“Mr. St. Clair, you have agreed to the plea bargain that the District Attorney’s office has presented to you. I have heard testimony from both sides, and I am prepared to give you my ruling. I hereby remand you to the California State Prison; Los Angeles County to serve the full five years of your sentence without the option for parole. This time will not include time already served here in the county jail. You are required to pay restitution to your victim for the amount of $10,000 dollars.”
“Ms. Vanelle, I wish you only the best, and again you are a truly an inspiring young woman who has had to suffer more pain than one should ever have too in one’s lifetime.”
The judge then turned her attention back to me, and said. “Mr. St. Clair, you are one lucky man to be given this incredible opportunity to redeem yourself. I only hope you will take from what happened here today, as no less than a gift from Ms. Vanelle, and from me. If I ever see you in my courtroom again, I will not be so tolerant next time. This concludes today’s hearing.” With the slamming of the judge’s gavel, I was handcuffed and taken into custody to begin my sentence. I never looked back at Nicolette.
I did it! I thought to myself as I watched Michael be led away and out of sight. I was relatively calm, and any anxiety that I was feeling this morning is gone. I feel like I can breathe again for the first time in a very long while.
Simon and my family gave me the time I needed to just take it all in on what happened here today. Michael, finally admitting what he had done to me…was in a way, Michael facing his fears today, as I faced my own. I fell right into my mom, dad, and Uncle Jack, my heroes. My mom was crying, but she said they were happy tears, and we all had so much to look forward to. Daddy was smiling at me, as if I knew what he was thinking. Remembering what he had promised me when this nightmare with Michael would be over. “Disney Land” I whispered my answer to his unspoken question, and he laughed and hugged me again. This nightmare that changed my life was finally over. Today would be our new beginning as a family, and I had a new life to begin with Simon.
I was so proud of Nicolette, she was amazing today. I had only joined Nicolette in the end when the Judge had given her final ruling. I was transfixed on Nicolette the whole time the Judge was speaking.
I will never forget anything Michael had put her through. He put us through hell, and almost broke us in the process. My beautiful girl survived him, and came back to me. I have so much to be thankful for. My whole world is Nicolette, and I can’t wait for the day she becomes my wife. We have so much waiting for us outside of these doors. I will walk out of here today with Nicolette, and vow never to think of Michael St. Clair again.
I was trying to get my breathing under control, but my nerves were getting the best of me. I can’t believe this day has finally arrived. Today we open the doors to the C.A.L.I. Women’s Help Center. After Michael was sentenced, his father asked my parents to drop their lawsuit against his son.
Clayton St. Clair wanted to settle privately with me. At the time, I wanted no part of the lawsuit. I had felt money wouldn’t change the past, and after many long discussions with Simon, I realized having this money could help me help others. I had made a solid decision, and that’s how C.A.L.I. began.
Twenty five million dollars was deposited into an account that had been arranged for me. I was taken back with the amount. As much as my parents wanted to sue the St. Clair’s, this didn’t make them feel any better about it. My father explained that no amount of money could erase what Clayton’s son did to me. I agreed, but I made a vow to put it behind me, and focus on my future. I wanted to dream of what would happen next, and to be excited for the next chapter to begin in my life.
The day Simon and I returned to our home on the beach, we each grabbed a notebook and began making plans. Simon and I called it our wish list. The first idea that came to the both of us was our wedding. Simon didn’t want to wait to get married, but I on the other hand needed some time to plan. I was my parent’s only daughter. I wanted my mom to help me plan our special day, along with my friends.
After many debates, Simon and I had chosen February 13, 2010. We had married right here on our own private stretch of beach. We kept it small, and only inviting close friends, and family. Our day couldn’t have been more perfect. My friends Alexis, and Bailey stood up for me as my bride maids. Simon chose his two best men to stand beside him, Sam and Jameson. It was so fun how Jameson protested being called an usher, and so Sam conceded, and shared the best man role with him.
These two guys were Simon’s best friends, loyal to the fault, and would do anything for their brother. Simon’s real brothers, Jacob, Andrew, and Cameron also stood up for Simon, but were disappointed they weren’t to be paired off with any girls.
I had lost touch with friends I had known in Chicago, and didn’t feel right to reach out to them now. I was very happy with Alexis, and Bailey. We were so close, and they were all I needed to stand by my side.
Simon and I had planned our wedding in reverse. We knew school would be beginning for the two of us in September, and once that began, we would be very busy. We had chosen to take an extended 3 week vacation to Australia, and it was amazing. Simon always wanted to surf Australia’s spectacular waters, and snorkel through the color bursting coral reefs. I was scared about the sharks, but Simon was fearless on a surf board. The pictures that I had captured of him surfing line our great room in our home.
Our trip to Australia was our honeymoon before the wedding. It was magical every day we were there. Before we knew it, Simon and I began attending college at the University of California, where his mom is still Dean of Students.
Simon’s mom was thrilled about Simon attending her school. This was his choice, because of the marine biology department they have here. This would be Simon’s career, and he couldn’t wait to get started. I had chosen psychology as my major. At the time, I wasn’t sure how I wanted to pursue a career in this field. I didn’t have to decide right away, and I really did enjoy my classes.
Attending college and planning a wedding took up all of our time. I blinked, and it was the morning of my wedding. Simon was at a hotel with his friends, while the girls were with me. A team of stylists arrived at our home bringing the spa to us. I got a bride to be massage, along with hair, make-up and nails. Alexis and Bailey were squealing with delight. They asked for everything, and got it.
After looking over my appearance one last time, my stylist said I was ready for my big reveal. I didn’t want to look in the mirror, because I was afraid I was going to cry. I slowly turned around, and couldn’t believe how beautiful I looked. My long layers had been curled into big bouncy curls that cascaded down my shoulders. We had decided to leave my hair down for the wedding.
My make-up was not too heavy, but my eyes looked amazing with the smoky eye shadow applied. I took in some calming breaths, and I was ready to become Simon’s wife. I couldn’t have been happier to be marrying my love today.
Flowers arrived with a special arrangement for me from Simon. His card was beautiful, and it read:
If I was ever going to cry, reading Simon’s card almost did it. I remained strong, and tucked his card inside my bouquet. The weather couldn’t have been better. It was February after all, and it was seasonably warm today with a temperature of 74 degrees. Getting married on the beach with hardly any wind was a miracle, and mom had said it was a good sign.
To show my love for the two men in my life that raised me, it was only right to honor them in the only way I knew how. I had told my father and Uncle Jack that I wanted both of them to walk me down the aisle, and they both agreed with no question.
It was time to get married, and I peered down to the beach below. I saw Simon, he was standing with his best men and brothers, and he looked so handsome. Simon and the guys had chosen to wear white slacks with white linen shirts.
They complimented their look with an ocean blue tie. Simon’s hair was so blond, and his skin a deep tan. He looked amazing, and I couldn’t wait to tou
ch him.
I kept my look simple as well. I had chosen an ankle length form fitting dress with an open back. Dad nearly stroked out when he saw me. My straps were sequined in ocean blue to compliment what Simon was wearing. I wore jeweled encrusted Louboutin sandals.
The signal was given, and it was time to begin. The song that Simon had chosen was, “On This Day,” By David Pomeranz. The lyrics were beautiful, describing two lovers on their wedding day. Dad and Uncle Jack walked me gracefully to Simon, and he never took his eyes off of me.
Simon reached for my hand, and placed a chaste kiss on it. He whispered how beautiful and breathtaking I looked. I felt the same way looking back at him. Here standing before me was the man I had chosen to give my heart to.
We recited our vows to one another, in between light tears. We sealed our commitment, and exchanged our rings. Simon could hardly contain himself when we were finally pronounced husband and wife. He gently leaned into me, cupping my face, and he delivered the kiss that put all kisses to shame. I could have melted away with Simon’s touch.
He lifted me up into his arms, and kissed me again. He whispered, “We’re married. I love you, Nicolette Elizabeth Paulson.”
We turned to greet our guests, as our minister officially announced us as husband and wife. We couldn’t stop smiling. Our family and friends erupted with applause, as we made our way through the line of hugs that awaited us.
Our beautiful day was coming to a close. Before we said our goodbyes, Simon asked for everyone’s attention. “On behalf of my lovely bride and myself, we thank you for sharing our wedding day with us. You all are special to us, and we love you. Nicolette, and I are blessed we can share our lives with you. You all got a chance to dance with my beautiful bride. Well now, it’s my turn to have the official dance with Nicolette, as her husband.” Simon looked over to me and winked. I blew him a kiss in return. He said in closing he had one last gift to present to me. I jumped in my seat, since I loved all his surprises. Simon addressed our guests, and said, “Please welcome our friend John Mayer to sing the song that I have chosen for Nicolette, and to officially dance to as husband and wife.”
Our wedding guests clapped their hands and applause welcomed John. He took his place at the microphone, but not before stopping and giving me his congratulations.
I gasped in beautiful delight, and I couldn’t believe my husband actually got John Mayer to serenade us on our wedding day. Simon always told me that this song reminded him of me. I am truly thankful for God bringing Simon into my life and I blinked back tears as I joined him on the dance floor.
I leaped out of my chair and right into Simon’s arms. Our family and friends all stood and applauded as we began to dance. Simon twirled me around, and took my hand as we swayed back and forth to the silky sounds of John Mayer singing, “Your Body Is A Wonderland.” This song was amazing, and Simon told me that when he looks into my eyes, this song says it all for him. I couldn’t stop kissing my beautiful husband.
Every little girl dreams of the perfect wedding they see having one day, and I got mine today marrying Simon. We kept it simple and small, surrounded by the people we love most in the world. I have never been happier. Simon’s love brought me back to life, at a time where I thought light would never break through my darkest days.
Simon is my soul mate, and I feel blessed every day spent loving him and our life together. To love Simon is easy, and I will always remember the boy who climbed down from the stone wall to say hi. When we met on the beach that day, he had become the keeper of my heart.
I entered the back office to find Nicolette, staring out the window. My girl looked deep in thought. I wrapped my arms around her, and pulled her back into me. I whispered, “Hey, what are you thinking about?”
She leaned in and looked up at me. “I was just remembering our beautiful beach wedding. Simon, can I ask you a question?”
I smiled at my beautiful wife, and gave her always the same answer to her questions, “Anything.”
“How did we get here?” I placed a kiss on her forehead, and simply said, “Together love.” My girl was bigger than life, and today was her defining moment. I was so very proud of her. Nicolette just held me, and I rubbed her back to calm her nerves when we were interrupted by her assistant.
“Nicolette, it’s time to open the doors.” She nodded in agreement, and we made our way out to greet the awaiting crowd.
After I had been introduced, I walked out to the great room to welcome our guests. In attendance were both our families along with our friends. I received a standing ovation. I made my way to the podium, and Simon leaned in and kissed my cheek before I began to speak. Leave it to my sexy husband to know what I needed. I winked at him, and he smiled proudly.
“Thank you all for coming out here today to join me, and my amazing staff behind me to officially open C.A.L.I., a center for women. This has been truly an incredible journey that I have been taking. I am honored to share this day with all of you. Four years ago, I was raped. The life I had known at the age of eighteen had changed forever. The months that followed my attack were hard ones, never knowing if I would survive it. I had to go very far away to find myself again, and with the help of Dr. Inga Jonas, I found my way.
She was with me from day one, and then referred me to an amazing clinic in her home country of Switzerland. I wasn’t kidding when I said far away. I just wanted to run and hide. I felt ashamed, and guilt ridden. As much as I was suffering deep inside, I still didn’t want to hurt those around me.” I looked over to Simon, and he blew me a kiss. My husband has saved me in more ways than I can even express. I mouthed to Simon, “I love you.”
“I met incredible women, who told their stories to me so openly, and willingly gave me their trust.” I looked into the crowd, and my heart beamed with joy. I saw Ariel, standing beside her husband, and beautiful child who looked just like her. Ariel, just like me, survived her rape, and I was so honored that she made the trip to California, to be here with me today. I continued with my speech as I took it all in.
“I felt connected to all of these incredible women who never gave up. They were all determined to get their lives back, and they showed me that I didn’t have to be afraid, and take back what was taken from me. One day I was in so much pain and suffering, I just gave up, and let my pain and despair swallow me up. My therapist kicked my ass all the way to group to talk it out. There I met Ariel, and I listened to someone else’s painful story.
I took a deep breath, and made the decision to return to my family. What Ariel, and these special group of women did for me, will be a debt I can never repay. I received so much support and love throughout my whole ordeal, to simply say thank you didn’t seem like enough. I knew I wanted to give back, and help others.”
“I have been asked many times what C.A.L.I. stands for. Today I can tell you. It means this; Courage, Acceptance, Love, Inspire.
These four points got me through my most difficult times in my life, and it has become my daily mantra. As we open our doors today, I hope it will give anyone who is in need of help, and the strength to move forward, and carry on with your life. We are in this together and I look forward to continuing my journey with all of you. God bless each and every one of you.”
Applause erupted throughout the entire room. I let out a sigh of relief. I took it all in and enjoyed it. I knew I wanted to pay it forward in some way, and this center was just the beginning.
They say everything happens for a reason, and I may never understand why Michael hurt me the way he did, but I survived it and survived him. As I walk out of here today, another chapter of my story will be complete.
Remembering my question I had asked Simon before addressing the crowd. “How did we get here?” his answer to me was, “Together Love.”
Simon’s answer was always the same. He made me believe that if I had trusted him and believed in our love, we could conquer anything. He never broke his commitment to me, even when we were a part. Simon is my life line. I
believe that I am stronger because of his love for me. I don’t know what I would have done without him in my life.
Releasing my hand and leading the applause is my beautiful husband smiling at me. I accomplished this with Simon never leaving my side. I turn to smile back at my husband and let a tear fall down my cheek. He knows it’s a happy one and how I love him so much.
As the day comes to a close, I look to Simon. This has been an amazing journey I have taken with him. I look forward to many more in my life and to share them all with Simon, my forever love.
The End
Writing my first book, “A Changed Life” has changed my life. As a teenager growing up I used writing as an outlet for sharing my feelings. I always wanted to pursue writing as a profession, but as you know, life sometimes leads you down a different road, and dreams change.
I’ll never regret my choices¸ because they have led me here, and they are my greatest accomplishments in this life. First and foremost; I need to thank my husband, Henry. Thank you Henry for encouraging me to write this book. I remember telling him at the time that I was happy just reading other author’s books. I don’t know if it was fear holding me back, but here I am finally publishing my first book. Thank you husband for making sure I didn’t starve while I was writing for hours in the basement. Thank you for being an amazing father to our boys and picking up the slack around the house, when again, I was writing. Your support means everything to me, and I couldn’t have this today without you. I love you with all of my heart.
For Zachary, Christopher, and Cameron, I wish many things for you and your future. I want you to believe that dreams do come true. Always follow your heart, and when you face difficult obstacles, don’t give up. Keep moving forward to achieving your goals. It took Mom a very long time to get here. Everything happens for a reason and for me, this is how it was supposed to be.
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