The Heaven I Found In Hell

by Ashley Andrews

  "Me? A fag?" I asked in mock-surprise, as I held out my hand in front of my face to be able to flip him the bird.

  In response he laughed at me as he leaned his head down to kiss my middle finger. I didn't expect that from him, so when he did just that, I looked up to meet his eyes before I said, "Ass. You always find a way to do something good from every bad thing I do."

  "That's why," he said. "I compliment you."

  "And what about me? What good do I bring out of you?"

  "Number one, I've been a complete angel even before you got here, so don-"

  "Right, Nathan," Riley said, who was tangled up in Anthony. I swear. They are such a cute couple. "You were like Ridgeway's bad boy before-"

  "No, I was the badass one!" Blake proclaimed, catching the attention of a few students around us.

  "Well, maybe you hold that title, but what I'm saying is that," Riley started. "Alex changed my brother."

  "Here, here," Cindy said in return, using her debate slang. In layman's terms, 'here, here' just means 'I agree.'

  "Oh no," I said, wearing a look of pretend worry. "Is the sappiness going to start again?"

  Everyone around the table looked at each other, and as if in unison, everyone nodded their heads. After a few seconds of silence, the lot of us broke into laughter, as we started talking about Nathan and Me, Riley and Anthony, Kendra and Jackson, Blake and Mandy, and Cindy and…Dylan?

  "I need to get out of here," I said. "I need to get away from the soap opera I call high school."

  I began to stand up from my seat, and pulled my chair away from the table, so that I had a tiny space that served as my exit. Nathan followed, and again, like always, the teasing started.

  "Here, have a condom," Blake said, as he retrieved his wallet from the pocket of his pants, and got a pack which he threw over to Nathan.

  "Now, that," I said, wearing a look of disgust, as I looked at the 'thing' that looked like an elongated balloon that had not been blown. "That is just sick."

  Before Blake could say anything in return, Nathan's hand circled my wrist, as he pulled me away from the table, from the cafeteria, and from the building, as we spent the rest of our lunch time walking around, talking, hugging, and you know the drill, kissing.

  * * *

  Another month passed, and before I knew it, December had approached, flooding me with a wave of feelings, of anxiousness, excitement, worry, and uncertainty. I was anxious because of the fact that Winter Formal was just round the corner, and I was going to go back to New York for the first half of my Winter Break, which meant I could model again. The second, I was going to L.A. to spend time with Nathan's family. I was also excited since yeah…there was going to be another dance, and hopefully, this was going to be much more enjoyable than the last one I had attended. I was also eager to see my parents again, since now I'd be able to show Nathan to them, especially to my mother. I couldn't wait to see the horrified look on her face when she found out that she wouldn't be able to say anything bad about Nate, and that she would have no choice but to accept him. I was also worried though since the possibility of my mom embarrassing Nathan, me, or the both of us was of a high percentage. My dad was going to be there, but my mom was like…RAWR! I have no idea how else I can describe her…

  Before I could continue ranting on and on in my head, Nathan spoke up, telling me, "Come on, we better hurry."

  I stood up from the couch I was lying down on, and turned to him. He had his back against the wall of his dorm room, while his arms lazily fell on his sides. He looked at me, quite apathetically, and I knew he was starting to become sleepy. Although in his weary state, he still looked dashing.

  "Did you make plans?" I asked, and in response he nodded discretely at me.

  "But you look tired," I said, as I made my way over to him.

  In a soft voice, he spoke, "I didn't know I was going to be this exhausted, so I made plans with Ri and Anthony. They invited us to have dinner at this upscale Italian restaurant."

  "Is this like a double date?" I asked, bringing him closer to me by a hug.

  It was around seven-thirty in the evening, and the sky outside was dark now. I had spent this Friday afternoon watching Nathan play soccer. It kind of bored me to death, but I definitely wasn't going to tell him that. I had planned to go shopping like always, but he invited me, and how could I refuse? I watched him and the guys half-stripped, kicking balls, and doing sit-ups and push-ups, and all those strenuous exercises that built the body. It was kind of heavenly since there were a couple of dozen hot guys sweating in front of me, and they didn't care if I and other people were looking at them. So yeah, it might've have been a boring afternoon, but it was also enjoyable, slightly.

  "You can say it is a double date," he said, not looking into my eyes, and in response, I cupped his head for him to look at me directly.

  "It is a double date, isn't it?" I asked, as a small smirk was starting to make its way onto my face.

  I was unaware of what he was going to do; my hands fell from his face to his shoulders, while his arms wrapped around me with his hands staying at the lower part of my back. He was still against the wall, and still looked tired, but he had the energy to kiss me. I didn't know when it happened, since all of a sudden I found myself returning the kiss. It was slow. We weren't rushing, and so, what felt like a minute was really fifteen, and once we pulled away from each other, he cursed.

  "It's your fault, Alex," he said, shocking me. "Why does your fucking kiss have to be so good?"

  I laughed when he said that.

  "You started it."

  "No, I didn't," he answered, pressing his forehead against mine.

  "You did. And now we're going to be late," I said, pulling away from his hold.

  He ran a hand through his hair before he sighed, and suddenly, the room turned dead quiet, and I found myself saying goodbye to him. I opened the door, and left his dorm, as I hurriedly made my way back to mine. When I got there, I unlocked the door, opened it, and what greeted me was a room of silence. Walking straight ahead to my bedroom, I didn't bother checking the time since all I wanted was to take a bath and get dressed. I did shower, and with a towel wrapped around me, I walked over to my cabinet. I opened it, and after a few minutes of deep thinking, I decided on a mocha-colored baby-doll dress to match my bronze heels. I put them on, and then looked at the mirror. I felt satisfied. It was a cute match, and was pretty girly, but I didn't care. That was my style. After that, I applied a minuscule amount of make-up, before I let my slightly wavy hair fall past my shoulders. I left my bedroom, and waited for Nathan to come knocking on my door. He did, after ten minutes or so, and I eagerly opened the door to be greeted by a tall, dark, and handsome man clad in a pair of Seven jeans, a plain white polo, a tuxedo jacket, and his Converses. He looked casual, but extremely hot, as always.

  "You look adorable," he said in a teasing voice, as he greeted me by pinching my cheeks. "You're so brown!"

  "And you're between the lines of casual and formal," I answered, my arms crossed one over the other. "And I'm not saying it's a good thing."

  He pouted before he held out the door, and after, we exited my room. We made our way to the elevators, and then entered it together.

  "You're making fun of me just because I told you that you look adorable?" he asked in mock-sadness, as I found myself melting because of his firm angelic gaze on me. "That's injustice to its limit."

  It was my turn to pinch his cheeks.

  "Injustice," I said, laughing. "You could've just said unfair."

  "Oh right," he said, before he captured my lips with his own to give me a small peck. "I forgot how incapacitated your brain is."

  With my lips still against his, I slapped his shoulders, while we waited for the elevator doors to open, still kissing. When it did, I pulled away from him, took his hand, and led him out. It was a Friday night, and so, the obvious greeted me. Students were leaving the buildings, and while some walked around, others were busily making t
heir way to their cars. Almost everyone was going out tonight, but it made Nathan and me feel alien. We were the only ones who were dressed in slightly formal clothes, especially Nathan with his tuxedo jacket.

  "Where are we supposed to meet Ri and Anthony?" I asked, as we continued holding hands.

  "There," he said, stretching his arm to point.

  Two familiar figures were waving us over to come to them, and so, Nathan and I hastened our pace. When we got to Ri and Anthony, we greeted each other by exchanging hugs. I opened my arms wide, and Anthony did the same, bringing me in closer, as I felt his chest moving up, down, up again, and then down. We pulled away, and after, I touched cheeks with Riley, kissing the air.

  "So, where are you taking us?" Nathan asked, his arms lazily resting on my shoulders.

  I snaked my arms around his waist, pulling him closer to me, and in return, he leaned his head down, and kissed the top my head, and my hair. We decided on using one car, Nathan's, with him and me seated in the front, and the two others, with some privacy, at the back. Nathan pulled the car out of the parking lot, and to keep silence away from us as much as possible, I turned on the radio. Ri, Anthony, and I sang along to How Do I Breath by Mario, while Nathan looked at us, envy clouding his eyes.

  "This is such an awesome song to sing along to!" I squealed, wanting to tease my boyfriend out of his wits.

  With my hands on my sides, Nathan got one, and squeezed it tight. In return, I looked at him, smiled innocently, and asked, "What?"

  "Shut up."

  He saw my pout. He did! But why wasn't he guilty?

  "Nuh-uh! I am not 'shutting up'!"

  "None of us are," Riley answered, as she turned to me and gave me a wink.

  Nathan tried to suppress a groan and hide the fact that he was feeling a little bit out of place, but he failed. I, on the other hand, was happy. He was absolutely making my night fun and enjoyable without even trying. That's why I loved him so much. The three of us kept singing, while Nathan continued driving. He eventually got tired of the three of us, and decided to just ignore us, especially me. He took his hand away from mine, and immediately, I was missing his touch.

  "Fine, be that way," I said, looking straight ahead as I rolled my eyes.

  "Anthony," Riley said to her boyfriend, on whose chest she leaned on. "Are we audiences to the great love quarrel of Alexandra Levi and Nathan Adams?"

  I turned to her, and raised one of my eyebrows. After doing so, I threw my small pouch at her, and gave her a look that told her to shut up. But as if she listened! She shook her head, and gave me a mischievous smile. I wanted to scream. Why was she messing with my mind?

  "The show's over, Ri," I said to her, turning, so that my back was facing her now. "You can go back to making-out with Anthony."

  I heard Nathan chuckle, and so I turned to him. He was smiling back at me. He looked like a little kid, innocent, so carefree, and extremely loveable. I knew he wasn't going to ignore me anymore. None of us could stand pretending to hate each other, and thus, I gave in, resting my hand on his right knee.

  The drive to the restaurant was longer than expected. We had been in the car for already half an hour, and we still hadn't reached our destination. I continuously asked Riley where this restaurant she loved ranting about was, and she repeatedly answered me with a, "It's nearby, a few minutes more."

  I suppressed a grunt, but everyone heard it, and silence fell on all of us. I was tired, getting impatient, and most of all, I was actually craving some pasta and definitely some dessert. Nathan tried hushing me, but he failed. It wasn't my fault I was born stubborn. Blame my mom.

  "We're here," Riley said, using a voice of excitement.

  Nathan entered the parking lot of the restaurant, and I saw that there were a few cars, which meant the presence of only a few people, and hopefully, no paparazzi.

  Oh how wrong I thought.

  The moment Nathan turned off the engine of his Lamborghini, a horde of photographers came over to our place, asking the lot of us questions, and blinding us with the white surprising flashes of their cameras. I barely knew where I was going, and depended on Nathan, who took hold of my hand, to guide me. The moment we entered the eatery, the security stopped the mass that was trying to take photographs of us outside, as a waitress, dressed in slacks and a white polo, its long sleeves rolled up until her elbow, greeted us. She put on a bright smile, and led us to our table, which was in a private room. Thanks to Riley. She opened the tinted sliding doors, we entered, and then she closed them again. We took our seats, with Nathan and I sitting across from Anthony and Riley.

  * * *

  Chapter 20: In Need of a Dress for my Big Size

  * * *

  I looked at the menu, and suddenly, I felt my mouth starting to water inside. I was in the mood for some pasta and pizza. I wanted both, but I knew all too well that I only needed one. With the months passing, and my stay in Ridgeway growing longer, my appetite was slowly starting to grow. While before I could eat only a salad and a sandwich, now, I was able to finish a full meal, with dessert included. I didn't know if that thought should make me smile or frown. I was becoming healthier for sure, but I also knew I was growing larger with every bite of food I took in. I wanted to stay thin. That's who I am. That's how everyone around me looks.

  "Alex, are you okay?" Nathan asked when he noticed that I hadn't spoken ever since we sat down.

  I honestly had no idea if my own boyfriend knew about my insecurities. I wanted to tell someone, every one of my friends, but how could I be sure that they would support me? I was scared they might think of me as a freak. I was worrying about my weight when a lot more people had more serious problems. Mine was considered shallow. But for me, it was something that worried me, scared me even. I wanted to open up. Riley wouldn't understand me. She's my friend, but she's not a model. She didn't know the industry I was working for. Nathan, he's a guy. Definitely not.

  "Hey," Nathan said softly, whispering into my ear. "What are you thinking about?"

  I turned to him, and blinked my eyes. Should I tell him in front of Anthony and Riley who were both looking at us, anticipating our next move.

  "I'm just excited since it's almost the break," I said, half-lying. "I can't wait to model again."

  Nathan kissed my forehead, before he looked into my eyes, and flashed me a smile. It was a smile that told me everything was going to be okay, and instinctively, I curved my lips up in return before I gave him a small peck.

  "Yummy," he said, smirking. "Now, let's order, and later, you can get your cake."

  Like a little kid, I smiled, but I found myself frowning very soon after. My weight. I tried to hide the fact that I was thinking so much at the very moment by letting my hair cover my cheeks from Nathan, who was right beside me.

  "Sure, I'll get one," I answered. "If I'm still in the mood later."

  "Are you guys ready to order?" Anthony asked, as he looked at Nathan, then to me, and lastly to his girlfriend before they shared a kiss.

  Nathan and I immediately looked at each other, lips curving, and grins widening. I felt his arm snake its way around my waist, and after, he pulled me closer to him. I looked up, and then saw a mischievous glint in his light green eyes. I knew what he was thinking, so I immediately tried to break Ri and Anthony who were in the middle of a heavy make-out session.

  "Break it up or get a room," I said in mock-disgust, as I slapped the two's shoulders.

  They pulled away from each other's lips, before they turned to Nate and me, presenting us with innocent smiles that hid their naughty sides, sides I honestly never knew existed. I knew Anthony was a good guy, but like any other man, he was hormone-driven, and so I couldn't really blame him. But my roommate! My, oh my…

  "I never knew you were like that, Ri," I said. "I actually thought you were an angel."

  "Am I not one?" she asked, battering her eyelashes to annoy me.

  Nathan and I, in unison, let out a grunt, and that made Anthony laugh, and Rile
y feign a look of hurt. Before we could continue our little, insignificant conversation, the sliding doors of our room opened, and in came a server. He asked us what we wanted, and before I could have second thoughts, I ordered pasta, Pesto to be exact. Riley and Anthony ordered two meals, and decided to just share while Nathan, who I knew had a very large appetite beneath his six-pack, ordered his own starter, main course, and dessert which was going to follow after we had eaten our full meals.

  "Damn, Nate," I said, looking at him with enlarged eyes. "You're a pig, just like any other guy."

  I stuck my tongue out at him, and in return, he circled my neck with his arms to be able to pull my head closer to his body. He gave me a noogie, and continued doing so, as I tried to escape from his powerful arms. In the end, he let go, looking disappointed because I wanted to set myself free from his grip.