Tainted (Vastow Vampires Book 1)

by J Johnson

  “I have one question.”

  He raises his brow at me. “Just one?”

  “Just one.”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you kill people to eat? Do you kill them for their blood?”

  “No. I either drink bagged blood, which you should have seen in my desk drawer or I drink straight from a human then wipe their memory of it.”

  “And if I asked you to stop wiping people’s memories to drink from them, would you?”

  “I have to drink straight from the source every once in a while, or I will die. Most people aren’t exactly willing to give me their blood.”

  I think about that for a minute. “Does it hurt?”

  “It can, but no. I don’t hurt them when I drink. It’s been described to me as feeling euphoric.”

  He tilts his head to the side, studying me, curious as to where I’m going with this.

  “If I asked you to stop drinking from people and wiping their memories, would you? If you had a willing person to drink from that is. It just seems wrong that you take something from someone, like stealing, then make them forget about it. I wouldn’t want that done to me.”

  “It would depend on who the willing person was, but yes. I would do anything for you, Ashlyn. Just don’t ask me to drink from Jordan because it’ll be a no.”

  I giggle, shocking him and myself. His eyes light up and a smile curves his lips, making him look sexy as ever. Not that he wasn’t sexy before, but his smile makes it a hundred times more powerful.

  “Me. The willing person is me as long as you promise not to do it to anyone else without their consent first.”

  He stares at me in complete shock. I’m not sure why I said it myself, but as soon as the words leave my lips, I know for certain I’m okay with it.

  “You’re serious.”, he says.

  “Yes.”

  “Does that mean…”, he trails off like he’s afraid to finish the question.

  “I love you, Zane. I’ve tried not to. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I did. I tried not to love you.” Tears start rolling down my cheeks. “I tried to make you out to be a monster, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. Because as far as I can tell, you’re not a monster.

  “I don’t know if I’m making the right choice, but it’s the only choice that makes sense. I want you. All of you. I love you so much and I don’t know if I’m going to wake up one day to you sucking the life out of me. Literally. But I don’t care right now. I can’t imagine not being with you a second longer.”

  He’s suddenly in front of me and I didn’t even see him move. That’s something I’ll definitely have to get used to. He gets down on his knees and searches my face for something. When he’s finally satisfied with whatever he’s looking for he lays his head in my lap and sighs.

  “Please tell me this is real. That I’m not dreaming.”, he mumbles into my leg. “I don’t know if I can handle being without you any longer. I miss you so much.”

  “It’s real.”, I tell him, then run my hand through his hair.

  He looks up at me and smiles widely, showing his fangs for the first time. They’re… intriguing.

  “I love you, Ashlyn. I promise you won’t regret this.”

  I sit straight up in the bed sweating, gasping for air and terrified. Zane is beside me a second later asking if I am alright, but I’m not sure yet. I can’t seem to catch my breath. The images are playing over and over in my head and I can’t stop them. I close my eyes, trying to push them out, but it’s not working.

  “What is it? What can I do love?”

  “Nothing. It happens every night almost. It’ll pass in a minute.”

  He sits down and pulls me into his arms, holding me tight while I breathe through the attack. After what seems like hours, my breathing returns to normal. He continues to hold me though, which doesn’t bother me one bit. He’s been holding me all night and stroking my hair, being the perfect gentlemen.

  I tried to get a little frisky with him, but he insisted we take it slow. I think he’s trying not to scare me, even though I told him I’m okay with everything. I think he’s afraid I’m going to get up and run away screaming.

  The thing is, I don’t think I would leave no matter what he did or said. Crazy, I know. So, what does that say about me? My eyes close on their own from pure exhaustion. Not getting enough sleep and constantly thinking about Zane and our relationship has taken its toll on me.

  With everything going on in my life, I’ve completely shut out my only friends. Zoe and Jordan both have called several times and each time I blow them off. What am I supposed to say to them when they ask me what’s wrong? Zoe knows me too well. She’ll know something is wrong the minute I open my mouth. And it isn’t like I can explain it to them.

  Since we can’t stay locked away forever with each other, I’ve decided today will be my first day back to work. Just the hospital, though. As soon as I walk inside the building, Zoe corners me in the hallway.

  “Where have you been? I’ve been so worried about you. Are you okay? And why wouldn’t you answer my calls?”, she asks with her hands on her hips.

  “I’m sorry, Zoe. I just didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I was resting and trying to forget about what happened.”

  “I can understand that Ash, but you could have at least sent a text saying you were okay. I was on the verge of calling the FBI to hunt you down.”

  “And if she didn’t, I would have.”, Jordan says from behind me.

  I whip around and see him with his arms crossed over his chest. He’s clearly upset.

  “I’m sorry guys. Really, I am. I was just resting and getting better. That’s all. I’m fine.”

  “Next time I’m coming to hunt you down myself and shake you senseless.”, Zoe says then hugs me. “I was so worried. I’m glad you’re okay.”

  “I need to speak to you in my office, Ash.”

  Jordan doesn’t wait for me to respond. He turns and heads in that direction, assuming I’ll follow, which I do. The last time he called me into his office like this, he fired me. He makes me take a seat opposite his desk, then shuts the door behind him.

  “I want to know what’s going on.”, he starts. “And don’t tell me nothing because I know better.”

  “Seriously, Jordan. I was just lying low and healing. Trying to forget about everything. It’s no big deal. I’m fine. I promise.”

  “That’s not what I meant. What did he tell you?”

  “Who? What did who tell me?”, I ask.

  Surely, he’s not talking about Zane. I remember then what Zane said about Jordan and him having secrets that he wouldn’t tell me because it wasn’t his to tell. I briefly wonder if Jordan is also a vampire, but push the thought aside instantly. There’s no way I wouldn’t know that. No way.

  “You know who. Your boyfriend. What did he tell you?”

  “What makes you think he told me anything? You’re not making any sense. What is it you think he told me?”

  “Damnit Ash!”, he yells. He runs his hand through his hair and closes his eyes. “He told you, didn’t he?”

  I’m silent because I’m not sure how to answer that question. Told me what exactly? Does he know about Zane? Does he know that vampires exist? What the hell am I missing here?

  “Jordan…”, I start. “You are going to have to be a bit more specific about what you’re talking about. He’s told me a lot of things, but I don’t know what you want me to say. What do you think he told me?”

  I can’t just blurt out that Zane’s not human. If Jordan isn’t talking about that, and the odds are that he isn’t, he’ll walk me up to the psyche floor. We stare at each other, wide-eyed and unsure.

  “Okay. Let’s do it this way. I’m only going to ask this once. If you answer yes, I’ll know. If you answer no, then we’ll forget this conversation ever happened. Deal?”

  I nod and fight the urge to throw up. He knows. I don’t know how I know, but I do. He knows about Zane.


  “Did he tell you what he is? Yes or no.”

  “Yes. He did.”

  His mouth falls open, and he plops down in the chair.

  “I didn’t think he would. I didn’t think he would actually tell you. And he told you what you are to him?”

  “Yes. He said I was his Aroha. His mate.”, I reply. “So, you know too? You knew this whole time, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you didn’t tell me. Why?”

  “Would you have believed me?”

  “No. Probably not.”

  “And now that you know what he is, a monster, you’re going to stop seeing him, right?”

  “No, Jordan. I’m not. I’m still seeing him.”

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”, he says through clenched teeth. “Why would you want to be with… him? A parasite. A leech.”

  “I’m not doing this with you right now. If you’d like to talk, then I’ll stay so we can talk. If you’re going to yell at me and treat me like a child, I’m leaving.”

  “Fine. I’ll drop it for now. But you’ll see. You’ll see what kind of monster he really is in time.”

  “So, what does that make you? You knew. And he said something about you having a secret, but he wouldn’t tell me.”

  “I’m a hunter. I hunt down vampires and kill them.”

  “Outstanding. My boyfriend is a vampire and my friend is a vampire killer. That’s going to make for some very awkward social events.”

  Sixteen

  ∞∞∞

  Two hours. That’s how long Jordan and I talk in his office. Two hours of more information to store with the information Zane has provided already. I am overloaded with enough to make my brain explode. Some of which I’ll be asking Zane about later.

  Like me being his Aroha. I knew it meant I was his one and only mate. His one true love for the rest of his long, long life. What he didn’t tell me is that he will never sleep with or be with another woman. If I were to leave him after doing what they call a bonding ritual, he would wither away and die.

  The bonding ritual is where we become one, apparently. The ritual itself doesn’t sound so bad. Some sex and a bite from him to mark me, but afterwards I’m not so sure. We’ll be able to hear each other’s thought and feel what the other is feeling. We would literally be linked in every way imaginable. And the mark… It lets other vampires know that I’m taken. Like a dog with a collar on. Everyone knows they belong to someone. It’s weird.

  Then there’s the problem of becoming a vampire like him. I had already figured that Zane would want this eventually, but Jordan just confirmed it for me. If Zane loves me as much as he says he does, it only makes sense that he would want me to live forever with him. The thought of drinking blood makes me sick to my stomach. I help save people at the hospital. Drinking blood seems like the exact opposite of that. I would be taking life from them, not helping them keep it.

  When I asked Jordan about children, he said he wasn’t sure. So, I still don’t know if we could conceive a child of our own. Adopting is something I would definitely do, but everyone wants a child of their own. Me included. There’s just too many unanswered questions and I have a feeling it’s going to take more than a few hours to learn everything I need to about him and his world.

  “Ash.”, Zoe looks up from her book. We’ve been laying across her bed for the last hour vegging out. She looks worried. And scared. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure. Shoot.”

  “Well, it’s about Jackson.”

  “Did you tell him how you feel? What happened?”

  She rolls her eyes at me. “Of course, I told him, but that’s not what this is about.”

  “Okay. Then what?”

  “He told me something about his family. About Jordan’s family. Something that is strange.”

  “What? What about them?”

  “The family business. It’s… weird. He told me they teach them all at a young age how to fight and defend themselves against bad people. They apparently go out and hunt down these bad people and kill them. They’re like mercenaries. They kill people, Ash. When I asked him why and pretty much freaked out on him, he told me that the people they hunt down aren’t exactly people.”

  “What does that mean?”

  I already know what it means, but she doesn’t. And I’m curious to know what he told her.

  “I don’t know exactly. I asked him but he just said, and I quote, ‘There are things in this world that you and most people will never comprehend or even know exist’, unquote. I’ve always wondered about aliens and stuff. You see ghosts and hear people’s thoughts or see their future. Is it so farfetched to think there could be more out there? Do you believe in stuff like that? Aliens and I don’t know… demons and stuff.”

  “Possibly. I don’t discount it, that’s for sure. I’ve been able to see ghosts since I was six years old so nothing would shock me at this point.”

  “Sure.”, she says, looking at the wall. “I guess. It’s just that… You don’t think he kills people, like real, everyday people, do you? I would hate to be in love with a murderer. That would suck.”

  “You’re in love with him?”, I ask.

  Her eyes widen as she realizes what she’s just said.

  “Oh boy. I’m in trouble. He’s the worst person to be in love with, but yes. I guess I am. I sure can pick them, can’t I. Usually they’re all losers and still live at home with mom. Now I’ve graduated to a real man that wants nothing to do with a serious relationship.”

  “He’ll come around and if he doesn’t, then it’s his loss.”

  “Thanks.”, she smiles.

  It doesn’t seem genuine, which irritates me. If I ever get the chance to meet Jackson, I think I might give him a piece of my mind. Although, I already know from my vision that they work it out and have kids together. So, I guess I can leave it alone. For now.

  “I found Jeff last night.”, Zane tells me suddenly.

  We’re taking a walk through the park at midnight which is strange, but it’s the only time he can go out. Darkness is his time. No sun. No light.

  “Really? What happened? Was he arrested? Did you call the cops?”

  “Not exactly.”

  I stop walking and turn to look at him. He’s staring at the ground.

  “What did you do?”

  “I couldn’t let him get away. He was running from me, and he wasn’t fast enough, obviously. I caught him and I had every intention of calling the cops but…”

  “But what?”

  “He started talking shit about what he did to you and… I kind of lost it. By the time I realized what happened, it was too late.”

  “You killed him?”, I shriek.

  “Keep your voice down.” He looks around at no one because no one is out this late. “Someone will hear you.”

  “Who, Zane? Who is going to hear me? There’s no one out here. No one comes out this late to take a stroll through the park. Normal people come out during the day.”

  The minute the words leave my mouth, I regret saying it. The hurt in his eyes is obvious, but I can’t take it back now. I open my mouth to apologize, but he’s gone. It’s a short walk back to his shop, maybe ten minutes, so I start that direction hoping he’s there. I don’t know why I said it or when I became such a bitch, but he didn’t deserve that. It’s not his fault he is what he is.

  When I reach the shop, I sneak in the back door and find him sitting in the chair in complete darkness. It takes my eyes a minute to adjust as I sit on the bed across the room from him.

  “I’m sorry, Zane. I don’t know why I said that. I’m just… I’m still trying to get used to it all, and I’ve got a thousand things running through my mind all day every day. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “You’re scared. I get that. It’s understandable even, but I’ve never said hurtful things to you. Not like that. You think I don’t want to take you out during the day? I would love to see the sun again. The
heat on my skin. The colors of the trees while lit up or the water glaring in the light. But I can’t. I’ll never be able to give you that. I’ll never be able to take you places like a normal person.”

  “I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.”

  “You meant it. You may not want to believe that you did, but you did, or you wouldn’t have said it. You haven’t asked me anything about me being a vampire. Nothing since the other night when you came back to me. How are we supposed to get through this, get past this, if you don’t even want to know about me and my life?

  “Not to mention I have to eat love. You asked me not to take blood from anyone without their consent, and I can’t exactly tell everyone I meet what I am. And even if I could, what do you think they’re going to say? Sure. Take my blood. It’s all yours. I don’t think so. It’s been almost a week since you asked me that and I’m trying to be patient, but I can’t wait forever.”

  “You’re hungry?”, I ask.

  I completely forgot about him needing to eat. What kind of person am I? I swallow the large lump in my throat and look at him. Now I’m wondering why in the hell I would allow such a thing.

  “I have been for days. If you don’t want to provide what I need yet, just tell me and I’ll go out. But you have to do something. And after this problem gets fixed, we will talk about all the things that’s been running through your head. If you fear me all the time, this won’t work.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay, what? Okay, I can feed from you or okay, go out? Which is it because I’m about to lose control over here?”

  His eyes glow a bright white color. It makes him look a hundred times scarier than he ever has before, but it’s stunning.

  “Okay, you can feed from me.”

  Suddenly he’s in my face, eyes glowing and all. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to him moving so fast. His features change slightly, and I can see his fangs peeking out from behind his lip. I feel like he’s about to devour me. Literally.