Brian Friel Plays 2

by Brian Friel

  Bazarov (to Arkady) Father was a great classical scholar in his day.

  Vassily Great? I wouldn’t say I –

  Bazarov Won a medal for Latin composition. Silver. When he was only twelve.

  Vassily I suspect he’s mocking me. Are you mocking me?

  Bazarov Me?

  Arina Finish your story, Vassily.

  Vassily Where was I?

  Bazarov In herbis, in verbis et in lapidibus.

  Vassily Tending my garden, attending my patients, and in my spare time looking after my modest farm, (to Arkady) I shouldn’t say ‘my modest farm’ – I’m a plebeian, a homo novus – Yevgeny’s mother is the patrician.

  Arina Vassily!

  Bazarov bows to his mother and kisses her hand.

  Bazarov Her serene highness, Arina Vlassyevna Bazarov.

  Arina Behave yourself.

  Vassily For God’s sake, Fedka, will you put something on your feet. Timofeich, take this little urchin away and dress him correctly. Arkady Nikolayevich will think he’s staying with some sort of primitives.

  Bazarov Isn’t that what we are?

  Vassily You’re very facetious today, young man. But where was I? Yes, talking of medicine. You’ll enjoy this. I hear that a retired major about six miles from here is doing a bit of doctoring. So one day, when we meet at the market, this major and I, I said, ‘I hear you’re in practice, Major?’ ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Where did you qualify?’ ‘I never qualified,’ he said. ‘Never? But where did you study your medicine?’ ‘I never studied medicine.’ ‘But you practise medicine, Major?’ ‘Oh, yes. But not for money – jut for the good of the community.’

  Vassily alone laughs at this. Arkady smiles politely.

  I love that – ‘just for the good of the community’ – I really love that. Wonderful man to have around in a typhus epidemic. Incidentally there’s a lot of it around … typhus …

  Pause.

  Arina (to Arkady) How long did you stay with this – this Madam Odintsov?

  Arkady A week – (to Bazarov) – wasn’t it? I’ve lost track of time.

  Bazarov Eight nights.

  Arina (to Arkady) And you had a nice time there?

  Arkady It was sheer luxury. We were a bit overwhelmed at first, weren’t we?

  Bazarov Were we?

  Arkady Well, I was.

  Bazarov Yes, you were.

  Arkady A butler in black tails, footmen in livery, scores of maids and servants all over the place. It’s really a miniature empire she has there.

  Arina And she lives with an old aunt and a young sister, this Madam Odintsov?

  Arkady The old aunt’s as mad as a hatter.

  Arina And the young sister?

  Arkady Katya is – (to Bazarov) – how would you describe Katya?

  Bazarov You should have no difficulty. You voted her on your list.

  Arina List? What list?

  Arkady (embarrassed) Oh, we made a list, Yevgeny and I – a sort of silly list of – of – of all the pretty girls we know.

  Arina Ah. And Katya is on that list?

  Arkady She was on the list – at the beginning. She was on the first list.

  Arina I see. She was pretty but she’s not pretty now.

  Arkady Oh, she’s pretty, very pretty, isn’t she?

  Bazarov You’re not alert to Mother’s subtleties, Arkady. When she inquires about ‘this – this Madam Odintsov’, can’t you hear the disapproval in her voice? She has already made up her mind that This Madam Odintsov is what novelists call an adventuress.

  Arina That’s not true.

  Bazarov (hugging her affectionately and laughing) You’re suspicious of her.

  Arina Don’t be silly, Yevgeny.

  Bazarov You dislike her intensely.

  Arina I never even heard of the woman until yesterday. He’s trying to annoy me.

  Bazarov In fact you hate The Woman. I know exactly what it means when that little nose twitches like that. It always gives you away.

  Arina And you? What do you think of her?

  Bazarov hugs her again and laughs.

  Bazarov Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no; you’re not going to turn the tables like that, Arina Vlassyevna. Isn’t she a cunning little squirrel?

  Vassily (to Arkady) They’re well met, the pair of them.

  Bazarov The question you really want to ask, Mother – it has tormented you since we arrived yesterday – what you want to ask straight out is: Am I in love with This Madam Odintsov? And the answer is: I don’t believe in love, in falling in love, in being in love. Arkady and I spent a pleasant week with Katya and Anna. They’re good company. I’m fond of them both. And that’s it – finis fabulae – (to Vassily) – correct?

  Vassily Very good, Yevgeny.

  Bazarov If there is such a thing as a maladie d’amour – as the Tailor’s Dummy would put it – I’m immune to it. Why don’t you direct your loaded questions to Arkady. You’re not immune, are you?

  Arina You’re too smart for your own good, (to Timofeich who has entered) Clear the table, will you.

  Timofeich Excuse me, sir. A patient here to see you – a woman.

  Vassily Can’t you see we’re still eating, Timofeich? Tell her to come back tomorrow, (to Fedka who has entered wearing boots that are much too big for him) That’s more like it. Good boy, Fedka.

  Bazarov What’s wrong with the woman?

  Timofeich She’s holding herself as if she was in pain. I think she has the gripes.

  Vassily Dysentery – that’s what she has. They call it the gripes about here. Torminum, Pliny calls it. Cicero uses the plural – tormina, (to Timofeich) Tell her to come back tomorrow morning.

  Bazarov Let me have a look at her, Father.

  Vassily No, no; you’re on your holidays and –

  Bazarov Please. I’d like to.

  Vassily If you’d like to. Very well. Certainly. We’ll only be a few –

  Bazarov I’d prefer to see her by myself.

  Vassily Off you go. Give her a good shot of opium – you’ll find it in my bag on the desk in the study. She’ll be most grateful – probably want to pray over you.

  Bazarov has gone. Vassily calls after him.

  And she’ll offer you four eggs as payment, (to Arkady) Do you know how many eggs I was given last week? One hundred and seventy-nine! That’s no exaggeration, my pet, is it?

  Timofeich is clearing the table. Fedka helps him.

  Arina (sitting again) Leave the table for the moment, Timofeich. Fedka, put those raspberries out in the pantry.

  Both servants leave.

  Are you an only child, too, Arkady?

  Arkady Yes. No – no – I have a half-brother, Mitya.

  Arina Is he at college?

  Arkady He’s eight months old.

  Vassily He has a few weeks to wait yet. (He raises his glass.) Welcome again, Arkady. It’s a great pleasure for us to have you here.

  Arkady Thank you.

  Vassily A very great pleasure. Isn’t that correct, my pet?

  Arina You’re most welcome.

  Now that they have Arkady alone both parents want desperately to ply him with questions about their son. They move physically closer to him.

  Vassily And I hope you can stay with us until you go back to college.

  Arina You’ve forgotten, Vassily – Arkady has graduated.

  Vassily Forgive me. Of course.

  Arina And I’m sure he has hundreds of plans for the rest of the summer.

  Arkady I haven’t a plan in the world. I’m – at large!

  Vassily Then you’ll stay. Excellent. It’s a delight for us to have Yevgeny’s student friends. He usually brings somebody home with him every holiday. Fine young men all of them. And we love the company.

  Arina Have you known Yevgeny long?

  Arkady For about a year. We met at the philosophical meetings.

  Vassily A philosopher, too, is he? Aha! That’s a little detail we didn’t know, did we?

  Arina Has h
e got a girl in Petersburg?

  Arkady Not that I know of.

  Vassily I’m sure you have, Arkady; dozens of them.

  Arina But nobody special?

  Arkady Yevgeny? No; nobody special.

  Arina He ate hardly any lunch. Is his appetite always as bad?

  Arkady He’s not very interested in food – maybe because I do the cooking!

  Arina In this flat you share?

  Arkady Yes.

  Arina How many rooms do you have?

  Arkady Three: bedroom, kitchen, washroom.

  Arina And how long have you been together?

  Arkady Oh, for the past year.

  Arina What does he do about his laundry?

  Arkady He does it himself. Mine, too. That’s the arrangement.

  Vassily Does he take any exercise?

  Arkady He walks to lectures. And back. That’s about it.

  Vassily No good. He was always lazy about exercise. Not enough. Not nearly enough.

  Arina How do you know when you don’t know how far it is from the flat to the university? You just don’t know. (to Arkady) And that hotel he mentioned – how many hours a week does he work there?

  Arkady It varies. Sometimes twenty. Maybe up to thirty.

  Arina And does he really make enough to feed and clothe himself?

  Arkady Just about.

  Arina And pay his fees?

  Arkady We all live fairly frugally.

  Arina You know he has never accepted any money from us, never since the first day he –

  Vassily Arkady Nikolayevich is not interested in our domestic affairs, my pet. Tell me about this revolutionary stuff he was spouting last night, this – this – this –

  Arkady Nihilism.

  Vassily That’s it. He’s not really serious about that, is he? All that rubbish about –

  Arkady We both are. Deadly serious.

  Vassily Well, of course it is always valuable – and important, very important – most important to keep reassessing how we order our society. That’s a very serious matter.

  Arina I hope he wasn’t serious when we were talking about that Madam Odintsov. He said I disliked her – that I hated her for some reason or other! That was very naughty of him.

  Arkady He was only joking.

  Arina I hope so.

  Arkady You know he –

  Arina (rapidly) Is he in love with her?

  Arkady (deeply confused) With Anna? … Yevgeny? … I – I – how would I know? How do you tell? Maybe. I wouldn’t know. I really wouldn’t know.

  Vassily And if he is, that’s his own business, Arina. There’s just one question I’d like to ask you, Arkady –

  Arina You’ve asked Arkady far too many questions. Let him finish his tea.

  Vassily With respect, my pet, it’s you who have asked the questions. My one question is this. In Petersburg – in the university – in the circles you move about in – how would he be assessed academically? What I mean is, would he be considered run-of-the-mill, average, perhaps below average –?

  Arkady Yevgeny?! Below average?!

  Vassily Yes?

  Arkady Yevgeny is – well, he’s the most brilliant student in the university at present, probably one of the most brilliant students ever there.

  Vassily Yevgeny?

  Arkady But you must know this yourselves. Yevgeny Vassilyich is unique.

  Vassily Unique?

  Arkady Yes. Yes – yes – yes; absolutely unique. And whatever he chooses to do, he’s going to have a dazzling future.

  Vassily Are you listening, Arina?

  Arina cries quietly. Vassily cries quietly at first but then his emotion gets the better of him. Unable to contain himself, he grabs Arkady’s hand and kisses it repeatedly.

  Vassily Thank you. (Kiss.) Thank you – thank you – thank you. (Kiss.) You have made me the happiest man in Russia. (Kiss.) And now I’m going to make a confession: I idolize my son. So does his mother. We both do. Worship him. That’s not incorrect, my pet, is it? And yet we daren’t offer him even the most simple gesture of love, even of affection, because we know he detests any demonstration of emotion whatever. When you arrived here yesterday, I wanted to hold him, to hug him, to kiss him all over. But I daren’t. I daren’t. And I respect that attitude. It’s my own attitude. What we must never forget is that we are talking here about an extra-ordinary man. And an extra-ordinary man cannot be judged by ordinary standards. An extraordinary man creates his own standards. Do you understand what I’m trying to say to you, Arkady?

  Arkady Yes, I do.

  Vassily A dazzling future – did you hear that, Arina?

  Arina (now recovered) It’s a beautiful day now.

  Vassily There’s no doubt in your mind?

  Arkady None at all.

  Arina We should all be out in the garden.

  Arkady What area he’ll move into I can’t guess – science, philosophy, medicine, politics – he could be outstanding in any of them. But I do know he’s going to be famous.

  Vassily ‘Going to be famous’. Non superbus sed humilis sum. Because some day, Arkady, some day when his biography is written, the following lines will appear: ‘He was the son of a simple army doctor who from the beginning recognized his extra-ordinary talents and who despite every discouragement devoted his entire life and every penny he earned to his boy’s education.’

  Bazarov enters. He is instantly aware of the changed atmosphere and notices Vassily putting away his handkerchief. Arina gets quickly to her feet.

  Arkady Ah, Dr Bazarov on call!

  Arina It didn’t take you long.

  Arkady Where are the eggs? Did you not deserve a fee?

  Bazarov The woman had a sprained wrist. All I had to do was strap it.

  Arina Timofeich!

  Bazarov What’s been happening here?

  Arina You boys are about to go out and get a bit of colour in your faces, (to Bazarov) Take Arkady round by the acacia plantation and down to the old mill.

  Vassily I want to show them my herb garden first.

  Arina I need you to help me put up new curtains in the study, Vassily.

  Bazarov There’s something going on here.

  Vassily (unable to contain bis excitement any longer) There certainly is something going on here. Primo: Arkady Nikolayevich has just decided to spend the rest of the summer here with us. Secundo: I have just decided to invite Anna and Katya Odintsov to come and have dinner here with us next Sunday.

  Arina None of this has been –

  Vassily Please. Allow me. And tertio: I have had a bottle of champagne in my study for the past three years – and now is the time to open it.

  Arina We’ll celebrate later, Vassily. We’ll have your champagne at dinner tonight. Can you come into the study now?

  Vassily Your curtains are much less important –

  Arina Now. (to Bazarov and Arkady) We’ll eat at seven. Have a nice walk.

  She catches Vassily by the elbow and leads him quickly and firmly out.

  Bazarov What’s this all about?

  Arkady What’s what all about?

  Bazarov You know damn well what I mean.

  Arkady Just a moment, Bazarov. Just calm down. Your mother asked me what plans I had. I said none. Your father then said – excellent, spend the summer here.

  Bazarov Fine – fine – fine. Spend the summer here. But you’ll spend it here alone. And what’s this about inviting Anna over here next Sunday?

  Arkady You’re shouting, Bazarov.

  Bazarov How did that come up? Whose brilliant idea was that?

  Arkady Your father’s.

  Bazarov Who else! The moment you used the words miniature empire I could see the peasant eyes dilate. Well, that is not going to happen.

  Vassily puts his head around the door.

  Vassily A patient outside. Sorry – am I intruding? Suffering from icterus. I have him on a diet of centaurion minus, carrots and St John’s wort. Now I know you don’t believe in medicine, Y
evgeny, but I’d welcome your opinion on this. Not now, of course. Later. Later. Sorry. (He withdraws.)

  Bazarov A whole summer of that? Icterus – do you hear him! – icterus! He couldn’t say bloody jaundice, simple bloody jaundice like anybody else. And he’s prescribing bloody cabbage water and bloody carrots! For jaundice! The man’s a fool! That’s what he is – a fool, a fool, a fool! And he’s killing that poor bugger out there!

  Arkady I like him.

  Bazarov You like him.

  Arkady He’s a nice man.

  Bazarov My mother’s nice. My father’s nice. The lunch was nice. Your Uncle Pavel is nice. I’ve no idea what the word means. Let’s look at my father’s life and see can we not find a more exact word. What does he do all day? Fusses about his garden. Dabbles in medicine. Bores my mother to death with his endless and pointless prattle. And he’ll go on fussing and dabbling and boring until the whole insignificant little episode that was his trivial life is over. We can hardly call that nice, can we? What about futile? – fatuous? – would you risk ridiculous?

  Arkady And your life is so meaningful, Bazarov, so significant?

  Bazarov When we were out walking this morning we passed the new cottage that Father has just built for his bailiff and you said, ‘Only when every peasant has a decent place like that to live in, only then will Russia be close to perfection. And it’s our responsibility to bring that about.’ And your face positively glowed with … niceness. And I thought to myself, I thought: there really is an unbridgeable chasm between Arkady and me. He thinks he loves those damned peasants. I know I hate them. But I know, too, that when the time comes I will risk everything, everything for them, and I’m not at all sure if Brother Arkady is prepared to risk anything. But of course the ironic thing is that those same damned peasants won’t thank me – won’t ever know of my existence. So there they’ll be, all nice and cosy and smiling in their comfortable cottages and sending eggs up to Arkady in his big house; and Bazarov will be feeding the worms in some unmarked grave in the wilderness.

  Arkady I don’t know what your point is.

  Bazarov That life is ridiculous and he doesn’t know that it is.