Second Chance Mates Box 1

by Rosa Swann

  Wilder’s eyes shoot to mine, making sure to look at me, so I hear his next words. “Because he left me.” His voice gives out, and I catch a glimpse of big fat tears before he stares at his hands, running them over each other, squeezing hard. His breathing hitches and he shakes a little. I want to reach out to him, comfort him, but I don’t seem to be quite able right now.

  Logan... Logan left Wilder? What? “But...” Then a fragment of a dream pops up. “That first night. You said something while I was asleep. You...” I try to get a grasp on the fragment, it’s slippery, but one thing stands out. “You said that he left us both.”

  Wilder nods, still not looking my way, his whole body stiff with tension, like he’s expecting me to flip out, like he’s expecting a beating. Like he’s expecting the world to crash down around him.

  “Logan is...” It clicks in my head. Finally things start to make sense, a scary lot of sense. “Logan was your Alpha mate?”

  “Yeah.” He forces the word out, his voice shaking and his breathing hard.

  “The one who marked you? That was Logan?”

  He nods again.

  I don’t even know what to think now, what to think about this new information. If Wilder is Logan’s mate too... If Logan was in a relationship with an Alpha before he was in a relationship with me... Then what was our relationship built on? Did Logan even have any interest in an Omega like me? Was I just easily available? It’s one thing to know about Alphas who are mated to Alphas, or even just in a relationship with each other, but to know that Logan had already taken an Alpha mate before meeting me… To know that the other Alpha who mated me was the one already mated by Logan… It’s one thing to know it exists, it’s another thing to know that your mates both were involved with other Alphas like that… Even if they were involved with each other.

  “Sterling? Please say something.” Wilder reaches out but doesn’t touch me, still that fear in his voice.

  “I’m sorry, I’m still here, I’m still listening. I just… I never knew. I didn’t even know he’d had a relationship before he and I met.” It feels weird, above all, this is the part that feels the weirdest, like suddenly such a huge part of Logan’s life has become unknown, like I never even knew him. And not just Logan, but his family too, they kept this information from me on purpose. If they knew each other all their lives… Then so many of the childhood stories they told me would have involved Wilder, even without me knowing it. I get why Wilder didn’t say anything before, why he felt like he couldn’t. But Logan? His family? Sarah? Why didn’t anyone tell me anything? What I understood from Wilder before, they’d been together for so long. A relationship this long, and I never knew about it. “I just thought...”

  “He’d been single for such a long time?” Wilder’s words are hard, but that’s understandable.

  I nod, realising how foolish I’d been. “Yeah... it’s much more accepted for Alphas to be single late than it is for Omegas.”

  “He wasn’t single.” Wilder almost growls a little.

  I realise that it was totally my own mistake too, my own assumption. Logan never told me that he’d been single or if he’d been in a relationship before, he’d just conveniently not told me anything that would let me make up my mind. He let me take my own conclusions. No matter how wrong they were. “I know. I know that now.” I stand up, not able to sit down as my brain moves things around in my head, like my own life with Logan has suddenly become a mystery. The way Logan was so reluctant at first, the way he tried to make sure we had a proper relationship, the way he was focused on being a good and true Alpha. And sometimes... the pain in his eyes, the way he’d hide from me, or act like he couldn’t quite wrap his head around what he was supposed to be doing. “Was it even real? My relationship with Logan? Was it?” I turn to Wilder, even though he doesn’t deserve my anger or my confusion.

  Wilder jumps up, coming over to me, grabbing my arms, his eyes intense. “Yes. Of course it was real. Don’t ever think that he didn’t truly love you. He loved you, or he wouldn’t have done any of this.” He moves his arm to encompass the whole house, the life I had with Logan. “Even mating you... He must have really loved you.” How can he fight so hard for the man that left him?

  “He was...” I look up at Wilder, suddenly remembering something that Logan had once said, way back when I’d just met him. “He said he thought he’d never find someone to love. That he…” How did I not see this before? These two are so similar, it’s scary almost, Wilder told me the exact same thing that first week. “That he was willing to stay alone for the rest of his life if he hadn’t found me.”

  Wilder nods, his eyes darkening, he probably made the same connection as I just did. How did this even happen? How did their lives get so messed up?

  I need to know. I need to know, and this may be my only chance. “What happened between you two? You’d been together for a long time, he’d marked you, mated you. Why did he leave?”

  “We even lived together for a couple of years, during and after college. We had a life together. But his family... no, his parents...” Wilder shakes his head, his voice dejected. “I don’t know why. I thought Logan was strong... But, in the end, they got to him. His parents kept putting pressure on him to find himself an Omega. He had to make a real family, or...” He stops for a moment. “I don’t know exactly what they told him they’d do. But... it broke him enough that he left me.” Fuck. I can’t imagine his anguish, the pain he must have gone through. But the bad thing is, it makes so much sense. Everything that happened between Logan and me those first months and even years, it makes so much more sense that it hurts. Logan too, he must have been in so much pain.

  “Can you tell me how it happened?” Wilder looks like he’ll really break down at any moment, but also, he looks like he needs to talk about this. And I feel like I need to know, this weird mess that has changed the courses of all our lives.

  “We were supposed to go on holiday. He drove us to some holiday houses, it was late, it was dark. He’d picked me up from work, and we’d driven for hours by then. He looked troubled, but by then, he always looked like that. I remember that very clearly. I’d hoped that a weekend away for just the two of us would make things better. When we arrived, he told me to go inside the house first, that he’d drive up the road a little to park the car. I’d walked halfway up the path to the house when I looked back, for no particular reason, and saw him drive off. Away. Gone.” Wilder shakes his head, his voice rough, but strong. I can’t believe it. Logan, leaving Wilder just there, stranded.

  “What?” I’m not sure that squeak really was my own voice.

  “He left a letter in my bag. Saying that he couldn’t do this anymore, that he had to move on from our youthful puppy love.” Wilder’s jaw tenses and tears form in his eyes again. “I tried calling him, but he’d also left his phone in my bag. There was no way for me to go back home that night. And when I finally did get home the next morning... All his things were gone. Everything. He left me with... basically nothing.”

  “He wouldn’t...” But I can’t finish the sentence. The fact that Wilder is standing here, talking to me, the way he kept reacting to Logan’s things around the house... It’s true, even if I don’t want to believe it. I know it is, or at least enough of it is that the exact details no longer matter. Another realisation sets in. “Logan was the one who called you Wild.” His constantly flinching when I say it, even if I mean it well, it makes sense. “Fuck, it must have been insanely weird for me to say it too. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Yeah. He was the one who called me Wild. Just like he was probably the one to call you Star.”

  I nod. Yeah. It’s not like it was easy for me either, having Wilder call me by that same name. But, in all of this, the weird connection between us, it makes a little more sense now. Even how we react to each other, part of it is simply because that is how we reacted to Logan. “Fuck. He messed us up so much.”

  “And he’s not done with us yet. There are
so many things that he dumped on us, even with just the things he’s done in the will. It won’t be easy. And...” He stops, shaking his head, not finishing his thought. “There is just so much mess he has left for us to figure out.”

  He’s right. The will hasn’t made things easier, though at least a little less scary. And it now also makes sense why Wilder told Sarah that whatever is in the will is between Logan, me and him, because there were never just two in this relationship, no matter what Wilder or I knew. The only one who knew everything was Logan, and he seems to have been great at hiding his secrets.

  “In the letter...” Wilder starts.

  “The one he put in your copy of the will?” I remember him getting upset after reading it.

  “Yeah. He said that he’d been hiding from me, that he was the one who was at fault for all of this mess.” Wilder looks upset again, a deep sadness that seems to overtake him. “Do you think... Do you think he ever meant for us to meet? I mean, if he hadn’t passed away?”

  I never really thought about that, there was never any reason to doubt what was going on. Meeting Wilder had seemed a trick of fate, but what if it was only a trick of Logan? “I don’t know, but at least he meant for us to meet at some point. I want to, no, I need to believe that.”

  “Yeah...” Wilder looks at me, and I know that the pain in his eyes in also reflected in mine. “Was he happy? In the last weeks?”

  I’ve been going over those last couple of weeks in my head many times. Trying to figure out if it was something I could have seen coming, that it wasn’t just any accident. But I’ve not been able to find anything. “I thought he was. But with everything else he’s been keeping... I don’t know anymore. He sometimes had these moments where he’d be different, but now... I guess those moments make some sense. But no, I don’t believe he died by his own hand. I don’t believe he’d have done that. Even with all the mess that he made.” Going back in my mind over all the memories, those feelings, how it was so silly to believe that such an Alpha would ever be mine alone. Little did I know that I had nothing to fear from new people, it was Logan’s own past which should have been my focus.

  5. Wilder

  “He was different sometimes?” That doesn’t sound good. I want to believe that everything was right, but it’s harder and harder to do that. I know that I promised Sterling that I’d tell him everything tonight, but I don’t think I can keep going much longer. So many things... The things that Sterling has said, the things that have started to connect in my own head. “How was he different?”

  “I guess...” Sterling thinks for a moment. “Sad. Not unhappy per se, but definitely sad. It’d happen sometimes, almost like clockwork, a couple of times a year.”

  A couple of times a year? I’m pretty sure I know which ones, Logan has always been the sentimental type, at least, that’s what his will looks like. “In October, in February, in April, in July.” From the top of my head, these were our most important months.

  “Yes.” Sterling’s face falls. “That’s bad, isn’t it? You know what dates I’m talking about, and I haven’t even said anything.” He looks at me closely. “What happened in those months?”

  “We moved in together in October, he marked me in April, my birthday is in February.” I swallow hard, not wanting to face this reality, the last month on the list. If he’d still been so upset about these things… Why didn’t he ever contact me?

  “And July?”

  “He...” I can’t say it, the words won’t come, just a loud sob and I slowly let myself sink into the couch. I can’t do this, this is too much. I cover my face with my hands, trying to hide from the reality. Fuck, Logan…

  Sterling slides down next to me, wrapping his arms around me. “In July, he left you.” His words are soft, careful, also full of pain.

  I look up at him, his eyes full of tears, his bottom lip quivering. I reach up, sliding my hand along his jaw before I hook it behind his head and pull him close, crashing my mouth onto his. I can’t say it.

  Sterling lets out a little sound of surprise, but then his arms are around me, pulling me closer. Sliding onto my lap and straddling me as he keeps kissing me. There is nothing sweet about this, nothing sexy. Just a lot of pain, sadness and a good dose of desperation. How could we both have missed so many clues about our mate? How could we both have misunderstood what was going on? Were we so stupid and naive, or was there more going on? Did Logan really play us, or was he simply doing what he thought was best? And best for who?

  I don’t know. We both don’t know the answer to those questions. But at least, for now, we have each other. And for the first time, that seems like more than I’ve ever had before. I don’t know how we can keep going on, but we will. I’m sure of that. I need to fight for Sterling, for Maddy, for us. I need to keep fighting, so we won’t ever have to feel like this again.

  Sterling pulls back, looking at me, his lips a dark red from the kiss, his breathing hard. “I’m sorry that you had to hide all that. I’m sorry that I’ve been so insensitive. I should have... I should have realised what was going on.” He looks so upset, like it really is his fault and not mine.

  I run my thumb over his lower lip, looking at him. “I made sure to hide it. I even told Sarah that she wasn’t allowed to tell you anything.”

  His eyes darken, and I can’t blame him. “How much does she know?”

  “Everything. At least... up to a couple of years ago. We kind of lost contact by then.” She reminded me too much of my past, and with what I know now, she also hid a great deal from me.

  “Do you think Logan knew about that?”

  I shake my head. “She wouldn’t do that to me. She can be very protective.” Of me, and of her brother, which is why I’d thought that they’d made up by now.

  “So... that’s why she doesn’t like me.” Sterling slides from my lap and sits down next to me. “That makes so much sense.”

  “Yeah. It’s not you who’s the issue. Never has been.” I take his hand. “You just got mixed up in a bad situation.”

  “I wish I’d known. But there are many things that I wish I’d known.”

  I pull him closer, keeping him as close as possible. He was hurt so much by all of this, and he didn’t deserve any of that. “Both of us. But we’re gonna make this work.” I take a deep breath. “I think I want to go to sleep. It’s late.”

  Sterling checks his phone and then looks at the coffee on the table. “We totally forgot about those.”

  “Yeah.” I stand up, my whole body already slowing down. “It’s definitely time for bed. I’ll put the stuff away and sleep on the couch.”

  “Why?” Sterling stands up too, grabbing my hands. “Why would you sleep on the couch?”

  “What else do you want me to do? After all I’ve just told you?” I don’t think I’d want to sleep with a person who’s held so many secrets from me.

  “Sleep with me?” I look up, surprised, but I have a hard time resisting his eyes.

  “In the literal or figurative sense?” I grin, but it quickly disappears when Sterling keeps frowning. “Okay. Just let me clean up first, okay?” I pull him closer, giving him a quick kiss on his cheek. “You go to bed first.”

  “Okay.” He squeezes my hands for a moment before he strolls out of the living room and down the hallway.

  I slump back onto the couch. My energy is fully gone. Can I do this? Fuck. Seeing Sterling, I want him so badly, but now... now he knows. And as soon as he realises what that means... He’ll be gone. I’m sure of that. Why would an Omega stay with an Alpha who just admitted to having a relationship with your mate? That’s just... It was always messed up, from the beginning, from the moment I saw him at the funeral, but now Sterling knows... How long will this keep going? How long will he allow me to be near him? Can I handle being pushed aside another time? Can I live through Sterling dumping my ass too?

  “Wild? Wilder?” I almost jump up, I didn’t hear Sterling come back.

  I stare at him, he’s jus
t in boxer shorts and a T-shirt, but it’s the look in his eyes that stops me from saying something.

  He comes over, standing in front of me. “It’s not right, is it? I know that it’s hard for you. I know that in your head there is so much more going on. I know that tonight was hard. But... Fuck.” He kneels down in front of me. “Please, look at me.”

  I try to meet his eyes, but it’s difficult. To see my pain reflected there, to be caught vulnerable like this.

  “I want to make this work for us. I know that it’s not easy, I know that we both have too much baggage to really be able to just live and... and love, again. But please, don’t give up on me.” He grabs my hands. “We’ll make this work. I want this to work.” I know he means it, I know he means it with all his heart. But that doesn’t mean it’ll become a reality.

  I reach out, putting my hand on his cheek. “Sometimes, we can fight all we want, and everything will still break down all around us.” Like what’s happening now. Logan’s parents want to fight us over the will, they’re willing to take away everything from Sterling, just to get to me. And I still don’t know what they said to make Logan leave me all those years ago. They’ve been the controlling force in my relationships with both my mates and I know that things will get a lot worse before they will ever become better.

  “We’ll fight them. We have to.” Sterling comes up while guiding my hand down, placing it on his tummy. He meets my eyes again. “We have to.”

  I swallow hard. In all of this. How could I forget? It’s not just me, Sterling and Maddy, there is a fourth life that we have to consider. A fourth life that I never thought I’d have to think about before. Having mated and then gotten an Omega pregnant… I never thought that would be part of my life, ever. How did I become a mate and a father in the same week?

  Sterling stands up, quickly putting out the candles, then he comes back, taking my hands. “Come to bed. We’ll figure things out tomorrow.”