The Housekeeper's Awakening

by Sharon Kendrick

  ‘Well.’ Bella pushed a spill of platinum hair away from her tanned face. ‘You told me you were here in Cap Ferrat and I happened to be in the area—’

  ‘What are you doing in the area?’ asked Carly, but Bella was shooting her a furious don’t-ask-me-any-awkward-questions type of look and years of deferring to her sister’s wishes was a hard habit to break, especially when you were already feeling emotionally wobbly. She forced a smile. ‘Luis, I’d like you to meet my sister, Bella. Bella, this is Luis Martinez, who is—’

  ‘Ex-champion motor-racer of the world,’ purred Bella. ‘Yes, I know.’

  ‘Oh, that was a long time ago,’ said Luis smoothly. ‘Nice to meet you, Bella.’

  Bella was staring at him with open admiration as he sat up and pushed back his battered straw hat.

  ‘I hope I’m not intruding,’ she said.

  ‘Not at all,’ he answered. ‘As you can see, your sister and I were just catching the last of the afternoon sun. Would you like some coffee? A drink, perhaps?’

  ‘Ooh, a drink would be wonderful. I’ve been doing the most horrendous shoot all day and I’m knackered. The photographer has practically had his lens up my bum all day.’ She licked her lips. ‘I don’t suppose you’ve got any champagne?’

  ‘I think we might be able to find some.’ He glanced up at his French housekeeper. ‘Simone—I wonder if you’d mind...?’

  ‘Oui, monsieur,’ said Simone briskly. ‘D’accord.’

  ‘Here, let me get you a chair,’ said Luis, and he stood up, a movement which seemed to completely captivate Bella, before walking across to the far side of the terrace towards a small cluster of sunbeds and chairs which stood there.

  He was barely out of earshot before Bella turned to Carly, her mouth hanging open in amazement. ‘What have you been doing to yourself?’ she demanded. ‘I hardly recognised you! My God—that bikini!’

  Carly automatically tugged at the frilly bikini bottoms. ‘You don’t like it?’

  ‘I’m not sure. I don’t know if it’s really you. It certainly looks expensive. What the hell is going on, Carly? How come you’re lying out here with Mr Hunky and looking like you were born to it?’

  ‘I’ve been... I’ve been helping with Luis’s rehabilitation.’

  ‘Is that what you call it? Looked pretty cosy when I arrived, I must say.’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘You’re not...’

  On her face was an expression which Carly had never seen before. Yes, there was amazement and disbelief, but surely that wasn’t jealousy she could read there?

  Bella flicked a strand of platinum hair over her shoulder. ‘You’re not...involved with Luis Martinez, are you?’

  Carly looked her straight in the eye. ‘Oh, come on, Bella, can you really see someone like Luis bothering with someone like me?’

  ‘No,’ said Bella slowly. ‘I suppose when you put it like that.’

  Carly was relieved when Luis arrived back with a chair, though less pleased when Bella removed her high-heeled sandals and proceeded to glug down a glass of the pink champagne, which Simone had just delivered on a tray.

  She had forgotten just how glamorous her sister was. How a similar composition of genes could have ended up making someone who looked so different from her. They both had the same amber-coloured eyes, but that was where all similarities ended. Bella’s were fringed with heavy dark mascara, which made her look like some kind of startled young deer. And her figure was amazing—nobody could deny that. She had always exercised to within an inch of her life and never ate carbs after six and it showed. Oh, yes. It showed. She could see Luis looking at her, his black eyes narrowed with interest, and Carly felt her heart beginning to sink with the inevitability of it all. Of course he would find Bella attractive. Any man would.

  She found herself accepting a glass of champagne, even though it was only five in the afternoon, and the bubbles shot straight to her head as she sipped it.

  ‘Carly tells me you’re a model, Bella,’ said Luis.

  ‘Yes, that’s right. Though I still haven’t made it quite as big as I’d like. At least, not yet.’ Bella smiled at him from behind her curtain of white-blonde hair. ‘I suppose you must know plenty of people in the industry?’

  ‘Some.’

  ‘Perhaps you could introduce me sometime?’

  ‘Perhaps,’ he said, non-committally.

  Carly sat listening in horrified fascination as Bella ladled out abundant amounts of charm. Was Luis enjoying talking to her sister as much as he appeared to be? She watched him smile as Bella told him a story about the elastic snapping on a pair of bikini bottoms as the photographer homed in for a close-up.

  ‘But about three men dashed over to the rescue with their beach towels!’ she said.

  ‘I’ll bet they did,’ observed Luis.

  Carly tried to smile but her mouth seemed stuck in some kind of awful rictus. The alcohol was making her feel disassociated...as if she was a spectator in all this and not a participant. She saw Bella glance down surreptitiously at her watch.

  ‘What are you guys doing tonight?’ she asked casually. ‘You’re not free for dinner, by any chance?’

  ‘Sorry.’ Luis gave her a quick smile. ‘But Carly and I have an engagement which we can’t get out of,’ he said, without missing a beat.

  Carly blinked at him.

  They did?

  ‘But we must see you some other time,’ he continued. ‘Just give us a little more warning next time.’ He reached down and picked up his cell phone. ‘And in the meantime, I’ll have my driver take you back to wherever it is you’re going.’

  Carly could see the flicker of annoyance on Bella’s face, the sulky pout which had made her pretty face crumple. The look which always used to get their mother eating out of her hand, but which seemed to be having absolutely no effect on Luis.

  She could feel cold dread building inside her as she wrapped her sarong around her to see Bella out, waiting for the outburst she knew was inevitable—and she wasn’t disappointed.

  ‘You do realise you’re in danger of making a complete and utter fool of yourself?’ hissed Bella as they reached the front door.

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  ‘Oh, please! It’s written all over you, and I’m your sister—I know you better than anyone. It’s obvious to me that you’re sleeping with him and that you can’t tear your eyes away from him. I don’t blame you for that—he’s pretty amazing—the only surprise is that he’s chosen someone like you. I don’t want to be cruel, Carly, but you need to hear the facts. And you’re heading for a crash if you don’t pull yourself together, because it’s clear what he’s doing.’

  Carly felt as if she’d been carved from wood. ‘And what’s that?’

  ‘He’s just playing Pygmalion,’ Bella continued, really getting into it now. ‘Transforming his mousey little housekeeper into someone who’s happy to lie by the swimming pool, bursting out of her bikini. But it’s nothing but a game for him. Don’t you see? He’s been bored—and incapacitated—and it’s just something to keep himself occupied. He’ll drop you just as quickly as he picked you up, and then where will you be?’

  There were a million things she could have said in response, but Carly just said the words she knew were expected of her, like someone who was reading from an autocue. And wasn’t Bella only speaking the truth? ‘Thanks for the advice—I’ll certainly bear it in mind,’ she said. ‘Maybe we can meet up when I get back to England?’

  Bella stared at her as if waiting for more and when it didn’t come, she spoke again. ‘And hopefully you’ll have seen sense by then.’

  ‘Hopefully.’

  Bella shook her head and her blonde hair swayed. ‘You’re a fool, Carly Conner.’

  Carly watched as her sister strutted across the forecourt of the villa and climbed into the car which was waiting. She stood there for a long time after the electronic gates had closed, until there was nothing but a tiny black dot in the distance, spitting up
clouds of dust as it drove down the hillside.

  She walked slowly back into the house. Now what?

  Back to the poolside to finish her glass of champagne and for a conversation she didn’t really want to have? Yet deep down she knew she didn’t have an alternative. She couldn’t avoid the truth for ever.

  Luis had obviously been swimming while she’d been saying goodbye to her sister. His dark hair was dripping and his olive skin was sleek with little droplets of water. He walked along the edge of the pool and stretched and suddenly it was as if her vision had cleared. As if she was able to step out of the fog of lust and love which had clouded her judgement up until now. She saw him as Bella must have seen him. Famous, gorgeous, rich. One of the great playboys who’d had dalliances with some of the most beautiful women in the world. Had she really thought she could stand in their shadow for long? Even if he had managed to make her feel better about herself, did she really think she was able to hang onto him? To make him love her?

  He looked up and met her eyes.

  ‘She’s gone,’ she said flatly.

  ‘Yes.’ There was a pause. ‘She’s nothing like you, is she?’

  ‘Not really.’ Carly forced a smile. ‘Were you attracted to her?’

  ‘Was I attracted to her?’ he repeated slowly. ‘Why do you ask a question like that?’

  Carly reminded herself that he had taught her not to have hang-ups about sex, so didn’t that mean that she should start thinking about it the way that the rest of the world did? Like some kind of casual exercise to be enjoyed. ‘Most men are.’

  ‘Are they?’ he said, his tone now ominous. ‘What, did you think I wanted to bed your sister, Carly? Or perhaps to live out the fantasy of taking the two of you at the same time?’

  Her skin had turned to ice. ‘D-did you?’

  He gripped his hands into two tight fists, which hung down by the powerful shafts of his thighs, his face darkening like thunder. ‘No, I did not,’ he gritted out. ‘Just what kind of man do you take me for?’

  Carly had never seen him so angry. His black eyes were cold and his shadowed jaw looked as hard as granite. ‘I know what kind of man you are,’ she said. ‘Remember?’

  ‘I may have had a chequered past, but I have treated you with nothing but respect since we became lovers,’ he ground out. ‘I’ve been up front with you every step of the way and as considerate as I know how. But it seems you couldn’t wait to throw it all back in my face by making veiled suggestions that I might enjoy some sordid little tryst with your sister.’

  ‘I didn’t—’

  ‘Yes, you damned well did!’ Ruthlessly, he cut across her words, advancing towards her as he had done so many times before, only this time his face was not softened by desire. This time it was hard and cold with fury. ‘Maybe in the past, my behaviour might have justified you making such a negative judgement because, God knows, I’ve certainly been no angel. But there are limits to what I would consider acceptable behaviour.’

  ‘Luis—’

  ‘Do you really think I would be willing to replicate that kind of massive betrayal, after what I told you about my mother?’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said woodenly.

  ‘Even if you could think so little of me, do you really think so little of yourself? Haven’t you learned anything, Carly? That sex is not wrong and that you can be just as confident and as beautiful as you make up your mind to be.’ He shook his head. ‘But you’re still allowing yourself to be that same scared woman underneath, aren’t you? Still so eager to believe the worst about yourself. What’s making you do that? Do you miss the cloak of invisibility you wore for so long? Do you find it so terrifying to be out in the real world that you’re looking for some excuse to escape from it again?’

  She shook her head as his accusations rained down on her like spiky little hailstones. And even though she wanted to blot out what he was saying to her, somehow she was finding it impossible. Was she an emotional coward, eager to think the worst about everyone because it was easier that way?

  Or was he?

  ‘Maybe you’re right,’ she said, pushing her hair out of her face. ‘But if I’m having difficulty adapting to normality maybe that’s because none of this is normal. I feel like someone who has jumped into the wrong end of the swimming pool. I’m out of my depth and I don’t fit in. Not here. Not anywhere, really.’

  ‘Then find your depth,’ he said grimly. ‘You’re an intelligent woman. Don’t tell me that you’re planning to go to medical school at the age of twenty-three and then start playing the shrinking violet again. You are capable of so much, Carly. Of anything you want, if only you have the courage to reach out and grab it.’

  Carly sucked in a deep breath, terrified that tears were going to arrive just when she least needed them. Because although his words were intended as an encouragement—and they were—they were also intended as a farewell. Her lips wobbled for a couple of seconds before she could trust herself to speak. ‘You’re very good at dishing out advice, aren’t you, Luis? But I wonder how good you are at taking it.’

  He gave a bitter laugh. ‘Why, is this now going to become some kind of tit for tat?’

  ‘It’s more about redressing the balance than scoring points,’ she said, hating the sarcasm she heard in his drawled response, hating this new distance between them which was growing bigger by the second. ‘You wonder why I was so eager to jump to the wrong conclusion about you wanting my sister? Well, why shouldn’t I think something like that, when you told me emphatically that you didn’t think men were capable of fidelity?’

  ‘Now you’re twisting my words.’

  ‘Am I? Or am I just putting my own interpretation on them?’ She stared at him. ‘Because I don’t think that you do believe that, not really. I think that’s just your excuse for staying away from commitment.’

  ‘My excuse?’ he demanded.

  ‘Yes.’ Her voice dropped to a whisper. ‘I think you were hurt so badly by what happened with your parents. I think you felt completely betrayed by your mother’s friend and your father and maybe even by your mother, too, for allowing herself to fade away and leave you. I think the pain was so bad that you vowed never to let anyone get that close to you again. So you didn’t. You lived the life you could, the life which was expected of you, the playboy with all the different homes and all the different women. But no matter how many there were it was never enough, was it? They could never fill that hole deep inside you. At the end of the day, you were still all alone. And you always will be if you carry on like this.’

  ‘That’s enough!’ he bit out and suddenly he wanted to lash out at something. Anything. He wanted to smash his fist into that marble statue on the opposite side of the terrace and see it lie in shattered pieces. He wanted stop the hurt which was enveloping him in something so dark and clammy that suddenly he couldn’t breathe properly.

  ‘You may be planning to major in psychology, but so far you’re way off course!’ he snapped. ‘Is this supposed to make me want you, Carly? Am I supposed to be grateful for this brutal character assessment of yours? To be so in awe of your unique insight that I will somehow see the light? And what do you suppose will happen next, hmm? Play out the scene for me, querida, so that I can see it for myself. Do I now drop down onto one knee and ask you to become my wife?’

  The breath dying in her throat, Carly stared at him. His caustic words were like having a blade rammed straight into her heart, but she told herself that maybe he’d done her a favour. Because hadn’t this liberated her from any dormant hopes she might have nurtured, no matter how much she’d tried to deny them? Wouldn’t she now be free of the fantasy that, deep down, Luis might actually care about her?

  She shook her head. ‘I may have been innocent,’ she said slowly. ‘But I’m not stupid. And if ever I was going to marry anyone it certainly wouldn’t be a man who didn’t even have the courage to look at himself properly.’

  His eyes narrowed. ‘You accuse me—me—of lacking in co
urage?’

  She shook her head. ‘Oh, I’m not talking about the kind of courage which made you put your foot down on the accelerator and take your car through a gap so tiny that most men wouldn’t have seen it. I’m talking about the emotional courage to face your demons and put them to rest. Just as I’ve had to do. I’m sorry I said that about Bella—that was just a lingering hang-up from my own past. I had no right to accuse you of that, and I should have been strong enough to stand up to her.’

  But she knew why she hadn’t answered Bella’s question about her involvement with Luis and why she hadn’t dared stand up for herself. Because she didn’t believe in the strength of what she and Luis had together. She hadn’t wanted to see the pity or the glee in her sister’s face when it all ended. And it seemed that her instinct had been right.

  ‘Anyway,’ she continued. ‘At least this has given us the ending we both knew was inevitable, even if it hasn’t been quite as amicable as we might have wanted. We both know that I can’t go back to being your housekeeper.’

  There was a long pause before he spoke. ‘No. I guess you can’t.’ He flicked her a glance from between narrowed black eyes. ‘So what will you do?’

  She took a moment to compose herself. To behave as if they’d been talking about nothing more controversial than the weather. And didn’t some stupid part of her wish that he’d fought a bit harder to get her to stay? ‘I’ll find another job until next September. I should have all the funds I need by then to take up my place.’

  He frowned. ‘But you told me that there was a deferred space available now. So in theory, you could go this September—if you had the funds.’

  ‘Which I don’t.’

  ‘You could if I gave them to you. And before you say anything—don’t. I can afford it and I want to. Please, Carly. Don’t let pride stop you from taking what I am able to give. At least that way, you’ll get your happy ending.’

  She looked at him and thought that she wasn’t the only one who could be naïve. Did he really think that this was her happy ending? She thought about the father who had betrayed him and the mother who had slowly slipped away from the world. She thought about how alone he was, amid all his trophies and homes and enough money in the bank to secure the future of the children he would never have.