Broken: A story of hope and forgiveness

by Kevin Mark Smith

  Chapter 25

  Cake and Ice Cream

  It had been several weeks since Robert Allen Baxter had been released from the hospital. Many of the people who heard about his swift recovery remarked that it was nothing short of miraculous. In brief, stealthy moments that lasted no more than a few minutes, the staff on the floor where Robert had stayed dared to discuss God’s involvement in Robert’s healing. Then a physician of foreign descent or perhaps one whom all knew to be hostile to Christianity would walk by and all mouths would shut tight, afraid to create a hostile work environment for those less enlightened.

  “Don’t you think it’s strange that Dr. Blankenship doesn’t seem so prickly anymore?” Kristin asked Dr. Cooper one day when they were out for coffee.

  “I’ve noticed that, too,” Ann answered. “Have you noticed how his ears actually seem to perk up when someone mentions God lately?”

  It was true that Blankenship tended to hover near the nurses’ station until the conversations ended. And it was out of wonder and interest, not some other less-righteous motivation. Indeed, The hostility and sarcasm the women often heard emanating from him, verbally and otherwise, before Robert’s stay at the hospital seemed to have left the building.

  The new atmosphere made the workday much more pleasant than it had been. Still, Kristin and Dr. Cooper wanted more than the more spiritually free environment of OKC Memorial had to offer. They now knew that living for God was a twenty-four-hour-a-day proposition. It was no longer an option to just live as a light in the workplace and then pursue opportunities to share the free gifts of love, forgiveness, and transformation that God’s Son had given each of them only when those opportunities landed in front of them on the proverbial silver platter. They wanted all that God had for them, to shout from the rooftops that Jesus had died for their sins and set them free from the petty travails of this world. They talked with each other about how they wanted to be encouraged and compelled to share God’s promises with every single patient and colleague all the time, not just when they were certain it wouldn’t end up with a reprimand or worse, termination of employment.

  So both Kristin and Dr. Cooper tendered their resignations two weeks before. They would go together to Bray and minister through their medical skills in the workplace 24-7.

  The floor’s entire staff was gathered in the spacious break room. Painted bone white, it was brightly lit. Walking into the room from the hallway one found oneself standing in the center of the left wall’s length. Perpendicular to that wall was a longer wall fitted with cabinets and a sink and dishwasher. The countertop was loaded with cake, ice cream, an assortment of finger foods such as cheese, crackers, and cold salami, and punch. Crepe paper decorated the room from corner to corner, and most of the nurses and doctors were wearing party hats. Kristin and Dr. Cooper walked into the going away party together. Dr. Cooper walked in first out of Kristin’s stubborn deference to the doctor’s authority, and in direct defiance of Dr. Cooper’s insistence that there is no room for superiority between friends or even Christians. It was an old habit Kristin had that her good friend couldn’t convince her to break, so she stopped trying.

  “I didn’t know you all would be so happy to see us leave!” Kristin said loudly, trying her best to be heard over the din of voices and laughter.

  Standing nearest to the two departing colleagues, Blankenship broke out in an off-key rendition of Auld Lang Syne. Kristin and Dr. Cooper covered their ears. Kristin said, “Please stop torturing us and give us some cake!”

  The laughter resumed. Nurses and doctors lined up for snacks and punch. Everyone present made it a point to tell both how much they would miss them. Over and over colleagues and coworkers stopped briefly to say, “We’ll miss you! You’ve been here so long!” or “You’re two of the friendliest employees on our staff.”

  It was the kind of festivity that brought to it more than just people who wanted free food. Kristin and Ann both knew that those who came to their party actually would miss their two colleagues. But what happened next was totally unexpected.

  “Ann,” a familiar male voice called from behind. She turned around and saw Blankenship standing close to her, close enough to be heard by her and her alone. By now Kristin had broken away from her good friend, so Ann was alone. “Do you have a minute?” he continued, a look somewhere between concern and curiosity etched across his face.

  “Of course,” she replied, standing still as she stabbed her chocolate cake and brought another bite up to her mouth. Blankenship said nothing. He moved his head to the left, toward the open door. She caught his meaning and nodded. “You lead the way,” she continued, clutching the paper plate in her hands as she did.

  Blankenship walked out of the room and down the hallway to their right, toward the doctors’ smallish offices. Once at his own, he opened the door and walked inside, Ann close behind. Where is this going? She thought. Kristin had often joked with her about Blankenship’s undisclosed crush on her. But it had always been just a joke, a way to relieve the tension that his off-putting style of professionalism always brought with it. Now she wondered if there might have been some truth in Kristin’s comments. Had Blankenship, single for a very long time after losing his wife, finally built up the nerve to tell her that he was indeed interested in “getting to know her better?” She chuckled to herself at the thought. Still . . .

  Blankenship didn’t sit down, but did turn around to look at her. The look on his face was pained, certainly not the bashful, puppy love look you give to a woman you want to go on a date with, Ann observed. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about,” he began then hesitated.

  Oh my gosh, she thought. He’s actually going to ask me out. This time the chuckle leaked out. She tried to hide it by coughing, then putting her right hand, the one still clutching her plastic fork, up to her mouth. “What’s that?” she replied, hoping he didn’t catch what she had just done. I might actually say yes.

  “Do you remember the Baxter case a few weeks ago?”

  Of course she did. It had been on her mind every day since. “Yes.”

  “You’re a Christian, right?”

  “Of course, but you know that. We’ve been working together for almost ten years.”

  He nodded his head and squinted his eyes together. “Yes, I do.”

  Suddenly a wave of joy swept over her. The Holy Spirit told her that this was the moment she had been asked to wait for. She knew the answer to the question before she even asked it. “What about Mr. Baxter?”

  His eyes started to water up. He glanced away from her just long enough to wipe them dry with the sleeve of his lab coat. “I looked back at a few similar cases I’ve worked on before and since. Most had injuries not quite as severe as Mr. Baxter’s. All of them took days, sometimes weeks, to wake up. None of them ever fully recovered. Most of the ones I’ve dealt with in the past five years are still in therapy.”

  She waited for his conclusion, the conclusion she expected him to reach. Come on, say it, she seemed to be thinking. Say that it was a miracle, that God healed Robert Baxter.

  “How come God chose to heal the Baxter boy yet didn’t save my wife?”

  The room was already quiet. Now it felt like a funeral parlor, with death wrapping itself around her heart. Blankenship dropped into his modest but well-cushioned office chair and then laid his head on his desk, sobbing. The sobs turned into a wail, head and shoulders rocking back and forth, up and down in rhythm to the sadness that was overtaking him in ebbs and flows. “Why, oh God, why?”

  Ann walked up to him and placed a hand gently onto his left shoulder, patting him as she did. She wanted to say that it was okay, but she didn’t dare. She knew that grief was a very individual ritual, demanding very different responses for each person. Her experience as a doctor told her that Blankenship, who dealt with others’ tragedies on a weekly and sometimes daily basis, wasn’t ready for an “It’ll be okay.” Indeed, he wasn’t ready for any words at all, jus
t a sympathetic ear and the gentle caress of a friend.

  She sat her cake down on top of the desk to Blankenship’s left, then reached over his shoulders and lifted a square tissue box off the center of the desk. She took out two tissues and handed them to him, and pulled out one for herself, then returned the box to its original position. “Thank you,” he said, as the sobbing died down.

  He sat up and leaned back in his chair. Ann was still standing behind him. She looked behind her and saw a black, steel-framed padded office chair. There were actually two but the one on the left was full of stacks of files and papers. She invited herself to sit down in the empty one.

  “I needed that,” he replied. “I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard since her death.”

  Ann still said nothing. He spun his chair around so he could see her, wiping his eyes dry with the tissues as he did. “So,” he continued, “why Robert and not my wife?”

  She just shook her head side to side. “It’s not a Scripture, but sometimes God does work in mysterious ways. Only he knows why one person is spared and the other not. I’ve read the story of Job a few times and still have a hard time digesting what happened. Do you know that one?”

  “I know the name, but not so much the story.”

  “He was the godliest man in his time. Satan basically dared God to let him make Job curse him. God lifted his hand of protection from Job, his favorite son. Satan attacked full force and Job lost everything. His money. His wife and family. His children actually died. Until the very end of the trials, God forbid Satan from harming Job’s body, but he even relented at the end and Job became diseased with sores all over his body. Through it all Job never cursed God. He remained faithful. As the Scripture says, ‘God gives and takes away.’ When Satan was finally proven wrong, he lost the wager, and God fully restored Job. More wealth than before. A new wife and family.”

  Blankenship stared at Ann. His frown turned into a slight grin. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

  “Not really. It’s just an illustration of how life’s not always roses without the thorns. Sometimes a storm hits us and tears down our strongholds. Granted, God usually has nothing to do with it. Sometimes we’re just in the wrong place and the wrong time. That Baxter boy is probably still asking God to tell him why everything he planned to be was torn away from him in one horrific accident. He may not see himself as being spared anything. I recall that he was an athlete who probably will lose his scholarship and all the opportunities that came with it.”

  He nodded in agreement. He seemed to be coming to terms with what she said, admitting that she had a good point.

  “I prayed with that family. They were all believers, people who not only went to church every Sunday, but believed in God and Jesus with every fiber of their being. Want to know something?”

  “What?”

  “Just like Job, they never cursed God for putting their son and them through it. They praised him and thanked him for sparing his life. No bitterness at all.”

  Blankenship felt something strange come over him. At the time he had no idea what it was, just that something inside him was changing, maybe had already totally changed. He glared at Ann so intensely that it almost felt like he was peering into her very soul. Then he uttered the question that she had prayed he would ask. “How can I get that kind of peace in my heart?”

  “A peace that surpasses all understanding?”

  “Yes.”

  “Only with Jesus.”

  He leaned back when she said it. He smiled a little, but then his countenance grew very serious.

  “May I ask you to do one simple thing?” she asked.

  He nodded his head in the affirmative.

  “Don’t dive right into it yet. I can tell you’re processing this for the first time. Go to church with me this Sunday. I’ll save a seat for you and even buy you lunch afterwards, wherever you want to go.”

  The serious look disappeared. The smile returned. “It’s a date,” he said enthusiastically as he stood up and motioned for her to exit the office before him, the gentlemanly thing to do under the circumstances.

  I knew it! She thought as a warm feeling enveloped her heart. Does he feel the same warmth I do? She further considered. She allowed her gaze to linger on his face for a few seconds longer than usual for just two people engaged in a friendly conversation. She realized at that moment that she had never seen him look so calm and peaceful, perhaps even happy.

  About the same time that Blankenship approached Ann, Kristin found herself struggling with something she knew she had to do. By the end of her shift on this day, she would never be back to work at the hospital again. Shining like a light in the workplace meant nothing if she didn’t eventually shine the light of truth on those who needed to see and feel it the most. She knew from experience how tough it would be for those left behind to witness to unbelievers. They might get offended, and that might result in reprimands or worse, termination of their employment. What good is a light if it’s snuffed out by people who fear it? She, on the other hand, had nothing to fear. She would be gone and she could not be punished if she chose the bold route. So the night before she had prayed for this moment. She asked Jesus to give her the courage to boldly approach the one nurse she worked with day to day who would be most likely to complain the loudest.

  She knew before she left work the previous day that he would be working on this day. She also knew that they were well enough acquainted, if not actually friends, that he would be at her party. Sure enough, as soon as Ann and Blankenship left the break room, Vincent walked in. He saw her as soon as he did and a very bright, pleasant smile spread across his face. “Hi, sweetie!” he almost yelled from across the room, as he quickly closed the distance and opened his arms up for a very friendly hug.

  They embraced and he kissed her cheek.

  “Hi there,” she replied. “I was just thinking about you.”

  “You were? What, you didn’t think I’d make it to your going away party?”

  “Something like that.”

  Now what? She wondered. Sharing the good news of Jesus Christ wasn’t something Kristin was very comfortable with. She mostly took advantage of really obvious, clear opportunities to share a word or two about Jesus, like telling a hurting or grieving person a Scripture or two that would obviously offer them some comfort in difficult circumstances. There was little risk then. Indeed, most of the times she recalled involved people who were already praying or reading a Bible. No risk at all, really. This was different. She was about tell a gay man, someone who had already told her and a few other nurses how much he had been hurt by so-called Christians, about the love of Jesus Christ. She knew he had already heard enough to last a lifetime from street preachers who used slogans such as “God hates fags” to tell him how unloved he was by their god.

  It’s now or never, she thought. “Can we step out into the hallway for a minute?”

  “Oh sure,” he replied. “I’d hate for you to get all teary-eyed at the thought of not seeing your buddy anymore.”

  She walked out first with Vincent close behind then shut the break room door shut behind them. Once in the hallway she turned around to face her friend.

  “So what did we come out here for?”

  “I really, really care about you,” she began. She wasn’t about to cry, but she did feel emotions welling up inside her making her want to.

  “I know that. And I’ll miss you, too.”

  She took a deep breath and then let it out. It was time. She had to get it out, all of it, now or lose the opportunity to tell him forever. “Vincent, I love you as a friend. But that’s not what I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you the two commandments of my Savior, Jesus Christ.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I know, I know, it’s a sin to be gay. Tell me something I don’t know,” he answered, with an edge of sarcasm in his voice.

  “‘Love the Lord your God’ is one, and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Against these all oth
er commandments follow.”

  He looked at her, and his expression changed from disbelief to confusion. Her words were not what he had expected.

  “God loves you as much as he loves me. He wants you to experience his joy. The kind of joy that comes from knowing that you have a place with him in heaven.” The emotion spilled out of her heart and tears began to flow down her cheeks. “Do you know this verse? ‘For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son so that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but shall have everlasting life.’ He said it for you, Vincent.”

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