Dark Desires (Dark Romance Boxed Set)

by Cerys du Lys

  “Julia.”

  There was no mistaking that rough voice. He sat on a table nearby with his hands clasped, looking at me with a sweet smile. I had never seen him look so innocent. That unnerved me. I walked around the table, ignoring the blood pounding in my ears. He looked healthier, but his eyes looked predatory. I sat down next to him and ignored my instincts, which screamed for me to flee.

  Then I kissed him. My skin crawled as his lips refused to respond. They were as hard as stone. I pulled away quickly.

  “What did they say about me?” I decided it was best not to feign stupidity. Cain’s coal-grey eyes revealed nothing.

  “Who?”

  “Pike and River. I saw them leaving.”

  “Oh, them. Why would that interest you?”

  Cut the crap.

  I let my hand fall to my side and casually placed it over Cain’s knee. His gaze flicked down. “They made threatening comments to me when they saw Spike and I come into the clubhouse.”

  “Why weren’t you here last week?” he suddenly snapped.

  I stiffened at his harsh tone. “I—Spike said he wanted to talk to you alone about club business.”

  For the first time, I wondered what they talked about during that visit. I never even thought about it. The next day, Spike was different. Stronger, perhaps. I never knew what it was. We also fucked in Cain’s apartment.

  My face burned and Cain’s eyes narrowed even further.

  “He said you wanted to leave me. Is that true?”

  Oh my God. “No!”

  “Just tell me the truth. If you want to leave me, I’ll let you leave.”

  It was impossible to tell whether he was lying. It had to be a bluff. He was testing the waters. I wouldn’t sign that death warrant on Spike.

  “No,” I said in a firm voice. “I don’t know why he would say that.”

  He leaned closer to me, so close that I could see the flecks of yellow in his eyes. They darted back and forth, searching. “He saw the marks on your body, didn’t he?”

  My mouth trembled. What should I say? “It was an accident. He was just at my house—your house and he saw it.”

  “How the fuck would he be able to see anything on your body? Why are you inviting members in my fucking apartment?”

  “Cain, you told him to protect me. He was just making good on his promise. Don’t let what other people say bother you.”

  He sneered then, and moved his legs so that my hand fell away. “You know what I think?”

  I’m fucked.

  His voice dipped down, sounding almost wolfish. “I think you’re a liar and you’re a whore, and the moment I get out I’m—”

  “Fine!” I screamed suddenly. “Believe your fucking dogs over me, I don’t give a shit. Maybe I will leave.”

  “Ma’am, there’s no yelling here.” The guard said in a stern voice.

  Irate, I turned towards the hulking interruption. “Fuck off!”

  His face hardened. “Ma’am, you need to leave.”

  Low laughter made my insides freeze. Cain looked at me, his face wide with mirth. He didn’t believe a word that came out of my mouth.

  His eyes said: I’m coming for you when I leave this place.

  I stepped around the guard and shoved my middle finger in his face. He stared at it, still laughing. They grabbed my arms and hauled me out.

  What the fuck did I just do?

  * * *

  The game was up. Cain knew everything, or at least suspected, which was just as bad. Fuck it all. Fuck the club, fuck Crash, and FUCK Cain.

  I had nowhere to turn. Nowhere to hide. So, I did what I always do in these situations.

  I ran.

  The moment I left the jail, I fled to Spike’s apartment, nearly breaking down the door. I knocked for nearly five minutes. Then I banged on it until the hinges rattled.

  He wasn’t there. Either he was busy with the club, or he had errands to run. With Crash undermining the vote to distribute Red at every turn, and Cain’s threats, I just felt like saying: Fuck it all.

  In tears, I drove back to the club, hoping to get a fix to tide me over until Spike returned. I knew Pike and River wouldn’t be there. Spike spent a lot of time with them, not trusting them unsupervised.

  Keep your enemies close.

  Half of the bikes were gone from the clubhouse when I arrived. I stormed inside, my face a mask of tears as I sought out Ginger, one of the club whores who would have coke on her.

  “Honey, what’s going on?”

  Tank, Max, and a few other men I didn’t know sat around a table, playing poker. I recognized them as a group of the few decent members we had in the club. I wiped my face hurriedly and tried to smile.

  Maybe they can help me.

  “Nothing—it’s nothing.”

  Their pinched, worried faces refused to let me off the hook.

  Exactly what I wanted.

  “Go on, honey. Tell us.”

  I burst into tears as one of them took my hand and tried to lead me to a seat.

  Let them feel sorry for me. I need all the allies I can get.

  “Cain h—hates me. I visited him in jail, but he thinks that I haven’t been faithful.” I wailed into one of the tissues they gave me, mentally patting myself on the back. Even if they had any suspicions about me, I would win them on my side.

  Tank’s bushy eyes were sympathetic as he reached forward and patted my hand. “Why would he think that?”

  “Some members went to visit him and gave him all this bull about me and Spike. Pike? And that dark-haired guy who’s always with him.”

  I pretended not to notice their looks to one another. My hands trembled on the table. “He said he’s going to hurt me when he gets out.” My face crumpled again. “I’ve tried so hard to be good to him.”

  Some of them looked away from my face, as if my emotion affected them. They frowned at each other and one man even put his hand on my shoulder. I was the gem of the club. It killed them to see me so upset.

  “I told you guys. Cain is bad news,” one of them said in a low voice.

  “Shut the fuck up!” Max snapped.

  “What?” he said defensively. “Getting old ladies hooked on dope is okay, now? Not to mention this Red bullshit. I’m not risking my ass selling that shit for a eight year sentence.”

  Heat rushed into my face when I realized the whole club noticed my addiction. Speaking of. “I—I’m going to lie down.”

  Crumbling the ball of tissues in my fist, I stood up shakily and headed towards the back of the club, passing by the guest rooms to search for Ginger. I heard their voices arguing about Cain all the way there.

  “Julia?”

  Ginger was older than most of the whores in the club. She was rail-thin, her eyes almost sunken in. The guys didn’t really fuck her anymore, but she had been in the club so long she was like family.

  “You okay?”

  Her eyes creased when she saw my face.

  “No.” I stepped inside her messy room and lowered my voice. “I could really, really use a hit.”

  Ginger’s delicate head tilted down. “I don’t know.”

  “I won’t tell anyone,” I said feverishly. “Just a bump.”

  “Spike will kill me.”

  I saw it sitting there, right out in the open. It was on her dresser. I could lunge for it and she would never be able—

  “What the fuck is this?”

  I almost didn’t recognize Spike’s voice. He stood in the doorway, all six feet of him vibrating with rage. Dark eyes flashed from me to Ginger to the small bag of cocaine on her dresser.

  “Spike, please!”

  He lunged forward and grabbed my arm, his grip so tight that it was almost painful. We left Ginger’s room into the dark hallway and then he threw me into a vacant one, closing the door behind him.

  “I ought to slap you. What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you do this to yourself?”

  I hated the fury in his voice, because it remi
nded me so much of the man I was trying to escape. The man who wanted to kill us both.

  I hate my life.

  “I’m sorry! I went to your apartment and you weren’t there, so I panicked.”

  Spike let out a grunt as I flew into his arms. He smelled amazing, like he’d just taken a shower. I wound my fingers through his damp hair and pulled his moist face towards mine. Still crying, I kissed him, tasting a hint of fresh toothpaste. He kissed me back urgently, his anger biting my lip. Suddenly, I realized I kissed Cain only an hour before and I broke apart, sobbing. He held me at arms length with an utterly confused expression on his face.

  “What the hell happened?”

  I shook my head. Even if I told him, there was no way out of it. “Just kiss me. Make me forget about everything.”

  His fingers stroked my neck. “Hey, look at me.”

  I did.

  Spike’s eyes, which were always so friendly, were full of concern for me. His hands cupped my face and I leaned into them, loving his warmth.

  “Tell me.”

  The rough pads from his thumbs wiped tears from my eyes. “Cain. I visited him. He knows. Pike and River visited him before me and I caught them leaving.”

  “Goddamn it Julia!”

  I winced.

  He shook his head as if he was actually disappointed in me. “You should have never gone there alone. Those two are not to be trusted. Why would you even visit him?”

  Spike face blurred and distorted until I blinked. Tears rolled down my face. “To save you. I wanted to convince him that they were wrong, but it didn’t work. He didn’t believe me.” More bitter tears slid down.

  “You don’t need to worry about me,” he said in a lighter voice. “Let me do the worrying for both of us.”

  “But I couldn’t stand it if you died.”

  He made a sound with his tongue and drew me into his chest. “No one’s dying.”

  Once again, joy and misery battled, making my heart feel so chronically ill that I just wanted to get it over with. Just let me die.

  “For once in my life, I’m trying to do the right thing,” I said miserably. “And I always end up fucking it up.”

  My head pounded as his hand stroked my hair, pausing at the base of my neck to squeeze. “I’m trying to do the right thing, too. I’m trying to get you off the dope. I can’t let you stay with him, and it’s not just because I’m crazy about you, it’s because he’s a fucking lunatic.”

  I just wrapped my arms around his waist and held him in a fierce grip, listening to the drumming of his heart.

  “He has to be stopped. Cain’s bad for the club, and there’s really nothing else in my life except the MC.” He frowned. “I spent my whole life just existing, not knowing what the hell I should do with myself. It’s like I’ve a hole in my chest and I’ve been filling it with stuff this whole time.”

  His words struck a chord with me.

  “Coke, beer, and cigarettes,” I said softly. How many lines have I snorted and how many shots have I drunk to numb a feeling?

  Spike was the same way, except he buried himself in the violence and despair, not allowing himself to care about any of it.

  He clung to me as fiercely as I held him.

  “Jesus Christ, all this time I’ve been…” He couldn’t finish the sentence. Remorse shone on Spike’s face as he gently disengaged his arms. “Meet me at my place.”

  I rubbed my arm. “I—I don’t know.”

  He smiled weakly. “Julia, what’s the point of hiding?”

  There’s no point. Not anymore.

  “I’ll get some things and meet you there.”

  He nodded and swept me in his arms again, his lips hungrily devouring mine again. His fingers dug into my hair and my hands were flat against his chest, smoothing over its contours. Desire tugged inside sharply when Spike pulled away. I felt nervous in that overwhelming, butterflies-in-stomach sort of way. It was addictive. He kissed me again under my ear, the heat searing my neck.

  “Don’t take too long.”

  * * *

  Uneasy.

  That’s how I felt about returning to the apartment. I could still see the vitriol lining Cain’s face when I told him to fuck off. Hurling insults at Cain was stupid and dangerous.

  I shouldn’t have done it.

  I don’t know what possessed me. I was a survivor—I didn’t take stupid risks, I wasn’t emotional. Maybe it was the absence of coke, but I felt less tolerable to everything. Everything that simmered inside me for months suddenly exploded like a meth lab. Meeting Spike awakened that part of me that longed for freedom. I was tired of being his captive. Fucking sick of not having any say in my life.

  I sat in my car for a few minutes outside the apartment, my hands trembling on the steering wheel.

  You’re just going to get a few things and get out. In and out. Fast.

  I braced myself to open the car door, but I sank back in the leather seat.

  Just fucking do it!

  The door swung open and I followed it without a moment’s hesitation, even though my blood raced. I stared up the long staircase and my head swam. Heels clipped on the concrete as I grabbed the staircase to steady myself. Clonk. Clonk. The loud sounds echoed through the deserted complex. Right then, I wondered where the hell everyone was. Everything was unnaturally silent, and yet every sound crashed in my ears as if the volume was turned up.

  Everything’s fine. Everything’s fine.

  I slipped my key in the hole.

  Everything’s fine.

  The door creaked open to the darkened foyer and I stepped inside quickly. A blast of recycled air hit my face. My nerves blazed that this was wrong.

  Go back. Run.

  My torso already twisted back towards the door. There was shifting sounds—movement behind me.

  Already on high alert, I screamed without knowing what or who it was. An arm shot out and grabbed my shoulder and then a body pressed up against me. I elbowed him hard and I felt cold steel against my temple. Knowing what it was, I instantly froze.

  “Simmer the fuck down,” a familiar, poisonous voice breathed in my ear, his voice slightly dented with pain.

  Pike. That piece of shit.

  Ahead, River stepped from the hall into the kitchen, eating an apple that he plucked from the bowl of fruit.

  “God damn, those are some beautiful tits.”

  His hand groped up my body. He gathered a handful of my breast and squeezed hard.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” I screamed. When he didn’t stop, I elbowed his ribs hard.

  “Fucking cunt,” he swore as he sucked in breath. “I would pistol-whip you, but Cain told us not to hurt you.”

  “C—Cain?”

  River smirked between bites of the apple. “Yeah, he’s on his way.”

  How the fuck did he get out early?

  My whole body seized with terror. It must be some sort of trick. “No, he’s not supposed to get out until next week.”

  They laughed, sending another thrill of fear up my spine.

  Spike has no idea.

  I ripped myself out of his arms and ran into the kitchen. River’s lean body blocked my way. Whirling around, I saw Pike glowering at me with his gun aimed at my heart.

  “Cain told us to shoot you if you tried to escape.”

  “I just need to go to the fucking bathroom.”

  He squinted at me.

  “There’s no window in the bathroom,” I said in exasperation. “What the fuck am I going to do?”

  “Something stupid, probably.”

  “I won’t lock the door.”

  “If I hear the sound of a lock, I’m breaking the door down.”

  I just wanted to be away from them. Closing the door behind me, I looked around the white, cramped bathroom. There were razors behind the medicine cabinet and bleach under the sink. I opened the cabinet and took out a blade quietly, slipping it in the palm of my hand, and then I sat on the toilet seat and looked at the bla
de grinning at me.

  Cain was coming back. He would return in a towering rage. I would be lucky to survive the night.

  I could slash my wrists and end all of this. Wouldn’t it be better to end it on my terms? In my mind, I saw my bloodless corpse sprawled on the bathroom floor, while Cain looked at me impassively. I took the blade and held it over my wrist, staring at the blue veins snaking under my pale skin. It bit into my skin.

  Just slice. Do it really quickly.

  My fingers trembled and a small dot of blood bloomed where the edge of the razor dug into my skin.

  I can’t do this.

  I curled my fingers around the razor, grinding my teeth as the blade cut into my skin. No matter how desperate I felt, I didn’t have the guts to go through with it. Cursing my cowardice, I sank my face into my hands as tears shook from my body.

  No, I have to at least try.

  I gripped the blade in my fingers and then decided to hide it under my thigh.

  In the distance, I heard the front door open.

  “Get out,” he said in that terrible, cold voice.

  Bodies shifted in the apartment, their footsteps growing more and more distant. A final slam vibrated through the apartment. My heart throbbed higher and higher until I felt it in my throat, my mouth.

  The footsteps stopped in front of the door. I looked at my last barrier of protection, which I hadn’t even locked. The door swung open and my raw eyes averted to the wall. I was too afraid to look at him, but I imagined his body standing at the entrance, his eyes narrowed in hatred.

  He came closer and closer, until I couldn’t deny his existence. His legs stood in the corner of my vision.

  Just go away inside. Shut it off.

  Cain crouched in front of me, looking neither angry nor pleased. He took my hands in his and turned them over.

  “What’s this?”

  He found the bloody mark on my wrist and finally my trembling eyes met his. “Nothing.”

  “Being with me is that bad?”

  Surprise gripped me. Was this a trick? I searched his eyes and found nothing. “Yes,” I admitted.

  He nodded, frowning. Then he released my hand and slapped my face so hard that I fell against the bathtub. I tasted blood in my mouth and raised my fingers to my lips, still reeling in shock.