In the Fire

by Eileen Griffin

  My chest ached just looking at how young and naïve we were. Two days after the picture was taken, we were standing at the airport with my bags packed and my passport in my hand as we said goodbye.

  Without saying a word, Ethan pushed my backpack off my shoulders and crushed me to him. His lips brushed against mine. “It’s only six months. We can do six months. Right?”

  I nodded and kissed him again, wanting the single kiss to tell him everything would be okay. It’d be a lonely, rough six months, but we would be fine. We already had six months together and in another six months I’d be back, just like this. When Ethan finally broke the kiss, I bumped my forehead to his. “I love you. I’ll be home before you know it.”

  He let me go and I made my way on wooden legs through the security line. I only looked back once and felt like my heart was being torn from my chest when I saw him standing there, close but already a million miles away. As soon as I had made it to the other side, and he and Claire were lost from view, I broke down. I must have stood there for a full ten minutes before I heard the overhead speakers announce the boarding for my flight. When we taxied down the runway, I knew I was doing the single hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. Not even my parents disowning me for being gay had hurt this much. I’d just left the one person who had made me feel whole and loved.

  It hadn’t been the single hardest day of my life. The months of being apart had taken their toll on both of us, culminating in a huge fight when I told him I had gotten an internship for the next year in New York and wouldn’t even be able to come home for a visit before I started. That day at Sea-Tac airport had been a goddamn cakewalk compared to the day in June when I landed in New York with the knowledge my relationship was all but finished and I had no idea how to fix it.

  I traced Ethan’s face with my finger. Eight years and I still had no clue what I was going to say to him this weekend. It was time to put it all behind us.

  Chapter Five

  Ethan

  After the busy lunch rush, I had a few minutes of quiet while everyone took their breaks. If I was going to attend this shindig in New York without losing it, I’d need backup. I knew the perfect person to ask in Manhattan. Before I could chicken out, I glanced at my watch then dialed her number. New York was three hours ahead, so she should be around—unless she was out schmoozing potential clients.

  Lily Thomas. Bombshell beautiful with the thickest New Yawk accent I’d ever heard, Lily was an irresistible combination of feminine looks with a dirty mouth. I’d met her at a wine thing Cal had badgered me into going to years ago, after I’d first started at Sharpe’s.

  Other wine distribution reps at the function had seen me as just another face, another person to schmooze so they could pad their invoices at the end of the month. Lily, though, was different. She was a natural blonde with big brown eyes and pin-up-girl curls. Right from the beginning she had caught everyone’s eye, mine included. A few flirty comments passed back and forth, and before I knew it, she dragged me into a closet for a quickie without exchanging another word. Lily was fun and didn’t want anything from me but my body. After having what passed for my heart ripped out by Lassiter, she’d been a welcome distraction and we’d kept up an easy friendship with dirty benefits over the years.

  “Well, good afternoon to you, Starshine. The earth says hello,” she purred.

  “Hey, beautiful. Are you in the city?” I sat back in my chair and rubbed my eyes.

  “Why? Are you coming to see me? Or should I say, coming on me?”

  Her throaty laugh settled low in my stomach and despite my exhaustion, I felt myself smile.

  “Both. It’s been too long since I’ve toured the Big Apple.”

  “Is that what they’re calling it these days?” I could hear her seductive smile over the line.

  “I need a date, lovely Lily.”

  “A date?” Her voice rose in surprise. “You know we don’t date, E. We meet, we eat, we drink and we fuck.” She paused. “All my favorite things, really.”

  “Not a real date. I have this thing to go to and I didn’t want to be left alone in a room of self-important douchebags.” And the man who broke my heart.

  She laughed louder this time. “Tell me how you really feel about them, E.”

  “I have to go for the restaurant, but I really don’t want to. At least if you were there we could get drunk and make fun of all the rich people. I’m sure we can find a janitor closet to reenact old times.”

  “Such a romantic. It’s a wonder you haven’t been snapped up.”

  “I like to chalk it up to my sparkling wit and humor.”

  She snickered. “It’s why I hang out with you. That and your dick.”

  “My dick and I will be happy to see you. I’ll email you the details.”

  “I’ll be there. It’ll be good to have you on my home turf for once. See you in a few days, Ethan.”

  “Later, Lils.”

  As I hung up the phone, my office door swung open and Claire appeared, a worried look on her face.

  “What’s wrong? Did Tyler figure out the new sauce recipe okay?”

  “Tyler’s fine. We just got this, though.”

  She handed me a piece of paper, which I quickly skimmed. “A notice from the fire suppression company? Didn’t we just have the system and nozzles inspected a few months ago?” By code, the systems had to be inspected on a regular schedule, as fire was always a danger in a commercial kitchen. High heat, gas flames and hot oil didn’t mix.

  Claire nodded. “We did and we passed, remember?”

  “Why are we being inspected again? This doesn’t make any sense.” When I saw the date of the inspection I cursed. “I’m going to be flying back the day the inspector is here. Goddamn it. Let me call and tell them I can’t go.”

  “E, you can still go. Cal and I have this, okay? There’s not much for you to do when they’re here anyhow, remember? At least this way they can get them done without you pacing and glowering like usual.”

  “I bet you’ll be happy to finally get your own place and not have to worry about all this shit.”

  “You know I love working with you, big brother, and any place has its issues, but I’m here with you now. Cal and I have this under control. So get your ass to New York before I have to drag you there myself.”

  I shot her a glare before she left the office. “We’ll see.”

  Her head popped back into view before the door shut, her expression serious. With barely a whisper she mouthed, “He’s waiting outside. Be nice.”

  No time like the present. I nodded and held my hands up in mock surrender before she popped back out of view.

  “Chef?” Tyler’s head poked through the open door.

  “Yes, New Guy?”

  “You told me to get you after I finished lunch.”

  “Got a minute?”

  “Sure Chef.” Tyler tried to hide the sudden confusion and anxiety in his expression.

  “Look, I know I can be an asshole—”

  Tyler’s head snapped up, his eyes widening. “I’ve never thought that. You’re just...kind of intimidating sometimes.”

  “Yeah, I can be and everyone knows it. But I want you to know something else. You’re safe here. I might get pissed off and yell, but I’m happy with how hard you’re working. And I’m not going to kick you out of my kitchen the way your parents kicked you out of their house. I may be an asshole, but I’m not that kind of asshole.”

  My gut clenched when Tyler’s head tilted down, the embarrassment written all over his face.

  “You’re not the first person I’ve known in this situation. Your parents are fucktards for how they treated you. I had a friend once...”

  I coughed to clear my throat, which had suddenly become too tight. When would talking about Jamie ever
get easier?

  “I had a friend whose parents reacted the same way. They found out he was gay and they abandoned him. Granted, he never had to stay on the streets or in shelters like you did but he lost pretty much everything.” I felt sick to my stomach when I remembered how badly I’d reacted when Jamie had come out to his parents. How he had initially lied to them that I was his study partner, refusing to acknowledge our relationship. With time and perspective, I knew now I’d overreacted.

  When Tyler finally looked up, his expression was a mixture of curiosity and embarrassment. I took a steadying breath.

  “He stayed with me and Claire for a while. Just like Enrique and Flora took you in. There’s nothing wrong in accepting help when you need it and there’s absolutely nothing wrong, or weird or different about being gay.” I lowered my voice. “My dad left before he figured out I was bi but I know how it feels when people judge you for something you can’t change. It’s like breathing, right...who you love? You don’t really choose it, it just is.”

  The deep sadness I’d seen in Tyler’s eyes when I’d found him behind the restaurant returned in force. The months at Enrique’s house had helped, but it was still there and it pissed me off that anyone could give birth to a child only to kick them to the curb for something ingrained like their sexuality.

  My voice cracked and I cleared my throat. “I know it’s hard to trust when you’ve been let down before. But I just wanted to let you know you have friends here who care about you. You ever need anything—advice, help, or hell, just someone to vent to—you’ve got it. My door is always open.”

  When Tyler didn’t respond, I scrubbed a hand over my face. Maybe I’d done more damage than good with my little talk. I was just about to call for Claire to come help me out when Tyler finally met my eyes and nodded.

  “Thanks, Chef. It means...more than you know.”

  Thank you, cooking gods.

  “All right. Why don’t you go get your station prepped for our lesson today? I’ll be there in a second. And make sure you drink some water. This damn kitchen is running hot today.”

  As the door shut behind him, I wasn’t sure who was more relieved the conversation was over, him or me. After all these years of trying to keep memories of Jamie at bay, it had only taken a single day for him to come crashing back into my life.

  * * *

  Three days, five hours, three thousand miles and four Jack and Cokes later I finally exited the plane at JFK. My foot had finally stopped tapping nervously by the time we passed over Iowa. Now if I could meet up with Lily and get this award dinner over without punching anyone, I’d be golden.

  I grabbed my bag off the carousel and snagged a cab. After fighting traffic for ages, it finally pulled up in front of the hotel the awards had set me up at and I let out a low whistle.

  I definitely wasn’t in my kitchen in Seattle anymore. The clothes of everyone around me screamed money. I had the feeling my most comfortable pair of ripped jeans, T-shirt and black hoodie with chucks weren’t exactly dress code for the Le Parker Meridien.

  After getting checked in and getting the stink eye from a snooty-looking woman in the elevator, I finally made it to my room. I eyed the rented tux I found hanging in the closet courtesy of the concierge service and scowled. Chefs didn’t belong in tuxes. They belonged in their kitchens cooking. I had an hour and a half before I had to be at the Plaza Hotel where they were holding the dinner. Plenty of time to shower and get in my monkey suit before Lily was supposed to show up.

  Once I was dressed, I let out a deep breath and flopped back on the bed. Even numb from the booze, I still found myself dreading the event even more than before I’d left. I rolled over and tugged the small netbook I’d borrowed from Claire from my bag. I waited for the Wi-Fi to connect and paused with my fingers hovering over the keyboard. I wondered if I was really ready to see Lassiter again.

  For shits and giggles, I typed in the web search box, “Naked pictures James Lassiter.” I was unreasonably disappointed when the search returned zero results, but not surprised. Even when I’d known him, Jamie had blushed like crazy. I couldn’t imagine anyone convincing him to take naked pics or make a sex tape, though celebrity shit seemed to sell like crazy. I pushed down disgust at my own perversity as the booze and memory of a naked, blushing Jamie got me at half-mast.

  I cleared the search box and typed in “blog James Lassiter.” If I didn’t delete the search history before I gave Claire back her computer, I’d never hear the end of it. I scrolled through the search results and clicked on a link. A professional website popped up, with a very serious-looking Lassiter staring back from a photo. I clicked on the media links and scrolled through a gallery of pictures stretching back the last few years. Most were media appearances or pics of him shaking hands with other famous, rich people. My eyes narrowed at a series with Jamie and his boyfriend...the name started with a T. Travis? Tom? Whatever. I read the caption below and scowled. “Trevor.”

  I kept scrolling and saw several more pics with Jamie standing next to a Latino man, more with famous chefs. When I didn’t see any older pictures, I felt a weight settle heavier in my gut. What was I expecting to find? Pictures of Jamie and me smiling happily? Obviously it hadn’t worked out.

  Time to pack it in and grab another bottle of booze from the minibar. But first I idly clicked on the bio section and got a punch in the gut. A single picture taken with me, Claire and Jamie together stretched across the top of the page. In the photo we were laughing and food was smeared across our clothes and faces. It had been taken after a food fight we’d had one night when Jamie had been living with us. Before he’d left for Paris. My face heated when I remembered what had happened afterward when I’d dragged a frosting-covered Jamie into the shower. We’d used all the hot water and Claire had yelled at us afterward.

  A sharp rap on the door had me cursing and I quickly closed the computer, shoving it back in the bag. I attempted to adjust my now-painful hard-on and prayed whomever was on the other side of the door wouldn’t notice.

  I opened the door to find a very smug-looking Lily. Her gaze immediately dropped to my crotch as she deadpanned, “Is that a whisk in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?”

  Chapter Six

  Jamie

  I tugged the knot loose on my tie and tried to retie it for the fourth time. Trevor came up behind me and swatted my hands away. “You’d think after being in this get-up so many times, you’d have gotten better at tying a tie by now.”

  I watched in the mirror as he deftly tied it. “Give me a break. You hate these things as much as I do.” I paused, the main reason my head wasn’t focused on the damn tie left unspoken.

  Trevor’s hands gentled on my lapel and moved to my shoulders. “We don’t have to stay long.” They lingered there for a moment longer before he backed away, his hands falling to his sides as he crossed the room to the door. “C’mon. Let’s go grab a drink before the photo circus starts. I’m buying.”

  I snorted and tucked my key card into my jacket pocket before following him into the hallway. “Where were those words Wednesday night when I picked up the tab at La Terrazza?”

  He turned to face me as we waited for the elevator, an expression of innocence on his face. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I always pick up the check. You’re just too surrounded by admirers to realize it.” His cocky smile broke through. We both knew Trevor had more than paid my way over the years.

  Trevor’s family was wealthy and he could, and often did, pick up the tab. His parents had paid for our rent the first year we were in New York, never once holding my lack of funds against me or using their generosity as a guilt tactic to hold over my head. They were the polar opposite of my parents, and it had taken me months to realize they weren’t interested in controlling us or our careers. They simply went with it all and supported us until we were both on
our feet financially.

  In the elevator, I looked into the gilded mirrors to see Trevor grimacing as he stared at the top of the car. His low grumbles about Muzak being almost as bad as grunge had me laughing out loud and made the tension of seeing Ethan ease just a little.

  As we neared the lobby, Trevor nudged me with his elbow and smiled widely. “Showtime.”

  * * *

  “James? It’s been ages since we’ve seen each other.”

  I knew the owner of the voice before I even turned around. Before I could fully face him, two strong arms pulled me into a hug. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh as I caught the murderous expression on Trevor’s face over Alex’s shoulder, or to huff in frustration. Everything with my last ex-boyfriend resulted in a spectacle to fuel his need to be the center of attention. While most of us hated it, Alex relished seeing his pictures plastered across the daily newspapers and celebrity magazines.

  “I’ve been on the book tour this past month. Just got back in town on Sunday. How are things at Almuerzo?”

  When I finally pulled back, he handed me a fresh glass of champagne. He smirked as Trevor closed the distance between us and came to stand right next to me. At five foot ten with broad shoulders and a stocky body, Alex had always carried himself with more confidence than anyone else I knew. His perfect smile, olive skin and jet-black hair made him the source of much discussion in our world, both in and out of the news rags. It had taken me years to come to terms with my sexuality when I was younger, while Alex never batted an eye about it. He was out and proud and all too often carted his newest, and often much younger, conquests around town.

  “Things are better than ever. I have a new sous chef under me who is working out better than I expected.” I snorted and was about to come up with a witty comeback about whether his sous chef liked being under or over him when an attractive couple entering the bar caught my eye. I drew in a deep breath, anxiety bubbling up as I watched them make their way into the room.