Brothers & Sisters

by Brothers

  ‘When you get married, I will dress you on your wedding day as I did on your christening day. The only difference is I will use your hands to do it, not mine. These old hands are too stiff now anyway, I’d rather work with yours. This awful disease will not get the better of me, not yet anyway.’

  A loud sob escaped as Lizzie gasped for air.

  ‘I will lovingly fix every strand of your hair before I place your veil on your head and your father and I will walk side by side with you down the aisle when you get married. You will always know I am with you… I will never leave you.

  ‘There is a special person that should be part of your life and I would like you to find him. When you do, tell him I love him as much as can be, always have. He is your older brother,’ Lucas cleared his throat as though he was trying to remove himself from any prior knowledge.

  ‘I was only fourteen when he was born and although I would have loved nothing better to keep him and love him like any mother would, given the circumstances of my life at the time and the danger we both would have been in, I had no choice but to let him go. It was a different time then but there has not been a day since, when I haven’t thought of him. His name is Michael McGrath. He was born in Kilkenny and he now owns Fitzpatrick Farm. I promised his mother, the lady that reared him for me, that I would never come back and I haven’t, but life is too short and I wish for you to have a loving big brother as I did. A brother that will protect you as Tim has done for me. A brother that will be with you when you need him.

  ‘Trust your instincts always and when you are not sure, listen to your heart, it will tell you what to do. I know because I have heard your heart speak with compassion and love. Know your limits, but test them often. Allow yourself to be sad; allow yourself to be happy. Just don’t be either exclusively. Everything passes, Lizzie, whether it is good or bad, so it will be no time till we meet again. Look for me; I will be the one smiling. And in case I can’t tell you then, I tell you now: I love you with all my heart. I want you to listen to our song often and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance. I am and always have been in awe of you, Lizzie. Always and forever. Mum.’

  Lizzie was speechless. How her mother had the foresight to write such a letter she would never know. Lizzie grabbed back the pages that Lucas was holding. ‘This can’t be real,’ she cried. ‘How could I not know this?’ Her body turned cold. ‘Let me read it again, properly.’ Unable to stop her hands from shaking, she placed the letter on the bed in front of her and read it again.

  Lucas dropped his towel and pulled on his boxers, T-shirt and his jeans as quick as he could.

  ‘It’s Michael McGrath.’ She lifted up the letter with his name on it. ‘I need to tell Tim, Lucas, quick.’ She flung her nightshirt over her head and pulled on her clothes. ‘I just can’t believe this,’ she said, shocked at what she had just learned.

  ‘Lizzie,’ Lucas paused, ‘I think…’ Lucas carefully selected the words he was about to use. His involvement in the Fitzpatrick family business hadn’t been of his own doing and the last thing he wanted was for Lizzie to take it out on him, especially now, since he had just been allowed back in. ‘I think Tim knows,’ he said, screwing up his mouth uneasily.

  ‘What?’ Lizzie pulled her white vest top over her head. ‘What do you mean, he already knows, how would you know?’ She opened her old wardrobe looking for a pair of jeans.

  ‘It’s complicated; I can explain it all on the way in in the car, if you like.’ Lucas was anxious that he was true to his word but even more anxious that he eased some of Lizzie’s confusion.

  ‘Your fucking right it’s complicated.’ She pulled her trainer socks from the travel bag on the chair. Her mother hadn’t tidied them away with the other stuff. ‘Tell me what you know and how?’ Her brow was rutted with curiosity. She gathered up the letters and made her way downstairs. She found her Converse in the hall, sat on the first step and pulled them on.

  ‘This is part of what I learned when I came over to look into the story.’ He sighed. ‘This is why, Marie…’ He paused, waiting for a backlash that never came. He followed Lizzie into the kitchen and watched her search for her keys. ‘…Asked for my help.’

  ‘Who’s Marie, Marie McGrath?’ Lizzie asked.

  ‘Yes, Marie McGrath, Michael’s wife. She was the one that asked me to help out with the story about the body.’

  ‘Marie McGrath.’ Lizzie was confused. ‘What, what do you mean?’

  ‘I didn’t get a chance to explain everything to you but I know Marie from college.’

  ‘Michael McGrath’s wife, Marie,’ she clarified. ‘How does she know everything?’

  ‘Michael’s mother, that is Mrs McGrath,’ he said, correcting himself, ‘told her about Rose and the fact that she was a scared fourteen-year-old who had nowhere else to turn to.’

  ‘And why ask you to cover the story? What, to reveal all the sordid details of my mother’s life?’ She pressed the on button on the alarm and opened the back door to leave. She checked her bag for her keys, her wallet and the letters. It was hard to put a shape on all the questions bouncing about in her head. She was confused, not knowing what to feel. Why hadn’t her mother told her sooner, had she not thought that Lizzie could have handled the news and what was the danger that her mother was in? With so much upheaval, Lizzie didn’t know what to do.

  Lucas followed her outside. ‘On the contrary, Marie was afraid that the secret would get out when the reporters started to look into the story behind the body that was found and she wanted to protect Michael. She was trying to keep the secret, not expose it.’ He held his hand aloft for the keys. ‘I’ll drive.’

  She handed them to him without argument and jumped into the passenger seat of Rose’s car. ‘And why you, why drop everything and go to her, against my wishes?’ Lizzie said exactly what she had wanted to say for the entire week. ‘Why do you keep saying you owe her?’

  Lucas reversed the car from Rose’s drive, crunching quietly on the gravel and pulled out on the road. ‘It’s not so much as I owe her, but I do need to make amends with her. I was a right prick to her in college; not because I cheated on her or anything.’ Lucas was quick to rule out infidelity. ‘But I sort of became obsessed with her and wanted her all to myself, which she didn’t take to very well; I even told her that I’d kill myself if she left me for the guy she was seeing.’

  ‘Were you an item?’

  ‘Only in my imagination,’ Lucas ran his hand through his hair; he was glad he was facing forward and that she couldn’t see the embarrassment that had flared on his cheeks. ‘And her then, boyfriend—’

  ‘Michael?’ Lizzie said, utterly shocked.

  ‘Yes, Michael,’ he threw her a flinching glance, ‘well, he gave me a warning, I will sort of never forget.’ He raised his eyebrows in regret. ‘And when I realised what a prick I had been, it was too late, and I didn’t dare go back looking for her.’

  Lizzie was amazed. She had known that he had gone to college in Ireland but never in her wildest imagination would she have thought this could happen. ‘Oh, Lucas.’

  ‘Yeah,’ he grimaced, ‘talk about fucking up royally. She really was the sweetest girl; I just didn’t know my arse from my elbow back then.’

  ‘Back then?’ Lizzie couldn’t help herself.

  ‘And so when she asked me to help, I knew she must have been in trouble, so that’s why I came.’

  ‘And Michael?’

  ‘Well he hasn’t quite come around yet, but I hope he will, in time.’ He cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders back. ‘Especially when he realises…’ He swallowed hard, it was now or never, he thought to himself, she would either be delighted he would say it or kick him out once and for all, ‘Especially when he realises that…’ He looked to his side and she looked back at him. He checked the road briefly and looked back into her eyes, ‘That I’m in love with his sister.’

  Chapter 38

  Monday Morning – 2016

 
; ‘Morning Michael, I hope I didn’t wake you, its Tim Fitzpatrick here.’ Tim was anxious as he dialled Michael’s number, he wiped the morning dew from the wooden bench to the side of the entrance and lowered himself down; his sciatica always flared whenever he sat in the one position for very long and sitting silently beside Rose’s bed all night hadn’t done him any favours. Tim knew that Michael deserved to know, he just felt compromised not being able to discuss his decision with Rose first.

  ‘Not at all,’ Michael wasn’t surprised to see Tim’s number flash on his phone. ‘Sure I’ve half the day behind me,’ Michael joked politely. ‘How is…’ he hesitated, he was uneasy saying her name out loud. ‘How is your sister doing now?’

  ‘She’s still the same. Michael, I was ringing…’ Tim paused; he tried desperately to find the correct words to use. The morning was so still and fresh, in direct contrast to how he felt inside. ‘You sound as if you are driving, am I interrupting you?’ Tim said.

  Michael looked at Marie and then back to the road. ‘I am driving, not too far away from you actually, I’m in Dublin.’ Michael paused; he hated talking on hands-free in normal circumstances, never mind in situations such as this.

  ‘Oh,’ Tim said, curious about his visit to Dublin. ‘I see.’

  ‘I’m five minutes away from you now; I was going to call in,’ Michael said. The early hours had dragged relentlessly for Michael and when he couldn’t take any more waiting he and Marie had decided to go to the hospital.

  ‘Right.’ Tim thought it unusual. ‘I’ll see you soon then.’ Tim’s voice croaked a bit from tiredness.

  ‘Okay.’ Michael indicated for the hospital entrance, ‘I’m literally driving by your road right now.’ He paused and heard Tim hold his breath.

  ‘Okay, great,’ Tim said. ‘Good timing, I see Lizzie arriving there now too.’

  Lucas dropped her at the entrance and she sprang out of the car. She closed the door, flung her handbag over her shoulder and scooped up her hair into a band.

  ‘Lizzie, over here,’ Tim waved. ‘Michael, I’ll meet you in reception when you park.’

  ‘Tim,’ Lizzie said, walking towards him as he finished his call. ‘Any change?’ she asked, the tension in her voice matching the stiffness in her shoulders.

  ‘No, love. Afraid not.’

  ‘Tim,’ she sat beside him, ‘I’ve found something at Mum’s.’ She fumbled with her zip and rummaged inside her bag.

  ‘Before, you do, there is something I need to tell you, love.’ Tim knew that Michael would arrive any minute and he had little time to spare. The only saving grace was that the concrete, overpriced carpark was a good five-minute walk from the entrance.

  ‘What?’ Lizzie held the envelopes in her hand impatiently. The rate of her breathing increased as she waited eagerly for him to speak.

  ‘It’s about your mum, when she was just a child,’ he began, ‘she had a baby, which she left in the care of someone else.’

  Lizzie bit her lip and dropped her head, closing her eyes. She stayed silent while he spoke.

  ‘The thing is, with your mum being so critical, I was thinking that we should let him…’ His mouth was dry. ‘Her son, know that she is in a bad way.’ Tim’s hand stretched across his mouth and the scratch of his greying stubble sounded as he rubbed his chin. He reached his hand across to hers. He couldn’t begin to understand what it must have been like for her to hear about her mother’s secret, especially in these circumstances.

  Lizzie’s eyes remained closed as she shook her head. It was a moment before she could speak. ‘Tim, I know.’ She paused. ‘I found these letters in Mum’s drawer,’ she said and showed him the letters in her hand, one with Michael’s name on it. ‘But only since a couple of hours ago.’

  ‘Oh my god, did she leave it for you, how’d you find it?’

  ‘I was…’ It wasn’t the time to explain that she was looking for her mum’s whistle for Robert, that was a detail that she could add later, she decided. ‘I was looking for something else and these,’ she fanned the other envelopes in her hand, ‘fell on the floor.’

  Tim took the envelopes from her and traced his sister’s handwriting with his hand. ‘So she wanted you to know, she wanted Michael to know?’ Tim ran both his hands through his hair and inhaled deeply. He was utterly relieved that Rose had come to the same conclusion as him; it wasn’t sitting easy with him that he was about to break her confidence.

  ‘Tim, what did Mum mean, when she spoke about the danger, she and the baby would have been in if she had kept him?’ The words her mother had used sent shivers down her spine.

  ‘It was a different time, then love, things were different, families were different and if our father had known about Rose’s pregnancy, well, there was no telling what he would have done’. Tim hoped it was explanation enough, he didn’t know how he was going to answer the question if she asked about the father.

  ‘Lizzie, there’s something else,’ He decided it was better to warn her. ‘I think I might be arrested today, for the murder on Fitzpatrick Farm.’ Tim felt his heart thumping in his chest as he heard himself say the words out loud. ‘This, Detective Kelly thinks I had something to do with the body of Patrick Fitzpatrick ending up in the ditch.’

  ‘Tim,’ Lizzie cried.

  ‘I’m not worried, love, but if it does happen, you just concentrate on your mum, she’s the priority; Robert will be with you, I just don’t want you to be unprepared.’

  ‘Tim—’

  Tim saw Michael in the distance. ‘Lizzie, the baby that your mum had…’

  ‘I know, Mum explained it in her letter.’

  Tim wasn’t sure what Rose had explained or how concise she had been with the detail so he waited for her explanation.

  ‘It’s Michael McGrath, from the farm,’ she said.

  ‘It is, love, thing is, I rang him, he happened to be in Dublin and he is here just now.’ He signalled with his eyes as Michael and his wife Marie approached.

  ‘Does he know?’

  ‘I haven’t told him but something tells me he is not in Dublin at five in the morning on a whim.’

  ‘I’m going in to Mum.’ Lizzie stood to leave, she needed more time to process the information before she was able to see or speak to Michael.

  ‘Lizzie, are you okay with this?’

  ‘I’m fine, Tim, like you said, Mum is the priority.’

  ‘You are so like her, Lizzie, you really are.’

  She left, tears welling in her eyes; she didn’t know what to think.

  ‘Michael, nice to see you again.’ Tim shook his hand. ‘Lizzie has just gone in to see her mum.’ Tim watched as his niece scurried through the entrance to avoid talking to them.

  ‘I’m just going to get some coffee,’ Marie made her excuses and left.

  ‘How’s Rose now?’ Michael said, taking the seat beside Tim.

  ‘She’s not doing too well, to be honest, Michael. The doctors are not very hopeful that she’ll pull through.’

  ‘How is Lizzie holding up?’ Michael listened as Tim spoke, feeling as though he was looking at himself from the outside in. His mind wondered over the images of Rose as she smiled at his children in Fitzpatrick House. If he had known yesterday, what he knew today, he wondered what he would have said to her.

  ‘She’s strong, like her mother. She’ll be fine.’ Tim didn’t know how to continue.

  ‘Could I see her, Rose, while I’m here, do you think, or is it just…’ Michael couldn’t bring himself to say family. He coughed instead to mask his discomfort.

  ‘The thing is, Michael,’ Tim’s heart threatened to rip clean out of his chest, ‘I don’t know how to say this to you.’ Tim hesitated and waited for the words to materialise in his head. ‘Oh.’ Distractedly he waved to Lucas as he went by. ‘That’s Lucas, Lizzie’s boyfriend from London.’

  ‘Lizzie’s boyfriend?’ Michael asked, in shock at the connection.

  ‘You know him?’

  ‘I used to, long story,
another time.’

  ‘The thing is,’ Tim restarted, ‘Lizzie found a letter, a letter with your name on it. In Rose’s house.’ He checked the bench beside him, but Lizzie had taken it with her. ‘It’s the same reason I called you this morning.’

  ‘I know, Tim, I received a letter from my mother last night too.’ Michael spoke slowly and quietly as though he was being overheard. ‘Marie had been sworn to secrecy, she had been keeping it for me, on the instructions of my mother.’ Michael looked at Tim, both of them as overwhelmed by the power of the women they were surrounded by as each other. ‘It seems that the women had their own plan.’ He managed a sad smile. ‘Her instructions were that Marie would know when the time was right to give it to me.’ Michael stood, the energy inside him making him move, the muscles in his back needed stretching to alleviate the unease. ‘It turns out my letter,’ he sat back down and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, ‘had Rose Fitzpatrick’s name in it.’ Tim’s hands instinctively rose to cover his face.

  ‘Unbelievable, Michael, so your mother’s letter told you about Rose?’ Tim was relieved. The burden of breaking the secret was lifted, both mothers, Mrs McGrath and Rose, deciding to break their promise at what seemed to be the same time.

  Michael’s sadness was etched on his face. He couldn’t look Tim in the face. His gut wrenched as it became real for him.

  ‘And that is why you are in Dublin this morning?’ Tim pressed.

  ‘Yes.’ Michael’s eyes filled. A ball stuck in his throat as he fought hard to contain his sadness. ‘I didn’t even get a chance to know her,’ he whispered through blurry eyes, not trusting his own voice.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Michael.’ The tragedy was unbearable; Rose would have loved to know him as much as Michael would have loved to know Rose.