“It would get to anyone. I hate that she’s going through this alone.”
Mac shoved Lucas hard. “What the hell does that mean? She’s far from being alone!”
Jason heard the beginnings of the scuffle and walked over. “What’s going on?”
“He’s a jackass, that’s what’s going on,” Mac sneered.
With a dramatic roll of his eyes Lucas turned to Jason. “Mac was just telling me about Arthur and how Gina was doing and all I said was that I hate that she’s dealing with this alone.”
“And I reminded him that she’s not alone,” Mac countered.
Jason looked between the two of them, unsure which side to go with. “Look, she’s got all of us to lean on and mom and dad have taken her in like they were surrogate parents but at the end of the day, she’s alone.”
“No, she’s not, dammit! I’m there!”
“Are you?” Jason asked, his tone serious.
“Why don’t you just say what you have to say, Jace,” Mac growled.
“I don’t have to ask if you’re sleeping with her because even though you don’t talk about it and we haven’t asked, we all kind of know. It’s in the way the two of you look at each other and believe me, we’re all fine with it. I get why you’re keeping it a secret because you don’t want dad catching wind of it so that he can put on his matchmaking cap again. But the truth of the matter is, sneaking in her house after dark so that no one sees you and creeping out before the sun is up is not being there for her.”
Mac wanted to argue, he wanted to tell his brothers that they were wrong but unfortunately, they were right. He was there for Gina physically, but right now was that really enough for her? Was he helping her or hurting her?
“Don’t you think it would be better for her if you were there at the hospital with her? Maybe go with her to talk to the doctors? Dad says she still hasn’t asked them any questions.”
“And you think if I’m there with her she will? She doesn’t want to hear what she already knows is going to happen. Would you find it easy to sit there and listen to some doctor tell you that dad was going to die? That he only had a month or less to live?”
Both brothers shook their heads. “It’s not a crime for Gina to not want to sit with a team of medical professionals with their cool detachment talking about her father like he’s just a case to them. He’s her father; she loves him and she’s dealing with a horrible situation the only way she knows how.”
“We’re not getting down on Gina,” Lucas said. “All we’re saying is that if you really care about her, then maybe you need to make her a little more of a priority.”
“Oh, like the two of you did? Now you’re experts?”
“When I walked away from Emma, I thought I was doing the right thing. If I had actually taken the time to talk to her, even though it was uncomfortable for me, it would have saved us both a lot of time and heartache.”
Jason nodded. “I didn’t make Maggie a priority and I went and made decisions that directly affected her without talking to her about them. I almost lost her.” He looked at Lucas and then back at Mac. “We don’t claim to be experts; we’re just guys who made the same stupid mistakes that we’re watching you make and we’re trying to help.”
“This is completely different and if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to drop the subject and just be able to let Gina have a good time tonight and I’d like to have a good time without all of this hanging over our heads. Can we please do that?”
In silent agreement the three of them headed back toward the kitchen where the sound of female laughter called out to them.
As the night went on Mac realized that he was enjoying himself more than he thought possible. Without the threat of his father’s prying eyes, he was free to just relax and enjoy his time with Gina. They held hands, they stood close and he was able to put his arm around her and just touch her as much as he pleased. He could tell that his brothers ’ wives approved because any time he caught their eyes, they smiled and nodded at him.
Emma stood when she heard Lily’s soft cry over the baby monitor. Gina rose as well. “Would you mind if I went and got her?” she asked. “I know that she doesn’t know me but if it’s okay with you, I’d love to go and pick her up.”
Emma sat back down and sighed. “That would be wonderful. I love this house but by the end of the day the thought of another trip up those stairs is just exhausting.” Gina excused herself and walked up to the nursery. “You’re a lucky man, Mackenzie,” she said, reaching out for her husband’s hand. “Gina’s a wonderful girl.”
“Who knows,” Maggie interjected, “someday one of us could be running up a flight of stairs to pick up your crying baby.” Everyone laughed but Mac suddenly didn’t feel so well. Babies? That would signify a future between him and Gina and he was doing his best to come to grips with the fact that she’d be leaving him soon. Clearly everyone else hadn’t gotten the memo.
“Not me, Maggie,” he said as lightly as he could although his voice croaked. “No babies in my future.”
“Oh come on, are you telling me that you’re not thinking of you and Gina settling down and having a family?” Maggie asked, stunned by Mac’s lack of enthusiasm on the subject.
“Gina’s going back to California; that’s where her life is.”
“Then what the hell are you doing with her?” Emma chimed in full of indignation.
Well, shoot. He thought he had cleared the air by talking to his brothers earlier; he hadn’t counted on their wives ganging up on him. “What’s going on between me and Gina is just that, between me and Gina,” he said a little too harshly.
“Mac,” Lucas warned, ready to pick up where they’d left off in the foyer earlier.
“Why is it anyone’s damn business what is going on with me and Gina? We’re doing fine and we both know where we stand. When things…get settled here, she’s going back to California and to her life. End of story.”
“You’re not going to ask her to stay?” Maggie asked, her tone guarded.
“Why?” Mac asked, angry that they were still poking and prodding where they didn’t belong. “Her job is back in California, her mother is there, her friends…there’s nothing here tying her to North Carolina.”
“You’re here,” Emma said softly.
Mac looked at her, his expression bleak. “Apparently I’m not.” He stood and walked away from the table just as Gina was walking back into the dining room with Lily. One look at the woman who was the topic of conversation and a constant presence in his mind holding a baby was nearly his undoing. “Excuse me,” he said gruffly and stalked out of the room.
“Did I miss something?” Gina asked softly, handing Lily to Emma.
“Nothing important,” Jason said as he stood and went after Mac. Lucas made to join him but Jason waved him off.
Everyone began talking at once about Lily and dinner and it was the kind of conversation that Gina knew was intended to distract her. She wasn’t an idiot by any stretch of the imagination and she was light on her feet. She had heard the tail end of the conversation and knew that no matter how much she wished for it and no matter how she and Mac clung to one another when they made love, it wasn’t going to make a difference. He was going to let her go back to the west coast and not ask her to stay.
Jason closed the sliding glass door behind him and joined Mac out on the deck. They stood in silence staring out toward a black, starless sky. He hoped that Mac would say something, anything, but it soon became obvious that it was going to be up to him to get things moving.
“When we were kids you used to love to climb trees, do you remember that?” Mac turned his head and looked at him as if he were crazy, but nodded before returning his gaze forward. “You taught me how to climb them and then I taught Lucas. Mom used to get so mad because whenever we got in trouble, we’d scatter and each climb up one of the big Magnolia trees so that she couldn’t reach us.” He chuckled at the memory.
“You taught me ho
w to swim, how to play baseball and football…hell, you were the one who coached me on how to ask out my first girlfriend. Katie Michaels. Remember her?”
“No,” Mac said with a small shake of his head. “Is there a point to all of this?”
“Yeah,” Jason said, turning to face his big brother. “Some of the most important and memorable events in my life, you taught me. Sure dad could have done all of that but I looked up to you because you were my big brother and I thought that you were the coolest guy in the world. I watched you grow up and do amazing things with your life; you’re a genius in the office and you’re a whiz with numbers. And there are times, and I’ll never admit this in front of anyone else so pay attention…there are times that I am just in freakin awe of you. I think to myself, how can I ever compete or measure up to Mac?”
Mac looked at him, unsure of what to say. His jaw worked like he was going to say something but no words came out.
“When I planned out that expansion project? The one that Maggie came to work for me on? I was terrified because all I could think was how would I feel if I let you down?” Jason hung his head down and shook it. “We may be equals around the office but I know that there is still so much that I have to learn from you.”
“Jace, that’s not true,” Mac finally said. “There isn’t anything that you can’t do. You did an amazing job on the expansion and you’ve kicked my ass on numerous projects. God, I don’t want you to feel like it’s a competition between us, because I sure don’t.”
“I know that it’s not a competition…I do. It’s just that you gave me so much and I feel like I have nothing to give back.” He paused and met his brother’s gaze. “Except this. You’re making a mistake. With Gina. I know why you think that letting her go is the right thing to do; I honestly get it. But playing the martyr is only going to bring you so much satisfaction.”
“She’s spent her whole life…”
Jason held up a hand to stop him. “I know. She’s got a mother who’s a control freak and a father who wasn’t strong enough to step in and stop it. That doesn’t change the fact that she’s crazy about you. Watching the two of you tonight it was obvious how much you both care about one another. Don’t walk away and think that you’re doing her a favor! All you’re going to accomplish is make the both of you miserable.”
“Gina deserves a chance to make her own choices. If I ask her to stay,” he said and he stumbled over the words, “if I ask her to stay, then I might beg her to stay. And I know her well enough to know that if I did that, she’d stay. It wouldn’t be her choice; she’d be doing it to make me happy. She needs to be happy, Jace. That’s all I want.”
He placed a hand on Mac’s shoulder. “Being with you makes her happy.”
Mac never liked to show weakness to anyone in any situation. “What if I don’t? What if I’m…you know, me, and it doesn’t work out?”
“Why would you even think that?”
“Please, I know my faults, Jace; I’m no saint. I’m mildly OCD, I like things orderly and done a certain way. She’s just discovering herself.” He laughed at all of the things Gina had been doing over the last couple of weeks. “She’s either dancing or singing off key, she’s painting or taking pictures or cooking full course meals at eleven o’clock at night! Things like that make her smile; make her forget that she’s here watching her father die. What happens when the dust settles and I get annoyed with the distractions?”
“Do you love her?”
Mac couldn’t answer. The thought terrified him.
“For once, I’d like you to learn something from me. I gave up; I watched Maggie walk away because I thought it was for the best and it damn-near killed me. You deserve to be happy just as much as Gina does and together, you’ll find a balance where you both work it out. It doesn’t have to be all for her or all for you. It’s not all black and white, man.”
The sound of the door opening behind them had them both turning around. “Everything all right back here?” Lucas asked as he walked toward them. Jason looked at Mac who nodded. “Well, it’s no secret that you’re upset and I think that Gina heard part of our conversation so she’s been a little quiet. Emma’s putting coffee and dessert out now. Let’s try and salvage the rest of the night.” He faced Mac. “But know that you’re going to have to talk to her about this sooner or later.”
Mac was afraid that there wasn’t going to be the option for later.
****
It was near midnight when they pulled into the driveway of his parents’ house. He turned the car off and sat in silence. Actually, the entire ride home had been in silence but somehow now it seemed more profound.
“I’d ask you to come in but I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Gina finally said softly. She couldn’t hide the sadness in her voice.
“I never meant to hurt you,” he said, his tone equally soft.
“I know. I thought that it wouldn’t be a big deal to embark on something short term; it’s my own fault that I let it become something more.”
If she had kicked him in the chest it wouldn’t have hurt more. “It does mean something more, Gina; you mean more to me than anyone ever has. I just don’t want to be another person taking charge of your life.”
She wasn’t sure whether to be touched or really angry. Mac may not realize it, but by pushing her away, he was just another person taking charge of her life. He had made the decision for her without ever talking to her about it.
Sighing, she reached for the door handle and was about to climb out. “I want you to know that I wouldn’t trade these last weeks together for anything. I know that at first you resented having to spend time with me, but it meant the world to me to finally get to know you. Thank you for helping through…well, everything.” Gina turned and met his gaze. “I couldn’t have come this far and handled all of this without you. You helped me to be strong and I’ll never forget you for that.”
Mac hated the finality in her words; hated knowing that this was the way that it had to be. Someday she’d be thanking him for stepping back and walking away. He just didn’t know if he’d be able to bear hearing it then any more than he could bear hearing it now. “If you need anything, Gina…”
She cut him off. “Your parents are here for me. I think now that dad’s in the condition that he’s in, your father and I will be spending a lot of time together.” Gina had to reassure him; she didn’t want his pity. “I’m going to be fine.” Unable to help herself, she leaned back into the car and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. “Take care of yourself Mackenzie.”
And then she was gone. Mac couldn’t watch her walk away; instead he kept his gaze on his hands that had a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel. It was for the best, he told himself. Maybe if he kept saying it over and over he would one day be able to believe it.
Off in the distance he saw a light go on in the guest house. He longed to get out of the car, to chase after her and tell her that he was wrong; somehow he’d find a way for them to be together without ever interfering with her life. But he knew himself well enough to know that it would be impossible. Hell, everyone knew that about him. Even his own father, who seemed hell-bent on playing cupid to the masses didn’t have enough faith in him to want him with Gina. What did that tell him?
Unable to stand being so close to Gina any longer, Mac put the car in reverse and pulled away from the house. His chest hurt and his head ached. Driving into the night, he wondered if he’d ever have what his brothers had. Would he ever find a woman that he could be himself with while letting her be who she needed to be? Lucas and Emma had found that balance, he reminded himself. They overcame the loss of Lucas’s career and Emma starting a completely new one with her baking business. Jason and Maggie didn’t have any major obstacles other than learning to trust in one another and they were able to do it.
Why couldn’t Mac? Where did his need to control everything come from?
And how could he let it go so that he could have a chance at finding happi
ness?
Chapter Ten
For two weeks, Mac went through the motions of working. He went in, did what had to be done and left at a reasonable hour to keep his father off of his back. It would have felt victorious if his father had been there to witness any of it. Arthur Micelli’s health had taken a turn for the worst and William was spending a bulk of his time at the hospital. Mac wanted to call Gina or go and see her to make sure that she was okay but he knew that messing with her head was the last thing that she needed.
“Mac? Do you have those numbers?” Jason asked and by his tone Mac figured it wasn’t the first time.
“Sorry, my mind wandered. What do you need?”
Jason and Lucas looked at one another with exasperation. “Look, all of this moping and staring off into space is getting old. If you’re not going to work, then maybe take a little time off. No one would blame you; just take a couple of days to get your head together,” Lucas suggested.
“My head is fine,” Mac snapped. “My mind wandered for a minute, so sue me . ” He reached in to the file in front of him and pulled out the sales projections they were working on and flung a copy at each of his brothers. “There. Satisfied?” Rather than argue with him, they all just went back to the meeting.
It was a little after three when Jason’s phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and immediately answered. Mac wasn’t paying much attention, there was a mountain of paperwork in front of him and he had to get through it just to keep himself sane. Soon Lucas stood and was standing by Jason and they were talking in hushed tones after Jason hung up the phone.
“Are the two of you done whispering like school girls so that we can get back to it? Dad needs this stuff by tomorrow, doesn’t he?” Today was the one rare day that William wasn’t at the hospital. He had driven to Raleigh to meet with a client but had told each of them how important this particular project was and how he needed them to finish it.
Lucas stepped forward, his face somber. He looked at Jason, who nodded, before addressing Mac. “That was dad on the phone. Arthur’s doctors just called. They don’t expect him to make it through the night. Dad’s on his way back but it will take him about three hours to get here and Gina’s by herself…”
Stay With Me (The Montgomery Brothers) Page 11
