Chrysalis (Dangerous Secrets)

by Francis, Rose

  “So you’ve decided I’m a big girl then. No spanking for me.”

  She began a smile that quickly shrunk in embarrassment as she realized how her words could be taken. But he seemed not to hear her, so unwavering was his gaze. She started to feel uncomfortable under it—it was like he was stripping her down to her essence.

  She mustered up the strength to snap her fingers in front of him in order to break the moment.

  It worked.

  He cleared his throat.

  “I still feel the same. But I guess as long as I’m around, I feel better about you being here.”

  Sydney paused and considered his statement.

  “Okay,” she said in a way that she hoped made it clear she thought him forward at the least. “You know, I’m not sure how to take all of this. I mean, you could be a stalker, a ‘secret’ admirer, or even someone hired to watch me. I don’t know which, but please tell me it’s a less scary option?”

  He gave a half-smile.

  “I am definitely an admirer,” he said. “I can’t help but notice you, no matter how invisible you try to make yourself most of the time.” He looked at her pointedly.

  She looked down.

  He laughed.

  “I must seem really crazy to you. I’m not, I promise.”

  “Crazy people always say that,” she replied, looking back at him.

  He smiled.

  “You know,” she continued, “I’d be afraid of you and run as far as my legs would take me—if I didn’t feel drawn to you too.” She looked directly into his eyes and found herself getting lost in them. They stared at each other and before she knew it, he had moved closer. Then he suddenly broke the moment, clearing his throat.

  She was embarrassed, realizing what they were near doing and where.

  She had already amazed herself with her boldness, and now she was frightened by her carelessness, at the power he held in those hazel-green eyes.

  She looked down.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  She felt his finger under her chin, lifting her head.

  “Don’t apologize,” he said. Then he put his hands behind his back.

  Sydney got the impression it was to help him keep his hands off of her.

  “I’m the one who should apologize,” he said.

  “For what? You didn’t do anything.”

  “Yes, I did,” he said, backing away, and with one last sorrowful glance, turned to walk away.

  “You’re walking away from me again,” she said, loud enough for him to hear it, but soft enough so that only he heard it.

  “I have to,” he replied over his shoulder.

  ***

  Edward welcomed Maria’s interruption.

  Nicholas had been whining way too much about Sydney—how beautiful she looked, how hard it would be to stay away from her. It even got to the point where Edward felt uneasy; the urgency in his brother’s voice and the strangeness of his words started creeping him out.

  Plus, more time with Maria meant he was closer to having her tan legs wrapped around him, his hands in her thick, dark hair.

  She was putty in his hands—he could see it. Although she was trying to fight it, pretending to be more in control than she was, he could see right through it.

  He had watched enough girls try the same act to know when they had fallen prey, and it was always a matter of when; he always got what he wanted.

  Just as he had snaked his arm around Maria’s waist and was about to suggest they go elsewhere, he noticed his brother off to the side, back against a wall, head leaned back, eyes closed. He lightly tapped the back of his head to the wall in a slow, rhythmic fashion.

  Edward heaved an inward sigh.

  “Can you excuse me for a second Maria?” he said, feeling slightly resentful of his crazy brother.

  Maria’s large, gamine eyes followed his, then filled with worry when she saw Nicholas.

  “Is your brother all right?” she asked.

  Edward tried not to betray his thoughts on his face.

  “I don’t know,” he said. “But I’m about to find out.”

  He headed for Nicholas.

  “Should I...?”

  “No stay here.”

  He didn’t need to be embarrassed right now, and neither did Nicholas.

  When Edward reached his brother, he said:

  “Nicholas, are you crazy?”

  “I might as well be,” Nicholas said, still tapping his head against the wall.

  “Stop doing that!” Edward whispered sharply, glancing around to see who was looking in their direction then looking back at Nicholas, both worried and angry.

  Nicholas kept his head still.

  “What?”

  Edward shook his head.

  “Nicholas, even I’m starting to wonder if you’re losing your mind.” He let out a breath. “Why are you banging your head against the wall?”

  “I wasn’t banging it...”

  “Whatever man.” Edward got a little closer to Nicholas and whispered: “Are you on something? Is that it? You doin’ yay?”

  Nicholas laughed.

  “You sound like a parent. Not one of ours of course, a real one. But yeah—I’m on something. Her name’s Sydney.”

  Edward took a step back, not knowing what to make of his unraveling brother.

  “How is it that this chick is driving you almost literally insane man? I just don’t get it!” he said, trying to keep his voice low.

  “I want her Eddie! God I want her so bad...I can’t take it—having her just within my reach and not being able to grab her...”

  His face took on a pained expression and he started hitting his head softly back against the wall again.

  “Nicholas! Jesus, stop it! What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re really starting to freak me out!”

  Nicholas sighed deeply.

  “The thing is Eddie, I’m trying not to hurt her—I don’t want to hurt her. But...” He shook his head. “It’s a...a conundrum or something man. I hurt her by not being with her because she likes me, but I’ll hurt her if I get with her. I hurt her every time I reject her but I just can’t stop going to her, only to pull away again.”

  “But what makes you so sure you’re gonna hurt her if you get with her? You don’t do what I do.”

  “Me, Eddie. Trust me—I’m pretty damn sure I’ll screw her up.”

  “Nick, I don’t get it; none of this makes any sense. Christ, I’m your brother and I’m confused as hell—her head must be spinning.”

  “Yeah well. Mine too. I might be more confused than all of you.”

  Edward just stared at Nicholas, shaking his head slightly, more confused than ever.

  “You sure you’re not high?”

  Nicholas shook his head, a half-smile on his face.

  “Not this time bro.”

  ***

  “I’m just here by default,” Maria said, knocking Sydney out of her thoughts.

  Sydney looked up at her briefly, then went back to staring at the floor.

  “Thanks a lot,” Sydney replied, not smiling.

  “Hey honey, I was just kidding.”

  Sydney sighed.

  “I know.”

  Maria grabbed her hand then pulled her up from the stairs and in for a hug.

  “Honey, it looks like he’s right—you two haven’t even gotten anywhere and already he’s hurting you.”

  “Who says I’m hurt?” Sydney said, breaking form the hug. She wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince.

  “What happened this time?”

  “He just keeps pulling away, that’s all. And I don’t understand why. Since when do real ‘players’ warn their potential victims? What’s wrong with m...oh I get it now,” she said, more to herself than Maria.

  “What?”

  “He’s probably embarrassed to be with a black girl I bet.”

  “Sydney don’t be silly...”

  “No, it makes perfect sense! Clearly he really likes
me—agreed?” Maria nodded her agreement. “Okay and clearly, something’s keeping him back from trying to get with me—agreed?” Maria nodded again, but before Sydney could continue, she said:

  “Clearly the man is insane. Did you see him hitting his head against the wall earlier?”

  “Really? I missed that...”

  “Sydney, I’m inclined to believe that a screw or two...or five is loose. I’m almost afraid to leave you around him now.”

  “I wondered for a second there too. But he ended up making sense somehow; he told me he’s drawn to me, but he’s trying to fight it.”

  “Great. And that made sense to you.”

  “It does! I told you, he probably has bigot parents or something, you know how that goes. I’m sure his stuck-up, upper-class family would never accept me.”

  Maria smiled, a devilish gleam in her eye.

  “So you want to meet his family now, huh.”

  “Hey Maria.”

  Edward came upon them unexpectedly, his voice causing them both to jump.

  “Edward! That was kind of quick—did you find out what’s bothering him?” Maria asked.

  Edward looked at Sydney then turned his head.

  “Yeah,” he said.

  Maria waited a few seconds.

  “Well are you going to tell us or what? My friend here—oh, excuse me, Edward-Sydney, Sydney-Edward—she wants to know what kind of game your brother’s playing.”

  “Nice to finally meet you Sydney,” he said, shaking her hand. Then he turned back to Maria. “I don’t think it’s a game. I really don’t know what to tell you two. I don’t understand myself.”

  “Okay, well tell me this,” Maria said, “does he need mental help?”

  Sydney knew Maria was only half-joking.

  “He might,” Edward replied.

  The smile wiped completely off of Maria’s face. They looked at each other.

  “You guys talking about me?”

  Nicholas came out of nowhere, sneaking up on them all.

  Maria and Sydney jumped again, looking at Nicholas.

  Then Maria looked back at Sydney.

  Out of the corner of her eye, Sydney saw Edward run his hands through his dark hair looking at nobody in particular.

  Sydney slowly looked at Nicholas.

  “It’s really not a big deal,” Nicholas said.

  Everyone looked away.

  Nicholas sighed.

  “Fine, I’ll say it, here, now, in front of all of you.”

  He had everyone’s attention now, three pairs of eyes watching him without blinking.

  Nicholas let out another breath.

  “It’s Sydney,” he said simply, as if that was enough explanation.

  Maria looked at Sydney, making her look at the floor.

  “Yeah, we established that bro,” Edward said after a few seconds of awkward silence.

  Nicholas continued.

  “Truth is—and I know this is gonna sound cheesy but you have to believe me—I can’t stop thinking about her. You,” he said, looking directly at Sydney.

  Sydney felt her heart flutter and looked briefly into his eyes but what she saw there made her look back down again.

  “I’m really confused right now,” he continued, “because...because there’s more. But I can’t say, I’m sorry. Just know...” His hands reached out as if he was about to grab her hands but thought better of it, “...I like you a lot. But that’s obvious right? There, I said it.”

  Edward looked like he was somewhat satisfied with Nicholas’s admission, while Nicholas looked embarrassed, staring downward. Sydney went to him and lifted his chin a bit with her finger, forcing him to look at her.

  “Was that so hard?” she asked.

  “You don’t know the half of it,” he replied.

  Edward put up his hands.

  “Okay, no more cryptic Nick please. Let’s go have some fun. Nick, give up your confusion, dissonance, or whatever for a few minutes. Let’s go dance!”

  Maria immediately burst into a smile and the mood lightened as they headed for the dance floor.

  ***

  Twenty minutes later, they left the dance floor, exhausted.

  “That was so much fun!” Maria said.

  Nicholas was still holding Sydney’s hand after leading her away and she noticed Maria saw it as well, then motioned to Edward.

  “Hey guys, Eddie and I are gonna go out for some fresh air,” Maria said.

  “Hey, that’s what we were gonna do, shall we go together?” Sydney said right before realizing that Maria was trying to do her a favor.

  “What did I say? No, I meant he and I weren’t going to get any fresh air soon—we’re gonna go dance some more. You guys go ahead!”

  Maria grinned at her like an imp.

  Sydney smiled back in silent gratitude and waved goodbye to the departing couple.

  Then she led Nicholas outside and he helped her locate a somewhat secluded spot.

  “I didn’t know you had planned for us to come out here,” he said.

  “Well, why not—we need to talk, don’t we?”

  “We do?”

  “Yeah. I mean, you can’t just say what you said in there and expect it to end there.”

  “Actually, I kind of did. I don’t know what got into me, telling you all of that, talking to you, dancing with you, letting you bring me out here...” He trailed off, looking everywhere but at her.

  “You act like...like I’m going to eat you up or something, bite your neck and turn you into a vampire.” She paused. “Are you afraid of dating a black girl?”

  It was Nicholas’s turn to look at her like she was crazy. He laughed a little. “You’re black?” He chuckled again. “Sydney, that has nothing to do with it. Hell, your skin probably adds to my attraction—it’s beautiful. Looks so smooth...” He looked down at her exposed shoulders and arms, then turned away. Sydney’s blood rushed to the surface. “And trust me, I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks about me dating a...nonwhite girl.”

  “Then what is it? If you’re afraid you’ll hurt me, just don’t do it.”

  “It’s not that simple Sydney. God I wish it were.”

  Sydney stepped in front of him and grabbed his hands.

  “Nicholas, it is that simple,” she said. Then she surprised herself by pulling him closer to her. He looked so pained—his eyes so sincere, his voice, pleasantly caressing her ears. And he smelled so good. She looked at his lips then closed her eyes and lifted her head to offer him hers. She needed to feel them, could no longer fight the impulse.

  It seemed he, too, was unable to fight it, for he accepted her offer and took her mouth gently. Her arms wrapped around him, and he pulled her even closer so that their bodies pressed against each other. Then he deepened the kiss.

  Just as she started to feel the lower part of him expanding, he pulled away.

  “Nicholas?”

  Sydney was confused—he was physically holding her at a distance, one hand on each shoulder. Then he dropped his hands and shook his head.

  “Sorry I...got carried away there.”

  She smiled.

  “That’s okay. That’s natural isn’t it?”

  “Yeah. No! I mean...” He raked his hands through his hair. “I can’t believe I let it go this far. This is going to be so hard...”

  Sydney smiled to herself then felt surprise at the direction her mind went.

  “Look Nicholas, if it’ll make you feel better—and actually, it will make me feel better too—just don’t press against me. But I do want to feel your lips again.”

  “Sydney I can’t!”

  His tortured voice permeated her body and stilled the emotions and sensations bubbling in her.

  He grabbed her hands, then let them go, apparently still fighting some inner battle, then he marched off towards the opening to the house.

  “Follow me,” he said without turning around. Still, it made Sydney hopeful that he wasn’t abandoning her again, but once
they reached inside, he disappeared into the crowd.

  She watched his retreating back, deflating every second he didn’t look back, then looked around for other familiar faces.

  Not seeing Maria or Edward, she bowed her head and headed to the kitchen for a drink, thirsty, but also wanting to wash the taste of him from her mouth. It was too much of a tease, reminding her of something she couldn’t have.

  She didn’t have to wait long. A male with spiked, blond hair and a tattoo of a snake wrapped around a thorny heart on his left arm came up to her and offered her some punch. Although he looked questionable, she found herself delighted at his intuition. She smiled in gratitude.

  “Virgin right? I mean, it’s not spiked with alcohol is it?” she asked.

  “This? No, not this one,” he said.

  He looked friendly to her despite his hideous tattoos.

  “Thanks,” she replied, accepting the drink and taking a sip.

  “Dave. You?”

  “I’m Sydney.”

  “Oh. Never seen you around these parts before...well, except that one time some months ago. You sure know how to make an entrance.” He smiled at her, and she smiled back at the indirect compliment. “So what brings you here tonight?” he asked.

  “Oh I’m just here with my friend Maria, having some end-of-term fun.”

  She hoped she sounded convincing.

  “What kind of fun are you looking to have?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know what happens at these things honestly. I did have fun dancing earlier though, that was nice.”

  He engaged her in small talk about school for a few minutes.

  She began to feel strange but the sensation was so slight, she ignored it. “And are you sure this spike’s not punched? I mean...you know what I mean.”

  “I can assure you there’s no alcohol in that one.”

  Sydney looked down at it, then drank the rest.

  Dave was still smiling at her.

  He now reminded her of a gargoyle, but she couldn’t put her finger on why.

  “Just a few minutes till we have some more fun!” he said.

  “Dancing?” she asked.

  “Something like that.”

  She started to feel stranger, and felt a need to lie down. She was glad when Dave started leading her toward the stairs. Yes, she could rest in a spare bedroom for a while.

  She felt like she was stumbling a bit. It was probably the heels.