The Obama Diaries

by Laura Ingraham

  Three days after his Today diatribe, he singled out talk radio hosts by name on CBS This Morning. Harry Smith asked the president if he was “aware of the level of enmity that crosses the airwaves and that people have made part of their daily conversation.”

  Obama responded, “Well—I mean, I think that—when you’ve listened to Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck, it’s . . . pretty apparent and—it’s troublesome. But keep in mind, there have been periods in American history where this kind of—this kind of vitriol comes out.”

  So now it’s “troublesome” to disagree vociferously with Obama, and he calls the content “vitriol.”

  It got better: “It happens often when you’ve got an economy that is making people more anxious, and people are feeling that there’s a lot of change that needs to take place. But that’s not the vast majority of Americans,” he insisted. “I do think that everybody has a responsibility, Democrats or Republicans, to tone down some of this rhetoric . . . I am concerned about a political climate in which the other side is demonized.” Of course, he feels no shame about demonizing talk radio hosts or anyone else who disagrees with him.

  THE DIARY OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

  THE OVAL OFFICE

  May 20, 2010

  I’m driving with Reggie today, and since NPR’s signal was kind of weak, we tuned in to Rush Limbaugh’s show for kicks. Huge mistake. The ego of this man! He constantly refers to himself as America’s Anchorman. He’s America’s Anchorman the way I’m America’s tax cutter! If this is truly the biggest radio program, this country is in serious trouble.

  The whole show is “Obama did this, Obama did that.” I wanted to call in, but Reggie thought it would diminish my stature, so I stood down. The problem with Limbaugh is that he reacts on instinct; it’s all driven by emotion. The man is obviously out of touch with the right-wing intellectuals—the real idea people of the GOP—the folks who understand me (partly). His show would be a lot better if he read conservative thinkers like Peggy Noonan, David Brooks, and Chris Buckley. These are fair-minded conservatives, people who are happy to adjust their opinions for a White House Christmas party invitation. I like them. But all that Limbaugh can do is spread his hate and intolerance. I imagine this sort of thing plays well with his fan base, listening in their trailers or at their militia camps.

  Once I got back to the Oval, I told Plouffe and Gibbs what the country really needs: The President Barack Obama Hour—my own daily radio show! This is why my poll numbers are sagging; my people need to hear from me each day. I’ll describe my agenda in depth and take preplanned, union calls—it’ll be great. After the reelection, we’ll pass that Fairness Doctrine and then I’ll personally bring fairness back to the airwaves. Each day, after Limbaugh, I’ll come on coast to coast, to correct him. I mean, if he can draw twenty million listeners a day, I can double that. And if we have a slow start, we’ll add an amendment to the Fairness Doctrine that limits broadcasting from Florida.

  America’s Anchorman?! He’s right here at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue—or he will be. And my talent isn’t even on loan from God—I just took it from myself!

  Obama is a classic elitist. He claims that his opponents spread hate and dissension, while his cheap shots and malicious characterizations are what—compliments? He should mind his own counsel. Obama piously told attendees of the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington on February 4, 2010: “Progress doesn’t come when we demonize opponents. Progress comes when we look into the eyes of another and see the face of God.”

  Mr. President, one has to first look into the eyes of one’s opponents and accord them the decency of answering their substantive questions before there can be any true progress. This is something you and your administration have never done. Though I think you’ve got the demonizing part down to a science.

  Once the president began savaging conservatives by name, his media mouthpieces were only too happy to follow his lead. Time magazine columnist Joe Klein, during an April 18, 2010 appearance on The Chris Matthews Show, picked up the refrain of the left, essentially accusing Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin of sedition. You’d have to be deaf, dumb, or just a stark raving liberal to miss the pattern here—or the talking points.

  “I looked up the definition of sedition, which is ‘conduct or language inciting rebellion against the authority of the state, ’” Klein said. “And a lot of these statements, especially the ones coming from people like Glenn Beck and, to a certain extent, Sarah Palin, rub right up close to being seditious.” On the same broadcast Klein added Sean Hannity and Fox News to his sedition list. His fellow panelist, the New Yorker’s John Heilemann, added, “Joe’s right and I’ll name another person . . . Rush Limbaugh.”

  To disagree with this president or his policies is now seditious behavior. Funny how no one on the left, including Joe Klein, ever questioned the unrelenting attacks upon the legitimacy of George W. Bush’s presidency or the lunatic antiwar marches that labeled him a war criminal. Were those seditious actions? Of course not. These days, sedition can come only from conservatives, and from those who in any way oppose Obama.

  THE DIARY OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

  THE OVAL OFFICE

  July 28, 2009

  I think we’ve got him—we’ve got him! That Glenn Beck is as good as off the air. He showed up on Fox & Friends this morning, shooting off his big mouth, and said that I had a “deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture.” Had he called me up, I would have told him: I have a deep-seated hatred of Glenn Beck! I often see him on television when I wander into Rahm’s or Axe’s office—the show is there in the background, but the volume is always turned down, so I don’t know what the hell he’s saying. The visuals are arresting, however. One time he was cutting up hunks of pie in a frenzy. It was like watching Elena Kagan dive into a Chicago deep-dish pizza. On another show, he had a blackboard filled with pictures of some of my favorite people: Chairman Mao, Che Guevara, and several of my appointees.

  Valerie is putting a call in to our Green Jobs Czar Van Jones. He’s got this front group he runs called “Color of Change.” The idea is to have them start a boycott against Beck’s advertisers. We’ll knock him off the air quicker than you can say Don Imus. Personally, I think people are sick of Beck blubbering about America and how great this country is.

  Once we finish with Beck, we’re going to hit that hate-jock Michael Savage. Even that man’s name is aggressive. He hates the conservatives and the progressives! I read somewhere that he’s a doctor of herbology. So if our boycott fails, we might be able to win him over with a special appointment—you know, Senior Consultant to the White House Vegetable Garden or something. I always say if people don’t love you at first, give them an official appointment and they will.

  If the president is so worried about the media feeding the “more extreme sides of every issue,” why hasn’t he ever raised his voice to condemn MSNBC or CNN? Or do they get a pass because they serve to further his extreme agenda? Of course they do.

  On October 22, 2009, the president held a (not quite) off-the-record meeting with some of the most partisan pundits and writers in the industry. Talk about extremes. But when Obama is feeding and nurturing his surrogates, I suppose we should avert our gazes and pretend that it isn’t happening. The guest list included: Eugene Robinson, E. J. Dionne, Ron Brownstein, John Dickerson, Rachel Maddow, Frank Rich, Jerry Seib, Maureen Dowd, Keith Olbermann, Bob Herbert, Gloria Borger, and Gwen Ifill. Lots of ideological balance at that table!

  The New York Times described the meeting and its aftereffects this way: “Mr. Obama himself gave vent to sentiments about (Fox News) network, according to people briefed on the conversation. Then, in an interview with NBC News on Wednesday, the president went public. ‘What our advisers have simply said is that we are going to take media as it comes, ’ he said. ‘And if media is operating, basically, as a talk radio format, then that’s one thing. And if it’s operating as a news outlet, then that’s another.’” In other words, we are going
to officially ostracize and ignore one network, while giving special access to our liberal lapdogs.

  Thus began the long Fox embargo, under which Obama and his surrogates refused to speak to the cable news network watched by more Americans than any other (often drawing three to four times the audience of any of its competitors). Ken Walsh wrote in US News & World Report on October 23, 2009: “Team Obama was pushed over the brink by a growing list of what it considered outrageous anti-Obama conduct by Fox that showed no sign of stopping. Obama’s advisers say that they seethed while Fox commentators used their shows to encourage protests against Obama’s healthcare proposals last summer. Team Obama fumed as Fox personalities tried to pressure some controversial Obama advisers to resign. . . . A break point came when Fox tried to create the impression that angry anti-Obama protesters at congressional town hall meetings last summer signaled that Obama’s healthcare proposals were dying.”

  I love how Fox was creating “the impression” that people were angry over health care. Fox is more powerful than any of us imagined. The network also apparently has the power to create “the impression” in the polling of other news organizations—including CNN, CBS, and the New York Times, that a majority of Americans opposed and remain angry about the health-care plan, even after its passage.

  The Fox embargo finally ended on February 20, 2010. Obama could not reasonably continue his imposed sanctions against Fox News, so he sent Michelle Obama in to speak with Mike Huckabee about her anti-obesity crusade—and her well-toned arms. Can we impose an embargo on the First Lady speaking about her arms? Last time I checked most people had a pair.

  The president appeared on Fox News a month later opposite Bret Baier. The host of Special Report let the president get away with nothing. He made sure Obama answered the questions and tried to keep him on topic. Throughout the contentious interview, the president was snippy and snappish. Oprah in the Blue Room, it wasn’t!

  THE DIARY OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

  THE WHITE HOUSE

  March 17, 2010

  This Bret Baier over at Fox News has taken his last look inside the White House for as long as I’m here (and that’ll be at least seven more years). I invite the man to interview me, I lift the Fox News embargo for one night, and what do I get in return? A prime-time debate with Boy Wonder! I almost bit Gibbs’s fat head off after that interrogation session with Baier. Who does this cub reporter think he is, questioning his Commander-in-Chief that way? At one point, he actually made a wise-ass joke about me “filibustering.” I’m the president! I’m supposed to speak at length to my people.

  Throughout the whole interview, Baier was yapping like a dog, trying to get me to condemn the special deals and the excess spending in the health-care bill. How the hell else does he suggest we get this monster through Congress? You’ve got to pay for each vote. That’s just the process. I got a couple of good shots in, even called him “Brent” once or twice (Rahm always says it helps weaken the confidence of the reporter if you botch his name). Had we gone on any longer, I would have called him Meghan Kelly.

  The staff said I had to sit for an interview with somebody at Fox to win over the independents. I wanted to go on Huckabee and talk about fat people with the governor—sort of continue the conversation he had with Michelle last month. But no! We had to go with a “news” person.

  I told them I wouldn’t sit with O’Reilly after that campaign interview. He likes to rope you in with his sneaky questions and then he explodes all over the place if you try to duck him. He’s the pinhead and I’m the patriot! O’Reilly could take a few lessons from Brian Williams. That man never fails to offer up a little bow each time I see him. That’s a journalist! Sorry, Bill, I’ll take the spin zone, thank you very much. Though I would like a couple of pairs of those Bold Fresh Underwear sets—maybe for Father’s Day.

  Then the staff suggested Greta Van Susteren, but that show comes on after my bedtime and I like to watch all my media appearances as they air. So we ended up with Baier.

  Gibbs said he’d be “harmless” and “very respectful.” Boy was he wrong. As I listened to all of Baier’s backtalk, demands, and interruptions, I thought, The president doesn’t need this from a reporter; I have a wife for that!

  THE DIARY OF FIRST LADY MICHELLE OBAMA

  THE WHITE HOUSE

  April 15, 2010

  Being a beloved international icon is backbreaking work. Without a doubt, my first solo trip as First Lady has been a huge success. The drop-by in Haiti was really emotional. Emotional for all those poor homeless people who were ecstatic to see me walk by. I wouldn’t have missed the chance to be there and make a difference—not when I heard that Demi Moore and Ben Stiller were on the ground. Susan Sarandon was also in Port-au-Prince. She was so excited when I emerged from the plane that she sprinted across the tarmac and twisted her poor ankle. (By the way, she feels that Vanessa Williams should play me in the Obama movie that the Hanks are producing—not bad, but she’s a little long in the tooth to play me. I told Rita and Tom the other night, it’s Halle Berry’s role if she wants it.)

  Then we were off to Mexico, where they ate me up like a plateful of chalupas. They had everything organized down to the cute children who serenaded me in traditional garb. And unlike some of the American kids who have come to “garden” at the White House, these children responded with enthusiasm when I yelled out, “Let’s hear it for los vegetables!”

  But a historic First Lady’s work is never done. Camille Johnston, my communications director, had arranged for Air Michelle to stop in San Diego on the way back to D.C. She found a great place for another “Let’s Move!” photo op, a 2.3-acre international garden cooperative farmed by refugees from fourteen countries. Mind you, it wasn’t as impressive as what the National Park Service did for my garden, but it was a cute effort and all the refugees were clearly awestruck by my presence.

  However, I made one mistake in what was otherwise a glorious week—on our way back to the San Diego airfield, I told the Secret Service agent to scan the radio dial for one of those vile right-wing radio shows. (Barack and I like to know what we’re up against.) Imagine my horror when I heard that nasal-voiced, bleached blonde harpy Laura Ingraham ranting on about yours truly! She said that the garden was my personal launch pad into the policy arena. So what if it is? What’s it to her? Then she had the nerve to question the carbon footprint left by my Mexico trip and made fun of my “international youth engagement” agenda. The gall . . . I mustn’t be predisposed to this “Healthy Radio Addiction.”

  How many women around the globe has Laura Ingraham inspired? (And no, those old biddies dressed as Betsy Ross at the Tea Parties don’t count!) The truth is, that woman is just jealous of what Michelle Obama represents—a gorgeous, brilliant, captivating, compassionate vision for the world. And hello—have you seen the plain-Jane clothes Ingraham wears on that O’Reilly show?! Is every woman’s magazine in this country and around the globe beating her door down for a cover feature? Before we were wheels up and headed home, I put in a call to FCC chairman Julius Genachowski—it’s way past time that we move against Ms. T.J.Maxx and all the other radio haters who are getting in the way of my Barack’s agenda.

  The major premise for tactics is the development of operations that will maintain a constant pressure upon the opposition.

  —SAUL ALINSKY, RULES FOR RADICALS

  It is interesting that the very people who forment the anger in the country, the Democrats, are the first ones wailing when the public reacts to their mischief. What did they think was going to happen when they refused to acknowledge the public outcry during the health-care debate?

  It is hard to watch the persistent, radical agenda rolling out of this White House, whether it be health-care policy, immigration reform, cap-and-trade legislation, or the endless new taxes being proposed, without thinking that there is some plan underway. They are maliciously provoking a reaction, hoping for a violent response from the people, so they can use it to tarnish all dis
sent and finally silence criticism of their flawed policies. It is a textbook Saul Alinsky tactic.

  Radical leftists thrive in conflict and chaos. In Rules for Radicals, Alinsky writes, “When those prominent in the status quo turn and label you an ‘agitator, ’ they are completely correct, for that is, in one word, your function—to agitate to the point of conflict.” In the midst of their premeditated conflicts, these leftists can do incredible damage. They will miss no opportunity to use the self-generated moments of strife to demonize their critics, restrain the people’s freedom, and destroy their liberty. Should violence erupt or any social unrest break out as a result of their heinous policies, the liberals will proclaim themselves our protectors, and use the chaos as a justification to claim even greater control over our lives and our freedoms. For this reason, and so many others, violence must always be condemned and rejected, while every peaceful means of resistance should be utilized.

  THE DIARY OF VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN

  U.S. NAVAL OBSERVATORY

  April 13, 2010

  I don’t know why Barack’s got his panties in such a knot over these conservatives. They’re not all bad. The other night I ran across Laura Ingrahan [sic] at George Will’s annual baseball opener party. Once I got past Kathleen Parker and the crowd of scribblers throwing roses at her feet for winning a Pulitzer (like Barack didn’t pull every string to make that happen!), there was Ingrahan [sic]. Truthfully, I love the blondes, so I gave her a big bear hug, took her by the shoulders, and told her to look into my eyes. I said, “You’re my favorite. God’s honest truth.” (Of course, I tell that to all the female conservatives, and believe me they’re a lot better looking than our broads. I still have nightmares about running into Mikulski in the Senate gym. And have you ever seen Patty Murray at 5 a.m. in spandex on a recumbent bike? Forget about debating the terror trial location, show that picture to Khalid Sheik Mohammed and he’ll execute himself.) Had we not been in a room full of journalists, I would have kissed Ingrahan [sic] right on the mouth. Hell, George Will might have actually cracked a smile.