Dear Dumb Diary Year Two #2: The Super-Nice Are Super-Annoying
Page 6
He just likes not grossing somebody out.”
“Maybe Hudson is the richest,” I said.
“What difference would it make?”
Angeline said.
“None, I guess. But he is kind of fancy, you
can’t deny that.”
“His parents focus a lot on manners, and
that’s probably why he snapped. He got tired of it.
But he’s not richer than any of us.” She stopped and
watched the people on the dance floor for a minute.
“And besides, look at Isabella — people can pretend
to be nice, or they can pretend not to be. I like what
you said — manners just make it so we don’t bother
each other too much. That’s pretty much all they’re
good for.”
And now I think that’s enough.
“Do you think that Sebastian really is rich?” I
asked Angeline.
Before she could answer, the door to the
cafeteria opened, and Bruntford hobbled in on a
cane. I wondered what she was doing there.
“Well . . .” Angeline smiled. “I think he’s
probably doing okay.” She winked as she nodded
toward Bruntford.
Sebastian walked over, hugged Bruntford,
and gave her a little kiss on the cheek.
“OMG!! ! SEBASTIAN IS DATING
BRUNTFORD !!!” I yell-whispered.
“Whattt?? Sebastian is Bruntford’s son,”
Angeline said. “Everybody knows that. That’s why
he was filling in for her. His pictures were up at her
house, for crying out loud.”
Oh my gosh. I thought he looked familiar.
“Isabella should keep in mind that if she
marries somebody just for their money, she might
not like what goes along with the deal.”
Oh, man. Angeline was right. Can you
imagine what the kids might look like?
Saturday 28
Dear Dumb Diary,
I went over to Isabella’s house today and was
happy to learn that she is back to her normal self.
The vision of Sebastian arm in arm with Bruntford
shook her to her core.
She had never really considered the power
of niceness before, and said that she thinks it has
some real potential, although she now sees the
great risk of using niceness recklessly and ending
up with Bruntford as your mother -in-law.
She said that she thinks it’s okay to be nice,
but you have to be careful when you fake it.
Hudson emailed me a thank-you note today,
too. (I guess it’s that mannerly upbringing he had.)
Here’s what it said:
Dear Jamie —
Thanks for your hard work on our project. I might
have blown it for us if you hadn’t done so well in the
presentation. You really had it right.
Sincerely,
Hudson
P.S. My mom would like to invite you, Isabella,
Angeline, Pinsetti, and Yolanda over for dinner. She’ll
make her specialty — spaghetti.
I’ll still be reminded of Pinsetti’s nose as I
eat. But it would be rude to decline the invitation,
and I think that I can now imagine Pinsetti’s nose as
a more delicate and well - mannered feature of
his face. Besides, if it gets really uncomfortable, I
can count on Isabella to start pinching.
Oh, one other thing, Dumb Diary. You know
how Shakespeare wrote that poem for his true love?
I made one for mine. It’s called “Dear Dumb
Diary”:
When I’m sweet,
Or when I’m yelly,
Thanks for listening,
Do Manners Matter?
Think you’ve got what it takes to master manners,
like Angeline, Hudson, and Pinsetti? Test your skills
below!
1.) If you accidentally burp at the dinner table, you
should say:
a. “You’re welcome!”
b. “Yum. Even better the second time.”
c. “Excuse me.”
d. “Did somebody just say your name?”
2.) If a friend has food stuck in her teeth, you should:
a. Laugh and point
b. Tell her quietly, so she can remove it right away
c. Make up a song about it and hope she gets the
point by listening to the lyrics
d. Use your hands to try and forcefully pull the
food out for her
3.) At a formal dinner, your napkin goes:
a. Tucked in your shirt like a bib
b. On your head, folded like a fancy hat
c. Waving in the air like a white flag when you
surrender and can’t eat any more
d. In your lap
4.) When you answer the phone, you should say:
a. “Hello, (your last name) residence!”
b. “Yeah?”
c. “Not you again.”
d. “Tony’s Pizza, can I take your order?”
5.) When eating soup, it’s most polite to:
a. Slurp, so everyone knows you like it
b. Place face in bowl and eat, in case your host
would be offended if you lifted the bowl
c. Eat quietly off a spoon
d. Fold tiny boat from napkin. Place in soup to
create lovely nautical scene.
Hey! Whatever you do, don’t
look for Jamie Kelly’s next
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Dear Dumb Diary Year Two #3:
Nobody’s Perfect. I’m as Close as It Gets.
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About Jim Benton
Jim Benton is not a middle - school girl, but do
not hold that against him. He has managed to
make a living out of being funny, anyway.
He is the creator of many licensed properties,
some for big kids, some for little kids, and some
for grown-ups who, frankly, are probably behaving
like little kids.
You may already know his properties: It’s
Happy Bunny™ or Just Jimmy™, and of course
you already know about Dear Dumb Diary.
He’s created a kids’ TV series, designed
clothing, and written books.
Jim Benton lives in Michigan with his spectac -
ular wife and kids. They do not have a dog, and
they especially do not have a vengeful beagle.
This is his first series for Scholastic.
Jamie Kelly has no idea that Jim Benton, or
you, or anybody is reading her diaries. So, please,
please, please don’t tell her.
Can't WE ALL not GET Along?
Dear Dumb Diary,
I was really the one who deserved the right to nicely apologize
to Bruntford, but Angeline was somehow taking credit for the
apology without going to the trouble of committing the crime
Angeline has a condition that causes her to be annoying.
Doctors refer to this as Niceism Disease or Nicenicity,
and we're pretty sure it has no cure. The problem is that when
docotors try to cure them of it, the patien
ts are so appreciative
that they get little gift baskets for the doctors and—BAM!—
now they're even nicer than they were before.
It's tragic, really.
WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T READ
JAMIE KELLY'S OTHER DIARIES. . . .
www.scholastic.com/deardumbdiary
Cover art by Jamie Kelly with the help of Jim Benton
Cover design by Steve Scott and Yaffa Jaskoll
Jim Benton’s Tales from Mackerel Middle School