The Last First Time

by Andrea Bramhall

  No. Not today. Today she was still grieving, still hurting. Today was a day to still hold them accountable, because history hadn’t yet decided if they were right or wrong. She wouldn’t be their judge. That was for others who knew more about it. Today was a day where she would simply accept that she wasn’t the one history would hold accountable. She had done all she could, and her only regrets would be in the lives others stole before she had a chance to save them. For that alone, she was glad she’d come tonight.

  “It was difficult. But there was a lot worse to come.” Boyne sniffed. “A lot worse. All those people. Dead. And we call it ‘The Troubles’.” He laughed bitterly. “Well, they certainly caused enough trouble for everyone.” The paper shook in his hand as he stared at it. “And now I have a daughter.” A sad smile painted his lips. “We had a daughter.”

  “Do you have a family, Mr Boyne?” Kate asked.

  Gina was still staring at him angrily.

  “Never found the right woman. I don’t think I ever really looked after Pat turned me down.” His smile was rueful. “Truth is, I was married to the job. After, I shipped out of Ireland for the Gulf War, then Bosnia. I ran a desk through the start of the war in Afghanistan and finally retired in 2002. What woman would want to put up with that kind of husband? I saw my peers get married, divorced, remarried. Watched them crying into their whiskey the night before a mission because their woman had done the dirty on ’em, only to find he never made it back from that mission. Nah.” With a bitter smile, he swallowed the rest of his whiskey. “Not fair to me, and not fair to her. She had a lucky escape.” He winked and held his hand up for the waiter. “Ladies, I do hope you’ll excuse me, but I think I’ll take my leave.” Handing a wad of cash to the waiter he said, “Dinner is on me. Thank you for your time, and I wish you all the best.”

  Easing himself out of his chair, he patted his pockets, no doubt checking for keys and wallet and whatever else he carried with him.

  “You don’t need to go, Mr Boyne,” Kate said.

  He glanced at Gina and nodded. “Yes, I do. The mood I’m in right now, I’d sour the gravy anyway.” He tipped his head to Kate and lifted the letter. “Thanks again for bringing me this. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”

  “Will you be all right?” Kate asked, her hand on his arm.

  “Quite. Thank you. And please try to—” He glanced at Gina again. “Never mind.” Then he was gone.

  Kate sat down again and took hold of Gina’s hand. “Well, that wasn’t exactly what I thought would happen. You okay?”

  Gina nodded, then shook her head. “I can’t believe he was just using her, and she’d pined for him all those years.”

  “Didn’t you listen to him?”

  Gina’s eyes snapped up.

  “It started that way. That’s how they met, but he fell in love with her. He would have given up his career for her. Risked his life for her. He loved her that much. So, no, it didn’t start out all hearts and flowers, sweetheart, but it ended with them both in the same place. Both in love and stuck in an untenable position.” She squeezed Gina’s fingers. “Doesn’t really change the story all that much, does it?”

  Gina sat quietly for a few minutes. “He was carrying that picture of her. Do you think he carried it always like she did? Or just pulled it out because he was coming here?”

  “I don’t know. I guess we’ll never know now.”

  “I can’t believe he just left like that.”

  Kate laughed.

  “What?”

  “Well, you were just staring at him. Scowling at him, really. It felt very much like you wanted him to leave.”

  “I did not.”

  Kate stared at her. Eyebrow hitched.

  “Okay, maybe I did. But it was a shock. I mean, I thought he’d tell us how they met at a dance or something. Maybe introduced by mutual friends.”

  “Gina, babe, he was an English soldier in what was effectively a war zone. Did you really think they met through mutual friends?”

  Gina rolled her eyes. “Fine. I guess I didn’t really think about the details. But it was still a shock.”

  “How big a shock do you think it was for him? Finding out that Pat was killed in an explosion last week and he has a daughter he never knew about.”

  She tutted. “Fine, he wins that one too. I handled it badly. Happy now?”

  Kate pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. “Not until you smile at me.” Kate understood how and why Gina had built Pat up to some sort of mythical figure in her head, some perfect angel. Quite simply, she was the first person Gina had seen die. The first person she’d sat with as the life had drained from her, and Kate knew just how overwhelming that could be. To hear that George had in any way abused the trust of that person, even if it had quickly changed for him, was simply too much for Gina to adapt to so quickly. But neither George nor Pat were of concern to Kate. All she wanted was to make Gina happy. She nudged Gina gently with her elbow. “Come on. Just a little one.”

  Gina snorted a quick laugh but smiled and shook her head at Kate.

  Kate grinned.

  The twinkle in Gina’s eye was back. The quirky little naughty side of Gina that Kate loved so. The look reminded her of Sammy in some ways, and it was easy to see where that child got her mischievous streak from.

  “That’s better. So, shall we stay to dinner, or can I interest you in some fish and chips and staring out at the lights from Hunstanton Cliffs?”

  Gina’s head popped up. “The cliffs? It’s December!”

  “Yes.”

  “Yes. Definitely. That sounds so romantic.”

  That had been Kate’s thought too. Twenty minutes later, Kate pulled up on the cliff tops. The old lighthouse to the left gleamed in the orange light of the street lamps, and the moon glistened on the rushing waves as the tide advanced on its journey to the shore. The crumbling layers of rock beneath them, red, orange, and white, were safe from the erosive effects of the sea for a little while longer. At least as long as it would take them to eat their fish and chips, anyway.

  The scent of salt and vinegar filled the small car, and Gina grinned as she licked grease from her lips. “This is lovely,” she whispered.

  Kate turned her head and gazed into Gina’s eyes. “Yes, it is.”

  Gina laid her head against Kate’s shoulder and sipped at her drink.

  After a kiss pressed to the top of Gina’s head, Kate rested her check against the top of Gina’s and watched their fingers entwine—seemingly all by themselves. Gina’s thumb brushed softly over the back of Kate’s hand. It was both comforting and exciting. Especially when Gina’s finger tips caressed her thigh. It felt electric, even through Kate’s jeans.

  Gina sat quietly. She seemed totally relaxed, at ease, even. But Kate could only focus on the touch of Gina’s hand, the gentle touch of her fingers on the inside of her thigh brushing backwards and forwards, a caress that was beginning to drive her mad.

  “You okay?” Gina whispered, her lips close to Kate’s ear, her breath hot on the tender skin of Kate’s neck.

  Kate swallowed hard, fighting the arousal mounting in her body. It seemed to take less and less attention from Gina to turn her into a walking hormone, and she wasn’t sure how much more she could take. The last thing she wanted to do was pressure Gina, but Christ, she was only human. If such tender, seemingly innocent touches were ratcheting her desire so much…she shuddered to think what a kiss would do to her right now.

  “You okay?” Gina’s voice was a little louder this time. “You’re not falling asleep on me, are you?”

  Kate shook her head, half in an attempt to clear it and half as her response.

  “You’re quiet.”

  “I’m just enjoying the view.”

  Gina squeezed her hand, unlocked their fingers, and patted the back of her hand. “Me too.” She slid her hand further down Kate’s thigh until she was tracing the seam in tiny increments.

  Kate couldn’t take any mor
e. She gasped and gently reached down to still her hand.

  “What’s wrong?” Gina asked.

  “Nothing.” Her voice sounded a little strangled to her own ears.

  Gina smirked. “You’re not a very good liar, Detective Sergeant Brannon.”

  She chuckled. “Maybe not. But you are a very good tease.”

  Gina glanced down at Kate’s lips, then back up to meet her eyes. “Who says I’m teasing?”

  Kate groaned quietly as Gina’s lips touched her cheek and her fingers continued their caress of her inner thigh.

  “If you don’t stop, I’m not going to be in any fit state to drive you home,” Kate whispered.

  Gina beamed and applied a little more pressure with her nails, scratching along the fabric. Every nerve ending in Kate’s body seemed to feel that millimetre of skin that was at the end of Gina’s touch.

  “Well, I wouldn’t want that.” Gina murmured against her cheek. “I’ve a surprise planned for you when we get there.”

  Kate looked at her quizzically. “You do?”

  “I do.”

  Chapter 28

  Kate parked the car at the back of the house and turned off the engine.

  “You’re quiet,” Gina said as she took Kate’s hand and led her towards the car. “You sure you’re okay?”

  Kate nodded. “Just wondering about this surprise.”

  Gina grinned. “My mum’s having Sammy for the night.” She leant across the car and kissed Kate on the lips. Gently. Softly. But laced with promise, and Kate whimpered, not sure how much more of this teasing she could take. “I thought…well, I hoped that…we could…” Gina wrung her fingers as if nervous. Whether she was worried about Kate’s response to the question she couldn’t seem to ask or to the situation wasn’t clear. Either way, she didn’t need to worry.

  Kate touched a finger to Gina’s lips. “Are you telling me you want to sleep with me?”

  Gina’s lips twitched into a smile under her fingertip, her head dipped a little, and she watched Kate from hooded eyes. Unmistakable desire dilated her pupils, and it was suddenly very clear what Gina wanted. She kissed Kate’s fingertip before pulling away and climbing out of the car.

  Kate shook her head, trying to make her body do what it was supposed to. She wanted to get out of the car and follow Gina into the house, up the stairs, and slowly peel that beautiful dress off her body. But her body—her traitorous body—just wouldn’t respond.

  A knock on the window beside her gave her the impetus to turn her head.

  Gina grinned at her through the glass and held out a hand. “Coming?”

  Kate nodded dumbly and finally managed to get her body to listen to command. She stumbled from the car, and Gina wrapped her hand around Kate’s, threading their fingers together. It was Gina who led them into the house and up the stairs. It was Gina who turned on the lamp beside the bed.

  Kate stood in the doorway of her own bedroom and stared. It didn’t look like the same room she’d left earlier. The bed had been sprinkled with flower petals and a candle burned on the windowsill. Kate’s immediate concern was allayed when she realised it wasn’t a naked, flickering flame dancing near the curtains, but one of those electric candles. The thoughtful touch meant more to Kate than she could have imagined.

  “When did you do this?”

  “While you were shouting up the stairs that we were going to be late.”

  “This is your surprise?”

  Gina nodded. “Good surprise?”

  Kate smiled. “Very.” Her voice was husky and deeper than normal. “It’s lovely.”

  Gina nodded.

  “Are you okay?”

  Gina nodded again.

  “Can you speak?”

  Gina grinned as she nodded a third time, and Kate laughed, tugged her towards her, and kissed her forehead.

  “You don’t need to do this.”

  Gina wrapped her arms around Kate’s back. “I know. I want to.” She kissed Kate’s cheek. “I want it to be special.”

  “Any time with you will always be special,” Kate said sincerely.

  “Smooth talker.” Gina pinched her side playfully.

  “Ouch. I think I need to arrest you.”

  “What for?”

  “Assaulting a police officer.”

  “Ha.” Gina pushed away and stepped towards the bed. “You just love using your handcuffs, don’t you?”

  Kate’s eyebrows shot up, and Gina turned red as she realised what she’d said.

  “I meant with your work and—”

  “Right,” Kate drawled slowly, earning her a withering look from Gina. Laughing, she crossed the floor and pulled Gina back into her arms, but her body had stiffened. Kate wanted her to relax again. She needed to know that Gina was really here, really wanted this. Kate would rather they waited than Gina wake up with regrets. “This really is lovely, Gina. But I’m serious, you don’t have to—”

  “I want you.” Gina slipped her hand behind Kate’s neck and pulled her in for a kiss.

  Her lips were warm and soft against her still-cool cheeks. But her mouth… Oh, it was hot, so hot. Her tongue slid over Kate’s parted lips and teased inside. Kate moaned and held on tighter, leaning back against the cool wall behind her.

  “All of you.” Gina’s fingers in her hair elicited shivers down Kate’s spine, and she trembled in Gina’s embrace. “I’m ready.”

  Kate had wanted this for so long now. Waited for so long, but still she didn’t feel ready for the onslaught of feeling that welled up inside her. She’d had sex before, but it had never felt like this.

  This was so much more. More than just the gentle caress of Gina’s fingers, the brush of her tongue in her mouth. It was the trust that reached into her soul and turned her body to jelly. Gina’s trust and her desire were the greatest aphrodisiac Kate had ever known, and her knees threatened to buckle. She pulled away from the kiss.

  Panting, she said, “If you want to carry on with this, I can’t do it standing up.”

  Gina smiled and nibbled on her lower lip. “You sure about that?”

  Kate closed her eyes, groaned, and let her head fall back against the wall. “Positive.”

  Gina giggled and put some space between them. “Then I guess it’s a good job we’ve got that big bed over there.” She tugged Kate away from the wall and pushed her to sit on the edge of the bed. “Comfy?”

  Kate nodded as Gina’s hands went to the zip at the side of her dress. She lifted her head to meet Gina’s gaze.

  * * *

  Gina’s fingers paused on the zipper. She wanted to be confident. She wanted to be able to just let the garment fall, to let it pool at her feet, to cast it aside and throw herself into Kate’s arms. To kiss and be kissed. To touch her, feel her, to surround herself in the unique smell that was only Kate. But she couldn’t. She squeezed the fabric between her fingers. Fucking scars. Goddamn, stupid fucking scars.

  Kate had told her so many times that they didn’t matter, that they didn’t detract from how attractive Kate found her or how she saw her. She didn’t doubt what Kate said. She didn’t doubt that Kate would look at the scars on her body and see them only as badges of her survival. Of her strength. No. She didn’t doubt Kate.

  What she doubted was her own ability to see past those pink, puckered lines of flesh. To see them and not remember her own fear. Her own certainty that she was going to die that night. She’d been ready to give up, to give in and tell Ally anything she could to make her stop. It wasn’t the scars she saw when she looked at them. It was her own fear. Her weakness. She saw the exact opposite to Kate. It wasn’t an ugly scar she worried about. She worried that Kate would one day look upon them and see the weakness she tried to hide. The cowardice she held in her heart.

  Kate’s eyes were filled with desire, concern, and understanding in equal measure. But there was something else that shone brighter than each of them in her eyes.

  “I love you, Gina Temple.” She smiled softly and reached
for Gina’s hand. “You don’t have to do this.”

  “You’ve said that already.”

  “I meant it then, and I mean it now.”

  “I know.” Gina stepped back and gathered her courage. If she wanted to be with Kate, to truly be a family with her—she needed to do this. For herself. She drew in a deep breath and lowered the zipper, one tooth at a time. Kate’s pupils dilated, and Gina took courage from the desire so obvious on Kate’s face. She brushed the fabric from her shoulders, down her arms, then pushed it past her hips to the ground so she couldn’t use it to cover her chest.

  Kate’s mouth fell agape, and her tongue slipped out to wet her lips. “So beautiful,” she whispered.

  Gina smiled shyly. “I’m very—” her voice cracked. She cleared her throat and tried again. “I’m very glad you think so.” She reached behind her back with trembling hands to unhook her bra and quickly cast it aside.

  She expected the feelings of nervousness and trepidation to continue—escalate, even—as she undressed before Kate, but that didn’t happen. She’d thought that Kate had made her feel special when she’d had to undress at the hospital. Clearly, Kate had been holding back. The look of awe on her face made Gina forget every worry she had. She felt worshipped as Kate leant forward and reached out a hand so slowly it was like she was approaching something precious and fragile she couldn’t stand to be apart from for one second longer.

  “May I?” she whispered. It was like a prayer leaving her lips.

  Gina nodded. Kate’s fingers were soft, her touch as sweet as Gina had always known it would be. And when Kate tugged her into her lap and wrapped her arms around her, Gina knew she was home.

  “Do you remember when I told you about our first kiss?” Kate whispered as she placed tiny kisses along Gina’s shoulder.

  “The last first kiss?”

  “Yes,” Kate said and kissed her lips, taking an age to explore every inch of Gina’s mouth and not breaking until they were both panting. “I want to remember every detail.”