Even without having kissed her, I can feel myself falling. And it’s scary as shit. But she’s so damn cute and I can’t help it. She’s witty, beautiful, sassy, and just…fun. That’s something I’ve been lacking a lot of in the last several years. And I’ve learned so much about her this past week. Her fear: heights. Her biggest accomplishment other than college: fourth grade spelling bee champion. Her least favorite pizza topping: Canadian bacon, “because ew,” as she puts it. And just a lot of other random, adorable things about her. It’s been nothing but fun sharing silly little facts back and forth.
But despite all that, we’ve barely brushed the surface of the more serious topics like her job hunt and wanting to move. I can feel her pull back every time we get serious about any of it. I feel how scared she is of it. I know she’ll talk about it when she’s ready, but I can’t help but want to help her out with it all.
But it’s not my place. Not yet at least. Not until I come clean to her.
I sigh and text Tuck back:
Me: Nah, it’s Joe’s turn tonight.
Tucker: Damn you and your responsible ass. Tell the little shit Hi for me.
Me: Will do, man.
I put my phone back in my pocket and am getting ready to head over to my mom’s when the doorbell rings. I’m not expecting anyone so I’m a little slow to answer it.
“Hudson! Why aren’t you answering your phone?” my mom says in a panic, pushing through the door with Joey in tow.
I frown. “I didn’t get any calls from you. Why? What’s going on? Is something wrong with Joey?” I ask, now thoroughly panicking, grabbing onto Joey and automatically checking for signs of any damage.
Joey’s wearing a panicked looked, probably freaked out a little over my reaction.
I’m not looking at her, but I can feel my mom roll her eyes. “No, you goob. If it was anything bad, I would have gone to the hospital. Joey’s fine.”
I let Joey go, straightening up and looking my mom over now. “Is it you then? What’s wrong?”
Again with the eye roll. “Same answer,” she says dryly. “It’s Marcy, the neighbor. Her husband fell off the ladder from the roof. He was rushed to the hospital and Marcy has no one there for her with all her kids being off at college.”
“Say no more. Go. I was just headed over there anyway. Please let Marcy know I’m sorry.”
She gives me a quick hug, kisses Joey, and then she’s gone.
I look to Joey.
“Guess it’s just you and me, kiddo.”
I get an eye roll. From a seven-year-old.
“Not cool, dude,” I say in the most parental voice I have.
I swear I get the most adorable pair of blue eyes turned on me. “Sorry,” Joey whispers before looking down at the floor.
I sigh because how in the hell can you stay mad at that? You can’t.
Squatting down so I’m eye level, I say, “Hey, it’s okay. Just remember for next time, okay?”
I get a nod. And a sniffle. After a few hugs and reassuring words—because I hardly ever get on Joey’s case about anything—I suggest a movie.
“Wanna watch The Lion King?”
A shrug. “I guess.”
“Okay, bug. We’ll watch that and order some pizza. Maybe Gaige will be working and he can deliver it to us. How’s that sound?”
“Do we still have ice cream?”
I get a flashback of the last person to ask me about ice cream. Rae. I wish she were here for this.
Whoa. Do I really? I realize then that, yes, I do. I want Rae to be here for all of these little moments like this. But I know she wouldn’t want to be here for them. Not after her little confession last week about kids. And Joey is definitely a kid. My kid. Doubt that would go over well.
“You’re questioning me, The King of Ice Cream, about whether or not I have any? Where’s your faith in me, bug?”
“Good point,” Joey says with a serious expression and pat on my arm. “Ice cream first, okay?”
I pretend to think on it for a few seconds, but really, I’d never deny this kid anything. “Deal.”
We fist bump.
“I’ll go get Rocky and you go get the ice cream.”
“Please?” I encourage.
“With cherries on top!”
Now I’m confused. “Of the ice cream or the please?”
I get a “duh” look. “Both.”
I laugh and go get the ice cream. With cherries on top.
About two hours later there’s another knock at the door. I assume it’s my mom because I’m not expecting anyone else so I just fling the door open.
It’s Rae.
SHIT! It’s Rae!
I am so freaking the fuck out right now! I close the door so she can only see my face. She gives me a weird look. My breathing becomes labored and I can’t seem to hear anything. I know she’s talking because her mouth is moving, but I have no idea what she’s saying.
Deep breath, dude. She was going to find out anyway. In out, in out.
I manage to talk myself down some and finally blink, really looking at her. She’s got on a pair of those weird half-pants thing girls wear and a t-shirt. Her dark brown hair is pulled back in a bun and she just looks… well, confused right now. But other than that she’s gorgeous. Simple. Perfect.
I make sure to drink the sight of her in, afraid this may be the last time she wants to see me because of what’s about to happen.
“Hudson,” she says. This time I can hear her just fine. “Are you okay?”
“I…uh…well…,” I stammer. I swallow loudly. “I kind of have something to tell you.”
She looks worried now. I would be too. She scrunches up her brows even more. “Kind of or you do? Which one, Hudson?”
I can tell she’s getting a little mad. I can’t blame her; I’m acting like a total fucking tool right now.
“I do. I definitely do.” I glance back inside at Joey, making sure everything is okay. When I see The Lion King 2 still has a firm grip on the kid’s attention, I turn back to Rae. “Can we step out and talk outside maybe?”
“Um, I’d kind of rather not. I’d just rather you tell me what the fuck is going on?” It’s not a question but it comes out as one.
My eyes bug out and my entire body tenses up, because I know. Oh, boy, do I know. And I’m not even surprised about what happens next.
“Daddy, your friend said a bad word. Tell her she has to pay up,” Joey says, sticking her hand out from behind me. “It’s fifty cents, you know.”
Her mouth is gaping and her eyes are bigger than I’ve ever seen.
“Did she just… She… Daddy? Are you…,” she starts. And restarts and restarts and restarts.
And then she just kind of goes blank. I wave my hand in front of her face. Nada, nothing, zip. She doesn’t move, or even blink.
“Joey, honey, back up, please. Daddy needs to bring his friend inside. I think she’s having an attack of some sort,” I tell my daughter who is still standing directly behind me.
“Like when those ninjas attacked us at the dog park? That was insane!”
I smile because that was a fun day. Running around and pretending to fight ninjas with my kid was the highlight of my week.
“Kind of. Only the ninjas are all in her head. You gonna help me get them out?” I ask, grabbing Rae and walking her inside. She’s doing nothing else but moving her feet. It’s a miracle she’s still upright at this point. “Let’s sit her down here,” I tell Joey, who’s holding Rae’s other side.
We gently push Rae down onto the couch, right in the middle. Joey sits on one side; I sit on the other.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried right now. Not just worried about Rae, who I know will snap out of it once the shock wears off, but I’m worried for whatever future we have. Or had. I mean, she plainly said that she didn’t really care for children just last weekend. And Joey? Well, she’s my whole world. She’s it for me. If Rae can’t accept that—the hand that life has dealt me
—I know I’ll walk away in an instant.
“Dad? Can I poke her? Ya know, just to make sure she’s okay. I sawed it in a movie once. They were pokin’ a dead guy with a stick. Should I get a stick?” Joey says.
What? “First, what kind of stuff does Nanna let you watch? Second, it’s ‘saw,’ not ‘sawed.’ Third, you can try, but no sticks,” I shrug, because I’m kind of curious if it’ll work.
And she does. She totally does. Joey pokes Rae right on her forehead.
It. Works.
Rae flinches. “Did…did you just poke me? On the forehead?”
Joey looks to me, her eyes taking up about half her face. I nod at her, letting her know everything’s okay. She looks Rae right in the eyes.
“I did. You’re not dead,” Joey tells her.
“Well, that’s good to know,” Rae deadpans. She exhales loudly and turns to face me. I give her my trademark smirk. “Nope, don’t even try. You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.”
I wince because she doesn’t sound even kind of happy.
“Bug, can you go play with Rocky in my room for a bit? Daddy needs to talk with his friend.”
“No way. Not until you introduce me,” Rae says.
“Sorry. Rae, this is my daughter, Joey. Joey, this is my…friend, Rae.”
“Your girlfriend? The one you smile about with Nanna all the time?”
Another wince because it’s kind of embarrassing that my kid is giving away all my secrets.
“Girlfriend?” Rae asks with a small smile. Does this mean I’m forgiven? “Don’t you think this,” she says, gesturing her hands out in front of her to show she’s referring to our current Joey situation, “would be something your girlfriend, or at least the person you’ve seen or talked to every day for the past week, should know about?”
Huh. Guess I’m not forgiven. Yet.
“Rae… I’m… I’m sorry,” I tell her sincerely. Because it’s true. The last thing I wanted to do was just spring Joey on her like this.
She ignores me and turns to Joey. “How old are you?”
“Seven. How old are you?” Joey asks her.
“Twenty-two,” Rae tells her. She looks back at me. “That means…”
“Seventeen,” I confirm. A look of pity crosses her face. It only slightly ticks me off. I don’t ever want to be pitied for the best thing to ever happen to me. Having Joey, no matter how young, was one of the greatest moments in my life. And I would never trade it for anything else.
“I’m a first grader, you know,” Joey tells Rae proudly.
“Oh, really? What’s two plus two then?” Rae bounces back with a small smile playing on her lips.
My bug gives her a look like she’s crazy. “Um…four,” she says slowly, like Rae is the one learning something. “I also know what twelve times twelve is. It’s one hundred and forty-four.”
Rae’s hand comes up and she covers her smile before she regains composure. “Wow. You’re smart. You sure you’re only seven?”
I can’t believe this woman says she’s horrible with kids. She seems to have taken to Joey right away. Granted they just met and haven’t really interacted much, but kids are great judges of character so Joey actually talking with Rae is a good sign.
Joey nods vigorously. “Yep! Daddy, can I go play with Rocky now?”
I nod.
As she’s passing by us, she pats me on the arm. “I like your friend. She’s cool.”
I look Rae right in the eyes. “I do too, bug. I do too.”
Rae’s shoulders drop just a small fraction as soon as Joey walks out of the room. I gulp because I know it’s coming—she’s pissed. Like really pissed. And I get that. I really do. I kept something really big from her. I didn’t necessarily mean to, but it happened.
“Hudson.”
“Rae.”
“What in the actual…f…rench toast!” she catches herself. French toast? Weirdo. “This is kind of huge. Why would you keep this from me?”
“Honestly, I didn’t really mean to. It’s kind of hard to explain…,” I start.
“Try,” she interrupts.
I sigh. I know that no matter which way I explain it, I’m gonna sound like a total douchebag. “No judging, okay?”
“Have I judged you yet, Hudson? That’s not really fair,” she says seriously. I can still feel the heat radiating off her. And it’s not the fun kind of heat.
“Right.” I clear my throat and hope that she can understand what I’m about to tell her. “So, as you now know, I have a seven-year-old daughter. She’s amazing. The light of my life. My entire reason for breathing.” I pause to make sure she’s taking this all in okay.
“Why do you not live together?”
“We live separately because of the house. There were electrical issues. I was all moved in, went to plug something in and started a small fire. Turns out the wiring was all messed up and had to be completely redone. I’m renting this place on a week-to-week basis from my mother’s friend at her insistence. She knows being a single parent is hard enough already, and moving into a new house is going to make it even harder. She wanted me to get in a few last weeks by myself, and have a little bit of freedom before everything changes,” I explain. I pause to make sure she’s catching everything. She motions for me to continue.
“When I met you, I had no idea that it would turn into a relationship of any kind. Hell, I wasn’t even supposed to go on that blind date with you. But I did and I’m glad I did. I like you, Rae. Like really, really like you. And I selfishly kind of liked having that freedom, getting the chance to get to know someone and not just being the single dad for a change. It was nice to just be Hudson—to just be twenty-four for awhile. It’s not like I was never going to tell you. In fact, I was going to last Thursday when I drove you home, but then you made that little confession.” She scrunches up her brows in confusion. “How kids aren’t really for you. What am I supposed to do with that? I have a kid. And she’s definitely for me, Rae.”
She just sits there, staring at my coffee table, her eyebrows still scrunched up.
“I don’t know. I still don’t get why you just didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t know how to. I haven’t had to before. You’re the first person I’ve been on a date with in three years, Rae. I was with Joey’s mom before that so she was already kind of clued in to the situation.”
“How long were you with her then?”
“Since I was sixteen until I was twenty-one.” I can see the wheels spinning. “Yes, Jess, my high school sweetheart, is Joey’s mom. And before you ask—no, she’s not in the picture anymore.”
Her demeanor doesn’t change with that confession and I get the distinct impression that even if Jess were in the picture, Rae wouldn’t care. That gives me some sort of odd peace—makes me feel like this is something Rae just might be able to handle.
Rae exhales heavily. “That’s it? No more surprise children running around? Just Joey?”
I chuckle. “Just Joey.”
And then we’re silent. We can both hear Joey in my room talking and playing with Rocky. It sounds like she’s throwing a toy and having Rocky run back and forth and back and forth.
“She’s gorgeous. I don’t know why you hid her from me.”
I wince. “I didn’t hide her, Rae. I just didn’t let you meet her. She’s a kid. They get easily attached. What if we ended up not liking one another? What if it didn’t work out after I introduced you? I have to be careful with that sort of stuff. I knew last weekend, just after two dates, that it would be safe to let Joey meet you. But then Thursday night happened and I got scared to mention anything. So I didn’t. I figured that I’d see where we were next week and then go from there.” I pause and a take a deep breath. “And I also wanted to know about Perry. But I had to find the courage to ask about that too. Figured you’d tell me all that when you were ready though.”
Another look of confusion crosses her face. “Perry?”
“Yeah. I was just wonder
ing how long you used to date and if there was anything still there between you two. You just seem really close for exes is all. Kinda made me wonder if there was something still…there between you.”
“Perry? The same Perry that did your website and ate with you guys last week?” she asks. Her brows are raised and I can see a small smile forming at the corners of her mouth.
It’s now my turn to scrunch my brows because I’m genuinely confused. I give her a small uncertain nod.
“Hudson,” she says, bringing a hand up to her mouth. “Perry isn’t my ex. He’s my cousin.”
Rae
I can’t breathe. Like at all. That’s how hard I’m laughing right now. Hudson thinks Perry is my ex! This is rich!
Wait…if he thinks Perry is my ex, that means he thinks we had sex! Ewewew! So gross!
I sober up some because poor Hudson has his mouth hanging open. I reach over and gently close it for him. “What did I tell you about those flies, Hudson?” I tease.
“I just… I don’t get it. I mean…you two seem so close. I don’t… I don’t understand.”
“We are close. Next to Maura, he’s my best friend. My right-hand man. The best guy I know.”
Hudson drops his head into his hands and groans. “Gaige was right. He said you were probably family but No-Bullshit Hudson was in full swing so I was having none of that.”
“‘No-Bullshit Hudson?’” I question with a smirk.
He gives me the side eye. “Don’t laugh,” he says, trying to fight a smile. “He’s my inner asshole that tries to tell it to me straight. He rarely makes an appearance. Logical Hudson is usually the one milling about.” His head drops back into his hands. “Ugh! I cannot believe that I thought he was your ex!”
Here's to Tomorrow Page 16
