Damaged 2

by Ward, H. M.

  Avery leans forward and pushes his arm away. "We'll be right there. Give us a sec." Sean looks annoyed, but walks away. His posture is so perfect. He carries himself differently than Peter, but their confident stride is the same. Avery pulls me out of my thoughts. "You okay?"

  "Yeah, I'm fine." I'm not. I'm too jumpy for a normal person and she noticed.

  Avery gives me a knowing look. "If you ever need somebody to talk to, I've been through hell and back. I know stuff, even if I seem like an idiot most of the time."

  I appreciate the gesture, and smile at her. The look she gives me says she knows what happened on some level. I see it in her eyes.

  I nod and tuck my hair behind my ear, breaking her gaze. "I might have a question or two for you, actually." I tell her what I'm thinking, and she answers my inquiries without judgment.

  CHAPTER 17

  "Peter tells me that you were his student." Sean gives me a sharp look that says I'm devoid of morals.

  "Yeah, Peter was my boss, too." I poke around at my food.

  Peter ordered for me while we were at the bar. The food is good, but it feels like I'm being judged and I hate that. Especially by him. Sean pisses me off. He has this superior thing going on, and I can't stand it when people think they're better than everyone else. Maybe I shouldn't say it, but I do. I place my fork down and look up at him. "Listen, if you want to throw stones, you probably shouldn't have bought your date."

  "Oh, snap." Avery grins and lowers her gaze to her salad.

  Sean's eyes bore into mine. I don't look down. He's a facsimile of Peter with harder edges. "You think I'm judging you?"

  "Yes."

  "I wasn't," he says, still staring at me like he has no manners at all.

  "Then why'd you bring it up?"

  Peter watches us but doesn't intervene. Instead he leans back in his chair and steeples his fingers, tapping them together lightly and looking at his brother.

  "Because I thought it was interesting." Sean cuts his gaze over to his brother. "Is she always this adversarial?"

  "Only when you piss her off." Peter smiles at me and resumes eating his dinner. His eyes flick up with amusement after he takes a bite.

  "It was a rude question," I say, still glaring at him. Maybe I should let it go.

  Sean straightens in his chair. "Very well. Then turnabout is fair play, so ask something of equal boorishness."

  "Boorishness?"

  "It means rude—"

  "I know what it means. Fine, I have a question. Why do you keep calling Avery? Why not just date her like a normal person?"

  Sean sounds completely dignified when he says, "Because I'm not a normal person."

  I give him a face that says I think his answer is crap.

  Avery leans forward and rests her elbow on the table as she gazes at him. "Sean, you told her to ask you. Tell her whatever you want." They are the weirdest couple I've ever seen. She's so light, and he's so dark. I wonder if there's more to both them. There has to be some common thread somewhere.

  Sean leans back in his chair and looks me over. "I don't like you."

  "I don't care." Holy shit, that was blunt. Who the hell says stuff like that? Peter is getting agitated, but I shake my head slightly. I don't need him to rescue me, not from this guy.

  Sean makes a disgruntled sound at the back of his throat. "I asked her to be my mistress."

  "How flattering." I glance at Avery and can tell my gut reaction is right—it's not flattering at all.

  "Isn't it?" Sean's tone sounds sincere but he can't be.

  I glance at Avery. "Is he serious?"

  Avery nods. "One hundred percent." Her voice hitches slightly, like it bothers her that he didn't ask for more. I catch it and wonder if Sean knows. He doesn't seem to, but then again he seems to be acting assy on purpose.

  "Well, good luck with that, Sean." I don't mean to, but I make a face as I look at Peter.

  Sean doesn't let it slip by. "You think it's inappropriate? Really, after screwing your professor and superior, you really think you have the right to judge me?"

  "Sean," Avery warns and glances at Peter.

  "That's enough," Peter scolds. It silences Sean, but I stare burning holes into Sean's forehead. He glances up at me.

  "You think I'm after his family's money, don't you? You think that I'm not good enough for him, that I'm some white-trash gold digger. Isn't that right?" My jaw tightens as I speak. I see it in his eyes before he has a chance to answer, so I cut him off. "I don't need his goddamn money. I can get by on my own. I always have, and I always will. You on the other hand will die miserable and alone. In the five seconds since I've met you, I could see that Avery deserves so much more, more than you could ever give her. You're chasing a dream. Wake up." I snap the last two words at him as my palms slap the table. The silverware shakes.

  I glance over at Peter. "I'm sorry, Peter. I'm not sure why we came here tonight."

  Peter exhales slowly and glances at Sean. There's a warning in his eyes. At first I think Peter's telling Sean to back off, but that isn't it.

  Sean rolls his eyes, like this much drama gives him heartburn. He taps the butt of his knife on the table before lifting it and using it like a pointer, gesturing to his brother. "Because Peter wants me to come with the two of you."

  CHAPTER 18

  "Peter wants you to do what?" I swear to God the vulture must have eaten my brains while I was asleep last night, because there is no way in hell that Sean just said that. Peter didn't tell me what he wanted or why he needed Sean, but I don't like it, mostly because Sean hates my guts for no apparent reason. It's hard enough facing what I have to face. I don't want Sean there crushing me as well.

  Peter leans forward and takes my hand. "It's just for a day or two. You don't even have to talk to him." Sean doesn't move, but the way he watches us says everything. He thinks that I'm bad news for his little brother. Sean's gaze returns to his plate. His lips part as he cuts through his steak. Peter turns abruptly and cuts off Sean before he can speak. "Shut up and eat your dinner."

  Avery pokes her food and eats slowly. She didn't know their plan either based on the look on her face. "How long will you be gone?" It's a loaded question. Avery isn't asking for dates, although that's part of it. She's asking Sean something else. I wonder if he notices.

  Sean's voice softens, but he doesn't look at her. "Only a couple of days."

  She nods. "What about tonight? And tomorrow?"

  "It's your decision," Sean answers, sounding like he couldn't care less.

  Avery gently places her fork down, then puts her napkin on the table. She stands and smiles at Peter and me. "It was nice to meet you." She turns to Sean and gives him a look that could castrate another man. Her voice is cold and completely detached. "Do whatever you want."

  Avery walks away, but I don't know why. It feels like they were having a private conversation even though it was in front of us. Sean said the wrong thing. He doesn't chase after her, and Avery doesn't slow down or look back. She knows Sean won't rush after her.

  Awkward silence fills the table. Peter is leaning on one arm, watching his brother with a grin on his face. Sean lifts his dark gaze and notices Peter's amusement. "What?" Sean snaps.

  "You like her, a lot."

  "It's not your concern." Sean sips some of that disgusting amber liquid from his glass.

  "Of course not. Just stating the obvious." Peter's gaze follows Avery. "It's interesting; that's all. The woman clearly brought you to your knees, but you're too proud to chase after her. Too bad she's used goods, huh?" Before I can scold Peter for saying such a thing, Sean bolts upright and grabs Peter by the throat. Sean hisses something, but Peter is laughing over the threats. Peter rips his brother's hands away and blurts out, "You are so fucked."

  Everyone is looking at us. Sean sits down again as Peter continues to grin like it's funny. I kick Peter under the table, trying to make him stop. Sean is sending off the crazy vibe in massive waves and I don't want him to k
ill us in the parking lot.

  Peter shakes his head and pushes his hair out of his eyes. "So you know?"

  Sean works his jaw before taking a swig from his glass. "Of course I know."

  "Does he know what?" I interrupt and look between them.

  When Sean doesn't answer, Peter says in a playful tone, "He loves her."

  "Then why'd you let her storm away?" Sean glares at me with venom in his eyes. He doesn't like this, but I have no idea what part he finds objectionable. Screw this. Avery was nice and this guy clearly needs a kick in the ass. "Do you need a textbook or something? Avery knew you wouldn't follow her when she walked away. She wanted you to say you wanted her. She wanted to go with you. What the hell are you sitting here for if you love her? How damaged are you?" I don't understand him at all. That cold confidence speckled across Sean's face is maddening, especially if he really loves her. Sean holds himself in check and buries every emotion that might play across his face.

  Peter is nothing like Sean. They may look the same, but they're not. Peter still has a lightness about him. He jokes, smiles, and teases. Sean had all the light sucked out of him a long time ago. The man is a thunderstorm waiting to kill someone.

  "Why should I go after her?" he asks callously. The way he sits in his seat and doesn't bother to look up at me says he could care less what I think, but then again, people like Sean don't waste words.

  "What, do you need a lesson or something? If you love her, you can't let her think you don't care. And why the hell are you sharing her with other men? Or women or goats? Or whatever the hell she's doing? Why haven't you saved her yet? What are you waiting for, an invitation?"

  Peter's gaze flicks between me and his brother. When Sean looks his way, Peter smiles pleasantly, like I didn't verbally bitchslap his brother. Sean asks Peter, "And your opinion is…?"

  "My opinion is that the great Sean Ferro has fallen. You're a dick if you let her get away. She seems to tolerate you for whatever reason and you let her leave." Peter lifts the bread basket and tears off a piece of a roll, then pops it in his mouth. "No one tolerates you unless they're blood or paid."

  "She's paid," Sean says in a clipped voice.

  "It's more than that, blind boy. Open your eyes." How can he not see it?

  Sean turns in his seat and looks at me. "You want Avery to come with us?"

  I shrug and look at Peter. "It's not like I invited you. Oh, and shotgun. I'm not sitting next to the turkey."

  Sean gapes at me. I feel his eyes on the side of my face. "What?" I don't offer clarification, although I feel bad for the turkey.

  Sean looks over at his brother. Peter's beyond amused, wearing a huge grin that makes his eyes sparkle. "Oh, she's serious. She has a pet vulture that she seems to have named 'the turkey.' That isn't a very good name, Sidney. And, I'd like to add shotgun. That bastard will peck your eyes out if you drift off."

  CHAPTER 19

  Peter and I are in the elevator. We left Sean sitting at the table alone. That man worries me. I wonder if that's what's at the bottom of the cliff for Peter. When Peter first told me about Sean, he said his brother was messed up. I tighten my grip on his hand and lean into him. "Were you like that?"

  "What, like Sean?" I nod. Knots tie up my stomach. I'm a little bit afraid of what Peter will say. We exit the elevator on our floor and walk down the hall. Peter shakes his head. "No, at least I don't think so. Sean's not the kind of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve."

  "That's an understatement. Damn, and I thought you were a head case." I realize what I've said after I say it and smile weird since I can't gather the words and swallow them back down.

  Peter stops me before we get to the room. He grabs me by the waist and places a hand on either side of my head so that I lean my back against the wall. I look down at my dress, wondering if I really am wearing something that was made for old ladies. Broomstick skirts are for grannies with cankles. I don't remember why I bought this dress.

  A smirk lights up Peter's face. He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear, saying, "You thought I was a head case? Me? You realize you're in this relationship, too, right?"

  "Yeah, but me and you are equally nuts, where Sean is meganuts." I glance up at Peter. "He's a little freaky. Why did you want him to come?"

  "Because he's a little freaky and I need his help. Dean won't mess with you after this. No one will." Peter kisses my forehead and takes my hand. We walk to the room in silence. I don't know what he intends to do about Dean. There's nothing to be done.

  "Peter, what are you going to do?" I don't like the tone of his voice, but at the same time I love it. I hate that Dean did what he did and nothing happened to him. He turned my own damn family against me. I lost everything because of him.

  When Peter doesn't say anything, I grab his shoulder and turn him around. Those vivid blue eyes look back at me. "Are you going to hurt him?"

  "I'm going to make sure he doesn't hurt you anymore. Don't worry, Sidney. Go home, talk to your mother, and see if you can make peace with your family. That's what we came to do. Let me handle Sean and Dean."

  "What about Sam?"

  "What about him?"

  "You sound like you're planning to do something." My gaze shifts between his eyes, looking for the truth. "Don't hurt Sam."

  "Sam should have protected you."

  "Sam's an asshole, I know that, but—"

  Peter kisses the top of my head. "Calm down. I won't hurt him if he doesn't hurt you. If he stands there and does nothing again while Dean beats the shit out of you, then he'll have a problem."

  "Sam wasn't there."

  "Then there's nothing to worry about."

  I nod slowly. Having someone looking out for me is different. I don't know what to do with the feelings that are rising up inside of me. Half of me says that I should be able to take care of myself, but the other part knows I need help. I morph into the timid girl I was when Dean hurt me the other night. She resurfaces no matter how far I've come. Sometimes I think my mind is going to snap, that I'll bear more grief and pain than I can tolerate. I hope to God that I never get pushed that far. It's extremely obvious that Sean was pushed past his breaking point. The idea of living in a broken mind, unable to mend, frightens me. I don't want that life.

  Peter opens the door and we go into the room. It's small but posh. The bed looks like it is made out of fluffy white sheep. Screw you, little lambs! I can't wait to jump on it and all its cloudy goodness. The headboard is lined with fluffy white pillows. They look so soft and perfect.

  Peter strips off his suit jacket and walks over to sit on the bed. I know his pattern by now. He'll undress and take a shower. Butterflies swirl in my stomach like a vortex. I place my hand on Peter's arm and stop him. "Wait a second." Peter looks back at me.

  "What is it?"

  "I…" I suck at this. I'm mental. I love you. Go with I love you. "I suck at this." Oh my God, my brain isn't listening to me. I look down, and when I glance up again, Peter has a curious expression on his face, no doubt brought about by my sudden timidity.

  "I liked the way you held your own with Sean." I nod. I don't want to talk about Sean. I want to talk about Peter. I want to do something with Peter before I lose my nerve, but I don't know where to start. It's like he can sense it. Peter is all soft smiles and kind words. He tilts my chin up so I meet his gaze. "What are you thinking in that beautiful head of yours?"

  "I want to try something with you, but I don't know how far I can go." I feel weird saying it. There's a rebellion going on in my mind, and it's been growing stronger each day. The more time I spend with Peter, the more I want to be with him, but it's not so simple. I expect to shut down when I try to press forward. The first time I tried to be with Peter was the furthest I'd gotten with anyone, and even then, I anticipated a major freak-out. Getting touched like that is like stroking his scar. There's no way to forget what happened to me. I just hope that one day I can push past it, that it will no longer dictate my life. I want this with Pet
er, but I don't know what it'll do to me. That thought alone is enough to make me chicken out, but I already threw the words out there. So I finish by asking, "Is that okay?"

  "You don't ever have to ask me that, all right? We go and stop when and where you want. I won't push you at all, so you have to take the initiative here." He gives me that boyish smile I love so much.

  I look away. Take the initiative? I can't do that. "I don't know how."

  Peter reaches for me and then lifts my hands to his lips, kissing my fingertips. "Then tell me what you want, and I'll make it happen."

  My heart flutters at his kisses, at his words. Maybe I can do this. I repeat the things Avery mentioned at the bar, the things that I could do that weren't sex—the things that would make me feel secure enough to be with Peter if I wanted to continue.

  Peter's gaze darkens as I say the things one by one. "I can do that. That sounds perfect actually."

  "It's not just teasing you to the point that you're going to hire a hooker?"

  He laughs. "No, nothing could make me leave you. And being with you like that sounds perfect. I don't know if you noticed or not, but I'm a little gun-shy. I completely freaked out that first night we were having coffee and couldn't hide it. That's not gone. The emotions…it feels like betrayal, like cheating even though I know it's not. Slower is good for me, I promise."

  I believe him. Every word he says pulls me closer and closer. Peter leans in and lightly brushes his lips against mine. "Wait right here. I'll be right back." I nod. My heart is pounding and I feel frantic, like I need to run. I shake out my arms and kick my legs, but it doesn't help so I crank it up a notch. Kicking my leg out hard behind me, I hold it and shake. The nervous energy is spent, so I do it again with the other leg. I turn around so I don't kick the dresser or punch the mirror and work my arms, too. I try to be quick, but apparently I take too long.

  Peter sees me. "Are you doing the hokey pokey?" He's leaning in the bathroom doorway with his arms folded over his chest like he's been standing there the whole time. How come I never catch him doing anything dorky?