Chrysalis (Dangerous Secrets)

by Francis, Rose

  When she opened it, she saw Adam’s slightly amused, yet worried face.

  “Um, some white girl’s out there to see you. She nearly broke down the damn door.”

  “A white girl? What does she look like?”

  Adam put his hand under his chin, looking thoughtful.

  “Well, she’s kinda hot actually...”

  Sydney rolled her eyes as she got up and swung her legs over the bed.

  “You let her in right?” she said as she started walking toward the door.

  Adam raised an eyebrow at her.

  “Why would I do that? She might be crazy. Knocking on the damn door like...”

  His voice faded away as Sydney headed over to the family room and looked out the window facing the front yard.

  She saw Allison standing in front of the door, her face flushed, her arms folded.

  Sydney headed to the door and opened it.

  “What the hell did you do to my brother?” Allison asked.

  “Hi to you too.” Sydney stepped back, indicating to Allison to step inside, but she remained where she was. “Ally I didn’t do anything to your brother.”

  “Don’t you dare call me Ally. Why is he so miserable then? I’ve barely seen you around in weeks. What the hell’s going on?”

  Sydney looked around. She couldn’t see him but she knew that Adam was within earshot, listening intently.

  She took Allison by the arm and led her outside but Allison pulled away.

  “We need to take this elsewhere,” Sydney explained. “I don’t want anyone to hear...”

  “Hear what? What are you ashamed of? Sydney he’s crying all the time—he tries to hide it, but I know. His eyes are always red...”

  “Allison please...”

  “What on earth did you do? I thought you were so good for him but you just made everything worse! My poor brother...where do you get off at?”

  “Look Allison, you really don’t understand...”

  “You better have a good reason for this because I don’t see how...”

  “Allison he sexually assaulted me!” Sydney tried to keep her voice as low as possible.

  Allison blinked twice, her expression slowly morphing from indignation to complete confusion. “I don’t understand,” she said a few moments later, her voice now lowered and dull.

  “Can we go somewhere and talk now?”

  Allison nodded and started walking toward her Mercedes. She didn’t say a word as they entered the car, nor as she started it, nor after a minute of driving. Sydney knew Allison would remain quiet until she started explaining, but she wasn’t sure what to say. Part of her wanted to protect herself—she didn’t want to relive any part of her nightmare—but part wanted to protect Nicholas too; she had already said too much. But she knew there was no way Allison would let her get away without further explication.

  “I shouldn’t have said that,” Sydney began.

  “But you did, so keep talking.”

  Allison kept her eyes straight ahead.

  “Allison...” Sydney was horrified to find her voice cracking. She took a few moments to compose herself and keep her emotions at bay.

  “I miss him Ally,” she said, failing miserably as a tear ran down her face. “I miss him so much. But he did something to me I don’t know if I can forgive. Yes, it happened a while ago but it terrorized me, and every time I see him now, it just reminds me...”

  “I can’t believe this,” Allison said, seemingly to herself. Then she addressed Sydney. “So are you gonna tell me more or what?”

  “He was with some guys at the time,” Sydney blurted out. “They took me to him.” She stopped, realizing she would sound as if some type of Stockholm syndrome had taken over.

  “I mean, that’s no excuse...”

  “You’re damned right that’s no excuse. God I’m so sorry Sydney, I really can’t believe he’d do that.Why would he?” she said as if to herself.

  Sydney realized in horror that Allison put her hand to her head and took her eyes off the road as she looked down. Sydney grabbed the wheel.

  “Allison! You want us both to end up in the hospital or what?”

  “Crap, I’m sorry.” Allison took control of the vehicle again. “I can’t quite wrap my head around all this.” She quickly glanced at Sydney. “It’s pretty telling that you’re making excuses for him though. Sounds like you could be wrong about not being able to forgive him.” She sighed. “Sydney, forgive me for saying this, but I can’t help but think about my brother here. He needs you, he really does. I mean I love my brother, and I bet Eddie loves him too, but I’m not sure that matters to him. All that mattered to him was you, that you loved him.” She sighed again. “I know it’s selfish of me to ask, but I’m worried about him. Please talk to him. Please, he’s not a monster.”

  Sydney looked away, staring out the window without seeing a thing.

  “Can I tell you something?” Allison asked.

  Sydney didn’t bother to answer, knowing that she would go ahead with her story anyway.

  “Nicholas hates my mom. You might know that.”

  “Yeah, he told me a little about her.”

  “Right. So he thinks she ruined his life, blah blah blah. I feel bad for my brother, really. From what I heard, he really did suffer at her hands. However, she’s my mommy. I love her. I have no idea what he’s talking about when he says she’s vicious, mean, spiteful. All I see when I look at her is a sad, lonely woman. I think her biggest regret in life is not fighting harder to be with the one she really loved. Do you understand what I’m saying Sydney? I think she’s mad at herself for letting others orchestrate her life. But it’s only her who’s been living with the consequences. And I guess whoever happens to be in her path of misdirected frustration. Sydney, I understand if you go the other way—just make sure when you choose it’s your choice and not someone else’s. Yes, I’m perfectly aware I’m just another voice blabbing off and telling you what to do, but you don’t want to live the rest of your life in regret. It turns some people bitter.”

  ***

  As Sydney expected, Adam accosted her as soon as she got home.

  “So what did the hot mad chick have to say?”

  “None of your business! That’s Nicholas’s sister by the way, Allison.”

  She quickly escaped to her bedroom to start journaling.

  After a few minutes, she heard a light knock on the door and feared it was Adam again, but it was her mother who entered.

  “Just came to drop this off hon.”

  Sydney accepted the mail. It looked like another informational packet on a law school she’d requested it from.

  Her mom turned to leave but spun back around.

  “Oh, have you gotten some applications ready yet? Taken the tests and all that?”

  “The applications aren’t due until the end of the year mom. As for the LSAT...”

  “Well, you do know which ones you’ll be applying to right? Have you researched...”

  “Yes mom, I have.”

  Patricia was quiet for a few moments, as if waiting for Sydney to elaborate.

  Sydney gave a heavy sigh.

  “I was thinking...” She paused. “I was thinking Stanford mom.”

  Patricia’s face broke out into a brilliant, wide smile.

  “Stanford University’s Department of Psychology.”

  Patricia frowned a little.

  “But honey, you can go right into law school once you graduate. You don’t have to...”

  “I know what I have to do to get in, mom. It’s not where I want to go.”

  “But Syd honey, you’ve always wanted...”

  “No mom, you’ve always wanted me to go.”

  Patricia shook her head, her forehead creased.

  “Syd honey, you know I never said anything like that.”

  “No, but I could feel it. I know you and dad expect me to be nothing less than a lawyer or a doctor so I always strived toward it because I didn’t want to dis
appoint you guys.”

  “But honey...”

  “I mentioned it once when I was, what, eight? And you guys just latched onto it and wouldn’t let it go. Well guess what, I’ve changed my mind. I want to be a psychologist and...and too bad if you don’t like it. I’m okay with you guys not loving me anymore because of it.”

  Sydney folded her arms but couldn’t look at her mother. Instead, she fixed her eyes on the her closet. She was hardly expecting to feel her mother’s arms around her a moment later.

  “Sydney sweetheart, whatever you chose, we would have been behind you. We love you regardless of what you think, or ‘what you become’ because you’ll always be our daughter. How could you not see that? Sorry to say, but I’m afraid the pressure you speak of having felt all this time was applied by yourself my little perfectionist.”

  Patricia kissed her on her forehead.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  “She’s not answering my calls Eddie. And there’s no way I’m going over to her house—what if her parents know? Her brother? Her father would probably kill me.” Nicholas ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know what to do—I don’t want to lose her! She’s everything to me.”

  “Nick, honestly, your first worry is whether or not your ass will be prosecuted. That’s what you should be thinking about. Second of all, I don’t know what you’re going to do about your reputation—everyone’s gonna know you’re a rapist unless you do some kind of damage control somehow. I suppose our family publicist will take care of it though. Third—how much more do you want to traumatize that girl? Leave her alone! Stop calling her, bugging her, trying to get back together with her. Why would she get back together with you? You raped her for christ’s sake, what kind of person does that?”

  “Can you please stop saying that? And are you saying that no one should ever be forgiven for a past misdeed?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s just that...well, that’s a pretty major misdeed. What do you think your sex life will be like in the future? She could be getting flashbacks left right and center. Just leave it alone Nick. It’s over.”

  Eddie’s cell started ringing. He answered.

  “Hello?...Yeah Lil, we’re still on, I was just chatting with my brother...No I’ll be there soon, promise.”

  Eddie rolled his eyes as he disconnected.

  “Gotta go bro. Duty calls. Hey, about that whole thing, all I can say is, it’s your life. I’m just calling it how I see it. But I might not be the best to speak about such matters.”

  He grinned and left.

  Nicholas watched his brother leave and shook his head. It was like watching the making of John and Evelyn Dhalton part two.

  Sometime after Eddie left and he was lost in his thoughts, he heard a knock on his door.

  “Nicholas dear, is it all right if I come in?”

  Nicholas groaned.

  “Nicholas, I want to tell you something.”

  “What is it this time mother? I really don’t think I want to hear it.”

  “Oh, come now. Toughen up. You’ll want to hear this one. It’s somewhat...scandalous.”

  He heard her giggle.

  Nicholas couldn’t help but be interested now.

  He beckoned her in.

  “Now, don’t tell your father,” she said, smiling as she settled at the foot of his bed. “When I was younger, there was this fellow. Oh and what a handsome fellow he was.” Her eyes sparkled and took on a faraway look. “He was absolutely wonderful, I couldn’t help falling in love with him. I’ll spare you the details dear, but we were everything to each other, so you can be sure I wanted to marry him. But there was just one problem: my parents did not approve. Cliché, yes, but it was true. It seems like such a small thing, but you and I both know differently. I thought I could fight against them, convince them how great he was, that he made me happy, but it was all to no avail. I eventually had to make a choice, so I did what I thought best: that which was less risky. And now I live with that decision every single day. Don’t get me wrong, your father and I are somewhat matched and we’ve done our duty, so it hasn’t been completely horrible; in fact, quite livable. Power, huge bank accounts and fake friends can ease the loneliness sometimes. And I can always travel and relive days of my youth...” Her eyes especially sparkled as she said this. “I see men that look like my David sometimes, and they help ease the loneliness too.” She giggled. “I’ve learned to pretend very well...”

  Nicholas couldn’t help but chuckle with her.

  “Mother, that’s quite enough,” he said, putting his hand up. “So what is it you want to tell me? What’s your point?”

  “The point is dear, real feeling, real passion makes you more alive than anything else. Life’s a slow death without it.” She looked at him intently and was quiet for a few moments. “Incidentally,” she said in a chipper voice not matching her expression, “I found out that I have advanced ovarian cancer. Stage four. They figure I have some time, not much though. Although, I’ll do the surgeries, and see what they can do. What’s that expression? Why do you look so confused?”

  “Are you serious mother? Or are you just messing with me for kicks?”

  “Heavens, why would I do that? You really think so low of me Nicholas?”

  “Mom, you can’t just drop a bomb like that and expect me to take you seriously.”

  “Well, I assure you I am.”

  “How much time do you have?” he asked after a few minutes.

  “Maybe a year. Probably less. Up to four years if I happen to be very lucky.”

  She smiled at him then—a human smile, and for the first time in a long time, he wanted to hug her.

  ***

  Nicholas decided to shoot some hoops to clear his mind and release some of the emotions boiling in him.

  As he was about to head back to the mansion, sweaty and spent, he saw Allison heading his way, crossing the emerald lawn. She had no tennis racket with her, so he wasn’t sure why she was heading toward the courts.

  He picked up speed to meet her.

  “Hey, what are you doing out...”

  “I have something to tell you Nicholas,” she interrupted, stopping when she reached him. Her eyes looked clear, but sort of hard and determined. Her face was flushed.

  “I heard about what happened—about the inheritance.”

  Nicholas looked away, trying to suppress rising emotion.

  He looked back at Allison and noticed she had a slight look of uncertainty now, almost fear. Yet, her mouth tightened every now and then.

  She sighed.

  “Nicholas, I overheard some of the servants talking and...”

  Allison looked tortured now.

  “I love you both. I probably shouldn’t say anything—it would only cause more trouble...”

  “Allison, what are you talking about?”

  A sudden wave of fear passed over his chest, as if some distant part of him knew what she was going to say, and was scared for the rest of him to find out.

  “I just...I really can’t believe he did that.” Allison’s face scrunched up a little in anger, then slackened again in sadness. “Nicholas, Eddie told on you—he told dad that he should reconsider his will, your trust fund—everything. He told him...” She stopped, collecting herself. “He told him about your involvement with Sydney, and that you’ve been mentally unstable for years and shouldn’t be trusted. That you need to be checked out, assessed before getting access to funds like that. Oh, why would he do it Nick? You’re perfectly fine!” She let out a breath. “Aren’t you?”

  “Of course I am!”

  He was sorry it had come out as a shout, but anger had overtaken him. He calmed himself, and, lowering his voice, put his hands on her shoulder.

  “Allison, thanks for telling me, for looking out for me. I don’t know what game Eddie’s playing at, but I’m definitely going to find out.”

  He kissed her head, ignoring the “ew” sound as his sweaty shirt touched her
.

  ***

  When Nicholas finally tracked Eddie down, Eddie looked completely unsuspecting of his new knowledge. Nicholas had to resist the urge to punch him immediately.

  Eddie turned toward him when he saw him coming.

  “Hey man—so what have you decided about...”

  “Cut the crap Eddie. What’s this about you telling John shit about me?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He saw something akin to fear pass through Eddie’s eyes although he was attempting to keep a straight face.

  “Don’t try to play innocent you asshole. If you had the balls to snatch my inheritance from me, have the balls to admit it.”

  Eddie sighed and was suddenly back in control. All hint of fear was gone.

  “Look, I’m sorry man, but I honestly don’t trust you with that kind of money.”

  “What the hell do you mean?”

  Eddie shook his head.

  “Come on Nick—you’re not exactly stable bro. You might go and buy Sydney an island or something, something stupid like that. I don’t know Nick, you...you need to sort some stuff out. I’ve been wondering about you for a while; you’re not well. And look what’s transpired over the past few days, weeks, months. Hell, maybe even years! Nick, look what you let happen a few years ago—you obviously weren’t well then. I don’t know what it is, but you need to look into getting some help dude.”

  Nicholas punched him in the face.

  Eddie went down, his hand coming up to the side of his face Nicholas had hit.

  He gave a short, mirthless laugh.

  “You see? Something’s not right with you. I’m trying to help you.”

  “No Eddie, I think you were trying to help you.”

  Nicholas turned and walked away, feeling more alone than ever.

  ***

  Over the course of the night as he slept, Nicholas’s brain finally opened up the gates.

  Later that morning, he wondered if it was because he had gradually been leaked bits— pieces adding up, and pieces not adding up—that made the grip on his memory of that day loosen.