Chrysalis (Dangerous Secrets)

by Francis, Rose

  Maria’s dimples reappeared.

  ***

  Not long before five o’ clock, Maria popped into their dorm room with a bag full of supplies, grinning wide as she struck a pose, the bag handles hanging from her fingers.

  “Ta-da! Okay, I’ve got the goods. Tonight is—drum roll please—hair straightening night!”

  Maria made her way toward her bed where she dumped the contents of the bag, while Sydney got up to a sitting position on her own bed, putting down her book.

  “You think I’ve got a date tonight or what?”

  “Not a chance. But I do remember you saying all that hair of yours is easier to deal with this way. And since you’ve got lots of studying to do, who wants to worry about hair?”

  Sydney smiled.

  “I didn’t...”

  “Besides,” Maria added casually, not making eye contact, “you’re probably gonna run into that cute guy you mentioned in the library again.”

  Maria tried to hide a smile as she continued avoiding looking at Sydney.

  Sydney felt her cheeks warming.

  “Maria...”

  “What? You said he was cute.”

  Maria’s smile widened.

  Sydney knew she was enjoying her discomfort.

  “His brother isn’t half bad either,” she added but Sydney was barely listening. Instead, she was grappling with the implication that after all this time, thinking she had successfully hidden the identity of her crush from Maria, she seemed to know who it was after all.

  Maria flipped her hair over her shoulder and started going through her shopping bags.

  Sydney knew she was making sure she had everything she needed for tonight’s purpose, but also looking through whatever extras she had bought, never able to buy only what she had gone shopping for.

  “So I’ve got this party tonight. Wanna come?” Maria asked suddenly, still not looking at her.

  “No surprise there, and no thanks.” Sydney paused. “Maria, you’re one heck of a pest, you know that? You’ve been bugging me to go to a party with you for I don’t know how long. Are you ever going to give up?”

  “On you? Never. One day you’ll see the light.”

  “What light? A cigarette light? A dim light in a room of drunk, out-of-control people? A Bud Light? I’ll pass, thanks.”

  In the silence, Sydney found the courage to voice a thought that kept teasing her mind but had never made its way to her mouth. She also wanted to break the silence and soften the atmosphere in case she had offended Maria.

  She let out a breath.

  “Okay. So we’re both juniors. We’re both twenty—although you’ll be twenty-one in a few months—and neither of us has have had a boyfriend. Is something wrong with this picture? Are we freaks?”

  Maria rolled her eyes.

  “Like we’re the first non-lesbian pretty young things who’ve never had boyfriends. And speak for yourself—I’ve had boyfriends. Kind of.”

  She pulled a pair of earrings out of the bag and put them against her ears, grinning at Sydney as she showed them off.

  “Maria, your crushes don’t count. You never even approached those guys. Your dates don’t count either. I’m talking about real boyfriends. Like going out with them for more than a week, forming a real relationship.”

  Maria had started making faces as she repeated after Sydney in silent mockery while still going through a bag, but at Sydney’s last phrase, she looked sharply at her.

  “Wait, do you think you’re finally ready?” she asked.

  Sydney was startled.

  “No! I just...well you brought it up.”

  “Yeah I know, you’re thinking about that cute guy.” Maria smiled, then squinted at Sydney. “You really like him don’t you?”

  “I never said that!”

  Sydney didn’t know if she was ready to admit her attraction to Nicholas Dhalton, especially since she hadn’t made sense of it yet.

  “You just did!”

  Maria laughed, then got up to get a comb from Sydney’s desk, dimples still visible.

  “Sydney come on,” Maria continued. “I know you used to scorn him when we were younger but clearly you love him now.”

  “I do not! I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

  Maria giggled, clearly enjoying seeing her so flustered.

  Sydney sighed and gave in.

  “Fine. I do feel kind of drawn to him. I don’t know why.”

  “Sydney.”

  Maria came to her and put her hands on her shoulders, bending until her face was level with hers. With a look of absolute seriousness, she said: “That’s because you like him.”

  Then she sat down behind Sydney and started loosing the big French braid Sydney had made with her hair.

  “Maria, I don’t really know anything about him.”

  “But you want to.”

  “I didn’t say that!”

  “You didn’t have to.”

  Maria started making smooching noises.

  Sydney exhaled a frustrated sigh and grabbed the comb from Maria, heading to the bathroom.

  When she emerged, Maria whistled, studying her towel-dried hair.

  “It’s amazing how tame it looks when it’s wet!” she said.

  Sydney laughed, remembering Maria’s first two attempts at straightening her hair. Still, Maria had mastered quickly, impressing Sydney since she knew Maria had no family members on her Mexican nor Italian side with hair as curly as hers.

  Maria held the blow-dryer and paddle brush like weapons.

  “Bring it on!” she said dramatically.

  An hour later, Maria was flat-ironing Sydney’s blow-dried hair. Sydney thought she had given up the subject of Nicholas Dhalton, but soon realized she had been lulled into a false sense of security.

  “So,” Maria began, “are you going to approach him or are you going to wait until he comes to you?”

  “What makes you think he’d come to me?” Sydney asked, then cursed herself for finally admitting her interest.

  “I’ve seen him looking at you. It’s the weirdest expression though, I can’t quite read it. But I’m sure he digs you.”

  “Maria, he can have any girl he wants—why would he want me? You know, he’s probably just some airhead rich kid any way. If he wants me, it’s because he feels entitled to every girl on campus. On earth, probably.”

  Maria was silent for a few moments.

  “I think you should approach him,” she said at last. “No need for both of you to be lusting after each other from a distance.”

  “Are you nuts?” Sydney looked at Maria in outrage. Then she looked down, her eyes on her own fingers. “And say what? And none of us are lusting thank you very much.”

  “Again, speak for yourself. Anyway, I don’t know—comment on a class or the school. Something small so he can read into it if he digs you or dismiss it if I’m wrong and he doesn’t. Just make sure you tell me all about it when you do because I’m never wrong.”

  “You’re so presumptuous. I bet you even think his brother likes you.”

  “Oh, he does,” Maria said with confidence.

  Sydney laughed. Then she started singing Carly Simon’s “You’re so vain” and Maria joined in.

  Thirty minutes later, Maria was admiring her work as she stared at Sydney’s hair.

  “There,” she said. “You look fantabulous. Pity it’s going to waste.”

  Maria put the hair tools away then pulled out her camera.

  “No it’s not.” Sydney flipped her hair over her shoulder just as Maria snapped a few pictures. “I’m going to keep it for a while.”

  “You know what I mean. Hey, truth or dare.”

  “Maria I told you, no truth or dare.”

  “Just this one!”

  Maria pushed her bottom lip out in a pout.

  Sydney sighed, considering the ramifications. She knew exactly what Maria would ask if she picked truth and she didn’t feel like doing two dares to get out o
f it this time. On the other hand, she had a pretty good idea what Maria’s dare would be and she preferred that over being bothered about her past again.

  “Dare,” she said.

  Maria smiled slow and wide.

  “I dare you to say something to him the next time you see him—and don’t be slick, you know just who I mean. And no, not ‘excuse me’ while you’re passing him or something. Actually address him—ask a question. Make a comment.”

  “I knew it,” Sydney said, trying to suppress the fear and excitement rising in her at the thought.

  “So why didn’t you pick truth?”

  Maria had a challenging look in her eyes.

  “I feel safer right now about the dare.”

  Maria smiled an understanding smile. Then she looked at her watch.

  “Well, it’s a little after seven. Better hit those books again. Maybe we’ll hang out tomorrow when you realize you’ve got this in the bag. And don’t forget to tell me how it goes with the Dhal!” she said, pronouncing it doll.

  Sydney thanked her for doing her hair, then headed for the library.

  The time alone as she walked toward it gave her more time to think about her attraction to Nicholas Dhalton, and her conversation with Maria.

  Sydney couldn’t quite put her finger on why her heart seemed to choose him. It couldn’t be for the same reasons every other female was attracted to him: because he was handsome, and rich. She felt that there was more, after all, why was she attracted to him instead of say, his brother Edward? Edward was also rich and attractive. Why not any other rich, handsome guy at their school for that matter?

  In high school, she knew it was definitely a silly crush on an idea, but now she figured she was attracted to him for the simple reason that he seemed to be attracted to her.

  She thought she had imagined it at first, but even Maria said she had seen him watching her. Sydney had been aware of it here and there, and tried not to smile or give herself away in some other fashion.

  When he watched her, it seemed he didn’t just see her—he saw her. And that thrilled her.

  ***

  She spotted him as soon as she hit the second floor in his usual spot not far from hers. She tried not to care he was there but couldn’t help herself. Butterflies came alive in her stomach whenever she became aware of his presence, and even though she knew he was watching her, she had to keep her mask of indifference from slipping as she pretended not to notice him. She imagined herself quite the actress, for it seemed he never picked up that she knew. And tonight was no different.

  She opened a textbook and started reading, truly able to ignore his presence since the material now had her undivided attention. But at some point, the intensity of his gaze caused her to lift her head and look straight into his hazel-green eyes. She smiled a little. He looked somewhat embarrassed and looked back down at his book, his hand going up to his forehead, resting near his dirty blond hair. She took back her smile and continued studying.

  A few minutes later, she was having a two-way conversation with herself.

  She had to do it, otherwise it would be too obvious she was avoiding him. She had to pass him to get to the shelf where the book she wanted was located.

  She could feel his awareness of her movement as she got up and walked toward him. Then she remembered Maria’s dare. She considered just making something up to tell Maria but the excitement she felt about approaching him crossed the finish line first.

  As she was about to pass him, she whispered:

  “Test on Monday too?”

  He looked somewhat startled, as if he never expected her to say anything to him. And why would he?

  “Huh?” he said, looking at her with panicked eyes. But he recovered quickly. “Oh, yeah. Managerial Accounting. I figured since I’ll be partying the rest of the weekend away I should study today.”

  He grinned at her as if he had made some great joke.

  She knew she returned a smile a second too late but she didn’t care.

  She got the book she needed and was passing him on the way back to her seat when she felt as if he was about to say something to her, but he remained silent. She sat down and studied for the next hour then headed home.

  ***

  Sydney opened the door quietly in case Maria had already gone to bed, but found her up, reading.

  Sydney rolled her eyes when she saw what it was.

  “Oh my goodness. Midnight Love? You’re still into that romance novel crap?”

  Maria smiled.

  “Well, as long as I’m not getting the real thing,” she said, shrugging.

  Then she sat up and stared at Sydney, putting the book down.

  “So how did it go?”

  Sydney just looked at her as she lowered her bag to the ground.

  “You saw him and you did it didn’t you?” Maria said in an almost accusatory way. “So what did you say? What did he say?”

  “Well, my night was quite productive, thank you. I got three chapters done. I have just two more to go and I think it’ll only take...”

  “Sydney...”

  Maria narrowed her eyes at her.

  “So how was your night?”

  “Full of Midnight Love. Come on, stop keeping me in suspense!”

  Sydney smiled.

  “So yeah, he was there, and he was watching me at first. Eventually I had to get a book from a shelf behind him, so as I passed, I asked him if he had a test on Monday like I did.”

  Maria grinned.

  “Good one.”

  “He said yeah, for Managerial Accounting.”

  “You even remember his exact course,” Maria interrupted, shaking her head in mock disapproval.

  “Hey, remember?” Sydney tapped a finger against the side of her head. “Superb memory lady.”

  “Don’t remind me.”

  “Anyway, then he said he might as well study tonight since he’ll be partying all weekend which was what I expected. He’s a spoiled rich kid who takes nothing seriously.”

  Maria raised her eyebrows slightly.

  “All that from one comment, huh? Sydney, you’ve got to admit, you take everything a little too seriously sometimes. Well, all the time. You should relax once in a while, have some fun.”

  “But I do—you and me, remember?”

  “Yeah but okay, who else do you know at this school? Don’t you want to get to know more people than just...you know, me?”

  Sydney tried to curb her annoyance.

  “Who’s got time for that? And I certainly don’t have time for any boyfriend.”

  “I didn’t say anything about a boyfriend Sydney...”

  “Whatever. You can go ahead and read your stupid novels when you should be studying, and I’ll continue being uptight.”

  Sydney felt bad when she saw hurt crawl onto Maria’s face but Maria seemed to recover quickly.

  She shook her head.

  “Sydney, when will you have time for yourself? Do things normal people do? Fun stuff? It’s all part of growing up you know—living.”

  “Hey, just because I’m not some kind of party animal doesn’t mean I’m a weirdo or a child.”

  “That’s not what I mean. Look, it’s one thing to boomerang, to go out and come back to where you started, because at least you went out, experienced something different, saw another part of the world. But to rigidly stay where you are...how do you expect to grow if you don’t move? I’m not saying you have to become some kind of ‘party animal’—it’s just that...well you’re like this with everything. Like you’re stuck in a cocoon.” She let out a deep breath. “You think you’ll have time once you reach law school?”

  Sydney folded her arms.

  “I don’t care if I never have time.”

  She turned away from Maria for a moment, and when she glanced back, saw Maria shaking her head again slowly, her mouth pressed into a line as she turned back to her book.

  “Yeah you do,” Maria said in a voice so soft, Sydney almost didn�
��t hear her.

  CHAPTER THREE

  I can’t believe I’m done, Sydney thought as she closed her book and checked her watch. It was just after three o’ clock on a Saturday—she had hours to spare.

  She looked over at where Nicholas Dhalton sat yesterday, as if several glances in that direction would make him materialize, even though she knew he was never there on weekends.

  She packed up her books, wondering where Maria was at that moment. Then she remembered: any minute now, Maria would be back from her art museum excursion.

  She thought about what Maria had told her last night, and concluded she was right—now was as good a time as any to go out and do something. To find out what people were really like instead of just reading about them.

  She even flirted with the idea of dating. Nicholas Dhalton even.

  She laughed to herself at the far-fetched thought but found she was unable to fool herself. After all this time longing for the forbidden fruit, she had gotten a taste of him last night and wanted more.

  Once she got outside the library, Sydney called Maria’s cell hoping she had plenty of time on her hands, although she was unsure what they would do.

  In minutes, Maria was jogging up to her.

  “So what’s going on?” she asked, flushed and smiling.

  The day was a surprisingly warm one.

  “I’ve decided I want to do something tonight,” Sydney said, still unsure up until the words left her mouth.

  Maria’s face contorted a little in confusion.

  “Okay...like what?”

  “Well I think I heard something about a party tonight...”

  Maria’s mouth dropped. Then her smile returned with a vengeance.

  “Don’t tell me Stiffney wants to go partying!”

  “Hey, I told you to stop calling me that. Anyway, yeah. Mind if we check it out?”

  “Why Sydney, never thought I’d see the day!” she said in a playful, Southern accent.

  Maria grabbed her by the hand and started pulling her toward her car.

  “Wait, Maria, where are you taking me?”

  Maria snickered.

  “Girl, I know you do not have party-appropriate clothes. We’re going shopping! I don’t know what we’re going to do about those glasses though—you’re not coming behind me with those and I don’t want you bumping into things left and right.”