Nuit Noire

by Carol Robi

  My immediate reflex is to step back, even though I am right at the edge of the pier and know that any step back will send me hurtling into the freezing water.

  “Don’t,” his voice is a silent whisper in the cool breeze, with the power of forcing me to his will. I attempt to force my feet to move, but nothing happens. I am frozen in place. I now realise to myself that of all nightmares I ever had, horror stories I have heard in the past, this is the worst of them all.

  “Wake up! Wake up!” I repeat soundlessly to myself, now that not even a sliver of sound can escape my lips.

  “You’re awake, my leman,” the darkened figure whispers to me with the wind.

  This is a dream, I tell myself. I wonder what hoop I am to jump through this time to wake up, now that screaming isn’t helping me, is not going to help me. I choose to try again. Often when stuck in a nightmare like this, my screams bring my mother to me, who then shakes me to wake up.

  If I just try again, I could manage to make a sound. Mom will hear me. Mom will come.

  I try. Nothing happens.

  I must try again. I have to scream loud, really loud, for her to hear me all the way out here.

  I attempt again, but no sound comes out.

  “Why do you want to scream, my leman?” I look at the darkened figure surprised. Wondering if talking to the figure is the hoop I have to jump through this time, so as to wake up, now that screaming isn’t helping. There’s no harm in trying. If this is a dream, only I, my subconscious, can let me out.

  “What..” I stop in surprise when my voice now sounds normally. “What do you want from me?”

  “You. Everything,” the voice whispers, and the air almost feels warmer as it does, where it circles around me, the echo of his simple answer ringing in my ears with the wind.

  “I don’t understand,” I tell him. Then he scares me even more by taking a step closer to me, and yet another. But when I try move, try take a step back, my feet betray me by remaining rooted to the spot. I am forced to remain standing in place as he takes yet another step, and another, and yet another, until he is finally standing right before me, still covered in darkness, a heavy coat concealing his features, draped over the frame of his tall lean body. A hat at the top of his head is angled low, obscuring his face from me.

  “I need to know that it’s really you,” he says almost apologetically. The wind that is his voice plays around me, blowing at my face, my hair, my clothes- warming me rather than cooling me, a great contrast to the chilly wind that had been biting at my features just a short while ago. Bizarre. Another confirmation that this is indeed a dream, just incase I still had doubts.

  “What..?” I start, but I am unsure of what to say next. What ought I to ask this bizarre figment of my imagination.

  “Is it really you, leman?” He asks, whispers really, his warm breath fanning me, warming my features, right before he lifts his hand.

  I watch spellbound, as he lifts his hands, the silhouette of his fingers showing him to be pulling off something from one of his hands, right before he lifts it towards my face.

  “Blessed heavens,” is the light whisper that escapes him, as his darkened fingers slowly reach out to my face, stopping right before his warm hands touch my face. He moves his hand through the gap of air separating us. The warmth emanating from his fingers trace the edges of my face, as I remain standing there, immobilised. Utterly terrified, but immobilised.

  “Blessed heavens,” he whispers yet again, getting even impossibly closer to me, despite how my insides cringe away from him. He seems to be fighting himself against touching my face, though my proximity appears to be bringing him great pleasure. His other hand now rises, running through my wildly entangled hair. He is almost just as scared as I am, if the shaking of his fingers is anything to go by.

  “I found you,” is the last whisper I hear right before he bounds away- leaping into the air right before my eyes, disappearing into the dark skies. And that is when my yet to be completed step backwards is executed, and I start to fall backwards into the freezing water, just as I hear my mother’s panicked voice scream out my name.

  The water is as frigid as I’d expected, a great contrast to the warm air that had embraced me during my most disturbing nightmare yet, biting into my senses, shocking me back awake with such great force that has me jerking out of the water, thrashing my hands around in the panic that settles in before my head regains some form of composure, right before my mom’s calming hands are around me, her powerful strokes pulling us to the rustic stairs by the edge of the pier, hauling me over them swiftly.

  “Mom..” I moan, chattering with cold and residual adrenalin, wanting to thank her for coming on time. But she shushes me, carries me over her back, even though I know I must be heavy as a sixteen year old despite how well toned and fit she is, and rushes with me towards the direction of our new home, calling out for Tony at the top of her voice.

  My brother meets us just beyond the edge of our property, where the grass leaves off to allow for sand, and takes me from mom’s arms, bearing me over his shoulders too, running with me across the yard, through the kitchen door, depositing me by the fireplace in the living room, just as mom rushes in after us, grabs at a throw from one of the couches and brings it over me.

  It is a state of confusion we are in for a while as Tony takes the throw and presses it to me, while mom starts stripping off my wet clothes, my teeth chattering so loud, my limbs frozen stiff.

  “What happened?” Tony is asking, his hands holding around my shivering self tightly, which is now naked under the warm faux fur throw around me.

  “She jumped into the water,” mom says panicked from where she sits by my other side, rubbing her hands up and down my arms.

  “Fuck!” Mom says nothing to rebuke Tony’s cuss.

  “It must be freezing!” He adds.

  “It is,” mom whispers dejected. “It is,” now her voice shakes, and it dawns on me that they think I did it purposely. They think I tried to kill myself.

  “Mom,” I say, my voice hoarse.

  “Sh..” she says. “I promise everything will be okay, Sophia. It may not seem so now..”

  “No mom, please. Listen. It was an accident..”

  “We are here for you, baby.”

  “That’s not it. You have it wrong.. I never meant.. an accident.”

  “I know. We are here for you..”

  “Mom, I fell. I just fell. I had a nightmare again.. I must’ve.. slept.. fallen asleep. I fell in. Really. I’d never do that to you. To you Tony,” I say, turning to my brother, reaching out my hands to touch my mom’s and my brother’s hands. “I could never do that to you. I had a dream. I promise.”

  “Oh thank goodness!” Mom cries out, collapsing into me, giving off sobs that shock us all.

  It is the first time Tony and I have ever witnessed mom crying.

  Chapter 5

  I have cheerleading try outs this afternoon.

  I do not know why I am doing this, but it suddenly doesn’t feel like a betrayal to dad’s memory anymore. Not like it had before, where any semblance to move on with my life had pained me. Maybe my freakish nightmare at the lake had given me some form of closure. I really think it had, for the days after didn’t seem so bleak, the rising sun every morning thereafter didn’t feel like such a travesty, an arrogance overlooking my father’s departure. And when I hummed to a song on the radio as mom drove us to school, my heart did not bleed as it had this past year. The couple of weeks after my nightmare at the lake had been very different compared to my past ones. And best of all, I haven’t awoken from anymore nightmares there after.

  I am a little nervous about the tryouts, but his presence pushes my nerves away. I hear about him before I meet him. The whole school is abuzz with news of him, excited girls and boys whispering and giggling in the canteen and school hallways with obvious interest.

  “He’s so gorgeous!” Jennifer exclaims, just before flushing when her boyfriend Collin sends
her a questioning look. “Honey, you’re the most gorgeous of them all,” she hastily adds, and Mandy laughs at this while I make a face.

  “Don’t worry, Collin,” Mandy then chooses to say. “All girls in my Algebra class, even those with boyfriends, almost swooned when he walked in,” she says laughing. I smile lightly at this, sending an amused wink at my brother who is sitting opposite me. He surprises me by sending me a wink too in response, and I am delighted at the gesture, one which we often shared when dad had been alive. Mom had been right after all. Moving here was good for us. We are slowly getting back to our old selves.

  “Tell me about him,” I cannot help but ask Mandy with widened eyes, and she laughs at my open curiosity.

  “As much as I know- he’s hot!” Jennifer rushes to say. I am not surprised. “Aiki told me that he’s a germaphobe or something, as he constantly has gloves on that he never takes off.”

  “That’s a minus,” Collin says. “At least now I don’t have to worry about his hands on my girlfriend.”

  “Babe, phobias are genuine. Like a disability. Don’t make fun of people with phobias. It’s like making fun of a cripple,” Jennifer rebukes her boyfriend. I roll my eyes at what she says. I still don’t know why I am friends with her. She is such an airhead. So is Mandy, though she is the better of the two. I need to get real friends as soon as I join the cheerleading club. If I stop being friends with them now, they might make my tryouts harder, and I am very nervous about them as it is.

  “Whatever!” Collin says offhandedly.

  “Someone please tell me something about him that’s not about what he looks like or is wearing. I am genuinely curious,” I say.

  “Me too,” Mike puts in.

  “See for yourself,” Mandy says, nudging her chin in the direction of the doors leading to the hallway, and I turn in time to see a group of schoolmates walking in.

  There’s no mistaking whom she’s talking about. I recognise him the moment I see him. He stands out, walking in his confident manner, head held high, strutting across the canteen, whose most occupants’ heads are turned his way. He stops midway and looks around, as though unsure of where to sit, then catches eye of our table, and stops searching.

  Our eyes meet, and I am momentarily stunned, unable to look away, unwilling to. His eyes look so familiar, but I am willing to bet I never met him before. I’d never forget him if I met him. At the moment, there’s nothing else I notice but his eyes. They arrest mine, and is probably why I do not notice that he’s walking towards us. I am still lost in those dark pools when Mandy’s sharp intake jolts me back to reality.

  “Oh my god! He’s coming here!” Mandy whispers, elbowing me lightly. By then he’s only a few feet from us.

  “Hi,” he says, sending a confident smile to us. To me really, for his eyes never leave my face. My face warms up with embarrassment, and I force myself to look away.

  “Hello!” I hear Mandy and Jennifer coo simultaneously.

  “Wassup,” Collin says, as does Mike and Dave, the other two guys in the basketball team. My brother and I must be the only silent ones; Tony because he still isn’t his old charming self but is trying, and me because something about the new guy makes it impossible for me to speak.

  “I’m new here,” he says. I like his voice. It’s calm, cool, breath-taking. I cannot help but look back up again, and at the sight of his dark eyes unmistakably directed at me, my mouth goes dry.

  “We know,” Jennifer voices almost breathlessly. He turns and smiles at her, seeming not in anyway surprised at her reaction to him.

  “I thought to sit with you guys, if it’s alright,” he says.

  “Of course, man,” Dave speaks up. “Move guys,” he then says, shoving at Mike, who ends up bumping into my brother at the end of the bench, until they’ve all moved to make just enough room for him.

  He perches himself at the edge of the bench besides Dave, sitting opposite Collin who now has his hands possessively around his girlfriend, as though aware of just how appealing the new guy is.

  “My name’s..”

  “Gauthier Cynebald,” Jennifer jumps in almost breathlessly, and I fix my eyes to my plate, just so that I don’t witness the blush that must be covering most of her face right now.

  “Yeah,” he says, chuckling slightly, but I doubt he is anywhere near as uncomfortable as he is pretending to be. “That’s my name,” he says, popping open a can of soda. I only know what he is doing because of the sounds I hear, for my eyes are fixed on my half-eaten sandwich.

  “I go by just Gauthier though,” he says chuckling, and I hear the others laughing lightly at this. I don’t though.

  “I’m Jennifer,” I hear Jennifer promptly say.

  “And I’m Collin, her boyfriend,” Collin quickly adds.

  “Glad to meet you, mate,” Gauthier says. A round of introductions ensue, and alas I too am forced to speak up.

  “Sophia,” he repeats, and the way by which he whispers my name causes my skin to tingle, and it reminds me of a feeling I’ve felt before, though I can’t quite place it as yet. “That’s a beautiful name,” he adds, and my brother clears his throat uncomfortably.

  “My mother must think so too,” I promptly say, looking up to meet his eyes, which shock me again with their intensity as they look back into mine. I blink, but his gaze never once wavers. It unsettles me. “That’s why she gave me the name,” I add. The others laugh, he just raises his eyebrows with interest.

  “Your mother has great taste in names,” he says, and the others at the table shuffle uncomfortably. It is clear that the conversation the two of us are having ought to be private. Mandy slaps her bottle of water back at the table with unhidden disappointment at his open interest in me rather than her.

  “This is my brother Tony,” I choose to say, unnerved, wishing that he’d look elsewhere. He does, for he turns and nods at Tony, who nods back at him.

  “Hey Tony,” he says. “You look like you play sports.”

  “I do,” Tony answers. “Basketball.”

  “We all are basketball players,” Dave speaks up now. “You play too?”

  “Not basketball,” he says almost regretfully, lifting up his gloved hands. “I have a slight affliction. It makes contact sports difficult. I run track though, play tennis and swim.”

  “That’s cool too,” Tony says. “Are you any good?”

  “Very,” he says, and I struggle against laughing at the blatant confidence in his voice.

  “Are you British?” Mandy asks

  “Me? No, I mean, I’ve lived there all my life, but my family is.. I’d say from all over,” he finishes with a smile.

  “I only ask because you do have a British accent,” Mandy tells him.

  I wouldn’t call it a British accent personally. I’d call it a slight archaic tinge. The almost clipped way with which he speaks, his intonation, slight gestures in that leaned back way of his, and the words he carefully omits to say, as though he is choosing his words very carefully, not wanting to slip up. Something about him just.. doesn’t fit.

  “Where are you from?” Collin asks.

  “Southampton, England,” he concedes.

  “Your name sounds French,” I surprise myself by saying. His gaze immediately reverts to mine.

  “It is,” he speaks softly to me, almost too intimately. I feel self-conscious under his gaze, his scrutiny. “Where are you from?” He now asks me. I turn to Tony for help, and like the dutiful brother he is, he saves me.

  “Hamilton,” he says quietly. “South of here.”

  “They are new here too,” Dave now speaks up. “Tony just joined the school’s basketball team two weeks ago. A much needed addition after our losing streak the past few seasons. There’s considerable improvement already.” Dave finishes cheerfully.

  “Especially because you suck most!” Mike says then, and the guys guffaw.

  “Yeah, yeah! Say what you will. But whatever talent I don’t bring to the team, I make up for it with enthu
siasm,” Dave defends himself. I smile at his good-natured response.

  “Yeah! Enthusiasm and sucking!” Collin says laughing, proud of himself.

  I grimace at this. Once again, I feel embarrassed for sitting on this table, seating around the people making such foolish jokes, taunting one of their friends, not caring how much they hurt him. The kind of table I’ve always found myself in, for which I blame my brother. He’s always been a jock surrounded by other jocks whether he liked it or not. Being a great athlete, handsome and tall often made him one of the hottest boys in the school. That automatically led to me joining the popular crowd, because the most popular girls would befriend me in hopes of getting in good terms with my brother. My status as a cheerleader only fuelled it. I’m an athlete too, but no particular sport has ever caught my eye besides gymnastics, and dad was adamant in that I never was to join gymnastics- spend my whole youth on an intensive discipline that’d affect my social life, my body and eating habits. Cheerleading was the closest thing to gymnastics that he was okay with. So for as long as Tony has been playing basketball in a team, I have been a cheerleader in the squad cheering his team.

  “The games this Saturday shall be quite something,” Mandy says. “I think we shall win, now that Tony joined the team,” she says coquettishly. She’s back to flirting with Tony again, now that any of her attempts to raise the new guy’s interest in her have not worked. I hope my brother does not fall for her antics, for he deserves way better.

  “And with Sophia as a new member of our cheerleading squad, we’ll be unstoppable,” she finishes, giving me her beautiful smile that I know often knocks back boys.

  “You don’t even know if I’ll pass the tryouts,” I tell her quietly, as she’s seated beside me on my right.

  “What are you talking about!” She answers me much loudly than I’d have liked her to. “You’ll be great!”

  Chapter 6

  “Sophia!” I look up, curious as to who would call me out so loudly while in the middle of cheerleading practice.