I can’t deny the small part of me that feels my heart ache in my chest after seeing Graham today. Five years ago, I thought I found my forever. We were young but were so in love. The two of us together, I thought there was nothing in the world that could tear us apart.
Moments like this, the memories come crashing over me in waves. I find myself doing what I’ve always done to bury the pain, I find ways of coping, distracting me from the way my heart aches with missing him.
Bringing myself back to the present, I run my hand along Ellie’s back before I whisper in her ear, “I promise it will be everything you want and more.”
Standing back, I flash Ellie my best smile hoping that it hides my sadness and gives her the reassurance she needs.
“Why don’t you show us one of the dresses you have your eye on? Do you have a style you had in mind?”
Kinsley start clapping her hands excitedly.
“Ells, I promise you’re going to look stunning.” Kinsley walks toward her, reaching over her shoulder to pull a dress off the rack. “I saw you looking at this one. I think you should try it on. Who knows, maybe this is THE dress!”
I take a seat next to June and she reaches over, patting my forearm. “Hi, sweetie, you doin’ alright?”
Running my thumb over my fingernail, my mind wanders elsewhere. As soon as I hear the lock on the dressing room door, my eyes shoot up to find Ellie looking stunning in a gorgeous white dress.
It’s simple and form-fitting, molding to her body like it was meant for her. Blush highlights her cheeks. She’s never liked being the center of attention, but the sparkle in her eye shows just how happy she truly is.
Kinsley lifts the train behind her, using her other hand to help Ellie step onto the platform. We all turn to look in the mirror, searching for any sight of what Ellie may be thinking, but the subtle way she bites her lip shows she’s trying to fight back the smile that wants to let loose on her face.
“Ellie, oh my God,” Kinsley mutters, pressing her hand to her mouth as tears form in her eyes. I force down the emotion rising in my throat. She looks beautiful.
Ellie’s had an incredibly hard life, facing more tragedy and heartbreak than any one person should ever have to endure. Nearly nine months ago, we almost lost her when she was assaulted and abducted. She’s fought her way out of that life, and she continues to fight with every ounce of determination in her. No one in this world deserves the happiness she has been given more and seeing how happy she looks in that dress has tears silently streaming down my face.
“What do you think?” Brea asks. Looking around the room, I notice there isn’t a dry eye in sight.
“I love it! It’s pretty and so perfect. Do you think Callum would like it?”
Ellie bites the inside of her cheek, looking uncertain. There’s a hesitancy in her voice, before Kinsley interrupts the seriousness of the moment bursting out laughing.
“Are you kidding? He’s going to lose his shit when he sees you walking down the aisle and I can’t wait to see it happen.”
June laughs softly and I know she, along with the rest of us, agrees with Kinsley’s statement. Although I’m positive Callum would be tripping over her no matter what dress she picked.
Ellie quickly swipes away the tear that threatens to fall before she subtlety nods her head agreeing. “I think this is the one then.” She smiles. “Oh, God, I’m getting married.”
She says the statement with shock underlying her tone, as if she can’t believe it’s about to happen either.
“You and Callum are going to live a happy life, Ells.”
We snap a few pictures of her in the dress, being sure to capture different angles. Holding out my hand, I help her back to the fitting room to change.
Kinsley is back to work looking over the rack of bridesmaid’s dresses, so I reassure her I’ll help Ellie as she gets the rest of the dresses in order.
I feel her eyes are burning into me, as if she, too, is sensing something is wrong.
“You’ve been pretty quiet today. It’s like your mind is somewhere else. How are you handling everything?” Ellie asks quietly.
“What do you mean?” I question, as she slides the dress down over her hips.
“Brea told us about Graham moving back to town. I figured the news would be hard on you. You don’t have to pretend with me though, Halle. I’m here if you ever need to talk.”
This is what I love most about Ellie. She’s been through so much in her life that she understands the hard. When you need someone to be there for you, not necessarily with the right words to heal you, but just be there for you–it’s her.
“I’m sorry, it seems selfish of me. I don’t want today to be about me. This is such an incredibly exciting time for you. I promise I’ll pull out of my funk. Seeing him earlier was unexpected and more difficult than I ever thought it would be.”
“You don’t have to worry about that with me, Halle. If there is anyone who understands how you’re feeling, it’s me. You don’t have to pretend around me. Like I said, I’m here for you. You just let me know when you’re ready.”
I nod. “Thanks, babe.” I give her a reassuring smile. She reaches out to grab my hand, squeezing it.
“Now seriously, let’s talk about how Callum’s going to react when he sees you in this dress. You’d look great in a potato sack, that’s why I hate you. He’s going to be crying, stumbling over his words. It’s going to be adorable.” I laugh.
She blushes, her smile growing a mile wide. “That’s my plan.”
I’d always hoped I’d see Graham again, but having it become reality has me lost in my head. Lost in the past, but I’m doing my best to pull myself out of it. I’ve been forcing a smile on my face for a long time. I’ve gotten somewhat good at it by now.
We all have that one person our hearts will always go running back to and, for me, that person will always be Graham. I only wish I were his reason to stay.
Three
Graham
The week after seeing Halle was crazy busy. I’m almost thankful for it because it kept my mind occupied. I spent my days preparing for the opening of Compass Security at our new location. My nights were spent with my mother. Her deteriorating health was the reason I was back in Arbor Creek, and I knew she needed me. I made it a point to stop by every night to have dinner or to check in on how she was feeling.
At night, when I was alone in bed, my mind was with Halle. I would lie awake until all hours of the night thinking about her, picturing the look on her face when she turned around to see me standing in her doorway. Even after all these years, time and distance hadn’t changed how I felt or the reaction my body had to being near her. All I could think about was pulling her in my arms and never wanting to let her go.
When it was quiet or I was alone in my thoughts, she was all I could think about.
She was always my biggest distraction. I became reckless, going to any lengths to be near her and see her smile. I learned the lesson the hard way when I lost my cousin, Gage.
The guilt I felt over knowing it was me who put him on the road the night of his accident was never far from my mind.
When I got a phone call from Detective Keller asking for me to stop down at the police station, it was like a flashback to the night he died. I was brought back to the feelings I had when I heard his screams, the painful ache in my chest when I saw his body being pulled from the totaled car, and the heart shattering words of being told he was gone.
“Hello, my name is Graham Shaw. I have an appointment at ten to meet with Detective Keller.”
The secretary’s eyes light up when she sees me. I smile at her as she turns her attention back to her computer, her fingers clicking at a furious speed.
“Thank you, Mr. Shaw. Go ahead and take a seat. I’ll let Detective Keller know you’re here and he’ll be right with you.”
“Great.” I smile, taking a seat in the chairs lining the room. I wince at the ache in my lower back, trying to get comfortable.
It was a long night last night. My back is sore from sleeping in the recliner at my mom’s all night.
My mom’s health has recently taken a turn for the worse. When she called to tell me she had been admitted into the hospital a few months ago, I knew it was time to come home. It was something I never thought I would be doing but she needed me closer to help her. She gave up her life to take care of me and I knew it was time I repaid her.
Besides my friends who had become like family to me, she was all I had.
Dean, my business partner, and I decided it was time we take things another step forward with Compass Security. Opening another location in Everton, a town outside of Arbor Creek, allowed me to be closer to my mom.
I hope nights like last night come few and far between or I’m going to have to invest in a new bed in my old bedroom. Sleeping in the recliner just isn’t for me. I’d do anything to be there for her, helping take care of her. If I could take away her pain, I would do it in a heartbeat.
“Mr. Shaw, thank you for coming by.”
Jarring me from my thoughts, I glance up at the man standing in front of me. He’s dressed in a dark navy button up shirt and tan dress slacks, with a badge hanging from his waist.
Standing, I reach my hand out to him and shake it.
“No problem.” I was taken by surprise when I got the phone call from the local detective shortly after arriving in town. He hadn’t given me much information, just simply asked if I could stop down at the police station to talk to him.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what’s this about?”
As much as I’m grateful for the pleasantries and all, I prefer to get to the point. My priority was making sure my mom was taken care of, but I still struggled to get my mind off why they asked me to stop by. I hadn’t been in town in over five years.
What could they need to talk to me about now, after all this time? If it was so important, why hadn’t they reached out to me sooner?
“Let’s go into my office, shall we? That way we have a little more privacy, and we can sit down and talk through this.”
Nodding my head, I follow along behind him. He shuts the door behind me, motions to the seats facing the large oak desk, and urges me to take a seat.
“I appreciate you stopping down here today.”
Folding my hands together, I nod my head, hoping to encourage him to continue.
Coming back to Arbor Creek has been incredibly difficult. It’s drudged up a lot of painful memories I would’ve preferred to keep buried.
“The reason I called you down here today is because there’s been an update in your cousin’s case.”
My brows furrow, confused. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t even aware Gage’s accident was even considered an open case. To my knowledge, it had been ruled a hit and run. They couldn’t determine who the driver was, and after investigating it for months after I had left for Chicago, I figured they had focused their attention elsewhere.
“Really?”
“When we had last spoken, following the accident, we believed your cousin had been hit by a drunk driver who had fled the scene of the accident. For months, we investigated it and were unable to locate any witnesses or pinpoint any clues that could tie someone to the scene that night.
“When Gage was hired on, he had been working on a case for us involving two brothers. Isaac and Marc Krate. Are you familiar with them?”
Who isn’t? Arbor Creek isn’t a big town. Everyone knows everyone.
More like everyone is in everyone’s business. The Krate brothers have made a name for themselves around here as being a couple of scumbags, honestly. Last I had heard, they had been involved in drugs passing through Arbor Creek to Des Moines.
“Yes. I’m aware of them and some of the things they were up to back then,” I say.
“Well, in that case, I’m sure you’re aware your cousin was one of the officers responsible for putting Isaac Krate in prison on felony drug charges.”
I was aware, but I guess I’m not sure what that has to do with Gage’s accident.
“We believe that your cousin’s accident may not have actually been an accident. We don’t know for certain yet, we’re still looking into it, but I understand that you’ve moved back to town and with the nature of your business, I felt it was necessary to tell you. We have reason to believe it may have been his brother, Marc, who caused the crash.”
My jaw locks as tears sting my eyes. Even after Gage had died, I hadn’t cried. I sat through his funeral and watched as his mom crumbled on the floor near his casket, weeping over the loss of her son. I watched as the pallbearers carried him from the hearse to the grave site and lowered him into the cold, hard earth.
I went through the motions of packing up my bags, my life, and said goodbye to the people closest to me because I believed they deserved a life without me around. A life where my decisions didn’t put them at risk too.
Sitting here in front of this man, I feel the tears fill my eyes and the urge to cry, but I don’t.
Taking a deep breath, I let the oxygen fill my lungs as I slowly release it.
“What does this mean?”
“I’m sorry, I know this is upsetting to hear. With you being back in Arbor Creek, we felt it was important you knew. We believe this was done in retaliation for Gage’s involvement in putting Isaac in prison. Right now, we don’t have enough evidence to arrest him. Gage was my friend, Graham, and like you, I want justice for him. If this was out of revenge, I wanted you to know so you can keep your eye out and stay safe.”
“Why do you think Marc was responsible? What do you have on him?”
“That I can’t say,” he says, not giving me anything more.
Flexing my jaw, I know he’s not going to give any more details away.
“You bring me down here and tell me all of this, but you can’t tell me why you think it’s him?”
“This is still considered an ongoing investigation, Graham. Sharing anymore information I have right now could hinder the chance of us putting him away. I need you to trust me.”
I can feel heat under my skin, the anger building up. Pressing my lips firmly, I nod my head in agreement.
“Promise me you will leave this to us,” he commands.
Gage had so much of his life ahead of him when he was ripped from this world. Even though I’ve thought about this a million times and told myself he wouldn’t want me to feel the way I do I carry a tremendous amount of guilt over my decisions being what led him to be on the road that night.
They were my decisions that led to the accident and where he is now.
Gage grew up wanting to be a police officer. It was all he had talked about from the time we were young. I remember watching him play Cops and Robbers with his friends. Gage, without fail, was always the good guy. He wanted to be the one that protected people, especially the ones he loved. I wanted to honor him by doing the same thing. Gage was more of a big brother to me than my cousin.
“The minute anything changes, I want to be the first person you call.”
I curl my hands into fists, tension coiling in my body. Everything in me wants to grab him by the neck and demand he let me help, but it is futile.
I need to trust they are doing everything they can to investigate this and put the person responsible for killing Gage behind bars.
Reaching my hand out, I shake Keller’s and we both agree if we hear anything more, we’ll be in touch. As soon as I step out the door, I unlock my phone and press the button connecting the call to Dean.
“What’d they have to say?”
“Remember how before Gage died, Isaac Krate had been arrested for drug trafficking?”
“They think it’s connected to what happened to him?”
“He wouldn’t tell me what evidence they have, but they think Marc Krate has something to do with Gage getting run off the road that night.”
“Mother fucker,” he curses.
Opening the door to my truck, I climb in and turn the ignit
ion. Leaning back against the seat, I run my fingers through my hair and scrub my palms over my face.
“Graham, I’ve told you from day one this wasn’t your fault. I still believe that today.”
“Dean.” I cut him off, not wanting to hear it.
“No,” he stops me, raising his voice. “You listen to me. This wasn’t your fault and it’s time you stop punishing yourself like it was. No one, certainly not Gage, would want you to continue to put this on yourself the way you have been.”
“Alright,” I say, hoping it will get him to stop. We’ve been through this hundreds of times. Nothing he says now is going to change how I feel.
“I’ve gotta go. I need to head down to the office.”
“Yeah, okay,” he says, sighing in frustration. “Do me a favor, will ya?”
“Shoot.”
“You’re home now. I know being close to Halle again is probably stirring up old emotions. I’m sure you’ve convinced yourself you don’t deserve her. Just do me a favor. Promise me you’ll take a chance to have a conversation with her and tell her how you feel.”
“Dean,” I warn. “Halle and I were over years ago. It’s better this way.”
“I don’t think, for a second, you believe the bullshit you’re spewin’. Do yourself a favor, don’t push her away anymore.”
Four
Graham
Knocking on the door twice, I turn the knob and push it open a crack. “Mom, you home?” I don’t know why I bother asking if she’s home. I saw her car when I pulled around the back alley, and I can hear the TV on in the living room, but I ask anyway.
“Hi, honey,” she sings. Her voice doesn’t sound the same as it once did when I was growing up. There is a harshness to her tone, a sad realization every time I hear her that I’m losing another person I love. It makes me feel terrible when I see her, knowing she had been living through this and didn’t want to burden me with her health concerns.
I slip off my shoes near the door and take the steps two at a time until I reach the landing in our old split-foyer home. The smell of my childhood home still hits me and just like that I’m seventeen years old, living life without a care in the world.
Until I Found You: A Second Chance Standalone Romance (Heart's Compass Book 3) Page 2
