Controlling Circumstances

by Jean Kelso

  “Night, Gabe. Love you.” I kiss his chest and close my eyes.

  CHAPTER 19

  Gabe

  I WAKE LONG BEFORE BELLE. Being restless through the night didn’t help with sleep much. It was seeing those photos of my woman coming from that wretched man—if you can call him a man—and then hearing about him burning down her home. My thoughts ran wild all through the night. My need to kill the man is strong, but my love for Belle is stronger, deeper. If all I can do is try to keep her safe, then that’s what I’ll do…even if it takes my life to do it. The poor girl has been put through the ringer by this asshole, and I won’t let him hurt her anymore.

  I shake myself from the thoughts as I go to the kitchen to make some coffee. Today will be a long day, I know it. Jack is still asleep on the couch and the apartment’s dark. I don’t bother to turn on lights along the way. In the kitchen I turn the light above the stove on and begin to make a pot of coffee. I lean against the counter and think to myself of the things I plan to say to the detective when he gets here later this morning. I thought Jack and I could handle the situation, but I was wrong. Getting the police involved is the only option we have. I only hope that with their help that we can get the son of a bitch.

  I want Belle to feel safe again. I want her to be able to live without fear. While Mike’s still in her world she’ll never feel that way. I’m only a man. I can only do so much, but I’ll do everything in my power to help her.

  I think about when I showed Belle the handcuffs and sex toys. I remember the glint and slight interest that she showed. After getting to know her—seeing and experiencing what she’s going through—she’s more important than that stuff. Maybe later down the road when Belle feels safe and things are good we may play, but not now. We have our whole lives ahead of us, right?

  “Is that coffee I smell?” a very tired-sounding Mel asks and startles me out of my thoughts.

  I nod and smile at her. “It sure is. Should be ready shortly.”

  I open a cupboard, pull out a couple of mugs and set them on the counter. “Cream?” I ask.

  “Please.” Mel yawns as she stands in the doorway.

  I gather the cream and sugar and set them by the mugs. “Help yourself,” I tell her, then proceed to open a loaf of bread and pop down two slices in the toaster.

  I watch Mel fix her caffeine fix and get at least her first sip in. “Are you doing okay?” I ask.

  “Hmm, yes.” She sets her mug down on the counter. “I’m a bit rattled, but I’m more worried about Belle. I was by her side when she went through the aftermath of the rape and trial, so I know the hell she went through. It was tough and she didn’t handle it well.” Mel looks down and fiddles with the hem of her shirt.

  My toast pops, but I ignore it. “How do you mean?” I ask. This information intrigues me.

  Mel reaches over to her coffee and takes a sip. And then another. “Well, she was afraid to go anywhere for the first little while. Every noise she heard, she thought someone was trying to get in the house to get her. When I did get her out of the house, if any man looked at her, she thought they were going to hurt her. And after the trial…” Mel pauses.

  I move closer to her. I don’t know if it’s some secret she’s about to share or what. I need to know. “After the trial what?” I urge her.

  “After the trial, as Mike was being removed from the courtroom, he yelled to her that he was going to kill her.” Mel grimaces. “I had to bring Belle to therapy every day. Everywhere she looked she thought she saw him. He was like the ghost of Christmas past, present and future. There was no escape for her and thought she was going to die.”

  “Well, shit. No wonder she’s so hard on herself. The anxiety makes complete sense now.” I shake my head in disbelief. I can’t imagine what life was like for her then. That bastard needs to pay.

  “The therapist put her on some medications and Belle had all kinds of counselling sessions. It was so hard to break her out of her shell, to prove to her that Mike was behind bars and that no one was out to hurt her. It took years, actually. When you started asking about her I was scared at first, but then I thought why the hell not? You know what I mean?” Mel grins at me.

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” I smirk and grab the now cold toast to toss it in the garbage. I make a cup of coffee and head into the living room. Time to wake up the house.

  ***

  Belle

  I wake to quiet chatter in the living room and toss the blankets off of me. I roll out of the bed and search through my bag until I find a pair of blue jeans and black tank top to put on. I’m not quite awake yet, so I’ll give up my shower for coffee. I want to be able to think clearly about last night’s events and discuss our next actions with Gabe and Jack. I know Mel will want to be in on the plan, but I don’t want her to get hurt. Hell, I don’t want anyone to get hurt. I just want to go back to sleep and forget any of this is even happening, but I can’t because it is happening. This is what my life has become. Maybe my parents were right and it wasn’t just the alcohol talking. Who knows? Maybe I am trash and not worth saving. Hell, what if Gabe can’t save me regardless of all his heroic efforts?

  I swipe the lonely tear that starts to run down my cheek and dress. These thoughts of worthlessness need to go. I try to keep in mind that Gabe and Mel both love me. They remind me all the time that I’m worth it. I head out to the living room. The men sit at the table, and Mel curls up on the couch and sips what I hope is a nice hot cup of caffeine.

  I’m barefoot so no one hears me pad my way into the room. “I hope that’s coffee you are drinking, and I hope to high hell that there is more where it came from.” I lick my lips as I move farther into the room. Everyone looks up at me, and Mel snickers as she nods her head.

  Gabe raises his eyebrows at me. “High hell?”

  “Uh, yeah?” I shrug as I move toward the kitchen.

  Once in the kitchen I assume the empty mug by the coffee machine is for me, so I begin to prepare a steamy cup of caffeine for myself. Mid-pour I feel warm hands touch my shoulders and rub down my arms. Gabe’s cologne or aftershave smells wonderful.

  I set the coffee pot down and face him. “Morning, babe.”

  Gabe wraps his arms around my waist and leans us against the counter. “How are you this morning, Belle?” he asks with a hint of concern in his voice. Gabe’s eyes full of pain. I know the situation is taking a toll on him. This is the last thing I want for him to deal with.

  “I’ve been better.” I’m not going to lie to him, but do I trust him enough to tell him how I really feel? I lean my head down to Gabe’s chest and rest it there. I absorb his strength and debate on what I should do.

  Gabe tips my head back up to look at him. “Belle, talk to me. I’m here for you, always. Let me in, let me help.” He presses his forehead to mine and peers into my eyes. The truth shines brightly in his dark eyes.

  I stare back and fight my internal battle. I know I can trust Gabe. Why am I finding it so hard to actually do it? He’s been here for me through so much, has kept every promise to date and has held my hand through the toughest times. He hasn’t run yet, so if he’s willing to handle all that crap, then I suppose he isn’t going anywhere.

  Bound with determination about myself and with my mind made up, I let the words flow. “What if you can’t help me? What if you can’t stop Mike from hurting me, from getting to me?”

  Gabe immediately steps back and grasps my upper arms. “Belle, I’ll do everything in my power to protect you. You are…” Different emotions of pain and hurt flash across Gabe’s face while Gabe’s muscles tense. Suddenly, Gabe drops to his knee in front of me and wraps his arms around my legs. When Gabe looks up at me his eyes glisten. “You mean the world to me. If I can’t do this myself, I’ll get help. I know my limits.”

  Did I just break my strong, controlling man? He wanted me to let him in, and I did. This is what I get in return. I made him feel weak? Fuck. I look up to the ceiling and try to control
my own emotions. I feel Gabe squeeze my legs to get my attention.

  “Belle, I can do this,” Gabe mutters.

  I swallow back my sob and look down to him. “I didn’t mean to make you think you weren’t good enough, Gabe. I just meant that maybe you’ll need more help than Jack. The two of you aren’t going to be enough to take the psycho down.” I bite my now trembling lip. “Look what he’s done already. My home’s gone. Mike was able to get that close and made me more vulnerable. Just imagine what else he could do. I don’t want to lose you in process.” Tears start to run down my cheeks now.

  Gabe pulls me down to the floor with him. He sits up and pulls me into his lap. I sit so I face him and he wraps his arms around me. “Belle, you’ll never lose me. You’re worth everything to me. I’ll do what it takes to stay here by your side through everything. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. I’m honored to have met you and to have the chance to love you.” Gabe sweeps his finger through my messy reddish hair then wipes away the tears from my face. “The strength you have has conquered more things than anyone person should have to in one lifetime. You’re so brave and beautiful. You’re worth more than everything in this world to me. Don’t you ever forget it.” He leans down to me and kisses my forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  The wall I had built up for so many years completely crumbles. After all this time of being held behind that wall because of fear and shame, I now begin to feel whole. In the arms of this man, I feel like a real woman. I feel like I can be myself and that I’m loved. I’m not sure how to respond to Gabe after such a wonderful speech. My hearts beats fast and loud. I reach my hand up and caress his cheek. I lick my lips to moisten them from being dry, lean in and give Gabe a peck on the lips. Then I lean back and smile at him. “I love you so much, Gabe.”

  CHAPTER 20

  Belle

  DETECTIVE DOUGLAS SHOWS UP at nine a.m. He looks freshly washed, but tired all the same in his pair of black slacks and a gray button-down shirt. Gabe offers him cup of coffee and we all sit at the dining room table.

  Gabe wants to take charge of the situation, and since I have no clue on how to deal with everything, I have no problem with that.

  Before Gabe has a chance to speak the detective jumps right in. “Ms. Jones.” The detective sets his mug down on the table and looks directly at me across the table. “I reviewed your file last night and, first, I would like to apologize for what you had to endure in your past.”

  Feelings of shock come upon me. An apology from a man who has nothing to do with the situation. How kind his soul must be. “Thank you, Detective Douglas,” I whisper.

  “Gordon, please. I may be old enough to be your father, but I’m here to help.” He smiles and takes a sip of his coffee.

  I notice Gabe shuffles in his seat. I know he’s ready to get this show on the road. I look towards him and raise my eyebrows while I smirk knowingly at him.

  Gabe narrows his eyes at me and turns to look at Gordon. “So, Gordon. Do you have anything from last night that will lead us to anyone particular? Say a man named Mike?”

  I sit back in my chair and watch the scenario play out. Man vs man. Gordon sets his mug aside. He reaches into the pocket of his shirt and pulls out a little notepad. Gordon flips it open and turns through the pages until he finds the one he wants. Gordon grimaces as he glances at Gabe.

  Gabe leans forward in his chair and folds his hands on the table. He appears anxious. I’m not sure if Gabe wants to strangle the detective for answers or do something completely different. Reading male emotions isn’t easy.

  Dealing with my own emotions isn’t easy.

  “The fire chief and the inspector spent hours in the mess after the fire was put out.” Gordon looks to me then back to Gabe. “They have deemed the fire arson, but so far there are no real leads as to who set the fire. I’m sorry.”

  I puff out a breath at the same time Gabe yells. “Fuck!”

  “Keep cool, man,” Jack pipes up.

  I look to the other end of the table in surprise. I forgot that Jack and Mel were even in the room. They’ve been so quiet so far and that’s just not normal for Mel.

  “I’m cool,” Gabe grumbles. “I’m fucking cool.” I can tell Gabe’s barely holding on. He wants answers and that isn’t the one he wants. I reach over to him with my hand in hopes that he’ll take a hold of it. I want to reassure him that I’m here, to reassure him that I’m safe. At least I am right now.

  Gabe takes my hand and gives it a slight squeeze. “Gordon, I’m going to level with you.” Gabe nods his head toward the little notepad that Gordon holds in his hand and takes a breath. “I have no idea what you have in that little notebook, but what I know, I don’t like. Belle has suffered enough in this lifetime all because of this rotten bastard, and I want him out of our lives. I wanted him out of it yesterday!”

  Gordon closes his notepad and shoves it back in his pocket. He leans back in his chair and crosses his legs. “From what I’ve read, I agree, but we have no proof he set this fire.”

  Gabe lets go of my hand and begins to stand. I hear a low growl start deep in his chest. Before I can speak up, Jack stands defensively as if to engage Gabe if necessary.

  Gabe looks to Jack. “Sit down. I’m alright.” Gabe begins to pace the room. He rolls his shoulders and flexes his fists. Suddenly, Gabe leaves the room, only to return moments later. His appearance has no change. The anger’s still there, but there seems to be a subtle calm set upon his features.

  Gabe sits back in his chair and leans forward with his hands clasped together in his lap. “Look, Gordon. I don’t mean to be a prick, but I know this asshole set the fire. He’s been harassing and threatening Belle for a while now. I won’t let him hurt her anymore.” Gabe narrows his eyes in the detective’s direction. “You got me?”

  I drop my head to the table with a bang. The way Gabe speaks to this man isn’t the way you should be talking to a gentleman of the law. I clench my eyes shut and bang my head on the table once more. Things couldn’t get more complicated.

  “Belle, stop that,” I hear Mel whisper.

  I feel someone touch my shoulder. It’s a touch of unfamiliarity, so I stop what I’m doing and sit up. It’s Gordon. He removes his hand from my shoulder and looks me in the eye.

  “Look, Belle, I understand where Gabe’s coming from. If you were my daughter or wife, I’d be hell bent ongoing after the man responsible for the horrible things he did to you and apparently is still doing to you.” Gordon glances towards Gabe and nods. “I’ll help you in any way I can. Tell me what all has happened since this Mike guy was released from prison.”

  Gordon seems genuine enough—fatherly and honest. He sits in the dining room with the four of us as Gabe, Jack, Mel and I explain all the things that have happened in the past month or so. Gordon takes detailed notes and gives us safe ideas on how to go about handling the whole situation legally.

  When Gordon mentions the word legal, I notice a glint in Gabe’s eye. As if I didn’t know already, anything legal about this situation has already gone out the window and Gabe’s beyond game about it. Maybe now that Gordon the fatherly detective is willing to help, Gabe can contain himself and keep himself safe in the process, too.

  By two in the afternoon the group of us are starving. Gordon needs to head out because he has another case that he has to look into. He bids us farewell and promises to call if he finds any leads.

  Jack leaves to go to his hotel. He plans to get his stuff and check out. Jack will stay here at Gabe’s until this is over. Mel decides to go with him and says they’ll pick up some pizza on the way back.

  I need a bit of stress relief, so I lock the door and lead Gabe towards the bathroom. A shower is always stress reliever, and Gabe in the shower with me will be an even bigger stress reliever.

  As I gently—but persistently—push Gabe into the bathroom, I caress my hands up under his shirt. They roam along his hard abs, up his chest and back down. Gabe stops and t
urns in my arms with a mischievous look in his eyes. A sexy smile forms on his face, and I know that he knows where this is heading.

  I go in with control. I want to offer some relief, but knowing how I feel for this man and knowing how he makes me feel, I let my control go. I love this man and I’ll give him anything. I want to give him the world just like he says he wants to give it to me. I’ve always wanted to have control in my life since that day—always needed it--but with Gabe there’s no need. He’s my control. He’s my power, my salvation to this life. He’ll keep me afloat, alive. He’ll keep me breathing when I don’t want to be breathe anymore. I thought I had only one life to live, but I was wrong. I have two lives to live. One for me and one for Gabe. Together—two lives lived as one. He is my one. My whole.

  I push Gabe’s shirt up over his head and drop it to the bathroom floor. Looking deep into his eyes, I force him to see all of me. Then I drop my arms by my sides and stare. I wait. I wait for him to accept all of me. He doesn’t disappoint me.

  CHAPTER 21

  Belle

  WE SHARE NO WORDS verbally. Our eyes say it all—our hands, our lips, our tongues. Gabe swoops in and wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer as he crushes his plush lips against mine. I feel his tongue sweep along my lip and try to gain access. Who am I to deny? I open willingly and his tongue invades my mouth. I thrust my tongue against his and passion takes over. Heat begins to rise from the tips of my toes and into my chest. Our lips never lose their lock as I feel Gabe pull at my clothing and tug it off. My shirt rips—my poor little tank top. I won’t miss it, so it is ok. Next, down go my little shorts. Goose bumps rise on my flesh. Gabe’s hands are everywhere, or at least they feel like they are everywhere. I can feel everything. I’m beyond open to his touch—I want to feel everything. He pulls back and looks into my eyes. Lust dances in the depths of Gabe’s gaze. He reaches for the waist of his jeans, unbuttons them and shoves them down. Once he kicks them aside, I pull his leg between mine and move my legs apart. Gabe moves closer to me so he stands between my legs. Then he lifts me onto the vanity and leans into me. Gabe begins to suckle on my ear and throat. He nips and licks his way down my neck and the sensations drive me wild. I tip my head back as I feel shivers of pleasure begin throughout my body. Gabe’s hands begin to glide up my legs, from calf to thigh to hip. His touch is gentle and loving and I want more. I feel a hand move up my stomach and glide up to my breast as the other hand slowly caresses its way to my core. His strong, long fingers begin to rub up and down my wet crotch. I feel like I’m ready to come already. How? I don’t know.