Home Before Dark

by Susan Wiggs

  Not long afterward, husband number two entered the picture, a blond, suntanned younger man who spent Glenny’s money twice as fast as she won it, then left without a forwarding address for the creditors to find him. But Luz had always treasured that camera; it had started a lifelong love affair with pictures. Sometimes Jessie wondered, with a sting of guilt, if all of Luz’s girlhood dreams had somehow taken hold of Jessie’s heart.

  Now Jessie understood what the trade-off had been.

  Her gaze settled on a masterful portrait of all four kids together, playing in a field of bluebonnets. The children were as much a part of the landscape as the live oaks and rolling hills.

  “You must be real proud of your mom’s pictures,” she said.

  “Yup.”

  “Do you ever say anything besides yup?” She imitated him perfectly, coaxing a sweet grin from his Red Number Two lips.

  “Yup.”

  She snatched him up and hugged him, savoring his compact warmth and puppyish smell.

  A distant, plaintive cry captured her attention. A movement on the lake caught her eye. Through the broad bay window, she saw a flock of loons angling down from the sky to the lake.

  “See the birds, Scottie?” She set him down and they watched in silence. The birds landed in V-formation, almost military in its precision. They glided toward the dock across the lake, where the green-and-white floatplane gently bobbed. “Have you ever seen that airplane fly?”

  Nodding, he stood up on his chair. “Amber’s daddy flies it.”

  The pilot. Rusty or Dusty, Luz had called him. “Is Amber your friend?”

  She met Scottie’s gaze and they said it together: “Yup,” then burst into giggles. The uncomplicated mirth lingered as the birds took off with one mind, one motion. She could tell the moment the graceful spread wings caught air beneath them. She felt the sensation in her arms and chest, and her chin lifted involuntarily as the flock rose, leaving behind a sparkling diamond trail of water.

  The birds crested the tops of the lost maples before banking and then flying out of sight. The image pierced her with a sharp ache, and she swallowed hard, fighting a sudden lurch of loss. What will I see when I can’t see anymore?

  “Aunt Jessie?”

  She turned to Scottie, banishing the trouble from her face, a move so practiced and polished she did it without thinking. “Yeah, kiddo?”

  “I need to pee.”

  “You know where the bathroom is.”

  He slid out of the booster seat and held out his hand, regarding her implacably. She took his hand, noting the fingers were now covered in Day-Glo orange powder. “I hope it doesn’t come out red Kool-Aid,” she said, leading him down the hall to the bathroom.

  He climbed up like a cowboy to the saddle. There was a grid tacked on the wall and covered in stars: Scottie’s Potty Chart. Oh, Luz, she thought. And you thought my life was exotic.

  Digging around under the sink for a new roll of paper, she spotted a wrinkled drugstore bag and couldn’t resist peeking inside.

  A home pregnancy test, unopened. Never say her sister wasn’t prepared.

  Scottie leaped down as though an alligator had bit him in the butt. “Mom’s home!”

  He must have radar like a bat, Jessie thought, barring the door long enough to make him pull up his shorts and wash his hands. Wiping them on his swim trunks as he raced to the front door, he burst outside, followed by Beaver. He jumped down the steps, one at a time, his bare feet slapping on the planks.

  The expression of pure joy on his face explained everything to Jessie in that moment. No glamorous career could ever compare to the look on a child’s face, the sound of his voice, singing Mom’s home.

  Luz got out and caught Scottie up in her arms, hugging him tight. Over his tousled head, she regarded Jessie, and Jessie wasn’t sure what lay beneath that look. Relief? Accusation?

  Standing on the porch, Jessie was startled but not surprised to see a tall man unfold himself from the driver’s side of the car. Apparently Ian had flown across the state last night to get to his wounded daughter. Did Lila know how lucky she was?

  CHAPTER 9

  As he regarded his sister-in-law on the porch, Ian Benning was reminded of something he’d never told a soul: his wife Luz was not the only beautiful woman he had ever slept with.

  Seeing Jessie again, all these years later, confirmed it. That indisputable fact had not changed.

  Not that he’d ever say so aloud, but it was true. Dressed in a short, flowing skirt and a tight top that made her look like a lingerie model, she had an exotic aura of drama and danger. The energy was different when Jessie was around. The air seemed to vibrate with the rare buzz of electricity before a lightning strike, drawing all the attention to a heated center. The mere fact of her presence made men want to perform feats of daring, capture prizes and lay them at her feet. During his brief, youthful affair with her, she’d never really let him know her—an aspect some men probably found intriguing, but it simply frustrated Ian. The moment the flame dimmed, she disappeared, off to the next adventure. He remembered feeling relieved. He’d dodged a silent, invisible bullet.

  A few weeks after that, he’d nearly forgotten her, and then he saw her again. It was like being hit in the solar plexus. She was in the library, helping a deaf student with a biology paper—which should have clued him in immediately. When he moved in for a closer look, he realized it wasn’t Jessie, but someone eerily like her. She caught him circling around, staring… So he introduced himself. She was Luz Ryder, and he immediately realized they were sisters. Luz shared Jessie’s looks and voice, yet she lacked Jessie’s hectic, unsettling beauty, her contagious energy. Everything about Luz was quiet and calm; she had a warmth that struck at the heart and brought comfort to the soul. Jessie might make a man want to slay dragons, but Luz inspired him to achievements that were more realistic and lasting—and therefore harder. She made him want to be a good man, to measure up to her vision of him. Ian loved her before the sun set that day, and he’d loved her ever since.

  Meeting Jessie in a new context, as Luz’s sister, was slightly awkward at first, then the awkwardness faded as both Ian and Jessie realized they had one thing in common—loyalty to Luz.

  Then Luz dropped the bomb, informing him that Jessie was pregnant and Luz wanted to adopt the baby. Ian resisted. He wanted to start their lives together with a clean slate, not mopping up after Jessie’s mistakes. But when it came to her sister, Luz had a core of solid steel. Refusal was not an option.

  Ian cornered Jessie in private and confronted her with the inevitable question. He could still hear her answer, echoing across the years: “No.”

  He took the reply at face value. She was stormy and mysterious, and he knew she’d been seeing other guys. Sometimes the question nagged at him, but Jessie insisted he was out of the running, and on some level, he acknowledged it was easier to let it be. She’d been an indiscretion, a clash of hormones, nothing more.

  From the moment of her birth, Lila had dominated the family. She presented every childhood challenge in the book. Ian tried to treat all the kids the same, but Lila demanded something different from him. He loved her with a fierceness that hurt, but his love was complicated. He didn’t know what she needed from him. Or he from her.

  “Daddeee!” Scottie brought Ian back to the present, launching himself like a human cannonball. Ian caught and held his youngest son. The kid reeked of junk food and juicy sweetness. Each of Ian’s kids owned his heart in a unique way; Scottie’s hold on it was forged of laughter and joy. Totally trusting of his father’s grip on him, Scottie leaned back and flung out his arms so Ian could spin him around.

  “Missed you, monster,” he said.

  “Aunt Jessie’s been baby-sitting me.” He gestured toward the house.

  “So I see.” He locked eyes with hers, and their gazes held briefly before breaking apart.

  Jessie came down from the porch—bare feet, long tan legs, a couple of Maori tattoos in intriguing
places—and hurried to the car. She patted his arm in a brief impersonal way, then brushed past him to the car. “Lila, are you okay?” she asked as the girl climbed out of the back seat.

  “What’s the matter with your neck?” Scottie asked.

  “I’m fine.” Lila waved away the hovering adults. “I’m okay. I’ll be better when I can lose this.” Before Luz could stop her, Lila ripped the Velcro straps of the cervical collar and discarded it. Beaver pounced, grabbing the thing and shaking it into submission.

  “Hey, you.” Jessie hugged Lila, holding her lightly as though she might break.

  Ian tried to imagine what was going through Jessie’s mind right now as she hugged her niece who was really her daughter.

  “Is it your head?” Luz asked. “Are you dizzy?”

  “No, Mom.” Lila spoke with barely veiled exasperation. Her trembling chin hinted at the deeper reaction she was trying to hide. “I’m tired.”

  Scottie squirmed downward as though Ian’s torso were the trunk of the tree. “Lila! Why’re y’all dirty, Lila? What’s the matter with your hair?”

  The kid had always had a special affinity for his sister, though Ian was hard-pressed to know why. Lila always brushed him away as though he were a gnat. But when she thought no one was looking, she liked to cuddle with the little guy.

  “Lila!” he persisted.

  “Yeah, pest?”

  “Lila, where did you get them fingernails, Lila?” Before she could escape, he grabbed her hand and inspected the flame-colored nails.

  “I was born with these nails,” she muttered.

  “Nuh-uh.”

  “Was too.”

  “Was not.”

  The two of them entered the house, still arguing back and forth. The screen door smacked shut behind them. The gun shot slap of the door made Ian jump.

  “You’re white as a ghost,” Luz said, rubbing his arm. “You’ll be all right,” she added, as though by saying it aloud she could make it so. “We’re all going to be fine.”

  “Christ, how can you say that? Don’t you get it, Luz? Everything fell apart last night. You know, I’ve lost cases. I’ve seen murderers die. I’ve even seen innocent men die for crimes they didn’t commit. Held their grieving mothers in my arms. But this is worse. It’s personal. My own goddamned family. I’m supposed to protect them, and instead, my own kid nearly gets killed. I failed to protect her.”

  “You didn’t fail,” Jessie said. “This is my fault.”

  Both Ian and Luz turned to regard her with anguished eyes. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he asked.

  “Sit down. We should talk out here.” In the shade of an umbrella-shaped live oak, they sat in metal chairs whose edges had started to rust.

  Ian regarded his sister-in-law with both interest and suspense. The prodigal sister. The fact of her presence was still sinking in. Instead of welcoming her, he wanted to put up a wall. But no wall or any other barrier had ever been able to stand between Jessie and what Jessie wanted.

  She looked like something out of a dream, sitting there, her bronze legs shiny as turned and polished wood. Her feet were bare, her toenails painted pink. A tribal symbol tattoo rode the crest of her right collarbone. Then he felt disloyal for staring at her and shifted his attention to his wife. “You okay?” he asked Luz. “Should I get you a cup of coffee or—”

  “Let’s talk to Jess,” she said, sending her sister an encouraging smile. “I don’t know why in the world you would say it’s your fault.”

  “I saw her leave with her boyfriend.” Jessie’s voice trembled. “Last night. She even introduced me to the kid. And I sent them on their merry way.”

  Ian glanced at Luz, who in turn stared at her sister as though she had been kicked in the gut. He reached out and cupped the back of her neck with his hand, gently massaging the tense muscles there. Jessie crossed her arms around her middle. In that moment she didn’t look so beautiful, merely lost, as though her steering mechanism had gone out. He had encountered people who looked that way in his work. They were not the death row inmates themselves, but the families of inmates—mothers and sisters and daughters who had traveled the twisted byways of the court and penal system, only to find a clinical cellblock and a chamber of death at the end of their journey.

  “I was so jet-lagged, I didn’t know what time it was,” Jessie said. “But I heard them talking, so I stepped out, and there they were. I think I startled them more than they startled me. Lila introduced me to Heath and said they were just taking a little walk by the lake.” She blinked fast, glancing from Ian to Luz. “I swear, there didn’t seem to be any harm in it.”

  “A little walk.” Luz’s voice took on that harsh edge that had the power to cut so deep. Ian almost felt sorry for Jessie. Almost. “Since when does a boy just take a walk with his girlfriend at eleven o’clock at night?”

  Ian kept rubbing her back but she didn’t seem to notice.

  “So I figured they’d do a little more than walk. But I never dreamed they would take off.” Jessie shook her head. “I can’t believe she lied to me.”

  Ian burst out laughing. “Where have you been living?”

  “Why didn’t you wake me?” Luz asked.

  “She’s not some toddler in danger of falling into the lake.” Jessie looked her sister in the eye and Ian could see the effort it took. “I’m so sorry, Luz. I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am.”

  “So this all could have been prevented,” Luz said in a low, incredulous voice. “If you had spoken up—”

  “Hey.” Ian surprised even himself as he interrupted her. “You know that’s not how it works, Luz. Especially with Lila. If she was sneaking out, she would have succeeded whether or not Jessie informed us of it.”

  Jessie shot him a grateful look, but he dismissed it. He was more concerned for Luz. She was having a hell of a time with Lila lately, and when she got scared, she lashed out. Lila scared Ian, too, for that matter, but he was more realistic. People were going to do what they were going to do—stupid things, noble things, things that broke people’s hearts—and there wasn’t a hell of a lot even a mother could do to change that.

  Luz pressed her lips and her eyes shut briefly and then he sensed her forcing herself to relax. He felt as though he had deactivated a bomb. And then he felt guilty for feeling relieved.

  “He’s right,” Luz said at length. “You couldn’t have known what they planned, and you couldn’t have stopped them. But I wish—” She broke off and bit her lip, but Ian could tell Jessie heard the unspoken conclusion. But I wish you had tried.

  “I never should have come back here,” Jessie said. “Never should have tried to see her. It’s like I brought a curse with me. I should leave immediately.”

  “That’s what you’re good at, Jess.” Blunt honesty was Luz’s specialty.

  “Then why mess with success?”

  “Because I need you here, damn it,” Luz said, and her voice—her strong, unwavering voice—broke on a sob. “Can’t you stick around for once in your life, just for a while?”

  “Luz,” Jessie whispered. “Ah, Luz, don’t cry.”

  The sisters stood up and hugged in weary fashion. Standing off to one side, he could see their closeness and their desperation. They hadn’t seen each other in years but that bond was still strong, a magnet whose charge had not diminished over time, but instead had grown stronger.

  “You used to scare me, too,” Luz whispered.

  Jessie laughed unsteadily. “You were the scary one.”

  Luz pulled away, clearly not comprehending, although Ian did, perfectly. “We’d better get inside and deal with Lila,” he reminded her.

  Nodding, she took his hand in a gesture of sweet dependence that he had no chance to savor before it quick-hardened into resolve.

  “Will you let me talk to her later?” Jessie asked.

  “Yeah, you should,” Ian said. “She owes you one hell of an apology for lying.”

  Jessie’s temper st
ruck like heat lightning. “What about the lie we told her? Maybe we’re the ones who should apologize.” Her fierce gaze locked with Luz’s. “Yeah, that lie.”

  Luz stiffened. “Not now, Jess. That’s not what she needs from us now.”

  Ian held his silence and his temper. It was easy for Jessie to come waltzing back after all this time, thinking they should suddenly reveal all to Lila, as though that would fix things. He couldn’t understand why the issue was so important after all this time. Even before Lila drew her first breath, she had belonged to Luz and him in every way that mattered. Just because Jessie decided to show up now didn’t change that—or so he hoped. “Leave it, Jess. Nobody’s thinking straight now.”

  He could tell from the set of her chin that her surrender was only temporary.

  Hand in hand, Ian and Luz walked into the house. Scottie was parked in front of the TV, turned up too loud. He was eating Cheetos and drinking something red from his sippy cup. In one graceful movement, Luz managed to plant a kiss on his head, take away the Cheetos and red stuff, turn down the TV. The kid never even knew what hit him. Scottie was by far their easiest child, and he settled back against the sofa cushions and turned his attention to SpongeBob Squarepants.

  “We’ll be upstairs with your sister,” Luz said.

  “Yup.”

  Lila was in bed when they walked into her room, but Ian could tell she was faking sleep.

  “Your mother and I need to talk to you,” he said loudly.

  She blinked, opening her eyes to stare at them without expression.

  “Sit up, please,” he said. “This is serious, Lila.”

  “Like I don’t know that.” Scowling, she shifted in her bed to lean back against the pillows.

  “We don’t need your sarcasm,” Luz said in her icy voice, rarely used, but it sent a chill down the spine.