Except things are so different now than they were back then. Life isn’t as easy in the real world as it is when you’re living at home with your mom and she does everything she can to keep you safe from the reality living outside your window. As much as she tried, she couldn’t protect me from everything though. Death doesn’t discriminate, and karma has a way of sending you your dues when you least expect them.
Stepping into the living room, I see the shadow of my mom’s hands on the carpet of the rug in the middle of the living room. The sunshine peeking in through the window add light to where she sits in her recliner focusing on another one of her knitting projects.
“Hi, sweetheart. I didn’t expect you today. What are you doing here?” she wheezes.
“I was going to stop by and get the yard mowed for you and wanted to check on how you were doing on food in the house. I was gonna pick up some groceries for the weekend, and I thought I could pick you up a few things too.”
Her scoff comes out more like a cough as she peers up at me. The tubes wrapped around her face helping her to breathe leave me with a weight on my chest realizing once again how different things are.
“Oh honey, you didn’t have to do that. I still have leftover casserole in the freezer that will get me by for the next couple of days. I don’t want you fussing over me.”
“I’m not fussing over you, Ma. I’m just making sure you’re taken care of. I’m in town now and I’m going to keep taking care of you, so please let me. Okay?”
It’s been a constant back and forth between us getting her to accept any help.
“Okay, dear, I’m sorry. It’s an adjustment seeing you come around so much. I know you’re busy getting things up and running over there at your new business. I don’t want your old ma to be a thorn in your side. How are things, by the way? I heard you on the phone the last time you were over here; sounds like there were some troubles.”
Her hands continue to shake as she glances back down at the needle, wrapping another piece of yarn around it before doing the same to the other side. My eyebrows pinch together listening to her talk.
I know if I don’t tell her what’s going on, she’ll only push me to tell her. If I’m talking, that means she’s quietly listening, so I take a seat across from her on the couch and tell her everything that’s going on.
We are only a couple weeks away from our opening and we’ve already managed to land several large clients, leading to us opening another branch in the Chicago area. Dean and I both agreed with my mom’s health declining, it only made sense for me to run the Everton branch while he stayed back in Chicago and worked with Craig to get the Chicago location off the ground.
“You’ve accomplished so much for yourself. Your aunt Samantha and I are so proud of you. I know Gage would be proud of you too.”
It’s the first time in a long time I’ve heard her say his name out loud. Hearing her say his name brings me back to all those years ago when we would sit right here, playing Grand Theft Auto on my PlayStation. I would give anything, even my very own life, to have him here today.
“Thanks, Mom. Means a lot,” I say, choking out the last part. Her praise is hard to hear and even harder to accept with the weight of Gage’s memory associated to it. He wanted to protect people, so in my own way I like to believe I’m giving back what he didn’t have the opportunity to give himself.
“Have you spoken to Halle since you’ve been in town?”
As if feeling the whiplash from Gage’s name a moment ago, hearing her mention Halle feels like my heart was ripped from my chest.
There are a lot of things I regret when it comes to me and Halle, especially how I ended things with her. She didn’t deserve for me to treat her the way I did, but I also know there would have been no easy way for me to walk away from her. I deserved for her to hate me just the same as I hate myself.
“Nah,” I say, my own word coming out hoarse. I want to end this conversation as quickly as possible. Talking about Gage and then Halle is not something I’ve mentally prepared myself for, so I do my best to change the subject.
Pressing my palms to my knees, I move to stand. I can feel my mom’s eyes on me as she follows me into the kitchen. I busy myself with looking through the cupboards, making a mental list of all the things I want to pick up for her. I’m so lost in my own thoughts I don’t even hear the back door open until the soft echoing of her voice floats through the room.
“Good afternoon, Sandy.”
Her voice sounds like a song. It’s like I’ve swallowed a bag of cotton, trying to force myself to breathe as I squeeze my eyes closed. My entire body is tense, my shoulders and back straight like my spine was replaced with a metal rod.
I force my feet to move, shuffling enough for me to glance over my shoulder toward the direction of where her voice came.
When my eyes fall on her, it’s like I’ve taken a heavy shoulder to the chest in football. Only this time, there is no pads covering my body. She knocks the wind right out of me with her beauty, just like she did all those years ago.
Her blonde hair is curled in soft waves, pulled over to the side, hanging over her shoulder. I notice the length, how much longer it is since we were younger. I used to pull up her profile on Facebook, but after the last time when I found she removed me from her friends list, I chucked my phone against my dorm room wall and couldn’t bring myself to pull it back up.
Her eyes look bold and bright, her eyelashes so long and her smile so inviting, it nearly takes every ounce of strength in me not to pull her into my arms. Everything about her reminds me of the girl I once knew, but where we are today reminds me how wrong that assumption is.
As soon as her eyes fall on mine, they widen in shock. She clearly didn’t expect to see me, which brings me to wondering what she’s doing here anyway.
“Halle, is that you?” My mom’s voice calls out from the living room. I blink through the confusion; her eyes bounce between me and the other room before landing back on mine.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, at the same moment she says, “You’re here.”
I want to ask her to say something again, simply plead with her to speak so I can hear her voice. Let her words run through me like a balm to my battered heart, but I don’t. I don’t deserve it, just like I don’t deserve to have her in my life.
I have to keep reminding myself that while I’m living here because I know how easy it would be for me to give in and let her back into my life.
“Of course, I’m here. I grew up here, this is my mom’s house. What are you doing here?” I ask, repeating my question, only this time the words come out harsher. My hands itch to pull her closer to me, to touch her tanned skin to see if it’s as soft as I remember it being beneath my fingers.
The look on her face transforms right before my eyes, likely from hearing the bitterness in my voice.
“I’ve been coming over here once a week for as long as I can remember, but somehow this is the first time in years I’ve seen you here. Have you given your mom the same conversation about not leaving her door unlocked and open for strangers?”
My jaw ticks. There’s a hint of annoyance, but I want to smile at her sassy remark she’s throwing back at me.
“Graham, who are you talking to in there?”
I hear the footrest of her recliner close, knowing she’s likely coming to find out what’s going on. I take a few steps to peer around the corner into the living room, checking on her.
“Ma, it’s fine. You don’t need to get up. Halle is here; she said she came over to see you.”
I flash Halle a look that says our conversation earlier is not over, at least not yet. She returns it with a sarcastic smile before following behind me into the living room. She graces her with one of her warm smiles. My heart aches to be on the receiving end of one of those smiles again.
“How are you doing, Ms. Sandy? I thought I’d stop by and finish pulling those weeds. I got most of them done in the front but thought since it�
��s cooler out today I’d get a head start on the backyard. I just wanted to check on you before I did, see if you needed anything.”
“Thank you so much, sweetie. It’s so good to see you. I was hoping you’d stop by and tell me how your day with Ellie and the girls went.”
“It went amazing. Ellie found the perfect dress. I can’t wait for you to see her. Callum is going to lose it when he sees her. She looked beautiful.”
Listening to Halle talk to my mom makes me realize how much I’ve missed being gone. She always loved Halle, that much was very apparent even when we were young. Anytime she would come over, she would immediately walk to the kitchen to greet her with a smile and a hug. Hearing them talk now though, it’s different. Their bond has grown, and I know a lot of that has to do with me being gone.
Listening to Halle talk to my mom about wedding dress shopping is too much for me. I decide I need to get out of here fast.
“I’m going to leave you two. Ma, I’ll be outside getting started on the yard. I’ll come back in before I take off to the store.”
Halle doesn’t look back at me as I pass by her. There’s a part of me that wonders if she’s thinking the same thing I am. I always hoped down the road it would be us talking about wedding planning, but things have changed since then.
Taking a step back out onto the back deck, I feel the wooden boards creak beneath my footsteps as I make my way down the stairs and out toward the shed. I busy myself with starting the mower and put in my earbuds, wanting to drown out the memory of Dean and his comments about pushing Halle away again.
Knowing she’s going to be starting in the backyard, I knock out that first so when she comes outside, I can focus on the front without having her near me. It’s simply better if we’re not around each other, I tell myself over and over. This is the way it has to be.
The sun beats down on me as Luke Combs blares loudly in my ears. A little while later, with the sweat trickling down my face and over my arms, I cut the engine on the mower and push it back to the shed. Closing the padlock, I use the bottom of my T-shirt to wipe the moisture from my face.
As soon as I let go of the cotton material, my eyes fall on Halle. Her eyes are on me, too, but instead they are staring heavily at my abs that are now covered by the T-shirt. Her eyes trail a path down my legs and back up my body to my face. Once they do, I expect her to shy away from the fact that she has now been caught checking me out, but no.
Not Halle.
Clearing my throat, I expect her to avoid any conversation, but she doesn’t. Instead she keeps her eyes focused on me, looking me straight in the eye.
“Can I help you?”
“Excuse me?” she retorts.
“Well, from the way you were just looking over here, I thought maybe you had something to say. Something on your mind.”
She barks out a laugh, using the back of her gloved hand to cover her mouth. There’s mud on her cheek and covering her gloves, as a pile of weeds sit next to her on the ground. Her tan legs are covered in dirt and I keep my eyes trained on her face to avoid staring at the way her muscles in her legs flex when she moves.
“Graham, I truthfully don’t have anything more to say to you. I don’t know how long you’re in town for; I don’t expect it will be long before you’re running off again. Just because I can appreciate a good view doesn’t mean I want anything more from you. That ship sailed a long time ago.”
Hearing her admit out loud she’s no longer interested burns, but in a way I’m glad. It will make it easier knowing she doesn’t want anything to do with me. This is what I wanted, right? The goal was to push her away, and it looks like I am successful in doing so.
“That’s good to hear, actually. Although for a different reason.”
For a second, if I’m not mistaken, a look of hurt flashes over her face.
“Hate to break it to you,” I chide. “but I’m not actually going anywhere. I’m home, so it looks like you’ll get a whole lot more of this view than you were expectin’.”
Five
Halle
God, I just wanted to smack him across his handsome face for what he said when we were outside. He knew what he was doing trying to get a rise out of me, only now it was different. It made want to slap him even more.
It had felt like forever since we were together in this house. There were so many nights I’d lay in my bed with my eyes closed trying to picture him and all the times we were together. I remember the way our eyes would always find each other’s, even in a crowded room. It was like there was a string tying my body to his, keeping us tethered together.
Being near him now, even in the quietness of his mom’s house after all this time, I still find myself wanting to walk across this room and wrap my arms around his waist, press my face against his chest, and inhale his clean scent.
Sometimes, in my dreams, I’d swear I could smell him. It seems crazy to say this, but there were times I’d wake up expecting to find him at the foot of my bed, the scent was so strong. Those were the nights when the dreams seemed so real, it’s like they were haunting me.
In the beginning, I couldn’t come around Sandy or this house without the sadness I felt nearly crippling me.
So, I wasn’t proud of who I was after that. I would’ve given anything to make those feelings go away. I just wanted to have someone look at me the same way Graham did, so I searched for it, through meaningless relationships. I’d drink my way through bottle after bottle, hoping to find what I was looking for at the bottom. Hoping to numb my pain, but it never worked. Going home with nameless strangers never helped either.
I sent him texts for almost a year, telling him how much I loved him, how I would never give up on him or us, and when he was ready to come home, I’d be here for him waiting.
Thinking about it now, I wonder if he ever read those messages.
Using the back of my arm, I wipe the strand of blonde hair that has fallen from my ponytail and brush it back away from my face. Reaching over, I turn on the sink testing the water temperature before pumping soap onto my hands.
I close my eyes for a second, rubbing my hands together as I let my mind wander back to our conversation outside.
I don’t hear him come up behind me over the sound of the water splashing against the sink. When he clears his throat, I know he’s wondering what I’m doing.
“You alright?” he asks, his eyebrows furrow as he looks over my face, checking to make sure there are no signs that something is wrong.
I run my hands under the water, before turning it off and grabbing two paper towels from the counter to dry them.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a long day is all, and I still have to get to the salon after this.”
“Salon, huh? I was there the other day, saw it when Kinsley gave me a haircut. Mason told me about it a while back, said Hudson was proud of you two. How he was going around town singing his praises over all you had accomplished.”
My smile warms my face thinking about Kinsley’s grandfather and his pride he’s always had for all of us.
“Yeah, we opened it last year. It’s been going well actually, I love it. It’s what makes me happy.”
His eyes focus on my mouth for a moment, which only makes me more conscious of it. I force my mouth to close, biting on my lip. Graham clears his throat, clenching his hands together before he glances back at me.
“Listen Hals, um–Halle, I had no idea you had been coming by here and doing work for my mom.” His face softens and I know, even after our little tiff we had outside, he appreciates me looking out for her. “You really didn’t have to do that, but I’m glad you were there for her when I wasn’t. I don’t know what she had you doing or if you had to spend any of your own money, but if you did please let me know. I have no problem paying you back for whatever you’ve spent helping her around the house, picking up stuff from the store. I’m back home now though, so I can take over, so you don’t have to. I’m sure you have other things, other people you’d rather
be spending your time with.”
My eyes narrow at him. I know he means well, he just wants to show his appreciation, but it ticks me off at the same time. Taking the paper towels in my hand, I crumple them up in my fist, clenching it.
“Graham, I didn’t do that for you. I did that for her. I wasn’t the only person you chose to run out on when you left for Chicago, not bothering to care what it did to us here. I came by because I knew she missed you and could use the help. After a while, it just became our routine. I’d stop by, help her do some things around the house, have lunch with her, or pick up a few things she needed from the store. You don’t owe me a penny, nor do you need to be concerned with who I spend my time with, whether it’s your mother or someone else. I bet it won’t be long now before you get busy with your new business or decide your time is up here. She’ll need my help again, so if it’s alright with you, I’d like to keep up with the routine we’ve had worked out.”
“Well, see, that’s the thing,” he sighs, running his hand along the back of his neck.
He always did that when he was tense or feeling stressed, which makes me wonder what else he has weighing on his mind. It’s none of my business though; he’s proven for a long time he doesn’t need me being there to help him through. “I’m not going anywhere, Halle. What’s it gonna take to get you to believe me?”
I chuckle softly to myself. There were years I hoped this day would come, that Graham would tell me he’s here to stay, but somehow hearing it now, it’s different. I almost wish he would go to avoid the pain of having to be around him again while not being able to hold him.
“I don’t believe you for a second, but for your mom’s sake, I hope it’s the truth. Like I said, I didn’t do this for you. I stopped caring what you wanted or made you happy a long time ago.”
* * *
After leaving Sandy’s house, I decided to go for a drive and blare some music before I head into the salon for the day. I had some time to spare before my first client and while I had things I could get done, I needed some time to collect my thoughts. Going for a long drive was one of the few ways I’ve been doing that nowadays.
Until I Found You: A Second Chance Standalone Romance (Heart's Compass Book 3) Page 3
