What You See

by Ann Mullen

  “Are you going to try to pry stuff out of me that I shouldn’t answer without an attorney present?” I laughed, but I was being serious.

  “I see you learn fast. Did Billy warn you to watch what you say in front of me?”

  “To be honest, he told me if I was going to be friends with you, I had to always remember that you’re a cop. He said cops could be tricky, so why don’t we lay down some ground rules right now? I promise never to lie to you, if you promise never to trick, or use me. What do you say? Do we have a deal?”

  “You play a tough game,” he answered as he made the turn onto Rt. 33, heading in the direction of Skyline Drive.

  The ride in his Jeep was bumpy, but it was also masculine just like him. I kept stealing glances, sizing him up. He was a good-looking man. His body was firm, yet he had an air about him that conveyed a gentle side. I kept wondering what kind of lover he would be. Would he be soft and gentle like his personality, or would he be tough and brutish? Are big men rough lovers?

  “Did you hear me?” he asked.

  “I’m sorry. I was thinking about something else,” I replied, bringing myself out of the trance I’d slipped into. “What did you say?”

  “I said it was a deal. If we’re going to have any kind of relationship, it has to be based on honesty and trust.”

  “Are we going to have a relationship?” I asked. My heart fluttered.

  He looked at me with a huge grin on his face and continued, “That’s one of the things I admire about you, Jesse. You don’t pull any punches.”

  “You just don’t know me that well. Wait until you get to know me better before you make up your mind.”

  We spent the next couple of hours enjoying the ride and talking about ourselves; what we wanted out of life; what was important to us; family; all the things people talk about when they’re trying to get to know each other. The subject of last night didn’t come up until we were on our way home.

  “I know you like Billy, but I’m worried about you, Jesse. I don’t think you have any idea what you’re getting into. This detective stuff is a dangerous business.” He reached over, picked up my hand and kissed it. “I like you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  My heart skipped a beat. His intense blue eyes made my body turn to mush. I knew I was falling for him and there was no turning back. Unfortunately, I always fall in love with the men I date. That was my weakness, but not anymore. This time it was going to be different. I wouldn’t let myself be sucked into the same game I’ve played so many times.

  I pulled my hand back and said, “Billy’s a good man. I trust him.”

  “You don’t even know him!” Cole growled. “You’ve known him for what... two, three days?”

  “It doesn’t take me long to size up a person... to know if I can trust them,” I said, defiantly.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. Billy’s a good man. You can trust him, probably more so than anybody you’ll ever meet. I’m not attacking his character, just his line of work.”

  “You’ve made your point. I’ll be careful, and if I ever have any doubts about something, I’ll call you. How’s that?”

  “Do you promise?”

  “Sure,” I swore.

  When we pulled up in the yard, the first thing I noticed was Billy’s blue truck. Cole hadn’t said a word to me about why Billy’s truck was still here, so I did what I thought was right and offered an explanation.

  “Billy’s letting me use his truck for a couple of days, until I decide what to do about my car. Dad says I need a new one because mine’s shot. It’s not worth fixing... something about a rod knocking.”

  “I know, Mack told me. I told him I could probably help you find another car, one you can afford and rely on to get you through our harsh winters. That’s important when you live in the mountains.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He agreed.”

  Fortunately, our dinner table was big enough to hold eight people. Besides our invited guests, we had an added addition. Ralph just happened to drop by right at dinnertime. I had the feeling that his explanation about his wife being gone for the weekend and leaving him to fend for himself, was an excuse to be invited for supper. In the course of the meal, I learned that he was in business for himself. He offered services in land excavation and almost anything you needed to have done with a bulldozer. His wife, Carol, didn’t work. Fortunately for her, he does such a thriving business... blah... blah... blah.

  Joe and Sharon didn’t talk much about themselves, but what they did say, I found delightful. It was obvious they were happy together. They found their jobs fulfilling, and they adored their dog, Harry.

  “In a couple more years, we plan to start having children,” Sharon stated, with a gleam in her eyes as she glanced over at Joe. That brought a round of cheers from everyone, except Joe. I think it was news to him.

  After dinner, Dad served mixed drinks to the men, and wine to the ladies. Since I had forgotten to take my drugs for many days, I figured it wouldn’t hurt, and it might help me to relax.

  Amazingly, the first one went down so smoothly, I had a second one. By eight o’clock, I had turned into a silly mess. I was giggling and snorkeling like a crazy fool. I was going to regret this tomorrow, but tonight I was intensely uninhibited, and having a good time.

  I caught Mom giving Cole the eye as he stood up and announced that he had to leave.

  “Jesse, why don’t you walk our guest to his car?” Mom asked.

  Cole said good-night, while I followed behind him the way a child does when their parents suggest they do something they don’t have enough sense to think of themselves. Who cares? I wasn’t embarrassed. I was having fun, and wanted it to continue.

  The radiant glow of the full moon, combined with the cool, gentle breezes, made everything seem so summery. Next weekend was Memorial Day. I love Memorial Day. It was the official beginning of the summer season. All the stores at the beaches, from Nags Head to Buckroe Beach, would be coming to life. It wouldn’t be long before people would be out in full force, having picnics or cookouts, lounging by the pool, hanging out at the beaches, and enjoying the summer sun. But I wasn’t at the beach, I was in the mountains. What would we be doing? Taking a dip in the stream? Cutting down trees to have firewood for the winter? Those thoughts ran through my mind as I followed Cole to his Jeep.

  I knew it was the wine. I hadn’t had a drink of alcohol in so long, I forgot what it tasted like. However, I never forgot the feeling it gave me. It made me want to do things I wouldn’t normally do, and say things I wouldn’t normally say. That’s probably why I don’t miss drinking. I can screw up enough on my own without having alcohol to help me along.

  Standing by Cole’s Jeep, he turned to me and put his hands on my shoulders. “I would love nothing better than to take you in my arms and kiss you, but I won’t. Not now. I know there’s something between us. I feel it, and I know you do, too,” he murmured as he ran his fingers through the hair hanging down around my neck. His hands slid down my arms and back up to my face. “I’ve spent too much of my life in meaningless relationships. I’m tired of it. I want something real. I think you and I can have something together, and I want you to be in control of your emotions when I take the first step.” He leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips. He got into his Jeep and pulled out of the driveway, leaving me standing there with my lips still puckered out.

  What happened here? That’s it, no more wine for me. Something just went down, and I missed it. I walked back into the house.

  “Is Cole gone?” Mama asked.

  “Yes,” I whispered as I started upstairs. “I’m going to bed,” was all I could manage to say before I suddenly felt sick. I made it to the bathroom, turned on the fan to muffle the noise, and threw up. The wine didn’t taste as good coming up, as it did going down.

  I set my alarm, stripped down to my underwear and then crawled into bed. Monday morning was going to be a rough day.

  The alarm went
off at 6 a.m.

  Athena, who now slept at the foot of my bed and not on the floor, started dancing on top of me.

  “I’m up!” I rasped out. My head was pounding. I fumbled for my purse and fished out a bottle of aspirin. I successfully made it downstairs without falling down, went to the kitchen, and gulped down two aspirins. Ah, relief was on the way! I scrounged around and found the fixings for a pot of coffee. Once the coffee was on, I trudged back upstairs to take a shower, wondering what new and exciting thing was going to happen to me today.

  I left a note on the bar, listing my number at work and Billy’s car phone number. I gave Athena a pat on the head, and headed off to work. I was looking forward to another day of intrigue and suspense. Hopefully, none of Billy’s clients would kill anyone today.

  Billy was already at the office when I walked in. I smelled the aroma of fresh coffee. The cup I had earlier, was sitting in the pit of my stomach, gnawing away. I dropped my purse on the desk and headed to the coffee room, while the beep-beep of the door alarm was still going off in my head. I opened the refrigerator door and grabbed a coke, popped the top, and guzzled the cold liquid.

  Billy walked into the room with a big smile on his face. “O-s-da sunalei!” he said, with a cheerful smile on his face.

  “Yeah, o-tis sunny to you, too,” I sneered.

  “Did we have a bad night?” he asked. “Your date with Cole turned out to be a rough one, huh?”

  “What are you talking about? How did you know about our date?”

  “You mentioned it Saturday night.”

  “The date was fine. The wine after dinner was a little more than I could handle.”

  “Don’t tell me he tried to get you drunk on the first date. I’ -na-dv!”

  “What does that mean?” I scoffed. “If you’re going to talk to me in that funny Indian talk, you’re going to have to tell me what it means.” I was getting indignant. I hated it when someone said things I didn’t understand. I made up my mind, right then and there, that I would learn some of his language. If we were going to work together for any length of time, I wanted to know what he was saying. As a matter-of-fact, this could help us in our work. If we ever got into a situation where we needed to communicate without anyone knowing what we were saying, a second language would be a big plus. Maybe I could learn just enough to get by.

  “I’-na-dv means snake,” he replied.

  “He’s not a snake!” I assured him. “He’s nice... sweet... charming... sexy... good-looking...” I drifted off again, remembering Cole’s gentle kiss.

  “You’re crazy about him, aren’t you?” Not waiting for a reply, he continued, “You’ve only known him for two days and you’re already hooked. I don’t get it. What makes women go crazy for this guy?”

  “It’s been five days, if you must know,” I hissed. “Funny, he said something similar about you. He doesn’t trust you.”

  “Jesse, forget it. He’s a cop. He’ll use you and then break your heart. That’s all a cop knows how to do. They live and breathe their job.”

  “It won’t be the first time some guy used me. Isn’t that what you all do? You use us, and then dump on us.”

  “My, aren’t we bitter?” he fussed. “Why don’t I drag out the old peace pipe, and see if we can’t get you in a better mood?”

  “Do your people really smoke the peace pipe?”

  He ignored my question. “All right, no more fighting. I’ll let it go for now, but beware; I’ll be keeping my eyes on that fellow. You can bet on it.”

  “Great! I have two fathers now.”

  “Come on, grouchy. We have work to do.”

  Billy went to his office, while I went to my desk.

  The phone rang.

  “Billy Blackhawk Investigations,” I answered. “This is Jesse. May I help you?”

  “Yes, this is Robert Blackhawk. May I speak to Billy?”

  “Sure, just a minute, please.” I hit the hold button and called out, “It’s your brother, Billy. Want me to put him through?”

  Billy walked out of his office, picked up my phone, and hit the hold button. “Hey, brother, what can I do for you? Sure... I’ll be there... Okay.... I’ll see you Sunday.” He hung up the phone and looked in my direction, but not directly in my face. “Sunday, we celebrate the coming of the warm months. I’d like it if you joined us.”

  “Sure, I’d love to,” I answered. “Memorial Day is usually a pretty big day for us, too. Since we live here now, I don’t know what’s going to happen. Normally, we all get together for a cookout at Mom and Dad’s, but it’s different now.”

  “I could come to your house and we could spend a little time with your folks before we leave. Hey, they can come with us, if they want to.”

  “I don’t know. I love my parents, but I don’t think I want them to be a part of this crazy lifestyle. Besides, they pretty much stay at home. They don’t socialize very much.” I skirted the truth.

  “Whatever you want,” he said. He didn’t try to pressure me.

  The phone rang, again. I picked up the receiver and said, “Hello, Billy Blackhawk Investigations.”

  “Hi, honey,” Mom said. “I just got a call from Claire. They’ll be here for our Memorial Day celebration.”

  “That’s great, Mom,” I muttered, rolling my eyes at Billy.

  “Something’s wrong, honey. Claire seemed awfully upset. She didn’t say why, but she said she needed to talk to us both when she gets here. I think its Carl. I’m afraid their marriage is on the rocks.”

  “Don’t worry, Mom. I’m sure everything’s fine. Remember, she’s pregnant. She’s not rational.”

  “Do you think that’s it?” Mom asked, obviously looking for comfort.

  “Sure,” I lied. “Don’t worry, we’ll work it out.” I didn’t want to tell Mom about my plans for Sunday. She was too worked up over Claire. I was sure everything would be fine by then.

  Hours passed into days. Billy had solved the case of the stealing clerk, and the cheating husband—even though the husband paid dearly for his indiscretions. He dumped Darin Jenkins and had returned his five thousand dollars, after deducting $200 for his time. He sent a check for $1800 to Barbara Jenkins—telling her it was a waste of time and money to pursue the matter. What they needed was a lawyer and a therapist. And last, but not least, Rebecca Miller recanted her statement, thus relieving Billy of any possible charges of wrongdoing. Is it true that all good things come to those who wait, or all things work out in the end?

  Billy and I spent most of our time working on the Helen Carrolton case, going over and over every piece of information. Finally, after days of endless brainstorming, phone calls, and dead ends, I’d had about enough. We just weren’t getting anywhere. I was ready for a change.

  “Billy,” I said, dropping the folder on the desk. “You haven’t taken on any new clients. You’ve devoted all your time to this case, and we’re just spinning our wheels. Don’t you think we should... ah... you should take on another case?”

  “This is going to be the only case we work on for a while,” he told me, frankly. “When I take on a case of this magnitude, I don’t do anything else. I can’t. Trying to find a missing person is usually a pretty involved job, and it takes up a lot of time. We’ll give it one more month. If we don’t come up with something by then, we’ll throw in the towel.”

  I guess money wasn’t an issue. As long as I got paid, what could I say?

  After an entire week, we still didn’t know anymore than the cops did. I don’t know where Billy got his information—and I didn’t want to know—but he had all the details concerning the case of Helen Sue Carrolton, right down to the last newspaper clipping. We dissected every piece of information carefully. We pried into the private life of Helen Carrolton, until I felt like she was laid out on a table naked for the whole world to see. We knew everything about her, from what she had to eat before she left Poquoson, to the prescription in her eyeglasses. We knew she had a fight with her ex-boyfriend be
fore she left home, but he had an alibi. Her parents were solid people, and Helen’s welfare was all they ever cared about in life. You could see it in their eyes. Nobody would have any reason to harm Helen Carrolton, yet, somebody had. I felt it in my heart. It seems we knew all there was to know, except... where was Helen Carrolton? Was she missing, or was she dead? Or, was she missing and dead?

  “I work for you, Billy. I’ll do whatever you want, as long as it’s legal, and I get paid. If you can afford to spend all your time on one case, I’m with you. I just felt it was my responsibility to make a few suggestions.”

  “That’s one of the things I found so up-front about you when we first met—your ability to not hold back and to say what’s on your mind. I welcome your input.”

  I was still trying to discover the realm of our working relationship. I wasn’t quite sure how close I could get to Billy. Was I supposed to do my job and keep my mouth shut, or was it okay for me to become his pal and confidant? I took a chance. I stuck my nose into his business.

  “Where did you get all this stuff?” I asked, wondering if I really wanted to know. I was new to this business, and I wasn’t sure what to expect.

  “Connections,” was all he would say.

  Friday afternoon, I went home for the weekend with a briefcase—an inner-departmental gift from Billy—full of notes, pictures, and reports to read over for the hundredth time. Billy and I had brainstormed so hard all week, I could actually feel the clouds rolling in. A storm was on the way.

  I hadn’t heard from, or seen Cole all week long. Either we were done for, or he really had been busy. He’s a cop, I tried to tell myself, suppressing the feeling that I had really messed up my chance with him. Yet, even cops have lives, don’t they?

  My car was dead meat, but thanks to Billy, I still had something to drive. He told me not to worry. His brother, Daniel, owned a car lot and would fix me up real soon. Billy didn’t mind driving his ragged old Mercury for a few days. We could work out the details later... just give him a week. This was too good to be true, I told myself, pulling into the driveway.