House Divided

by Peel, Jennifer

  The first time I came here, I hated eating at such a large table, but tonight I liked it. I was really too far away to converse politely with the older brothers, the beauty queens and the wicked witch, but I noticed they looked my way quite a bit. The beauty queens had aged well, as had Brady’s brothers. Beau and Booker looked more like their momma. They had been blonde like her. The beauty queens were definitely dying their hair, which I had nothing against. I could see myself doing it when I got older too. I just hoped they would at least give me a chance.

  We made it through dinner and dessert with no incidents. Brady and I kept smiling at each other; we were both relieved. I was beginning to think that maybe I had worried for nothing.

  As the meal ended, there were calls for Isaac to play the piano. I guess it was one of their traditions. My aunt and I used to play the piano, too, for Christmas, so this was nice for me. He struggled to get up and to make his way over with his cane. It was painful to watch him, but no one helped. I had the feeling no one was supposed to, that it would be unwelcome for Isaac. I wondered if he would be able to play; it looked like the walk had taken all of his energy, but then he started a beautiful medley of favorite Christmas carols from ‘Silent Night’ to ‘The First Noel.’ I wasn’t sure who had done the arrangement, but it was beautiful, and Isaac played it from memory.

  During the song, I kept looking over at Brady, as we were now turned toward the piano. I could tell he loved his daddy and admired him, but I could see the worry in his eyes as he watched him. I was worried about him too. When he finished playing, everyone clapped. Isaac then asked me to join him. I wasn’t expecting that at all. I don’t think anyone was, well except Brady. The way he looked at me made me think this was planned.

  “Go on, darlin’,” Brady said.

  I was also given encouragement by my favorite five-year-old. She was excitedly telling them how I had helped her play ‘Jingle Bells’.

  I walked over slowly to the piano and sat down on the bench next to Isaac. I admit I was shaking a little as I looked out across his family. His momma’s looks made me tremble even more. This was close to the last straw for her. It wasn’t going to take much more for her to blow. The beauty queens looked like they were daring me to impress them. So, through my nerves, I did. I played and sang ‘O Holy Night’ as requested by Mr. Jackson.

  No one but Caroline clapped, but I knew by their looks they were impressed, and maybe even stunned. I only really cared about one person anyway, and he was walking toward me with the smile I loved the most. When he reached me, he bent down and kissed me softly.” Daddy will you please hand me the gift next to you.”

  I hadn’t noticed it before, but his daddy eagerly reached down and handed the prettily wrapped box to his son.

  Brady took the wrapped silver box and then he handed it to me. Then he turned to his family who were all as confused, as was I.

  “I hope you don’t mind, but I want Ellie to open the first gift tonight,” he announced.

  Caroline did mind. “Aww man,” she said, but she quickly recovered. “I hope it’s a puppy.”

  Everyone laughed, except her dear sweet grandma.

  But Brady crushed her dreams. “It’s not a puppy, darlin’.”

  He turned back toward me and his daddy, and he looked lovingly in my eyes. “It’s actually something I’ve been waiting to use for ten long years.”

  I was definitely curious.

  “Ellie, will you please open it now.”

  Gently I began to undo the wrapping paper. I tried not to rip the thick silver paper, but Brady became impatient. “Just tear it off, darlin’.”

  I smiled and complied. Once the paper was off, I was left with a white box. As I carefully opened the lid, Brady knelt in front of me. He looked eager to look in the box too, which was funny considering he knew what was in it, but as soon as the lid was off, I started to cry. It was the gift I had thrown at him ten years earlier. I couldn’t believe he had kept it all these years. It was the gift that was supposed to tell him that I was his and I wasn’t going anywhere ever. Now looking at it, it seemed silly, but at seventeen, it’s what I thought would mean the most. It was a “House Divided” license plate cover. Half was Auburn and half was Alabama.

  “I can’t believe you kept this all these years.”

  He smiled and stroked my cheek. “Well, I added a little something to it.” He lifted it out of the tissue paper and tied to it with a pretty crimson ribbon was a beautiful diamond ring.

  I placed my right hand over my mouth. I felt like I was going to burst. He untied the ring and then he took my left hand and winked. “I know you think I’d forgotten this minor detail.”

  He slipped the ring on my finger, and it was a perfect fit. “Ella Lu Eaton, I’ve loved you for half my life and I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone but you. So please say that you’ll be my ...”

  “Brady James Jackson!” his momma shrieked at the top of her lungs.

  I knew it was too good to be true. I knew his momma would not have it.

  Brady’s face turned bright red. He stood up, turned to face his momma, and so did his daddy.

  “Enough, Elizabeth!” I think it took everything Isaac had in him to get those words out. He placed his hand on my shoulder to steady himself.

  Elizabeth was still not having it. “After everything I’ve been through, I will not see my son marry an Eaton!”

  Now Brady was yelling this wasn’t her decision and he didn’t care what she thought. The brothers began jumping into the fray, and little Caroline was crying. I think I saw Kendra pick her up and take her out. The beauty queens were also rushing their children out. I just sat there and stared at my beautiful ring and silently cried. That was until Isaac began to gasp for air and falter. I tried to get Brady’s attention, but Isaac held on to me, he seemed desperate to tell me something.

  “Tell Luanne I’m sorry and that I always loved her,” he managed before he collapsed.

  I frantically yelled for Brady to call 911. I finally got his attention and everyone else’s. They were suddenly rushing to the piano.

  Elizabeth pushed me out of the way. “Do you see what you’ve done?” she screamed at me.

  I stood helplessly as his sons tried to revive him for a few minutes. I couldn’t move. I didn’t know what to do. Then the thought came to me that I better go find Kendra. I didn’t want Caroline to see this, and I didn’t want her to be frightened by the paramedics when they arrived. I found them all in the family room. Beau and Booker’s wives started in on me and how I ruined their holidays. I ignored them and went straight to Kendra who was holding an upset Caroline. I whispered in Kendra’s ear what was happening and she got up immediately with Caroline. Everyone else asked what was going on, but I ignored them. I followed Kendra out. The Jackson’s lived far enough out that Kendra had enough time to get Caroline out before the paramedics got there. I was torn about what to do. I wanted to stay and be with Brady. I knew his daddy was gone, but it was like it had always been. Our relationship caused nothing but trouble, and I knew my presence would probably do more harm than good.

  In a split second decision I left with Kendra. Thankfully the rain had stopped. On the way home, I tried not to cry in front of Caroline, but I couldn’t help it. She was crying too. She didn’t understand why everyone was so upset and why it was bad that her uncle wanted to marry me.

  Kendra tried to be calm and comforting to her. “It’s not bad at all, sweetie. It’s just they don’t understand.”

  I was beginning to think it was bad. How could it not be? Because of me, his family was in turmoil and fighting on Christmas and his daddy was dead. I knew by the look his momma gave me, she would always blame me for his death. Then I remembered what Isaac’s final words were to me, and I cried harder.

  Kendra looked over to me when we pulled up to my house. “Ellie, none of this is your fault.”

  I didn’t say anything. I just looked back at Caroline and told her I loved her and the
n exited quickly. I ran in and straight to my aunt. She was on the couch, all decked out in her Auburn blue satin pajamas. I lost it as soon as I saw her. I once again found myself at Christmas time, feeling like my heart had been ripped out, and with my head in my aunt’s lap as she stroked my hair and tried to tell me it would all be ok.

  I wasn’t sure how it could be. I couldn’t believe we had made it this far, only to be cut short just at the finish line. I finally calmed down enough to tell my aunt what had happened. When I told her Isaac had died, she stopped stroking my hair and seemed to choke on her words. “He’s really dead?” she asked.

  I just shook my head in confirmation. I wanted to tell her that his final thoughts were of her, but it didn’t seem right to tell her then. Both of our emotions were too raw.

  She lifted my hand and looked at my ring. “So, what are you going to do?”

  “I just don’t know,” I cried.

  Then my phone went off. It was Brady’s ringtone. My aunt told me I should answer it.

  “Hello,” I hesitated.

  “Ellie, are you ok?” he asked frantically.

  No, I wasn’t ok, but he had just lost his daddy. It seemed irrelevant how I was feeling. “I’m so sorry, Brady.”

  He started to cry. “He’s gone, Ellie.”

  “I know.”

  “Ellie, I need you.”

  That only made me cry harder. “I just can’t right now.”

  “Ellie, please.”

  My heart was breaking for him and for us, but I just couldn’t go. I couldn’t be around his family. I knew it would be better for everyone involved if I stayed away. I couldn’t answer though. What kind of person was I to deny the person I loved most, his request when his daddy had just died?

  “Ellie, as soon as I leave the hospital, I’m coming there.”

  “Please don’t. Not tonight.”

  “Ellie, please don’t do this.”

  “Brady, just be with your family, they need you.” Then I hung up. I felt horrible for what I had done, but I felt like it was the right thing to do. Our relationship was toxic to everyone around us. We were foolish to think we could just be together after all that had happened.

  Brady called again and again, but I didn’t answer. I finally turned my phone off and went upstairs. I wanted to be alone to think. The only thing I did was take off my boots before I curled up in a ball on my bed. I closed my eyes, and all I could see at first was the disdainful and hateful looks of his mother and brothers and sisters-in-law. Then I was haunted by Isaac’s look of desperation and his final words. He had loved my Aunt Lu all this time. Elizabeth had to have known. Nothing short of that would have caused the reaction she had to me. I kept thinking if I just hadn’t gone, maybe Isaac would be alive. Brady’s pleadings were my undoing. I wanted nothing more than to comfort him and to hold him.

  I’m not sure how long I laid there, touching the ring Brady had given me and crying until the tears ran out, but the doorbell rang. I knew who it was, but I didn’t get up to answer it. He began pounding on the door and calling my name. Finally my aunt answered it. As soon as he entered, he began shouting my name and telling me he loved me. With each declaration, my heart ached. I could physically feel it.

  “You need to give her some time, Brady,” I could hear my aunt say kindly, but firmly.

  I couldn’t hear exactly what he said in response, but before he left, he yelled up. “Ellie, I love you. We can work this out.”

  I heard the door close, and a minute later my aunt was in my room stroking my hair as I lay on my bed. It was like déjà vu. “That man loves you,” she said.

  I knew he did, and I loved him too, but sometimes love couldn’t conquer all.

  I didn’t know when I fell asleep or for how long I slept, but I awoke to the sound of the house phone ringing. My aunt was of the generation that still had land lines. It only rang a few times; I assumed my aunt answered it.

  Several minutes later, she came into my room. She resumed her position on my bed. I didn’t want to move. She just took up stroking my hair again. “Merry Christmas, sugar.”

  I didn’t think I had any tears left, but I started to cry. It was anything but a Merry Christmas.

  “That was Brady on the phone. He’s worried about you. He wants to see you.”

  “I can’t see him.”

  “Ella Lu, why not?”

  “Because seeing him would only be selfish. Our relationship has caused nothing but trouble, and it would be best for everyone if we just didn’t see each other anymore. I should have never come home.”

  She didn’t say anything. I just continued to cry for several minutes.

  She eventually stood up. “I’m going to run a bath for you and get you something to eat.”

  “I’m not hungry, and you shouldn’t be taking care of me. I should be taking care of you.”

  “Ella Lu, I will take care of you until my last breath.” She headed toward my bathroom. I heard the water begin to run. I slowly got up and walked toward the sound. My aunt looked up at me. Her eyes registered pity. She left me to undress and bathe.

  I sank into the warm water and closed my eyes. You know the saying, ‘tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? I think it’s a lie. This was pain like none other. I held my knees to my body and tried to will the ache away, but it wasn’t going anywhere.

  I didn’t even bother with hair or makeup. I threw on my silk robe and went right back to my bed. I crawled under my covers and sank into my pillows, and there I stayed all day. I heard the phone ring several times throughout the day, and my aunt was in and out several times trying to get me to eat something, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She did make me drink something, though.

  I can’t ever remember staying in bed all day, not even when I’d been sick. I felt like I had no energy at all, physical or emotional. When evening came on, my aunt came back with more food. I still couldn’t eat.

  “Sugar, you’ve got to eat something, and you’ve got to talk to Brady before he comes and knocks the door down. The boy’s beside himself. I won’t be able to hold him off much longer, and honestly I don’t think I should.”

  “Please,” I begged. “Please, don’t let him come over.”

  “Ella Lu, this is nonsense.”

  “His daddy died because of me!” I yelled.

  “Ella Lu, he’s been sick for years.”

  “Yes, but he was upset and fighting with his wife because of me when it happened. If I hadn’t been there, he would be alive today and enjoying Christmas with his children and grandkids.”

  I refused to be comforted or told any different. I turned from her and closed my eyes. I didn’t open them again until daylight shone through my window. I felt lethargic and stiff. My door opened and I turned. It was my aunt, and she looked worried. I felt terrible about that.

  She approached me and tried to hand me a smoothie. It looked like Doris was here.

  “Drink that, or I’m calling the doctor,” she demanded.

  I slowly sat up and took the glass from her hand. I complied, even though it was hard. My throat didn’t seem to want to work right, and as much as my body craved nourishment, it was fussing at me. I had deprived it for too long. She watched me until I finished every last bit of it.

  “Now get up and shower and put some clothes on; and fix your hair and makeup. I expect you downstairs to open your gifts in an hour.” She got up and walked out.

  Aunt Lu believed that no matter how you felt, doing your hair and makeup always made you feel better. I didn’t want her to worry anymore, so I drug myself out of bed. I don’t ever remember feeling so rotten, but my heart had never been ripped out like this before. This was different than the first time around. I really thought we were going to be married. I thought for sure, this time, I was going to have what I had always wanted, Brady. But the past wouldn’t allow me the future I wanted so desperately.

  I did as my aunt asked. I don’t know what improvement i
t made, if any. My eyes were still red and my skin looked ghostly white. I threw on some jeans and one of my Auburn jerseys and I made my way downstairs to the drawing room where my aunt sat waiting. The room was filled with pink roses. I didn’t have to ask from whom. There must have been at least ten dozen roses placed all over. I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t help it. Why did he have to be so good?

  “He loves you, Ella Lu.”

  “I know. I love him too. But loving each other was never our problem; it’s what it did to everyone else.”

  She looked at me sympathetically as I sat down in front of the tree, just like I had when I was younger. My aunt was sitting on the chair closest. Sitting on the floor was no longer an option for her. I had no desire to open gifts, but I wasn’t doing this for me.

  We each took turns, like we always had, unwrapping and admiring what we each had bought for each other. As always, my aunt was generous and thoughtful with the gifts she had purchased me. She added to my ever growing jewelry collection with a beautiful pearl necklace, and she had even had some perfume I loved shipped in from Luxembourg.

  We finished, and as I sat among the unwrapped paper, the doorbell rang. I was afraid who it might be. I desperately wanted it to both be Brady and not to be him. I missed him so much that I physically ached, but I knew we could never be together, and being around him would only make it hurt even more.

  Doris answered the door, and I waited on bated breath. Hopefully it was just the florist again, but then I heard Doris’ raised voice. “You’re not welcome here,” she said.

  Surely she wouldn’t speak to Brady that way. I stood up to see what the commotion was all about. Then I heard her.

  “That very well may be, but I’m not leaving until I speak to Ella.”

  I looked at my aunt, and she was frozen. We both recognized the voice of Elizabeth Jackson. She had some nerve showing up here. I went to tell her to leave, but she just walked right past Doris and stood in the foyer. She turned to see us in the drawing room.

  “Miss Ella, I’m so sorry,” Doris profusely apologized.