that Cindy?" I asked.

  Has the Earth gone loco? Cindy was the last person I expected to be good academically, and here was Nathan who had a serious look on his face. He could not have been joking. He didn't look like he was teasing.

  "Yes, that Cindy. She's number one, lucky her."

  I shook my head in disbelief. "No way…"

  "Way…" He said with a small smile. "I can tutor you, if I have the time as long as my soccer and football practices won't get in the way." He said thoughtfully.

  "Nah, don't worry about me. I'll just ask Cindy."

  "You sure?" He said. I took a look at him, and he had this sort of dejected appearance on his face. It made me smile.

  "Why do you look sad?"

  He straightened his posture up, and coughed in a manly way. "Me? Sad? Really?"

  I waved him off. "Forget about it. I don't want you to ruin your masculinity by worrying about me." I teased.

  He stuck his tongue out at me childishly before he called me a loser. A few minutes passed, and Calculus ended by Mr. Taylor calling me up to talk with him. He was actually concerned, and asked if I was having a hard time. I told him the truth, and he asked me if I wanted to have one-on-one lessons with him. I politely rejected his kindness, and told him that I'd get help from Cindy. He smiled at the effort that I was trying to make before he dismissed me.

  Cindy. I needed to find her.

  * * *

  "Hey," I said to a certain blonde who was busy checking her well-manicure nails for chips and cracks.

  School finally ended and I found myself at the school's local coffee shop, trying to ask Cindy for help. I crossed my fingers behind my bag and hoped for a 'yes' from her.

  She looked up from her nails and at me, and gave me a smile before she asked me if I needed anything. I opened and closed my mouth a few times before I finally told her the kind of help I needed. I asked her if she could tutor me in Math, and I was now just waiting for her reply. I looked at her hopefully, and she returned my helpless look with a grin.

  "I don't think I can." She said simply, as she turned her gaze back to her nails.

  I cursed her mentally in my head, before asking her again. "Please Cindy, I'm a fast learner anyway, and I promise you I won't take up most of your time. Just an hour every other day would be enough."

  "Alex, an hour?" She asked, crossing her legs as she looked rather degradingly at me. I sat on the chair across from her ask, and asked her one last time.

  "I don't want to fail…"

  Please say yes…please say yes…please say…

  "Yes…" She said trailing off. "Only if you don't steal the guys I have my eyes on."

  So this was why she didn't want to tutor me earlier…? Because I was stealing her men…

  In the first place…I wasn't stealing any of them…secondly, why did she feel so threatened?

  "Any specific names…?" I asked, not the least bit amused. I crossed my arms over my chest, and waited for her to open her mouth.

  "She took a sip of her Frappe before telling me two names that made me question her.”Blake and Nathan…Nathan especially."

  "What happened to Anthony?"

  "Oh him…" She said, somewhat apathetically. "We went out last year."

  I nodded my head slowly and took in what she said. "Oh…okay."

  She nodded back at me, and I questioned her about something I had been meaning to ask her since last week.

  "Do you feel threatened by me?" I asked, very bluntly, as I slumped back comfortingly on the chair. I knew it was a very random question, but I just wanted to know if she did.

  Her body stiffened and she sent me a firm unyielding look. She opened and shut her mouth repeatedly before telling me to just mind my own business in a rather cruel, harsh tone voice.

  "Why do you care?" She asked, looking at me in a suspicious way.

  I got her sudden change of attitude as my cue to stand up and leave, and I wondered if we were ever going to get along. She seemed sort of nice when I first met her, but as the days passed, I felt her distancing herself away from me. She even told me not to steal her men.

  I didn't need an answer from her. She was threatened, and I might have just lost a tutor.

  * * *

  "So, did you find yourself a tutor?" Nathan asked me the moment I opened the door, and let him inside Riley's and my room.

  He closed the door for me, and we headed over to living room area, before we slumped down on the couch. The TV remained off, and I waited for him to do something.

&n
bsp; "Nathan, Riley's not here." I told him, before giving him a small friendly smile. He looked at me and grinned.

  "I know. I was just on the phone with her a while ago before I went here." He said. "We're eating out by the way…after your tutor thingy…"