The Obama Diaries

by Laura Ingraham

  I’ve got to protect my family’s Senate seat. Remember, our dog, Bo, belonged to Ted Kennedy—so there’s a familial stake in this for us. As I headed for the plane, Michelle whispered in my ear, “Barack, kick some butt. We need you to protect Bo’s seat. Who knows, if we buy that house on Martha’s Vineyard, Mama may need it in a few years!”

  At the penultimate moment, Obama offered this rationale for supporting Coakley:

  Now I’ve heard about some of the ads that Martha’s opponent is running. He’s driving his truck around the commonwealth—and he says that he gets you, that he fights for you, that he’ll be an independent voice. And I don’t know him; he may be a perfectly nice guy. I don’t know his record, but I don’t know whether he’s been fighting for you up until now. . . . Everybody can run slick ads. Forget the truck. Everybody can buy a truck. . . . If you were fired up in the last election, I need you more fired up in this election.

  Notwithstanding this inspiring oratory, Scott Brown pulled off a stunning victory, besting Coakley, in the liberal stronghold of Massachusetts, by a margin of 51 percent to 47 percent. The conventional wisdom was that Obama’s health-care dream was dead. But that didn’t stop Obama or his team.

  After a string of crushing political defeats, in clear defiance of the American people, the president took to the road. He believed that his personal power could somehow reverse public opinion and summon a majority of Americans to support his massive health-care takeover. But the polls never moved. In the end, it was Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, using every parliamentary tactic and sleazy backroom deal imaginable, who secured the votes needed to pass health-care reform.

  Still, the president clings to the myth that his words and presence can work miracles. Once again, Dr. Sam Vaknin’s perspective is illuminating: “The narcissistic leader prefers the sparkle and glamour of well-orchestrated illusions to the tedium and method of real accomplishments. His reign is all smoke and mirrors, devoid of substances, consisting of mere appearances and mass delusions.”

  TRAITS OF NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

  • [the narcissist] has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

  —DIAGNOSTIC AND STATISTICAL MANUAL OF MENTAL DISORDERS

  MISSED MANNERS AND PITCHED PROTOCOL

  When you are perfect, or imagine yourself to be, the old rules simply don’t apply. In the case of the Obamas, it isn’t that they don’t understand protocol and basic etiquette. They simply assume that the “old ways” do not apply to them. They are special, set apart, historic, groundbreaking, and above the rules. In their minds, they aren’t flouting protocol or displaying horrendous manners; they are simply putting their own unique stamp on traditional practices. In a word, courtesy of Desiree Rogers, it’s all being “Obamatized.”

  Few realized that in April 2009, when Barack Obama said that America had “shown arrogance and been dismissive,” he was talking about himself.

  When a head of state visits the United States, it is appropriate to exchange gifts as a sign of respect and gratitude. It is, of course, also a way for world leaders to connect on a personal level. Such was the case when former British prime minister Gordon Brown and his wife visited the United States in March 2009; they brought along gifts for the president and his children. Mrs. Brown purchased a pair of handmade dresses from a trendy British store and a collection of books by English authors for the Obama girls. This was thoughtful and appropriate. Michelle Obama presented the Brown children with cheap toy models of Marine One available from any Washington tourist kiosk. This was thoughtless and inappropriate.

  The prime minister presented Obama with two gifts: a seven-volume biography of Winston Churchill and a pen holder carved from the timbers of the H.M.S. President, the British antislave warship that was sister to the H.M.S. Resolute. Wood from the Resolute was used to make the massive desk that sits in the Oval Office. This was also a well-considered gift and entirely proper. When it came time for Obama to present his gift to Gordon Brown, the prime minister’s jaw must have hit the floor. Out came a collection of twenty-five DVDs of American movie classics. Aside from the cheapness of the gift, the American disks do not play on British DVD players and Gordon Brown is blind in one eye! This made Obama—and thus America— look cheap and stupid.

  THE DIARY OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

  THE WHITE HOUSE

  March 7, 2009

  First of all, for the sake of posterity, it was Miche’s idea to give the DVDs to Gordon Brown. I knew it was a mistake when I asked her to pick something out. Unless it’s for herself, Miche is incapable of picking an appropriate gift. (I still don’t know how to operate that smokeless ashtray she gave me for my birthday last year.) I should have had Desiree select something for the Browns. At least it would have been expensive and covered in designer labels. If I let her, Michelle would run over to Target and pick up a couple of Sham-Wows and a Snuggy for the Sarkozys when they come for their state visit.

  Still the Daily Mail was downright cold. They said our gifts were “about as exciting as a pair of socks.” What makes a pen holder made from a rotted old ship any better? Everybody’s writing about how thoughtful and generous Brown’s gifts were. That pen holder was old junk he had lying around 10 Downing Street—probably something Margaret Thatcher kept her teeth in. Who do these Brits think they are, turning our White House into their personal flea market? He was insulted by my gifts?! I am insulted by his! That pen holder sucks. I gave it to Mother Robinson to use when she plays craps with her girlfriends.

  Naturally, we had to issue a press release, scraping and bowing to the United Kingdom to smooth over their hard feelings. Gibbopotamus told them that the pen holder would have a prominent place in the Oval and that the first-edition Winston Churchill biography was “in the president’s personal study.” It remained there for all of fifteen minutes! That’s where I told Reggie to get that old racist’s biography out of my sight and get whatever he could for it on eBay.

  That’s the last time we make “gift-giving” mistakes in this White House. Reggie and I will be doing the buying for our global peers from now on. We’ve got to get something nice for the Queen—something that she’ll remember, something that’s American, enjoyable, and lasting. I’m thinking maybe show tunes, and some of my selected speeches—basically anything that calls me to mind.

  On April Fool’s Day 2009, the Obamas were in London for the G-20 summit. As part of the visit, they had an audience with Queen Elizabeth at Buckingham Palace. Now, it is protocol at Buckingham Palace to never touch the person of the Queen. But to Michelle Obama, she was just another old lady with an ugly purse. Michelle took it upon herself to embrace the Queen, physically sparking international headlines. So much ink was spilled over the rank breach of protocol that Buckingham Palace had to do damage control. A palace spokesperson (who asked not to be identified) told the Associated Press that the royal mauling was a mutual gesture of affection. Uh-huh. The Obamas can thank God that the Queen possesses more class than they do.

  Just moments before the embrace, the Obamas gifted Her Highness with a coffee table book containing Rodgers and Hart lyrics and an iPod. The iPod was loaded with Broadway show tunes and, according to the Canadian Broadcasting Company, also had “photos and video of the Queen’s 2007 visit to Virginia, photos of Obama’s January 20 inauguration, and audio of his inauguration address.” Just what the Queen always wanted for those long sessions on the treadmill.

  The president and First Lady’s violations of protocol and absent etiquette are now legendary. They run like bulls through the world’s china shop and expect to be treated like royalty no matter what they do. Whether it’s inappropriate bowing to kings in Japan and Saudi Arabia or sloppy dress when on official business, Obama and his intimates have a knack for always sending the wrong message.

  President Bush made it a policy never to enter the Oval Office without a coat and tie. It was a sig
n of respect for the office and respect for the country he served. Not so with Obama. He and his slovenly team treat the West Wing like a frat house. Visit the White House website and you will find numerous candid pictures of the president lounging around the Oval Office in golf shirts, propping his feet up on the furniture as he rifles through documents, and hardly ever wearing a tie.

  For all of their celebrity and self-importance, the Obamas habitually fail to maintain the decorum of the “People’s House.” They feel perfectly justified doing whatever they like at any moment because they are so significant and special.

  On December 29, 2009, the president addressed the press in Hawaii about the attempted Christmas Day airplane bombing. Though this was a major press conference, carried all over the world, Obama appeared in a jacket with an open-collar shirt. On March 7, 2010, when the president reacted to the Iraqi elections, he was joined by the vice president in the Rose Garden: Biden wore a tie, Obama did not.

  For those who think that I am being overly fussy, here is an e-mail I recently received from a listener, Kevin, that says it all:

  . . . the fact that our president doesn’t wear a necktie at all times . . . [is] just one more sign of the cavalier attitude he has toward the office. There is no respect. He represents the US 24/7/365. Is it too much to ask him to dress with the reverence and respect the highest office in the land deserves? If he’s trying to look “cool” and casual, he’s failing. I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Please, Mr. President—dress the part. We may totally disagree with your agenda, but we could at least respect you a tiny bit if you wore a tie.

  Ditto for me.

  The president, whoever he is, sets a tone of decorum and respect that will inevitably trickle down to his entire staff. If he observes the traditions of the office and maintains a modicum of social etiquette, it will be reflected clear down the line. President Obama has chosen a different path. His own personal lapses have given those around him permission to replicate his bad behavior with no regard for the feelings of others.

  Whether we are talking about Hillary Clinton giving the Russian foreign minister what she imagined was a button that read “reset” in Russian (owing to a translation problem, it actually read “overcharged”), Desiree Rogers seating herself at a State Dinner while uninvited guests crashed the White House doors, or chief of staff Rahm Emanuel’s endless lapses of civility—these people feel empowered to act according to their whims, blind to their own stupidity and arrogance.

  In August 2009, at a private health-care strategy session, Rahm Emanuel admonished liberal groups threatening to run ads against conservative Democrats opposed to the president’s health-care bill. “F---ing retarded,” he told the assembled liberals, according to the Wall Street Journal’s Peter Wallsten. “F---ing stupid.”

  The negative reactions to Emanuel’s comments were immediate. Sarah Palin wrote in a Facebook post: “Just as we’d be appalled if any public figure of Rahm’s stature ever used the ‘N-word’ or other such inappropriate language, Rahm’s slur on all God’s children with cognitive and developmental disabilities—and the people who love them—is unacceptable, and it’s heartbreaking.” Within days, Emanuel was on the phone with Tim Shriver, the CEO of Special Olympics, making apologies. The White House said, “The apology was accepted.”

  But on February 3, 2010, Politico reported that a Special Olympics spokesman claimed: “Tim did not accept (Emanuel’s) apology . . . he can’t accept an apology on behalf of all people with disabilities.” This White House can’t even issue an apology without lies and misrepresentations. Later, at a meeting with several advocates of those with disabilities, Emanuel issued a second apology (which was accepted) and signed a petition to end the use of the word retarded. (No word on whether Emanuel has carved out a “Biden exception” to his pledge.)

  Those with long memories will recall that Emanuel is not the first White House official to offend people with disabilities. Obama, himself, on The Tonight Show, told Jay Leno in March 2009 that he had bowled a pathetic score of 129. Leno laughingly said, “That’s very good, Mr. President.” “It’s like Special Olympics or something,” Obama replied. Although I’m no fan of the PC word police, imagine if Mitt Romney had said such a thing on the campaign trail. It would have been his “macaca” moment.

  One is not even safe from the crudeness of the Obama camp in the shower. Disgraced Democratic congressman Eric Massa revealed that Rahm Emanuel made it a habit to bully legislators in the shower at the House Gym. From the March 10, 2010, Washington Post: “I am sitting there showering, naked as a jaybird, and here comes Rahm Emanuel, not even with a towel . . . his finger in my chest, yelling at me because I wasn’t going to vote for the president’s budget,” Massa said. “You know how awkward it is to have a political argument with a naked man?” If you really want to know how the Obama agenda moves through Congress, check the drains of the House Gym. If Rahm Emanuel crawls up, you have your answer.

  THE DIARY OF WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF RAHM EMANUEL

  THE WEST WING

  March 8, 2010

  That fat f@#king f&*k! I knew that Eric Massa was poison the first time I laid eyes on his retarded ass. He was always talking about the veterans, and trying to strike this middle-of-the-road bullsh#% posture. For him to publicly reveal one of the most successful Emanuel strategies for whipping votes is un-f$#@king-forgivable! I’m glad I leaked tidbits about that groping thing to drive him from office. And f*#k anyone who thinks I should feel a shred of guilt over this! We need the health-care bill to pass for the good of this presidency, and I am not going to stand by and let some sweaty walrus from upstate New York obstruct our success and dictate terms.

  “I will not support this bill, Rahm,” he told me again and again. Now you won’t be able to support your family, you fat f$#k! Like I always say: if you can’t beat ’em, destroy ’em.

  I won’t forget what Massa did to me. For years I have used that shower technique. I had it down to a science. When you’ve got a lean dancer’s body like mine, that alone usually intimidates the hell out of these slobs. I’d walk in, real quiet, with the towel tied around the jewels, start a conversation from just outside the shower, and slowly walk toward the congressmen. That’s when I would demand that they support whatever bill I was pushing. My voice would start to escalate. Then when I was about three yards away from them, I’d rip the towel off and whammo. The Member met my member. Most of them were struck speechless. That’s when I’d ask, “Are you with us or not?” Nine times out of ten I got the vote I needed. One time, I even got Sheila Jackson Lee to vote against a bill she had sponsored.

  The only time the technique failed was when I tried it on Barney Frank. I yanked the towel off, he looked down and said, “Is that your final offer?”

  Now this piece of s@*t from the sticks has blown it for me. That shower technique was going to be my path to the Speakership someday. The key is, to attack these people when they are at their most vulnerable—shock them so their reason is crippled. I’m thinking of developing a new approach in the men’s room, a Larry Craig kind of thing. Imagine a congressman sitting on the john, when all of sudden from under the wall of the adjoining stall, whoosh. I slide in and demand their vote on cap-and-trade. This could be a real f%#+ing winner.

  For all the breathless commentary about Michelle Obama as fashion icon, she horrified even her most ardent admirers when, in August 2009, she descended from Air Force One wearing gray cotton shorts and a button-down shirt, opened to reveal a ratty ribbed tank top. These were not long shorts (like the ones she wore earlier that summer to walk Bo on the South Lawn of the White House); these were the kind of thigh-revealing shorts that one would wear to wash the car or hose down the trash cans. Some in the media defended the First Lady, claiming that she was going to hike in the Grand Canyon, so what else was she supposed to wear? Tell that to the fully uniformed servicemen standing at attention at the bottom of Air Force One’s stairway. If those military officers had showed up in flip-f
lops and Hawaiian shirts, the same people would be denouncing the military’s disrespect for the Obamas. I suppose respect runs in only one direction where Michelle and Barack Obama are concerned.

  Even the Washington Post’s columnist Robin Givhan, a woman who has spent years celebrating Michelle Obama’s every fashion choice, could not resist commenting on the shorts fiasco on August 23, 2009.

  The noteworthy aspect of Obama’s ensemble is that in recent history, first ladies have rarely dressed so informally in public, particularly as they are emerging from Air Force One while a phalanx of photographers stands ready to record the moment. This exclusive group of women might have dressed in a relaxed manner—khakis or jeans, for instance—but it was always in a way that suggested that they were keenly aware of the ever-present cameras. None of them revealed as much leg as the current first lady. . . . No matter that so many other women of her generation choose travel clothes that mimic pajamas. When the first couple disembarks from Air Force One, military personnel stand at attention, shutters click and minions scurry. It’s not as though they are climbing out of their own personal RV with their backpacks—like celebrities caught unawares by the paparazzi.

  Ultimately, the first lady can’t be—nor should she be—just like everyone else. Hers is a life of responsibilities and privileges. She gets the fancy jet. She has to dress for the ride. . . . Avoiding the appearance of queenly, behavior is politically wise. But it does American culture no favors if a first, lady tries so hard to be average that she winds up looking common.