On the Edge (Winter Games Book 2)

by Dr. Rebecca Sharp

  “Dylan was on the football team with Tyler,” I began. “He was a great athlete, great student, great friend. He started a surf school; he loved teaching kids.”

  “Why the fuck are you telling me about how perfect your ex-boyfriend is right now, Ally?” His tone was painfully sharp. “I’m a fucking asshole. News-flash, sweetheart, that’s not fucking news to me.”

  My cheeks burned red. I gripped the Claddagh tightly, letting the metal dig into my flesh.

  “He died, Emmett,” I said harshly – that shut him up. “He died. That’s why we broke up. That’s why I still have photos of him. That’s why I’m even here.” Hot tears welled in the corners of my eyes so I kept talking, hoping that the words spilled out faster than the tears. “He started a surfing school that Tyler and I helped out with. A group of college kids came down for spring break. I was supposed to teach them but Dylan was concerned because they were all guys, so he decided to take the lesson.”

  “I went out shopping with my friends. Tyler said that the kids were drunk and when Dylan refused to take them out, one of them grabbed a board and dove in anyway. Of course, he was completely wiped out by the wave and pulled under. Dylan went in after him.” My throat was so thick I didn’t know how the words were coming out. “They said that he hit his head trying to push the kid up above the water. He made it to shore, but his brain was bleeding. He didn’t make it to the hospital.” The metal of the ring was actually hot between my fingers because I’d been rubbing it with such force.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked hoarsely.

  “Why don’t you tell anyone about Miriam?”

  “That’s fucking different,” he cursed, his body thrumming with anger and hurt.

  “How?” I demanded. “It hurts, Emmett. That’s why. Whatever your reasons or mine. It hurts and we tried to bury that hurt because it made us look weak and pitiable.”

  “It’s fucking different, Ally, because you don’t have a goddamn bad bone in your body. You want to know how it ended between Miriam and me? I kept trying to push her but she wasn’t breaking. So, I went out and did coke for the first time and I came home, knowing she would realize what I’d done the second she saw me; I made sure to tell her, too, just in case,” he ground out.

  “When I woke up the next morning, she told me that she loved me and she would do anything to help me and that meant that I had to pack my bags because she was sending me to school here. I wanted her to break – but not like this, not like she was a fucking martyr for me.”

  “So, I told her that she was a horrible fucking mother. I told her that she was never a mother to me and that my own cracked-out mom would have done a better job than she did.” He laughed cruelly. “Rose Jameson sent me away when I was no longer useful to her; she sacrificed me for her own sake. Miriam, on the other hand, sent me away even though it killed her because it was what was best for me; Miriam sacrificed herself and I threw it back in her face, telling her that I would never see or speak to her again.”

  “Emmett—“

  “Don’t. Just fucking don’t.” I could practically see the steam coming out of his ears that’s how badly he was trying to light himself on fire.

  “No! I won’t not say something. You were troubled; you were suffering; and you were an asshole. But what is the point of dwelling on that now? Did Miriam?” Silence. “Did she ask you why you said or did those things? Was the first thing she wanted from you an apology? No. Because I think we all know that you meant none of those things. If you had, you wouldn’t have paid for her care for all of these years. You wouldn’t have talked to Ruth to hear updates on her. And you wouldn’t have that photo on your mantel.”

  “Ally…” His voice cracked.

  I turned in my seat to face him, seeing how red and streaked my face was in his sunglasses. “It’s ok to make mistakes. It’s ok to feel bad about them. It’s ok to want to make them right. But don’t sit here and think that you need to make them right to her. You sat in there with her for hours and all she wanted to know about was you and your life. She wasn’t looking for a confession or to see how your self-loathing has destroyed parts of you.” The air I dragged in went over speed bumps as it traveled down my throat.

  “I’m sorry that she is gone, Emmett. I’m sorry that you didn’t have more time with her. I only met her briefly, but I know for certain that this – what you are doing to yourself now – is the only thing that you’ve done that would hurt her.”

  I waited for a response. After a minute, I sat back in my seat because I wasn’t the one he needed to answer to.

  “The doctor said that she was holding on… for me.” I looked to him again. “He said she should have passed days ago, that her body was ready, but her mind wasn’t. She was holding on to see me. And after yesterday… he said she could finally pass in…”

  “Peace.” I finished for him, but barely, as I imagined what it had been like for him to hear that.

  My fingers fumbled and I dropped the ring into my lap. Fishing it out, I reached for my purse to put it away. Funny how a few months ago, I couldn’t bear to take it off, not knowing what to do with it, not willing to part with the last thing that tied me to Dylan. Now – well, the other night – I realized that it had never been about Dylan. It had been about reminding me that there was no such thing as a happy ending for me. Until the other night. Until Emmett.

  Now, it was a frustrating, overwhelming, infuriating, passionate, consuming, loving ending.

  Now, it was a beginning.

  “What is that?” His eyes flicked to the trinket.

  “A Claddagh ring. A promise ring that Dylan gave me for my birthday last year.” I didn’t want to hurt him, but I couldn’t keep any of this from him anymore. “I was going to throw it in the ocean before I left, but I couldn’t. I left everything else about him and my life behind except this.”

  “Why did you tell me?”

  “So that we could be miserable together.” I laughed ruefully. “You can sit here and blame yourself. And I’ll sit over here and blame myself; it was my lesson he took. It should have been me. Maybe if it had, the kid never would have tried to go in on his own.” I exhaled loudly. “So now we can sit and silently rage against time – and not having enough of it with someone that we cared about… I’m telling you so that you know that I’m here with you… for you.”

  I put the ring back in my purse. “So that I can tell you that I know your anger. I know what it’s like to give up on yourself – on everything. What it’s like to run. You ruined it all for me.” I smiled. “You gave me something – someone – worth fighting with and worth fighting for.”

  “Well, I’m good at ruining things.” Of course, he would hone in on that.

  “I meant what I said yesterday, Emmett.” My voice was breathless.

  His jaw ticked, hand flexing on the steering wheel. “You shouldn’t.” He finally looked at me. He hadn’t the whole ride. “You loved him?”

  He’d asked me this once before. Once before I’d told him yes – before I knew.

  “I did love him.” We pulled into my driveway. “I loved him before I knew what love was – before I knew you.”

  Why was Jessa’s car here? And Chance’s?

  Chapter 24

  Ally

  I hate how only he knew how to put my heart back together again.

  “I swear to fucking God, Jessa, if you don’t tell me where she is—“

  “I told you, Chance! I don’t know where she is, but she is perfectly fine. I promise.”

  “Oh, you promise?” He laughed cruelly. “Just like you promised me forever and then turned around and tried to fuck my best friend?”

  Oh God. My stomach curled, withered, and died in dread as I opened the door to their voices. I’d texted Jessa last night before Emmett was done at the hospital, but not again today since my phone had died. I figured that we were already on our way home so it would be fine. It wasn’t fine.

  I was in a daze. I’d just told Em
mett that I loved him – again. And had been met with silence. Again.

  The past day and a half had been a whirlwind and I was barely keeping up. No, scratch that. I was stumbling and flailing miserably behind as my life crashed in front of me.

  And continued to crash as I, not thinking of Emmett walking in behind me, rushed straight for the kitchen towards my brother and my best friend.

  “Chance!” His name came out in a whoosh of air from my lungs and he spun to face me. My heart broke for Jessa – again – her face about to burst into tears because of my brother. “I’m here. I’m fine.”

  “Where the hell have you been?” For the first time since he’d been back, I didn’t recognize my brother. Whatever happened to him, whatever he was going through was changing him irrevocably. The cold callousness of his asshole persona began to seep in deeper through the cracks of his trauma.

  I could tell the second Emmett appeared in his sight. His eyes went from angry and narrowed to… murderous.

  “What in the living fuck is going on here?”

  This was going to be one of those giant disasters. You know, the kind where only the cockroaches survive.

  This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. For the third time in my life, I found myself raging angrily against my fate; Emmett and I… had just found something – our something. It was raw and fragile with a kind of damaged beauty that made everything exquisitely real and hopeful between us. There was supposed to be more time between us to shelter it and let it grow before revealing it to my absent, yet over-protective brother.

  “She was with me, Pride, in Denver,” Emmett informed Chance hoarsely.

  I should have been the one to speak, but he revealed the truth before I could as he stepped around me as though he needed to protect me from my own brother.

  Chance didn’t bother with formalities or semantics. “Did you touch my sister?” I stopped breathing. “Did you fucking touch my little sister?” he roared.

  “Chance, stop!” I yelled; Emmett was not going to take the blame for this. “I’m a grown woman for crying out loud. I will touch or be touched by whomever I want.”

  Who knows if it was the right or wrong thing to say? The outcome would have probably been the same regardless.

  I couldn’t have stopped it even if I had realized in time what was about to happen. I heard the sound of flesh hitting bone as my brother plowed his fist into the side of Emmett’s face before they both went to the ground.

  What happened next was a blur. I screamed, watching as Chance hit Emmett over and over again. And Emmett let him. He didn’t strike back. He barely put up hands to protect himself. I knew why. This was just one more punishment that he thought he deserved.

  I moved to try to pull my brother off of him, but Jessa held me back. “Don’t Ally, you’ll get hit.”

  “I don’t care!” I sobbed. “Chance! Please stop!”

  There was blood on his fists. On the floor. I saw red.

  “Chance! You have to stop. I can’t lose anyone else,” I screamed mindlessly, all my words jumbling together as they left my mouth.

  And then on a dime, he stopped and looked up at me. I choked on my breath that was how fast he turned and stood, moving right into my face.

  “How could you do this, Ally?” His eyes flicked to Jessa who was still holding me. “I should have known,” he sneered. “Hanging out with Jessa, it was only a matter of time before you betrayed me with my other best friend.”

  Jessa’s hand cracked across his face.

  He was my brother, but thank God someone had done it because another second and it would have been me.

  His hand came to his jaw and she stepped further into my brother’s face. “You are an asshole, Chance Ryder. I may deserve a degree of what you’ve said about me, although you honestly have no idea – no fucking clue – about what really happened, but your sister does not. I’m sorry you got injured and that you can’t snowboard anymore, but if you don’t watch yourself, you’re going to lose the rest of your life – your friends, your family – before you can even say ‘shred’.”

  He smirked like he didn’t care, but I could see in his eyes that she’d struck a nerve; I knew only because those eyes were the same as my own.

  “You promise?” He taunted her.

  “Just get out. Before you make an even bigger fool of yourself.” Only Jessa could tell a man to get out of his own house – and have him listen.

  He wasn’t even to the door before I was crouched next to Emmett on the ground. I didn’t care. My brother deserved whatever misery this was causing him.

  “Oh my God.” The tears started all over again when I saw the mess that was his face. He groaned and pushed himself up to lean against the back of the couch.

  “Fuck,” he breathed.

  “Here, Ally, let me take a look.” Jessa immediately knelt on the other side of him, putting her medical training skills to use. “Your nose is broken. We should get you to a doctor and have them reset it, but other than that, I think you’ll just have a few nasty bruises.”

  “Fuck that. Can you fix it?” he demanded angrily and in pain.

  Her mouth dropped open. “I… Well… I have…”

  “It’s a simple question, Jessa. Do you know how to reset my nose or not?”

  “I do, but you should really have a doctor look at it.”

  “No. Just do it.”

  “Emmett—“

  “Either you reset it or I’ll just leave here and let it heal like this.”

  Her cheeks flushed and she huffed, knowing that he would follow through with what he said. “Let me wipe off your face first.”

  “Why didn’t you fight back?” I asked as soon as she stood, tears still falling. I couldn’t stop myself from trying to wipe the blood away with my hands. “Why did you just let him hit you?”

  “Because he had every right to. You are his sister and I never should have touched you.”

  No.

  “Alright, let’s wipe some of this away and then I’ll fix your nose.” Emmett’s eyes closed as Jess cleaned his face, revealing the bruises that were already starting to form. “Alright, this is going to hurt.”

  I grabbed his hand. He didn’t squeeze back.

  There was a horrible crunch accompanied by a hoarse curse as Jess snapped his nose back into place. She inspected her work nervously, but seemed to be happy with the final result. “I still think you should go to a doctor.”

  “Noted.” He pulled his hand from mine and stood. “But I think I’m just going to go.”

  Did anyone else hear the sound of my jaw hitting the ground? Or was it the sound of my heart stopping that I mistook it for?

  I saw Jessa look to me before she took the blood-covered towel and discreetly disappeared towards the laundry room.

  “Where… Why are you leaving?” I whispered, my voice fighting to get out over the hurt.

  “Ally, please.” He rubbed his forehead.

  “Please what?” I cried. “Please don’t ask you why? Please don’t ask you to stay? Please don’t care about you? Please don’t love you?” I wiped the hot pieces of my broken heart that ran down my cheeks. “Because I can’t, Emmett. It’s too late. Y-you just found out your mom died. M-my brother just beat the crap out of you. And a-all because of me.” I folded my arms over my chest. “Don’t leave me now.”

  I could see him fighting himself – just like every other time he was with me whether it was fighting not to torment me, fighting not to punch Zack for touching me, fighting his desire for me.

  “It’s ok to feel, Emmett. It’s ok to hurt. It’s ok to want all the wrong things. It’s ok to make mistakes. It’s ok to love.” I wanted to reach out and shake him as I said it – shake all of these things into that thick skull of his. Instead, I dug my nails dug into my palms and kept my hands to myself.

  “Ally, I don’t deserve your love. Just like I didn’t deserve hers.”

  He turned to leave and my hands reached out and grabbed his
sleeve.

  “That is such a lie!” I yelled. “Emmett—“

  He pried my fingers off of him, holding them on either side of my face before dropping them. “You want to do this the hard way?” He gripped my chin, leaning in towards my ear. “I told you I wasn’t the goddamn knight in your fairytale, but fine. I can prove it to you. Again. I don’t love you. I got what I wanted from you and now, I’m done.”

  Jessa always smelled so good – rose and bergamot. Floral, feminine, familiar. Her bouclé sweater was soft against my cheek, absorbing every last piece of my sanity. I don’t remember how we got into my room. I don’t remember lying down in my bed.

  I do remember begging her not to leave me.

  And then I stopped remembering again. Every tear was a shard of my completely shattered heart being expelled from my body. I didn’t blame it.

  I didn’t want a heart anymore either. All the damn thing ever did was break.

  “Shh…” Jessa’s soft shushing eventually made it to my brain as I finally stopped shaking violently, my muscles sapped of every last bit of my strength.

  “It hurts so bad, Jess,” I rasped, my throat sore from sobbing.

  I didn’t want to open my eyes because all I saw was that Emmett wasn’t here. I didn’t want to close my eyes because all I saw was his face – hurt, broken, angry – lashing out at me.

  “I know, Ally-girl. I know.”

  I think she was crying, too, because of my brother, but there was no way to know for sure. All sadness bleeds the same.

  More time passed before my mind was finally so overwhelmed that it went blank, floating in a black sea, passing by different thoughts every so often.

  “Why did he stop?” I asked.

  “Who? Stop what?” she whispered back.

  “Chance.” I pulled back and looked at her. “I remember yelling at him and then I said something that made him finally stop. What did I say?”