‘I’m not tired.’
He smirks, and my heart loses control. ‘Who said anything about sleeping?’
I smile, and squeeze his hips with my legs. ‘We should probably do some work today, Neal.’
‘I don’t feel like working.’
Neither do I. But surely we can’t survive like this, locked away in our own little world forever. Can we? ‘We were away a lot yesterday, baby. I mean, we deserted everyone.’
He smirks again, and I laugh. How one man can be so utterly devastating is still beyond me. But he has some kind of control over me that I just can’t get a handle on. And I like it. I shouldn’t, but I do. And that scares me more than loving twisted sex and sick games. Because control is the one thing I promised myself I would never lose. And yet, I’m losing it now, I know I am. But I’d rather that than lose him. I can’t lose him.
‘You coming to the office?’
His voice yanks me back from my thoughts and I look at him, all salt-and-pepper stubble and messed-up hair. But those blue eyes – they never cease to take my breath away, their intensity is almost brutal at times.
I nod, and he smiles, and then I realise Barry might be there. At the Cannon Brothers offices. Well, he’ll almost definitely be there. Now Neal’s taken more of a back seat at the gallery he’s there most of the time. And he’s the last person I want to see, but letting him know he gets to me, sometimes… No. That’s not something I’m prepared to give him.
‘You hungry?’ Neal asks, disentangling himself from my legs and stepping back, and I watch as he opens the fridge and grabs some eggs before sliding out a drawer and taking out a large frying pan. ‘I do a mean scrambled egg.’
I slide down from the countertop and lean back against it, folding my arms and smiling as he cracks eggs into a bowl. It’s actually the first time I’ve seen him cook. I’ve been here in his Manhattan home for a few weeks now yet I’ve never seen him cook in this kitchen. We’ve always eaten out or ordered in, and I’ve only just realised that. How different my life has become since I arrived here. Since I entered Neal Cannon’s world.
‘What’s so special about them?’
He looks at me, and smiles. ‘You’ll see.’
I continue to watch him as he grinds pepper and adds milk, my eyes transfixed on the muscles in his arms as he whisks those eggs hard.
I fetch some plates from the cupboard beside me and take them over to him, gently touching his waist as I lay them down on the counter, and his skin is warm and taut and I think I want him to cook for me more, as long as he always does it shirtless.
‘The secret is a handful of the best parmesan bought from an incredible little Italian deli two blocks from here.’
He turns his head slightly and catches my mouth in a quick kiss before he turns his attention back to those eggs, sprinkling a generous measure of cheese over them and stirring it in. Then he dishes up, and sprinkles another handful of cheese over the eggs. They smell amazing, and even though I wasn’t really hungry before, I’m kind of getting there now.
He places a hand on my hip and gently pulls me against him, scooping up a forkful of eggs. ‘Here. Taste this.’ I close my eyes as he feeds me, and it’s the most surprisingly erotic thing – to be fed eggs, by him. ‘See? I told you I make a mean scrambled egg.’
I open my eyes and smile at him, kissing him quickly. ‘Yeah. OK. I’ll give you that.’
We take our plates and sit down at the table. It’s starting to get light outside now, and it’s nice, just sitting here, eating breakfast, watching as the city below gets ready to start another new day. It feels normal. But I’m still not sure normal suits me, or him. I don’t think normal was ever meant to be, for me. And he’s been there, once, I know he has; he’s tried it. But I don’t think he’s ever gone back. Not since his wife died. And now we’ve found each other; now we’ve created our own world to exist in, normality doesn’t really visit us all that often. And even though this is nice – this is a little respite from the constant fucking and the sex games we build our lives around now; this is nice, but it’s temporary. I think we both know that.
‘You and Kandi…’
His voice once more drags me back from my thoughts. ‘What about us?’
‘You’re just friends. Right?’
I narrow my eyes as I look at him. He knows. It’s obvious. So I’m not going to lie.
‘We’ve been more than that. In the past.’
He holds my gaze. Even as he takes a sip of coffee he’s looking at me over the rim of his mug and I feel his stare pierce my soul, it’s that deep. That intense. ‘Not now though, huh?’
‘What do you want me to say, Neal?’
‘How long were you together?’
I stare at him, and his expression is a little different now. Not mistrusting, exactly. No. I’d say he seems, I don’t know – scared. Threatened? Maybe that’s a better word.
I look down at my plate and absent-mindedly scrape my fork through the remnants of egg left on there. ‘It wasn’t a relationship as such.’ My voice is quiet, and I don’t look at him as I speak. I don’t want to. I’m not even sure he needs to hear all of this, despite what Joey thinks. ‘When we met it… it wasn’t long after everything had happened with…’ I stop talking and swallow hard, looking up and out of the window. Dawn really is breaking now, almost comforting in its warmth as a deep orange glow fills the sky over Manhattan.
‘Kira, I’m sorry…’
My head snaps back to look at him, but his gaze has dropped. ‘No. You wanted to know, so I’ll tell you.’
He slowly raises his head, and our eyes meet, and that connection that hasn’t once let its grip on us loosen is still there; still strong and so very real. It’s terrifying. Because I’m not sure what it would actually take to break it. ‘I saw you both, together. In our office, at the club. It was opening night, just after you’d been out there, doing your thing.’ He pushes a hand through his hair, his eyes still fixed on mine. ‘You were naked, in front of the mirror, and she was touching you, and the way you…’ He drops his gaze again, and it’s definitely a strange kind of fear he’s giving off. I don’t think he’s angry. I think he really does feel threatened. But what he doesn’t know is that I feel threatened, too. After last night, of course I feel threatened. ‘You looked as though…’ He glances up, and I don’t know what to think. What he wants me to do. I don’t know what he wants from this. ‘It looked as though you might still have something going on.’
‘We don’t.’
‘Do you need her?’
‘For sex? No. Not anymore.’
‘But you did. Once.’
‘Yes. I did. Once.’
He says nothing for a couple of beats, but his eyes never leave mine. And I can’t read his expression, I really can’t, and that makes me slightly nervous.
‘When I met her, Neal, everything that had happened with Simon – it was still very raw. I was still dealing with it, and all the repercussions…’ I trail off again and I break the stare, turning my head to look back out of the window. ‘I was still pretending to deal with it. All of it. And I wasn’t really dealing with it all that well, and Kandi she – she was there, you know? And she was kind, and she cared…’
‘Joey cared.’
I look at him. ‘Joey couldn’t give me what I needed at the time.’
‘Sex?’
‘Comfort.’
‘Joey didn’t comfort you?’
‘Not the way Kandi could.’
‘So, you are talking sex, then.’ Again, that wasn’t a question.
‘Yes, OK, sex came into it. What Simon did… he hadn’t stolen everything from me. I still craved closeness. I just didn’t want it from a man. The only men who touched me like that were the ones who paid for it.’ I stare deeper into his eyes, and I feel strangely calm, even though he’s making me remember memories I still don’t want to dredge up. My past is still something painful; something so full of regrets, and I really don’t want to go b
ack there. He doesn’t know how dangerous it is, for me, to go back there too often. ‘And then came you.’
He drops his gaze again, and I once more turn my head to look out of the window.
‘She moved in with me and Joey… I suppose some people would have said we became a couple, but I never really saw it like that. I mean, we didn’t really do the kind of things couples do. We were escorts. Nothing about our life was normal or ordinary, but… she listened, when I needed to talk. Although, she never knew what Simon had really done to me. And she never will know.’
‘Why didn’t you tell her?’
I can feel his eyes on me now, and I turn to look at him. ‘Because I was trying to forget it had happened. He wasn’t going to invade my new life; he didn’t get to do that.’
He turns his head away, breaking the stare for just a second before he looks back at me. ‘All that girl-on-girl stuff… you and her used to offer that as a service, right?’
I nod, my eyes scanning his face for reasons why he feels the need to do this.
‘Was that happening before or after you guys…?’
‘After. She’d moved out by that time, had her own place…’
‘But you still missed her, huh?’
I hold his gaze, leaving a couple of beats before I say anything else. ‘We weren’t fucking in private anymore, but we still wanted to be together.’
‘So why not just carry on being a couple?’
‘I was messed-up, Neal. You didn’t know me back then. Ten years ago I was a fucking mess. I didn’t want a relationship, with a man or a woman. But I needed – something.’
‘And fucking for fun, for money – in front of men who jerk off while they watch…’
‘You didn’t seem to mind when we were fucking for you.’
He gets up, kicks his chair back and pulls me up out of my seat, slamming me back against the wall of glass, kissing me hard and I respond, because I’m so fucking turned-on. My legs are back around his hips, and he’s pushing inside me, and he’s taking me like he owns me; I’m not sure he would have stopped, even if I hadn’t been willing, and that terrifies me. He knows what I went through, how that affected me, and to think he would take me, without knowing if I wanted it, too… that terrifies me. But he can read me, he’s so good at that, and he knew, the second he kicked his chair back – he knew I wanted this, just as much as he does. And I think that terrifies me more – that he knows me so well, after such a short time. Is that why he has so much control over me already? Why I’m letting him take it?
‘I need you so much, Kira,’ he murmurs into my hair as he continues to fuck me, his thrusts so violent I’m being pushed back hard against the glass, but I don’t care. I don’t feel the pain. I just feel him. ‘I need you so much, baby.’
Yeah. He feels threatened. By Kandi? No. He shouldn’t feel that. There really is no need. Kandi isn’t a threat. She never will be. I don’t want her, I want him. But something doesn’t feel the same, after last night. And I don’t know what it is, exactly. But something just doesn’t feel right.
Something’s beginning to penetrate our beautiful bubble.
Something I don’t understand?
Or something I’m trying to pretend doesn’t exist…
Fourteen
Neal
‘You’re gracing us with your presence today, then?’
I’m not really in the mood for my brother right now. I don’t even want to be here, but I’m trying to inject at least a modicum of normality into my world. Even if I don’t want it there.
‘She here with you?’
I turn to look at him, narrowing my eyes. ‘You not got something you need to be doing?’
‘Yeah. Your fucking workload.’
‘Jesus, Barry, you go to lunch with clients in expensive restaurants, you visit art galleries, attend parties; travel the fucking world. It’s not like you’re doing shit you don’t want to do.’
‘You used to do all those things, too.’
‘Yeah, well, I don’t do so much of it these days, do I.’
‘You used to like doing all those things.’
‘And things have changed, Barry. Alright?’
I turn away and continue checking over a painting I’ve recently sourced for a client of ours in New Jersey.
‘You’re putting this business’ reputation on the line, Neal. You know that, don’t you?’
I don’t want to get into this. I’m really not in the mood.
‘That club, the fact your girlfriend’s a hooker…’
Jesus! I’m gonna fucking kill him!
‘Watch your mouth, Barry.’ He’s trying to get a rise out of me, I can tell. That’s why he’s pushing it; why he’s showing his ignorance and goading me.
‘You’re putting our reputation on the line, Neal. Everything we built up…’
‘Do you want me to leave the business? Huh? Is that what you want?’
‘What I want is for you to get your head back in the game and… Isn’t she out of your fucking system yet?’
Yeah. I’m not doing this.
‘Call Moira Franks for me, will you? Tell her this painting’s authentic. It’s the real deal. I can arrange to have it taken over to her tomorrow, or she can send someone here to collect it. Either way, that’s another happy client.’
‘And where are you going?’
‘The club. I’ve got a meeting with the managers.’
I start to walk away. I’ve only been here an hour and I’ve already had enough.
‘You know she’s got some kind of weird thing going on with her friend, don’t you?’
I stop dead, but I don’t turn around, not straight away.
‘Or is the fact she’s cheating on you with a woman not something that bothers you?’
Now I turn around, and the slight smirk on his face is something that makes my hackles rise. But I’ve got this. I’m not giving him what he wants. ‘You think I don’t know about that? Huh? You really think I don’t know that my girlfriend once had a relationship with a woman?’
He looks a bit confused now. Good. He doesn’t get to do this shit and think he’s won.
‘She isn’t cheating on me, Barry. I know all about her and Kandi. I know, OK? So whatever you’re trying to do here, forget it. It’s pointless. Because I already know.’ I move a little closer to him. If he wants shit I’ll give him shit. I’m right in the fucking mood. ‘And all that stuff they were doing up on that stage the other night… all that hot, girl-on-girl action that gets men’s dicks hard in a heartbeat – I get to see that in private, too. Have I not mentioned that? Did I not tell you what Kira got me for my birthday, huh?’ I smile and laugh because I’m enjoying this now. ‘She got me my own real-life wet dream, Barry. I got to see her and Kandi-Ann in all their naked glory, making out, right there in front of me. I got to see it all. And last night – do you know what happened last night?’ I move further into his space, because I’m wired now, I’m so fucking wired. ‘I had them both. Man, that was one hot freaking threesome.’
‘What the hell happened to you, Neal?’
His voice is low; quiet. Almost disbelieving. But I’m so over this; so over it all. ‘You know where I am, if you need me.’
But this world I once lived in, I can feel it moving further and further away from me with every day that passes.
And I really don’t think I care.
Kira
I made some excuse not to go to the gallery offices. I’m not in the mood for Barry. He’s just a reminder of how real-life gets in the way. I came here instead, to Bam-Bams, to see Joey. And as I walk into the club a feeling of déjà vu takes over – same club, different city. But it’s nice. It’s the only familiarity I have – Joey and Benni and this new branch of the Bam-Bams family. I need that more than anyone will ever know.
‘You OK, honey? You’re looking a bit lost.’
I glance up to see Fran standing there, and I have to blink a couple of times because I’ve only ever seen hi
m without the make-up and the wigs once before. But as I look at him now, dressed in a simple outfit of jeans and a white T-shirt, his own hair short and dark and slightly curly, it strikes me what a handsome man he is. His skin’s the colour of milk chocolate, and his eyes are dark and almost brooding, something I haven’t noticed before because he usually wears green contacts. But I always knew he had killer cheekbones because he has a way of accentuating them with blusher that took me years to perfect, and without the make-up they’re still stunning. I’m verging on jealous.
Obsession (Forbidden #2) Page 12
