My Girlfriend's a Geek, Volume 1

by Pentabu

  because she had to watch the recording of the first half of Satomi Hakkenden.

  If there was a choice between Shinsengumi and Satomi Hakkenden, she ought to be choosing the latter.

  Y-KO: Huh? Yeah, but I just can’t miss seeing Toshizo Hijikata.

  ME: Sigh… Well, I suppose you can always just record the second half of Hakkenden.

  Y-KO: Huh?

  … What is so confusing about that?

  Y-KO: No, the show I need to record is Furuhata, obviously!

  Obviously. How silly of me.

  I agree. Ninzaburo Furuhata is a great show, of course.

  Ain’t that right… Y-kooo? (twitching my eyebrows, like Furuhata)

  Tra-la-la-la-la-la, tra-la-la-la (that’s supposed to be the Furuhata theme).

  … Okay, me, settle down.

  ME: So, uh… What about Hakkenden?

  What happened to Hakkenden, the show so important that you couldn’t come get me because of it?

  Y-KO: Oh,

  I wasn’t really all that interested in it.

  So, to sum it all up…

  Furuhata > Shinsengumi > Satomi Hakkenden > boyfriend’s first visit home.

  So the final boss was Y-ko, after all…

  I don’t think I’ll ever beat her.

  Home visit~Epilogue~

  2006/01/12 19:04

  Well, I was planning to wrap up the “Home Visit” saga with the last entry,

  but since it left such a terrible last impression of Y-ko, I’m composing an epilogue with the full truth.

  Warning: I nearly decided to completely omit this part of the story.

  The following should only be read by the stout of heart.

  The car is heading back to the station with me inside.

  Y-ko is driving, and I am in the passenger seat.

  ME: The Shinsengumi show was pretty good, huh?

  Y-KO: Yeah. That boy running at the end was pretty cute, too.

  ME: … You mean Tetsunosuke Ichimura?

  Y-KO: Yeah, Tetsunosuke. How do you remember that stuff?

  ME: It’s fairly common info…

  Y-KO: Was he your type?

  ME: ………

  I shot back a silent, chilling glare.

  But Y-ko, concentrating on the road, didn’t notice.

  Y-KO: The Shinsengumi were a really interesting group, weren’t they?

  ME: Well, you have to understand, there were a lot of liberties taken with that show.

  Y-KO: Really?

  ME: They say that Soji Okita was actually rather dark skinned and wide faced.

  Y-KO: …… Would you mind not crushing a young maiden’s dreams like that?

  ME: You’re not a “young maiden” anym—okay, I’m sorry! Just watch the road!

  Don’t take your eyes off it just to glare at me!

  ME: I mean, it makes for an interesting story.

  But I always wonder what the real Shinsengumi were like in person.

  Y-KO: You do?

  ME: Yeah. Like, I imagine the real Toshizo Hijikata was much fiercer and probably came across much more savage than even in the TV show…

  Y-KO: Ah.

  Y-ko gripped the steering wheel, making sounds of agreement.

  ME: Of course, the show was pretty good overall. The casting sure was deluxe.

  Y-KO: Yeah, totally.

  ME: And by the way, did you know this?

  The Shinsengumi were actually—[omitted]—not to mention—[omitted]—like that.

  Also—[omitted]—was—[omitted]—and—[omitted]—in fact—[omitted]—put to death.

  Interesting, isn’t it? (← endless reams of trivia)

  … Whoops. Did I go a little overboard?

  Y-KO: I see… So to sum up all of that…

  Tetsunosuke was really cute.

  … Um…

  ME: Were you listening to me at all?

  Y-KO: Oh, look over there! That restaurant is really good.

  ME: ……

  I could have cried.

  Y-KO: I’m just kidding. Of course I was listening; don’t cry.

  ME: I’m not crying…

  I’m almost crying. There’s a difference.

  Y-KO: You know, it’s really hard to listen to a bunch of trivia that you don’t give a crap about.

  “Hard”… “Don’t give a crap about”…

  The words are stabbing me. Painfully.

  Y-KO: But you know, after that whole speech…

  I’m thinking maybe I should cut back on giving you lectures about BL this year.

  It was such an apologetic admission,

  a statement of actual empathy for what I’ve had to go through.

  What a strange state of mind to be in…!

  For some reason, Y-ko pulled the car off the road and into the darkness.

  ME: Um… What’s the matter?

  Y-KO: Here’s your question! Why didn’t I come to pick you up earlier today?

  ME: Uh, because…

  Y-KO: (A) I was watching Satomi Hakkenden.

  That’s the answer.

  Y-KO: (B) It’s been so long since we met, I was feeling shy.

  … What?

  Y-KO: (C) Because if I came to pick you up, it would be too hard to resist making out.

  … Uh…

  Y-KO: (D) I told my parents that after I drop you off, I’m going to return some DVDs.

  … Meaning that you have extra time to burn during this trip?

  Y-KO: (E) Can I kiss you?

  … Why are you taking off your seat belt?

  Y-KO: What is the correct answer?

  ……

  ME: (A) You were watching Satomi Hakkenden.

  Y-KO: Is that your final answer?

  ME: That’s my final answer.

  Y-KO: … That is correct! You win!!

  I was right?!

  Y-KO: It was a trick question. Answer A was wrong, and all the others are right.

  So you picked the right one.

  ME: … That doesn’t make any sense.

  Y-KO: Now, you deserve your prize… What do you think it is?

  …

  ……

  ………

  I’ll let you imagine what the prize was. Go on, use your imagination.

  She bought one…

  2006/02/21 19:35

  Lately, I find that my closet is becoming more and more otaku-ized (cat ears, nurse uniforms, etc.).

  I’ve been quite busy recently.

  I leave the house, and I don’t get back until after midnight.

  I climb the stairs to my apartment,

  walk down the narrow hallway, and finally reach the door.

  Put the key in the lock, turn the doorknob, open the door, and—

  ME: I’m home… Bwagh!

  Y-KO: Welcome home, master… What kind of reaction was that?!

  ME: Wh-wh-what is that?!

  Y-KO: What do you mean? It’s a maid outfit, master.

  ME: You bought one?!

  Y-KO: I bought one, master.

  ME: … Would you stop calling me “master”?

  Y-KO: How come?! A maid always says “master”!

  ME: I don’t know… It’s just weird.

  Y-KO: By the way, master?

  ME: You’re just going to ignore me, then.

  Y-KO: Hey…

  ME: What?

  Y-KO: This outfit is really chilly.

  ME: ……… I see.

  True, the fabric looked thin.

  Y-KO: So help warm me up already, master.

  ME: ………… Is that how you usually ask things of your master?

  Why am I playing along with this?

  I hope it’s just because I’m so exhausted that my brain can’t put up a fight anymore.

  Y-KO: … I’m cold. Warm me up, master.

  ME: Yep. Sounds like it’s getting worse.

  Y-KO: Oh, shut up with the comments. I’m freezing! Master.

  Even in her terrible mood, she never forge
ts the “master.”

  ME: Okay, in that case, let’s hear your typical maid act. I believe it goes,

  “Would you like dinner, master? Or would you like to take a bath? Orrr…”

  Ready? Go!

  Y-KO: Gross!

  ME: ………

  ………

  This is not how a maid acts.

  Welcome home, master.

  2006/03/14 21:09

  So Y-ko had finally bought herself a maid outfit, and within days, this happened.

  This is my first update in a while; sorry about the wait.

  Ever since my closet welcomed the newest member of its family (a maid outfit) several days ago,

  I’ve been opening my front door to the greetings of a somewhat surly maid.

  Y-KO: Welcome home.

  ME: Yeah, it’s nice to be back.

  Y-KO: Would you like dinner, master? Or would you like a bath? Or… me?

  ME: Uh, dinner, please. I’m starving.

  Y-KO: Very good, master. I am in the mood for stew today, master.

  ME: Huh? What you mean, you’re in the mood?

  Y-KO: I haven’t had stew in a while. It sounds really good tonight.

  ME: Okay. And?

  Y-KO: I’ve got all the ingredients here. So make some, master. I’m cold, so I’m staying under the covers.

  ME: Huh?!

  Y-KO: Well, good luck.

  ME: What?! Y-ko!

  Yes.

  This is how it’s been.

  It doesn’t make sense, does it?

  She thinks that all she has to do is wear the outfit and call me “master.”

  That’s wrong. That’s not how it works.

  This is the same thing as always. I’m still the one who’s doing all the work!

  Plus, I honestly think the maid outfit is pretty bulky and annoying.

  It really puts the dampers on any kind of romantic mood.

  If my answer to the three-part question above was “me,” it’s really a hell of a task to get the thing off.

  This time, I’m on my way home with my heart steeled and my mind firm.

  I am going to give this willful young lady a stern talking-to. It’s time to force her to wake up and smell the roses.

  Yes.

  When I set my mind to it, I can do anything. (Baseless self-confidence.)

  Plus, in the event of an emergency, I do have the most salient points jotted down on a cheat sheet in my pocket.

  I am fully prepared.

  Time to take down Miss Willful.

  I marched down my street, heavyhearted but determined, a protagonist ready to face his tragic fate!

  Then I was standing at the door of my apartment.

  I took a deep breath and grabbed the doorknob!

  Pentabu is ready for the battle of his life!

  Click!!

  Welcome home, master.

  ME: I’m ho…

  They’re multiplying.

  And this one has cat ears.

  … Wh-who is she?!

  What’s going on?!

  And what eroge is that on the computer?!

  My mind was reeling so fiercely, the next words out of my mouth were in English!

  ME: Wh-wh-who are you?

  And Y-ko answered in the same!

  Y-KO: I’m fine, thank you!

  ME: No! That’s not what I asked!

  O-E: I’m Y-ko’s friend. My name is O-e. Nice to meet you, Uke-Sebas.

  ME: I’m not Uke-Sebas! And what the hell are you doing?!

  Y-KO: Practicing our wedding presentation. We’re going to sing and dance in maid costumes!

  ME: I see. And why are you practicing this here?

  Y-KO: My maid outfit was left here.

  ME: Well, why didn’t you just take it out and go to, uh… O-e’s house, then?

  O-E: Oh, sorry. I asked her not to do that.

  ME: … Huh?

  O-E: I have friends over all the time. I don’t want them to see the maid costumes there…

  Y-KO: Yeah, sorry. So you’ll let her keep her costume here, too, right?

  ME: … Huh?

  O-E: Sorry about all this, Uke-Sebas.

  ME: Okay, first of all, I’m not Uke-Sebas.

  How should I put this?

  This makes it even harder for me to have friends over.

  One of my classmates from college even lives on the same floor of this building.

  This is much too dangerous!

  The moment he opens my closet door, my social life at school is essentially over!!

  Simple is best.

  2006/03/19 20:15

  The maid costume.

  This outfit has been a cornerstone of the recent “moe” boom,

  but I have my misgivings.

  Sure, the maid outfit might be tops in terms of image.

  And hearing someone say, “Welcome home, master,” is indeed rather moe.

  However.

  It doesn’t work that way when Y-ko is wearing it.

  All it means is that she ends more sentences with “master” than before, and nothing else is different.

  There is no attempt to serve or please. She believes that she can toss in a “master” here and there and can otherwise say whatever the hell she wants.

  “I want to eat stew, master.”

  “I want a new BL game, master.”

  “Roy x Ed, haah, haah… master.”

  It’s constantly like this.

  That’s not moe.

  There’s no way to find that moe.

  In the last case, there’s nothing even remotely moe-possible about it.

  But that’s not all.

  My biggest problem is this…

  A maid outfit is like a huge overcoat!

  Not only that, but it has way too many buttons.

  If I’m trying to undo them all with one hand, I’d get a cramp before I finished.

  Don’t ask what the other hand is doing; I’ll leave that to your imagination.

  Even if I use both hands, there are still way too many.

  Even if I did them in chunks with short breaks in between, there are still way too many.

  Don’t ask what we’d be doing during those breaks; I’ll leave that to your imagination.

  That’s right.

  The maid outfit has many challenges associated with it.

  Y-KO: … Okay, how about if I just don’t take it off at all?

  Like, we could do it with the costume on.

  ME: Yes, I see!

  Y-KO: What? You like that?! Haah. Forget it! I’m gonna take a bath.

  ME: Okay, have a nice one.

  Many minutes later…

  Y-KO: Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

  She came back from the bathroom, oddly excited.

  She had a huge bath towel wrapped tightly around her body.

  ME: … What’s up?

  Y-KO: I forgot that my pajamas were in the wash!

  ME: Oh. And?

  Y-KO: I was considering just going naked, but it’s too cold for that.

  ME: It is still March, after all.

  Y-KO: So…

  Flap!

  She ripped the towel right off!

  And underneath—

  Y-KO: What do you think?!

  A huge, loose dress shirt (light pink)!!

  ME: ………!!

  Yes, the dress shirt that I left behind last time, when I wore my new suit!

  The light pink color was a perfect match for the fresh-out-of-the-bath look—very sexy!

  Not only that, but a sheerness you can’t get with a thick, bulky maid costume!

  Because of the height difference between us, her hands didn’t even reach the sleeves!

  And not only that, the shirt is just barely transparent (this is the most important part)!

  Well done, Y-ko! You know exactly where my tastes run!!

  Pranks.

  2006/03/21 17:14

  Y-ko simply loves BL games, novels, and manga.

 
It’s almost shameful how much she loves them.

  For a time, she even brought large quantities of her BL materials to keep at my house, along with her usual assortment of shjo manga.

  But.

  I am still a college student.

  It’s quite normal for my friends to gather over at my place.

  What would my college friends think if they saw these BL goods stacked around the place?

  “Y-you read this stuff, dude…?”

  I can see it already.

  Terrified of this horrifying prospect,

  I enacted a ban on any BL-related materials within the apartment

  and carried out a stringent eradication of the same.

  As a result, I was able to avoid the possibility of having my personal reputation ruined in the eyes of my friends, and the peace of my household was upheld.

  Since then,

  none of Y-ko’s BL goods have infiltrated my domicile.

  I was able to invite company into my home without the fear of slander or insult.

  … For a time.

  But I was naive.

  I was so naive.

  And you cannot be naive with Y-ko.

  Y-ko uses my computer freely and without supervision.

  Since I had forbid her to bring in BL stuff,

  she began the habit of using my computer to surf the Web whenever she was bored.

  By failing to monitor her habits, I soon discovered that she left a trail of ridiculous search results.

  “**-uke”

  “**-seme”

  And that was only the beginning.

  When things got really bad…

  “bleeeep”

  “blee-bleeep”

  And not only that,

  but the kind of results that would typically be not only bleeped out, but struck through.

  Therefore,

  I’ve gotten into a habit of

  checking my Internet history

  whenever I boot up my computer and start up the Internet browser.

  I also have to check my favorites listing once a week.

  The list usually starts off with the weather forecast,

  but sometimes when I visit the first link in the list,