“I thought she kept me because it meant that she got money.”
Ruth shook her head. “Miriam didn’t know. She didn’t know that this was what they told you – or that you would even remember any of it. Rose was trapped. She tried to do it, for your sake, to be the daughter that they wanted. She hated that they used you to get to her and she knew it would only get worse as you grew older. And that eventually broke her down, worse this time because she knew it meant she would be losing you, too.”
“I don’t understand.” I shook my head. This was so fucked up.
“She got back involved with drugs because it was the only thing that made the way that they treated her bearable. When they told her she had to marry the lawyer, that was the night she OD’d. I don’t know if that was on purpose or she didn’t mean for it to go that far… I guess we’ll never know.
“Why would they tell me…”
“She disappointed them. They didn’t want you to love her. They also didn’t want you to realize the role that they’d played in her suffering… and death.”
“What the fuck.” I turned and put my hand on the window. I needed to feel the cold to keep me sane – something to shock my system into reality.
“I don’t want to upset you, Emmett. But I wanted you to know that that is why Miriam had the roses. Why she still loved her sister. Even though Rose made so many mistakes, even though there were so many other things she could have done to save you… to save herself… Miriam still loved her.”
I let air fill my lungs instead of anger. They say hating someone is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. For my whole life, that other person had already been dead. The only death I’d been waiting for was my own.
“Thank you.” It didn’t sound like much, but for me, it was a lot. I wasn’t ready to forgive Rose Jameson, not at this point at least, but I was grateful for Ruth’s insight – and not just into Rose’s sad story, but more so into Miriam’s thoughts.
“She loved you very much.”
Oddly enough, I found myself asking, “Who?”
“Both of them.” Her answer was both comforting and fucked up at the same time. I turned to face her and realized that Ally was standing there, in the kitchen; she must have come in during Ruth’s story.
Yeah, my past was fucked up. Yeah, I didn’t do much to make it any better. But, I had made some good choices – my business, my friends, finally seeing Miriam again.
But Ally, she was my best decision. And she saw it in my eyes.
The rest of the night we’d spent sharing stories of Miriam – many of which were before I’d moved out here. Somewhere along the way I’d forgotten about the good times.
As surprisingly comforting as it was, I was glad when Ruth finally said goodnight and left. It had been a long day – a hard day – and I just wanted to fucking hold my girl.
“You ok?” It was the tenth time Ally had asked me this since we’d left the overlook much earlier.
I walked towards her, scooping her up and setting her on the back of the sofa, stepping between her legs that parted for me.
She’d been a silent, steady presence as she, Ruth, and I walked up the trail behind my house – lighting the way, warming through the somber chill of sadness. We reached the clearing, snow blowing through the opening in the trees down the side of the mountain. Ally had tried to step back, but I’d wouldn’t let her as Ruth and I both said a few soft words, more for ourselves than for each other.
When Ruth had turned to go back to the house, Ally and I stayed. I saw the tears brimming in her beautiful blue eyes and I knew that she was feeling her own loss just as deeply as mine.
“I’m sorry about Dylan,” I said with a low voice, unsure even where the sentiment was coming from.
Surprise flickered over her soft and sad expression, and then she gave me a weak smile. “He would have liked you.”
“I don’t know about that,” I said with a tight laugh. The kid seemed like he’d been Mr. Perfect. I was only a moderately-redeemed asshole.
“He would like you because of how you try to protect me – even from yourself, and sometimes to a fault; something you both have in common,” she said, trying to make light of it but it couldn’t stop the sob that escaped.
I pulled her into my arms, tight against my chest, as she shook against me.
“It’s not your fault, Ally,” I whispered even though she knew it, she still needed to hear it.
“Neither is Miriam, Emmett,” she returned.
It was what we both needed to hear at that moment. Surrounded by the cleansing cold and peace of the mountain, we cried for the people that we’d loved and lost. And we let go of the lingering guilt that had both of us denying ourselves happiness.
“I love you, Sunshine.”
She peered up at me, her face lifting for the soft kiss that I was aching to give her.
“I love you, too,” I swore softly against her lips, lingering in the comfort of her warmth.
Her hand slid down my arm, fingers threading through mine. She gave me strength – strength to shake the ashes into the air and watch them mingle with the flurries, both to land and dissolve into the ground. And in turn, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the ring that I hadn’t seen on her finger in a long time – the one Dylan had given her, the one that reminded her of her guilt - and I knelt with her as she buried it in the snow.
Sometimes silence is the most heartfelt goodbye, especially to the past and to those in it. We paused for another minute, before I led my girl – my light – back down to the cabin and to our future.
“Thank you,” I murmured into her neck smelled like fresh rose water – the soap from my shower. It had become the sexiest fucking scent ever since it started coming off of her skin. “Thank you for being there with me today.”
“Of course.” Her hands gripped my shoulders.
“Thank you for last night,” I murmured. I loved her little moans when I kissed her neck.
“I think… I should be thanking you for last night.”
I grinned. She should. I’d made up for all of the days we’d been apart – several times.
“That’s not what I meant.” I bit the soft skin of her throat. “I was afraid that all I would fucking think about was the ways that I failed her. Because of you, I was reminded of all the good times that we had. Because of you, I realized how she always knew that I loved her in spite of what I said that day.”
Her lips were so soft, still slightly chilled from being outside. But not for long. “So thank you.”
She moaned against my tongue as I pulled her hips tighter against mine, my hand sliding up the long, high cotton legwarmers that she had on, disappearing underneath her sweater dress.
A groan ripped from my chest. Soaking. Slippery. Soft.
“I want to make love to you,” I rasped.
Gasp or laugh – uncertain as I slid a finger inside of her. “I never thought… I’d hear those words… coming from your mouth.” Her sex swelled under my touch.
“I never thought,” I returned, biting along the edge of her jaw, “that I’d feel you coming around my dick,” that time was definitely a gasp, “but miracles happen every fucking day, Sunshine.”
I stole her words with my mouth, her arms wrapping around my neck as she began to grind against my palm.
“Back pocket. Condom.” I bit her lip. “Now.”
She found it and then went to work on releasing my throbbing cock. “If you are making love to me, shouldn’t it be in bed?” She ripped open the condom, sliding it down my length.
I curled my fingers hard into that sweet spot of hers, her body seizing as pleasure quaked through it. “One miracle at a time.”
I made sure her underwear was shoved to the side before my hand returned to her waist. “Legs around me.” I lifted her as she complied.
I waited for those brilliant blues to find my eyes before I slid her slowly onto my length. I filled her – her eyes with desire
, her cheeks with a blush, and her body with mine.
I carried her around to the side of the fireplace, pushing her against it so that I could slowly rock into her. Like us, there was no in-between. If I wasn’t fucking her hard and fast to the point of tears, I was going to love her so soft and slow that she cried in frustration.
And that’s what she did.
I pulled the neckline of her dress down so that I could at least have one of her tits. Her flesh spilled into my hand as she arched against me, her nipple between my fingers – fingers that were always itching to touch her like this.
“Please, Emmett,” she begged – and I was right there with her, my dick so swollen it should have split the condom.
“Look at me.” Slow and steady. In and out. Always and for-fucking-ever. “I want to watch you,” in and out, “I want to watch as I make your soul shatter.”
I felt her tensing, I felt her body begging me, waiting for me to let her go. Meanwhile, I burned for release, my dick slipping in and out like she’d rubbed butter on me instead of a condom. Each time I pushed in, I felt the resistance of her muscles, clenched – on the edge – waiting to explode.
“Ally,” I rasped, licking a tear from her cheek, “I love you.”
And like a crystal shattering in slow motion, I watched her orgasm splinter her, her eyes never leaving mine. Christ, it happened so slowly and I could see on her face how fucking incredible it felt – fireworks in slow motion, one burst after another.
She didn’t make a sound, her mouth parting wordlessly, her body a symphony of seismic waves that I finally succumbed to. Pushing completely into her, I froze as my orgasm erupted from me. I couldn’t move. I didn’t need to thrust any more. Like a drum, my release beat into her, steady pumps of my desire pouring out of me.
One day I’d fucking pour into her with nothing holding me back. One day when I wasn’t selfish and determined to keep her all to myself.
On legs that I wouldn’t admit were shaking, I carried us to the couch, collapsing with her on top of me. We were still dressed, our clothes bunched between us; I was still buried inside of her because that was where I fucking belonged.
“I love you.” She sighed into the crook of my neck.
“Thank God,” I turned and kissed her forehead, “I’m yours.”
Chapter 28
Emmett
“I want you to know that Chance and I are ok,” she said softly.
With everything that happened with Miriam this weekend and then my having to be in Denver for a few days to deliver snowboards, the situation with Chance had been put on the back burner. She was his baby sister though; I knew they had to have spoken since the day he tried to rearrange my face. I guess I’d just been afraid to know of the outcome.
“You are? Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, surprised.
The low melody of Granger Smith’s latest hit played on the radio as we drove towards the Pub where Wyatt and Channing were having a small engagement get-together.
“I should have never been a problem between the two of you. And I didn’t want him and me being ok to be the only reason you decided it was ok to be with me,” she reasoned.
I laughed because sometimes my sunshine had no idea just how fucking important she was to my world.
“Babe,” I was still chuckling – her perplexed face not helping, “I’ll admit that I’m a slow, stubborn fucking learner, but as close friends as I am – was – with your brother, it only took me a few minutes of being out your door to realize that I wouldn’t have changed a goddamn thing I did or felt when it came to you.” I reached for her hand. “Chance could have damned me to eternal punishment like Prometheus, chained to that rock, having him beat my face in every day only to have it heal overnight, the torture repeated forever – and I still would have taken your fucking fire and your love.”
“Greek mythology? And here I thought you were just a sexy, stoned snowboarder.”
“Well, stories of eternal damnation have always resonated with me. Although, I’m glad to know that this won’t be the case.”
“If you’re going to continue to reference your eternal self-punishment – that I refuse to let happen,” I glanced over to her, “who says I won’t chain you to a rock?”
God, I loved that little bit of devil in her angel eyes.
“Who says I wouldn’t enjoy it if you did?” I teased back.
The parking lot was packed, the bar even more so. For a Canadian, the damn pro made a lot of friends quickly.
This was the first time she and I arrived in public together – aside from the grocery store. And I was going to make sure the whole fucking room knew it. To say we got a lot of stares walking into the Pub, my arm strapping Ally to my waist, my hand just barely resting on the top of her ass, would be an understatement. Most were from women whose faces were vaguely familiar and whose names I’d probably never known.
So, I held her tighter, bending down to kiss the top of her head. With other women, I smiled because I knew that they were mine. With Ally, I smiled because I knew that I was hers. She felt the gazes, too, moving deeper into my shoulder. She tipped her head up to mine and I knew what she wanted: my declaration.
But before my lips could brand hers, I saw the one person that we both knew needed to be addressed first.
Pride sat in the corner, talking quietly to Frost, but as soon as we came into view, his expression darkened. Not murderously – luckily for me. But it certainly wasn’t a warm fucking welcome.
“If he’s not nice to you, I’ll beat him,” she whispered to me, half-joking.
“If he’s not fucking nice to me, I won’t give a fuck,” I tipped her chin up, “because I still have you.” Settling for a kiss on her forehead, we were first assaulted by the bride and groom to be.
“Congrats, Lil.” I wrapped my arm around her. “Olsen.”
He shook my hand, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. And I knew I was looking at my future. “Those Ryders really do know how to do a number on your heart, eh?” Olsen said with a grin.
Kind of wanted to punch him – mostly for the Canadian fucking ‘eh,’ partially because he was rubbing my words to him from a month or so ago back in my face. And that feeling was what told me that this fucker was going to fit right in.
I stayed for another minute until Ally was in deep discussion with her sister before I made my way to the rest of the SnowmassHoles, pausing briefly at the bar to take care of a little something I had planned for my girl.
“As much as I would love to sit back and enjoy the show,” Frost drawled when I got there, “I’m experimenting with something and my unknowing and unwilling subject just walked in.” With a dark look, he stalked off.
“Pride.”
“King.” My name not completely filled with disdain. It was a start.
And he, just like his name, sat and waited for me to grovel, like he’d done nothing wrong.
But I wasn’t going to fuck around. The last thing I would ever let him think was that I thought I’d done something wrong in falling for her. “I’m not sorry that I found her.”
He nodded. “And I’m not sorry I beat you for it.”
“We good?”
The fact that he then handed me a drink was promising. He bent forward when I took the glass from him.
“You disrespect her, I’ll kill you. You hurt her, I’ll kill you. You look at another fucking woman, I’ll kill you.”
“And what if I love her? If I worship the ground she walks on? If I marry her?”
His jaw ticked. “Then, I’ll fucking learn to live with it.” He finished his drink. “But if you say the word marriage to me again before I get over letting this Canadian fuck-‘eh’ claim my other sister, my fist will have another word with your face.”
“Noted.”
Her hand in mine came a second before she addressed her brother. “Chance.” She squeezed my hand. “Are you behaving?”
“Of course not,” he smirked. “But I am keeping my ha
nds to myself.”
He stood and pulled her into his arms. He looked at me as he asked her, “you sure this is what you want?”
Ally pulled back and playfully smacked him. “Yes! Are you sure you can handle it?”
He sighed dramatically.
“Ally!” Jessa rushed over before Pride could respond – and apparently before she realized that he was the one we were talking to.
Awkward silence was one thing. Angry silence was a whole different story.
“I didn’t realize…” she mumbled. “You know what, I’m going to get a drink. I’ll chat with you in a little bit.”
“Don’t worry about it, J-bird.” Shit. “I was just leaving.”
J-bird. His nickname for Jessa in high school; a term of endearment back then. But now, the coldness with which he’d said it even made me wince. I gave her credit though, she and her bright pink hair didn’t fucking flinch. I knew what went down between the two of them all those years ago, even though he hadn’t spoken of it since. But I didn’t know what the fuck this was.
“I’m sorry, Jess,” Ally said softly, hugging her friend.
“Oh, don’t worry about it.” She laughed like it was nothing, but I was the one who could see her face; that shit wasn’t nothing. But it was also none of my business; I was already on thin-fucking rope with Pride. “Anyway, I just saw the sign-up sheet and I couldn’t believe—“
“That I wasn’t on it?” Ally finished for her, giggling. “I know. We got here and then I was talking to Chan and then I didn’t want to leave Emmett alone for too long with my brother. I’m going to go—“
“No!” Jessa was about to give me up. “I mean yes, I guess I couldn’t believe that you weren’t on it, but what I really couldn’t believe was that he—“ she paused to stare at me for emphasis, “—was.”
Ally spun to face me. “What?!”
“Surprise.” I grinned back at her.
“Wha—I don’t understand.” She was so fucking adorable when she was confused and surprised.
On the Edge (Winter Games Book 2) Page 33
