by Lilly Wilde
“You already know so much more than you realize.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Later Aria. We will discuss it later. I promised, remember?”
“I know but you just seem so torn up about it and –”
“Damn it Aria, will you let this go?” I recoiled from the harshness of his tone. He had never spoken to me like that before.
“Do not fucking talk to me like that Aiden. You know what? Take me home.”
“Aria I-”
“Take me home. Now!”
He sat staring at me.
“Fine, I’ll catch a cab.” I replied, reaching for the door.
He reached over grabbing my wrist.
“I’ll take you.”
My hand was still on the handle.
“Release the door handle Aria. I said I would take you and I will.”
I released the handle and sat back in the seat looking straight ahead. He sighed and started the car.
“Can I come up?” he asked, when we had reached my building.
I desperately wanted to say yes but I didn’t. “No. I want to be alone,” I lied as I opened the door and got out. I heard his car pull away as I neared the entrance to my building. I was somewhat hurt that he left. He rarely...no never, took no for an answer. At least not from me.
“Good afternoon Miss Cason.”
“Good afternoon Silas,” I replied as he held the door open.
It was probably good that I did have some time to myself today. I needed some time away from him to gather my thoughts. I was literally unable to do that when he was near me. I opened the door and went for the couch. I flipped on the TV and flopped down on the sofa.
A few hours later, I called April. She filled me in on her love life and I caught her up on mine. She was just as shocked as I was that I had allowed Aiden to get so close. I told her about our small spat and she assured me that everything would be okay. She hadn’t heard anything more from Dane or his ex-wife, so we both hoped that she and Dane had reconciled.
It was around 9 o’clock and I hadn’t heard from Aiden. I figured I wouldn’t so I went to bed early. I didn’t want to sit and wait for something that wasn’t going to happen.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I hadn’t heard anything from Aiden since Saturday afternoon. I wondered if there would be any awkwardness since our last communication wasn’t very pleasant. I was anxious to see him. I was dressed and about to leave for work when my phone rang. It was him. He said that he would not be in to work today; he was needed at home. He didn’t tell me more than that as he was at the gate to catch his flight. I wondered if his trip home had anything to do with the discussion he’d had with his father after breakfast on Saturday. He texted a few hours later to let me know he had landed safely and stated that he would be in touch soon.
After lunch, I worked with the e-publishing division and Aiden’s absence was resounding. He typically offered many of the missing details that weren’t apparent to anyone but him. After our meeting, I checked the time; it was one-thirty and not a word from him. I expected to have heard from him by now… but nothing.
There was a knock at my door. I looked up to see the anxious expressions of Blake and Adam. I hastily jumped to the conclusion that they had discovered what had been going on between Aiden and me.
“May we come in Aria?” Blake asked.
“Of course,” I replied as Adam closed the door behind them. They both took a seat at the chairs facing my desk.
“You both look very worried. What’s going on?” I asked.
Blake’s revelation, while daunting, was not what I’d expected. After hearing everything, I determined that it was actually best that Aiden was not here because I couldn't afford to lose time engrossed in him because RPH would be dealing with a crisis that required my full attention.
Raine Publishing House was a subsidiary of Raine Industries, a multi-national conglomerate owned by multi-billionaire, Wesley Raine, who had suffered a severe heart attack last week. There were rumors rapidly circulating that the company's future was in question. Raine Industries was an extremely successful privately owned family business. The success and stature of Raine Industries was the envy of business tycoons around the world. Mr. Raine consistently assured his employees that his company began as a family business and would remain that way. However, with no one in place to steer the ship, attempts to infiltrate the company were likely. Someone like Wesley Raine wouldn’t be as successful as he was without having safeguards in place to avoid such a thing, but the current state of affairs was still dreadfully unsettling.
It was well known that Raine was rearing one of his children to assume leadership of the company but we hadn't received any confirmation to that effect as of yet. The only news we had received was that a decision as to the new leadership would be announced relatively quickly given the circumstances. Needless to say, the RPH executives, as were other Raine Industry executives, were in a state of panic and were therefore in back-to-back meetings since the news of Raine’s medical issues was announced.
I was increasingly distracted and saddened by the fact that Aiden hadn't contacted me. I had no idea why he'd left so abruptly beyond his informing me that he was needed at home. From the small glimpses I’d witnessed of his relationship with his family… that could mean any number of things. Recalling the events of Saturday, after Aiden had emerged from the study with his father, I was acutely aware of the change in his demeanor. He had morphed into the Aiden who had walked into the RPH executive conference room the first day I'd laid eyes upon him - cool, controlled, and untouched. He was not the Aiden that I'd allowed access to the essence of my being.
I was worried and hurt that he hadn't reached out to me. I hadn't considered until now how much I had bought into his declaration of feelings for me. I'd come to trust that he meant it when he said it was not just about the sex or the challenge of taming me. I truly felt he wanted me for me. It certainly didn't feel that way now. Could my initial deductions of him have been accurate? Was I just one of the distractions he needed at the time? Now that he had gotten me to submit to his whims, was he done with me? No, I couldn't have misread all of the signs. All of the emotionally connected moments we had shared couldn't have been nothing to him. I missed him.
I picked up my phone, bereft of the strong will I possessed prior to Aiden. Should I initiate contact and call him? No. Maybe a text? Sighing, I decided against both. I'd give him another day and if he didn't have the decency to contact me, I'd take it that he didn't plan to. What if that really was the case? How would I feel about that? A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach was my answer. I wanted to hear from him. I didn't want my worst fears to be confirmed. I felt sick.
Blake’s laughter pulled me from my depressing thoughts. Wondering what I had missed, I glanced around the table to see smiles on the faces of the other executive leadership staff. Obviously it was just Blake being Blake. He had a great sense of humor at times, although I failed to see any humor in the situation RPH was facing. The reality was that our company's future was at stake.
Our meeting concluded with more questions than answers and I was actually too detached to focus, reminding me of all of the reasons I was so determined to stay far away from romantic relationships. They had a way of tearing you down to the core of your being. Exposing your every emotion and weakness and sometimes altering you into someone you would never want to be.
I was about to leave for the day when my phone rang, the display revealed that is was Lorraine from Human Resources.
“Hello Lorraine.”
“Hi Aria. I'm glad I caught you before you left for the day. I wanted to speak to you directly about this as opposed to sending an email.”
“Sure. What is it?” I asked.
“I've received communication from Aiden that he will not be returning to complete his internship.” I was silent. I sank bank into my chair, feeling even sicker than I had earlier today.
“Aria, ar
e you there?”
“Uh, yes. Sorry I was distracted by an email,” I lied.
“I meant to contact you earlier so my apologies.”
“No problem,” I said.
She went on to explain that she had received an email from him shortly after lunch. She asked if I wanted her to forward a copy of the email to me and I hesitantly replied yes, thinking that it was very well my last bit of communication from Aiden Wyatt.
I read the email and I wanted to break but I didn't. I wouldn't. It was addressed to, To Whom It May Concern. What the fuck? I will tell you who it concerned asshole! It concerned the company that allowed you inside its doors. It concerned your work associates. It concerned me.
I went on to read the email. It was very brief.
Please accept this as my formal notification that I am unable to continue my internship with Raine Publishing House due to unforeseen circumstances. I appreciate the professional development and growth from RPH and I am confident you will continue with the growth and success that is synonymous with Raine Publishing House.
Regards,
Aiden Wyatt
*****
I went home that day on cruise control. I had no idea how I got to my condo; yet another reason to kick myself in the ass. I was consumed with thoughts of the moments and conversations I’d shared with Aiden; every beguiling word; every provocative gesture. His promises…that this was meaningful…that it wasn’t just a chase and conquest. I never wanted to believe him. Never. I fought it with everything in me but ultimately surrendered every suspicion, every reason to distrust, and every rationale that had guided me for years and gave in to him. He never knew…well if he did, it wasn’t because I’d spoken the words but I suppose there wasn’t a need to utter one syllable as my actions gave him all the confirmation he needed. He had me. I was his and he had known it. The hope he had inspired within me that I unwillingly allowed to grow. I had gotten lost in his words; words that I now felt were lies. All the time I’d given him that I would never get back. I felt like an idiot…a broken and shattered idiot. I literally felt ill. I rushed to the bathroom as the contents of my lunch came rushing up like a broken dam in the midst of a flood. I was there on the bathroom floor, on my knees expelling the contents of my day, gripping the sides of the toilet as if it were grounding me. Another dam broke… a seemingly endless flow of tears began to flow down my cheeks.
*****
I was scheduled to appear at a fundraiser for the Boston Symphony Orchestra this evening. Although my patronage for music was a passion, I didn't feel much up to attending the benefit. I knew I needed to go, I needed the distraction. I frequently attended the symphony, most often alone as I never dated anyone within the borders of Boston, or the borders of Massachusetts for that matter.
I ultimately decided to go but wanted to work out first in hope of relieving some of today’s stress. Reaching the gym, I looked around at the equipment and opted for a run on the treadmill. I was too impatient to stretch; I located a playlist on my phone and started running. I childishly imagined running away from this horrible sickly feeling. I was disappointed in the futility as every song somehow reminded me of Aiden. I couldn't banish my thoughts of him. Was he thinking of me too? Did he miss me as I was missing him? Obviously not, as I would have heard from him by now. I felt like such a weak fool. A tear fled my eye and I angrily wiped it away. Why was I responding this way? It wasn't as though he had been in my life in a capacity that would warrant this type of bullshit reaction from me.
I finished my workout and trampled back upstairs. I took a shower, not my usual thought invoking bath. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to feel. I wanted to forget. I quickly dressed and headed to the Taj Boston Hotel. I had actually planned to attend this charity dinner with Aiden. He hadn't known of course. It would’ve been a surprise for him; my actually inviting him as he was usually the one who planned everything. He loved music and I thought this would be a heart-warming event for him as all the proceeds would benefit the musical aspirations of disadvantaged youth.
My phone pinged and my heart raced at the possibility that Aiden had texted me. I unlocked my phone and tapped the screen; disappointed that it was not him- it was my mother. What could she possibly want? I opened the text and saw that it was rather lengthy which only indicated trouble. I didn't bother to read it. I tossed the phone in my bag deciding to read it later.
I was sure it was about money. Although, I hadn’t returned home, I did send money home regularly. She was a single parent and I knew she needed the help. I suppose the money was a way of compensating for my absence, possibly buying some type of understanding from Mom; but deep down, well actually not even deep down, it was right there on the surface, always staring me in the eye...I knew that sending her money was a way to ease my guilt.
She had guilt of her own- for checking out on us when Dad left. I still didn’t know why. From what I could determine as a child, Matteo and Melena Costanzo, were very happily married. But one day, out of nowhere; Dad disappeared, leaving Mom with three kids. We hadn’t heard from him since. I was thirteen when he left. My twin sisters, Lia and Bianca, were four. Basically I had grown up with an absentee father and a shell of a mother. I had many wonderful memories of him, of our family. Dad had been amazing to us and he desperately loved Mom, which is why I found it hard to believe that he could have left us, left her- and never looked back. I had always suspected that he maintained contact with her, but if that were true, why would she keep it a secret and better still, why hadn’t he come back to us?
*****
Arriving at the Taj Boston, I turned into the drive and stopped beneath the awning. I placed the car in park and the valet opened my door, assisting me from my car as he passed a ticket to me. I entered the lobby of the hotel where two attendants stood greeting and directing the guests to the grand ballroom.
The room was packed with one of the most distinguished audiences Boston had to offer. It had been marginally transformed to accommodate tonight’s festivities, bearing a slight resemblance to a musical theater. The orchestra was positioned in the balcony in what would typically be the orchestra pit. There were enormous weaving ribbons of colored metal mesh sweeping across the length of the balcony. The rear walls of the balcony were fitted with acoustic curtains to better suit the evening’s performance. Despite my broken state, I felt privileged to be a part of tonight’s event and was quite anxious to hear the orchestral performances.
“What an excellent start to my evening,” a near-by voice exclaimed. It was a voice I recognized but couldn’t quite associate a name. I turned and came face to face with Eric Hendricks. What the fuck was he doing here?
“Not to worry Aria, this just happens to be a pleasant coincidence,” he smiled. “How are you? It’s been a while.”
It took a moment to regain my composure. “Hello Eric.”
I didn’t like this. Something seemed off about him being here. The last time a one-night stand popped into my real life, I had to alert the security at both my home and work.
“May I get a picture Miss Cason?” asked an approaching photographer. Before I could object, Eric had positioned himself beside me, hand at my waist drawing me close.
“We’d be happy to,” he replied. I smiled for the camera, noticing the photographer was from The Boston Globe. Typically the same photographers stalked these events but I didn't recognize this guy. I would contact them tomorrow and get the picture before it circulated the media outlets. I didn't need any additional crazed wives popping up. I eased from Eric’s embrace immediately after the camera’s flash.
“So what brings you to Boston?” I asked.
“Business. I was meeting with the head of Boston International who invited me to attend tonight’s event.”
“What line of business are you in Eric?” I asked.
“Oh, that’s right. We never really discussed many personal details, did we?”
“No, we didn’t.” And this was precisely why, I thoug
ht to myself; to avoid situations such as this.
“I’m in commercial shipping.”
“Hmmm.”
“Being that Boston is the oldest continuously active port in the country, I’m in Boston at least twice a year.”
“I see. It was nice seeing you Eric. I see someone from work and I need to say hello,” I lied as I tried for an escape.
“Aria, wait. Any chance we can meet for drinks later? We had an amazing time last year. It would be nice to get reacquainted.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea Eric. It’s best we keep the past in the past. Enjoy your evening.”
I walked away, grabbing a glass of champagne from the tray of the nearest waiter. I did the normal things one does at such events... shaking hands, small mentions of business, smiling and inconsequential small talk. The orchestra was playing softly in the background. It was beautiful. Aiden would have appreciated it; I was sure. I caught a few unwelcomed glances from Eric but managed to avoid him the remainder of the evening.
The dinner and the speeches were also very standard; however, my anticipation soared as we neared the part of the evening in which we could thoroughly enjoy the talents of the Boston Symphony. One piece was so beautiful and emotionally invoking that I bit my lip in an effort to suppress the well of tears that threatened to escape. The last selection signified that the evening was coming to a close; I’d hidden in the shadows of this event long enough. I said a few goodbyes as I made my way to the exit.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Arriving home after the charity dinner, I tossed on some PJ’s and grabbed a bottle of wine in preparation of reading my mother’s text, knowing that the wine would allow me to swallow her words a lot easier. After the second glass, I grabbed my phone.
Hello Aria,
I hope you’re doing well. I would have preferred to call but I know you’re always extremely busy and don't typically answer my calls. You’ve been in my thoughts so often these last few weeks. I know we aren't as close as we once were due to my issues but I hope to change that. I have made some significant long-overdue changes in my life that I wish to share with you. I'm hoping these changes will open the door to our being a real family again. Your sisters and I miss you terribly and hope to see you soon. Please call me. I love you. Mom.
