Part of me wanted to remain aloof. But another part of me told me that would only make this rift between us wider. “It would be nice of you to do that for me. I can’t do it myself. My big tummy is in the way.”
Turning around, he came back to me, sitting on the edge of the bed, then taking my right foot. The way he carefully handled it made me want to moan. I tried so hard not to think about what his strong hands would feel like as they massaged my whole body.
“You stood up too long.” His hands moved up my calf. “You’re swollen all the way up to your knees.”
“I didn’t realize the swelling went that high.” I clenched my jaw as he moved his hands up and down my calf. I wanted to moan so badly. My insides were on fire. Only one thing would put out that fire. But he would still deny me that.
“You’ve got to sit down and get your feet up as soon as you feel the slightest bit of discomfort, Aspen.” He took the other leg and began massaging it. “Think about yourself more.”
Looking at him, I decided to do precisely what he’d said. “I will. And with that in mind, I want to tell you something that’s been bothering me.”
His eyes cut to mine. “Please, don’t ask me to say something to you that I can’t. I know how I left that hanging in the air between us, but you’ve got to understand that I know I will only hurt you. I need to be honest with you.”
“Then please be honest and tell me why you’re sure to hurt me, Ransom.” I felt a bit giddy that he was going to let me in a little bit more.
“I look at women as conquests.” He moved his hands a little higher than my knee, massaging my inner thigh just enough to make me wet.
“Even me?” I had to ask.
With a nod, he went on, “Even you. But I need you to remain in my life. For our kids. Once I’ve got a girl to give herself up to me, I no longer look at her as anything more than a conquest, and I don’t want anything more from her.”
“In your past, you’ve been that way.” I reached down to take his hands in mine, holding them as I looked into his eyes. “You and I are friends. Best friends, most of the time. Don’t you think you might not be that way with me?”
For the longest time, he stared right back into my eyes. “I need you so much, that I’m not willing to risk it.”
“You need me, but you don’t want me?” I asked.
“No, I want you too.” He looked up at the ceiling as he sighed deeply. “But I can’t have you. If I do, then I’m pretty sure that thing that’s so deeply ingrained in me will come out. I’ll become elusive, distant, and even mean if you won’t just let me go. I’ve done it all before.”
“With other women,” I reminded him. “Women you weren’t friends with first.”
“True.” He pulled our clasped hands up then kissed the tops of mine. “Can it be enough for you to know that I do want you? I want you in the worst way imaginable. But I care too much for you to let that desire take you away from me.”
“I’ll be honest with you since you’re being so honest with me.” I closed my eyes as I went on. “It’s nice to hear you say that you want me. I’ve wondered about that so much.” But I had to be honest with myself too. “Ransom, I don’t know how much longer I can hold out. I crave you.” Opening my eyes, I found his wide with what seemed to be disbelief. “I dream about you taking my virginity. I dream about you giving me my first orgasm.”
A frown took over his expression. “You’ve never had an orgasm?”
I shook my head. “No.”
He got up and shoved his hand through his dark hair. “You’ve never masturbated?”
“No.” I felt a little awkward as he began to pace.
“How the hell is that?” He stopped then looked at me, and I felt like I was under a microscope. “You are telling me the truth, right? You’re not lying to me to get what you want, are you?”
“I’m not a liar, Ransom.” I exhaled slowly to take the edge off the anger that built with his accusation. “I’m a virgin who has never had an orgasm, and I want you and only you to take me into that world. I’ve never wanted anyone in my entire life. And I’ve wanted you since I first saw you. I can tell you now that I am pretty damn sure I will never want to share myself with any man, other than you.”
“I can’t do this.” He turned and left the room, leaving me sitting there utterly speechless.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ransom
Lubbock, Texas – December 25th
It wasn’t becoming any easier to be around Aspen without getting an erection. Especially when I had to massage her feet and legs when they were swollen. But I’d managed to keep my hands off her in a sexual way.
And she’d stopped talking about wanting me to be the only man ever to take her, sexually speaking. But I could see it in her pretty eyes that she never lost that spark she had for me.
I tried to keep the spark I had for her on a very low flame. Most of the time it worked. When it didn’t, I would take matters into my own hands and deal with it myself. A little self-love and a fantasy starring Aspen would take the edge off things for a while.
At times I had to fight my jealousy over the idea that she may have started masturbating. My selfish streak wanted her to wait for me. Not that I was even thinking about giving in to my need for her, but I wanted her to wait anyway.
Like I said, I was selfish.
So, now it had come to my attention that I was not only shallow but selfish as well. My personal inventory of traits had grown and not in a good way.
On that list was the fact that soon I would become a father, a man who would have children to inspire to do the right things in life. So far, I had made no strides in the fatherly department.
But I figured there would be time to make some changes. When the time was right, things would click, and changes would naturally be made. Whatever they were.
I had no idea what the future would hold. Being the free spirit I was, I thought it best to sit back and let life take me where I was meant to be.
Our first Christmas together had Aspen and I meeting in the room she’d dubbed the Christmas Room. Grandad sat on the sofa with a big cup of hot chocolate in his hands. His cheeks rosy, his smile bright, he greeted us, “Merry Christmas!”
Aspen piped right up, “Merry Christmas to you too, Lucius.” She went right to him, giving him a hug. “I love seeing you looking so dapper this morning.”
“And you look like a goddess, little momma,” he said then kissed her cheek. “I feel a little tired today. Just not up to it all, I guess.”
“I think you look great,” I told him. “Better than ever, if you ask me.”
“Well, I don’t feel better than ever,” he grumbled.
Aspen patted his hand, drawing Grandad’s attention away from me, which I was thankful for as I looked under the tree to retrieve the present I’d bought for her. “Maybe you should call your doctor and schedule an appointment tomorrow?”
“Maybe,” he said.
I stood up with the wrapped package in my hand. “Here you go, Aspen. This is my gift to you.”
She pointed to the one with my name on it that was near my foot. “And I bought that one for you. Pick it up, and we’ll open them at the same time.”
As my grandfather looked on, I took the seat opposite Aspen after handing her the present. We unwrapped our presents, and I found mine to be incredibly touching. “Our babies. When did you do this, Aspen?”
“I knew it would surprise you.” She smiled at me. “I had that one done a month ago. It’s one of those 3D things. You can really see all three of their faces in it. I had it done in sepia to match the gold frame I had it put in.”
“I love it.” I got up and went to kiss her on the cheek then noticed my grandfather frowning and couldn’t understand why he was doing that. But I wasn’t about to ask him anything.
I wanted to see Aspen’s reaction to the gift I’d gotten her. She pulled the top off the box and pulled out the diamond necklace, holding it to her chest. “Ransom, this
is gorgeous. It looks like a million bucks.”
My grandfather leaned forward to look at it. “Pretty damn close.”
Stroking her chin to make her look at me, I said, “It’s nothing compared to your beauty, Aspen. But when I saw it, I thought of you.”
“How sweet.” She put her hand over mine and held it to her cheek. “I love it. Thank you.”
After we exchanged the rest of the presents, we had a nice lunch before heading off to do our own things. Aspen went into town to visit her old roommates and have Christmas with them too.
That left my grandfather and me alone. I had no idea how scary that would be.
When a knock came to my bedroom door, I wondered who it could be. “Who is it?” I called out.
“Me,” my grandfather called out. “Can I come in and talk to you?”
“The door’s unlocked.” I went to take a seat on the sofa instead of lounging on my bed the way I’d been doing.
Grandad’s expression was stern, and I had no idea why that was. He took a seat on the loveseat across from me. “Ransom, I’ve got to let you know that I’m damn happy that you’ve got kids on the way.”
“Good. I’m glad that makes you happy, Grandad.” I chuckled as I thought about all those babies in a house that hadn’t seen any since I was one year old. “This place is going to get pretty lively here in the very near future.”
“Yes, it is,” he agreed. “I’ve got more I want to tell you.”
“Go on then,” I said, but couldn’t understand the way my body tensed up.
“Ransom, I’ve been watching you and Aspen. That girl loves you. Do you know that?” he asked.
I didn’t think he needed to be this involved in my personal life. “I’m aware of how she feels about me. You know that girl is vocal.”
He seemed surprised. “So, she’s told you that she loves you then?”
“She has.” The tension got a tighter grip on my body as I felt a strange energy coming from my grandfather.
With a groan, he rubbed his temples. “And what have you done about that?”
“Nothing. I want things to stay the way they are now.” I got up to pour myself a Scotch. Maybe that would ease the tension his little visit was causing me.
“Why would you want things to stay the way they are now?” he asked.
I poured the drink as I thought about my answer. Finally, I came up with one, “I like the way things are now. That’s why I want to keep them that way.”
When I turned around, I saw my grandfather pulling out a handkerchief then wiping his face as he’d broken out into a sweat. “Things are okay, Ransom. They’re not the best they can be. Why don’t you want things to be the best that they can be?”
“Are you feeling okay?” I asked then went to sit back down, leaving my glass on the bar as I’d begun to wonder if the weird energy I felt was about my grandfather’s health and nothing more than that.
“No.” He wiped his face again. “I’m not doing as well as it may seem.”
My heart plunged. “Do you think…?”
He stopped me. “I don’t know. But I do know this. You’ve got something that’s keeping you from making natural choices in your life. I don’t know what it is, but I know I’ve got to do what I can to help you.”
“I’m fine,” I told him and then I really looked at him, trying to find anything about his appearance that would let me know if I needed to rush the man to the emergency room or something. “It’s you that I’m worried about, Grandad. Should we go to the ER?”
“No.” He waved his hand in the air. “If I get the damn cancer again, I’m not going through all that chemo again. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.”
So there it was. If the cancer came back, he wasn’t going to fight it.
I got up and went to get that drink I’d poured. “I can’t believe you would do that, Grandad. You’re important to me. You’re going to be important to your great-grandkids too.”
“Do you love her?” he asked, stopping me before I could take the first drink.
“You don’t need to concern yourself with that.” I took a sip and felt the liquid burn all the way down my throat then it heated my stomach.
“It would help me to know if you love her the way I think you do.” He coughed, and it reminded me of how he sounded when he had the tumor in his lung.
I couldn’t help myself. “I don’t know if I love her. That’s why I want things to stay the way they are. That way she won’t come to hate me.”
When I looked at his face, I found myself worrying again. It was pale, and he looked shaky. I didn’t want to see that weakness in him again. It was way too soon to have to deal with losing him again.
His words came out quietly, which wasn’t like him, “I hope you don’t hate me for this, Ransom, but you see, that woman deserves more. She was born to be a Whitaker. My great-grandbabies deserve more. You deserve more too. I have no idea why you’re denying yourself the love of that wonderful young woman. Nor do I understand why you don’t know if you love her or not. I can see very clearly that you do love her. Why can’t you see that and admit it?”
I had no intention of getting into why I didn’t want to tell Aspen words I wasn’t sure about. “Grandad, Aspen is fine with her role in this family.”
“I’m not.” He looked right into my eyes as he delivered his latest news, “I’ve changed my will again.”
“Shit.” This will not be good.
“You have until the birth of your children to marry Aspen Dell. And you have to make that marriage real, son. You know what I’m saying, don’t you?” He winked at me as if he’d just told me some joke.
Maybe it was a joke. “Ah, you’re kidding me. Good one, Grandad.” I took another drink and found my hand shaking.
“Nope.” He shook his head. “I’m dead serious. If I were you, I would marry her sooner rather than later. I heard that most triplets come a month or even two earlier than just one baby does. And if that girl doesn’t have a wedding ring on her finger and if her last name isn’t Whitaker when they come, then you, she, and all those babies of yours are out of my will.”
You old son-of-a-bitch!
Chapter Twenty-Six
Aspen
Lubbock, Texas – December 26th
I’d gotten in a little late the night before. Margo didn’t want me to leave at all. She whined that I’d been spending all my time with Ransom, making her feel left out.
Staying as late as I possibly could was about all I could give her. She’d met a guy, fallen in love, and he’d dumped her without any reason why. I had to stay to let her pour her soul out to me.
Since she’d been in such a state, I didn’t get to whine about my life to her. And when I climbed into my bed, I looked up at the ceiling for way too long, wondering what I could do to get Ransom to get over his issues and let us have a real relationship.
Imagine my surprise when he came into my bedroom early the next morning. He came over to the bed, sitting down on the side and looking a little weird. “How was your visit with your friends, Aspen?”
“Pretty good. Margo is having a crisis, but other than that I had fun with the girls.” I pushed my hair back out of my face then stretched and yawned as he’d woken me up when he knocked. “And how did your night go?”
“Pretty crazy, actually.” He got up and started pacing.
I knew it had to be bad and prayed it wasn’t about his grandfather’s health. “Why don’t you just tell me what happened, Ransom?”
“Because I don’t know how to.” He shook his head. “I’ve thought all night long how to say this to you, and I can’t come up with anything that’s good at all.”
“Is it about Lucius?” I had to know. I had to get myself ready if there was awful news.
I’d grown to love the old guy. Now, not only would I have to deal with my own grief, I would still need to be as strong as I could for Ransom. The man looked like a tower of strength, but I knew he was anything but that when it
came to his grandad.
“Yeah, it’s about him,” he admitted. “He’s done something again. And this time it involves our kids.”
“So, it’s not about his health then?” I asked, feeling a tiny bit of relief.
Ransom took a seat at the end of my bed, looking at me with fear in his eyes. “Not really. But he did say that if the cancer returned, he wouldn’t put up a fight the way he did before. That really got to me.”
“I would imagine it did. It’s getting to me right now too.” I had no idea why Lucius would give up the fight after he’d proven that he could do it. “Maybe I should talk to him.”
“It won’t help. He’s a stubborn old man.” He threw his arms in the air. “And that’s what makes this so damn hard.”
“I get the feeling that you’re skirting around another issue. One that doesn’t concern your grandfather’s health?” I sat up, putting my hand on my stomach as my morning hunger was occurring and that meant I had to get something in my tummy pretty quickly or nausea would show up.
“You would be right.” He got back up and started pacing again.
I leaned over to get a sleeve of saltines out of the drawer of my nightstand. I had to get something in my stomach and fast. “So, stop skirting already and just spit it out.” I munched on a cracker, noisily.
“You make it sound so easy. It’s anything but.” He turned around slowly then came to me. “You know how I feel about you, right?”
“Has he told you something that has to do with me, Ransom?” I thought his grandfather liked me, loved me even. But I had this sinking feeling that he might’ve told Ransom something about getting rid of me for some reason.
“He has,” he said, confirming my suspicions.
I didn’t know what to think. But I did know that I was about to puke. Throwing the blanket off me, I jumped up and hauled butt to the bathroom that was a part of my bedroom suite.
Kneeling on the cold tile floor in front of the toilet, I barfed like crazy. Then Ransom’s hands were running over my shoulders, pulling my hair back. “It’s going to be okay, Aspen.”
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