Beneath an Irish Sky (Choc Lit)

by Connor, Isabella

  ‘He didn’t seem to think it was a good idea.’ Understatement of the year. Emer looked disappointed so he added, ‘I showed him a photo of Matt, my son. Said he really wanted them to meet, which is true. I phoned Matt last night. Luke didn’t say he’d come, but he didn’t say no, either.’

  Jack was painting his offer to Luke in a better light to get Emer’s approval. If she’d been a fly on the wall in the day room, she’d likely have given him a low mark for effort.

  ‘He’ll need some time to think about it,’ Emer concluded. ‘But well done you for asking.’

  Jack was surprised how much he needed that small sign of approval. He’d felt so very alone here in Dublin, not knowing what to do for the best.

  They chatted on – about Luke, about Emer’s job, about Ireland. She was close to finishing her sandwich. Time was ticking by so Jack risked a personal question. ‘Do you have any children, Emer?’ Hardly a subtle way to find out if someone was married or not, but it was the best he could come up with at short notice.

  ‘No, I’m not married. I was nearly engaged once, but it didn’t work out.’

  She sounded sad and he wished he hadn’t asked. Always putting his foot in it.

  ‘What about you, Jack? Is there someone special in your life?’

  He glanced at Emer and was sure he saw a spark of interest in her eyes. He could just imagine his mother telling him he’d fallen for one Irish woman and it hadn’t worked out so it surely wasn’t wise to risk it again. Pushing that thought aside, he surprised himself by answering Emer truthfully. ‘I was in a relationship with the local hotelier, Sarah, but I ended it a few months ago. I hadn’t been feeling any real emotion for some time, and I don’t think she had either. I guess we both kept going because it was comfortable and convenient.’ But empty. He’d never quite reached the level of emotion he’d had with both Caroline and Annie. And if Annie could leave their perfect relationship, what hope was there? Maybe that’s why he’d never divorced her on the grounds of abandonment – because it was an excuse not to get married again, with all the risks that involved.

  ‘Sarah and I have been friends since we were children.’ Jack continued. ‘I think maybe it was just easy because it didn’t involve all the effort of getting to know each other – and it was without all that “first flush” stuff that can leave you drained when it goes wrong.’

  He looked down at his hands, feeling a bit embarrassed and vulnerable at his revelation. Was he coming across as pathetic?

  Emer spoke, quietly. ‘My last relationship was a disaster. He was two-timing me. Seems like everyone else knew but me. Hard to hold your head up high after that. And it’s made me a bit afraid of trying again.’

  Jack had felt like that after Annie left. All the good memories soured and nothing left but a broken heart. ‘He must be blind. Or stupid. Or both,’ he said. ‘You’re well shot of him.’

  Was there a hint of a blush on Emer’s face? She pushed some escaped curls behind her ear and then yelped in pain. He could see her earring caught in a strand of hair. ‘Let me …’

  He carefully disentangled the earring and put it gently back in place, his fingers brushing her skin ever so slightly. She seemed to tremble, but perhaps she was still cold.

  ‘Thank you, Jack. I’m such an eejit,’ Emer said, folding and refolding the sandwich wrapper. ‘I shouldn’t wear dangly earrings with this hair. Who’d have thought curls could be so dangerous, eh?’

  ‘I love curls.’ The words were out before he could stop them. So uncool. He couldn’t have been more embarrassingly obvious if he’d tried. Matt would be groaning if he could hear his father now. ‘How was the sandwich?’ he asked, grasping at any diverting topic.

  ‘It filled the spot well. If you like, I can put those extra sandwiches in the Relatives’ Room.’

  ‘Good idea.’ He passed her the carrier bag.

  Spots of rain began to patter on the rooftop and they stood up.

  ‘Well, that was at least twenty minutes without any rain,’ said Emer. ‘It’s a miracle.’

  As they headed to the door, Jack asked, ‘Could we meet again tomorrow? If you don’t have other plans, that is. You mentioned you had a half-day off.’

  ‘Won’t you be with Luke?’

  That was a strong hint about where his duty lay. ‘I’ll see him in the morning, but I’m sure he’ll be tired and want a rest in the afternoon.’

  ‘Okay, then. We could meet up. What would you like to do?’

  Leaving the rooftop behind, the noise of hospital life surged back again, but Jack was only dimly aware of his surroundings as he and Emer made plans for the next day.

  One – pause … two – pause. Luke hauled himself along the hospital corridor, crutches first, then his aching legs. A sharp pain from his ribs accompanied every movement. His heart was hammering. Half an hour to get this far. The afternoon would be over at this rate. He glanced at the signs on each of the doors he passed. Finally, the one he wanted. If she wasn’t there, he’d have to collapse outside and wait. He managed an awkward knock.

  ‘Come in.’

  Could she not have come to the door and made his life a bit easier? He fumbled with the handle, the crutches making it difficult to reach. He couldn’t open it so knocked again.

  ‘That’s taking politeness too far …’ Emer said, opening the door. ‘Luke! Don’t tell me you came all this way on your crutches?’

  ‘It seemed a doddle when I started out – two days ago,’ he joked.

  ‘I do make house calls, y’know.’

  ‘I needed the exercise.’

  ‘Come in,’ she said. ‘Sit yourself down. I’ve just made some tea.’

  Luke collapsed onto the sofa, the crutches falling untidily onto the floor. The pain in his ribs was a killer. Perhaps he wouldn’t be up for this trip after all.

  ‘I’ve broken out the ginger creams in your honour,’ said Emer, a moment later, handing him a cup of tea with two biscuits on the saucer. She propped his crutches against the wall before sitting at her desk.

  He liked her office. Toys in one corner. Books everywhere. Photos on the wall – her family maybe. Lots of plants.

  ‘So, how’s things?’ she asked, sipping her tea.

  Terrible. Traumatic. Sleepless nights filled with pain and memories. Best not to say any of that, though. He’d sound like a whiner. ‘Jack Stewart asked me to go home with him.’

  ‘And how do you feel about that?’

  ‘He doesn’t want me. He’s just askin’ out of guilt.’ The man hadn’t even looked at him when he’d suggested it. Going to Wales with his mam had been one thing. Going to England as good as alone was something else.

  ‘I don’t think you know Jack well enough to guess his motives.’

  ‘I’ve heard plenty about him. I know what he is and what he’s done.’ Luke hated sounding so angry. So bitter and childish. But it wasn’t his fault.

  Emer set down her cup. ‘That’s just hearsay. Things other people have told you.’

  ‘My mother’s not “other people”.’

  ‘Of course not. I didn’t mean that, but you should hear Jack’s side before you decide what to do. Before you close any doors.’

  She didn’t understand. It was the Stewart family who’d closed doors. Years before. Slammed them in his mother’s face. He’d seen the evidence with his own eyes.

  ‘I just want to help, Luke. I don’t want to push you.’

  He wished she would. It would be easier if someone could make all his decisions for him. ‘You can help me,’ he said. ‘It’s why I came. Can you take me to see my mam?’

  She was silent. He prayed she wouldn’t let him down. He couldn’t manage it alone.

  ‘Don’t you think Jack should be the one to take you?’

  ‘No way! I wouldn’t ask
him for anythin’.’ There he was, raising his voice again. Just the thought of Jack Stewart made him lose it.

  ‘I’ll have to clear it with your doctor first.’

  He sat there while Emer made the necessary calls. This was going to be hard. Part of him wanted to remember his mother the way she was, but he’d regret it if he didn’t see her. This was his only chance to say goodbye. It was the right thing to do, and he was glad Emer would be with him.

  ‘If you’ll come this way, Mr Kiernan.’ It took a moment for Luke to realise the receptionist was talking to him. ‘Mr Kiernan’ meant his grand-da or his uncles, not him.

  ‘I’ll be right here, Luke,’ Emer told him, settling in a chair at reception. ‘Take your time.’

  Now he was actually in the McBride Funeral Home, Luke felt less confident about his decision. What if it was really bad? What if the accident had wrecked his mother’s face? Joe’s friend had crashed his motorbike into a tree and no one could recognise him at the wake. Imagine that being your last memory of a loved one.

  ‘Just press the button by the door if you need anything, sir.’

  The receptionist left Luke in a room with cream walls and high windows. The open casket was at the far side with imitation candles at both ends. Flowers banked the bier. Luke approached the coffin slowly, focusing on the crucifix on the wall. How had it come to this? Her life ended on a stupid country road. Such a waste. So unfair. He stopped by the coffin, took a deep breath, and looked down.

  ‘Oh Mam!’ She could have been sleeping, but for the cut down one side of her face. Please God, let her open her eyes. Bring her back. Just bring her back. Don’t make me go through life without her. Please. The pain of loss was worse than all his injuries. And there was guilt, too. They’d had to leave Ennis because of him. He’d made a mistake and she’d paid for it. He had a lump in his throat, but no tears came. He hadn’t cried in years. He’d learned not to.

  Someone had twined a set of rosary beads through Annie’s fingers. Not her rosary, the little silver one. That was still in the suitcase. He should be saying a prayer for her right now. Helping her soul to heaven. ‘Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord,’ he whispered. ‘And let … and let …’ He couldn’t finish. He knew the words, just couldn’t get them out. What was wrong with him? He tried again, a different prayer.

  ‘Hail, holy Queen, Mother of Mercy,

  Our life, our sweetness, and our hope.

  To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve …’

  Banished. His mother had been banished by the Stewarts. Rejected. Not good enough for them. A well of resentment was building inside. He tried to push it back down. This wasn’t the time or the place. These were the last few precious moments with his mother. He needed to focus on her. Somehow he managed to lean down and kiss her cold cheek. ‘Bye, Mam. I love you.’

  He’d miss her all the days of his life, but she was finally at rest after years of suffering. That was some small consolation. Now he wanted revenge. He wanted chaos. Wreckage. And he wouldn’t rest till the towers of the Stewart family came crashing down.

  ‘Jack Stewart, please.’

  Emer swirled the wine in her glass as she waited for the hotel receptionist to put her through to Jack’s room. It was after nine – hopefully he wouldn’t be sleeping. She wasn’t even sure she should be calling him, but Luke’s expression when he came out of the room at the funeral home had worried her. It was as if the trauma of the accident had hit him again with full force. His face was pale and his eyes hollow. Haunted.

  ‘Hello?’ Jack’s voice came on the line.

  ‘Hello, Jack – it’s Emer.’

  ‘Emer! I hope you’re not going to cancel tomorrow.’

  She couldn’t help smiling to herself. It’d been a while since anybody had made her feel wanted. ‘No, we’re still on,’ she told him. ‘I just wanted to update you on Luke.’

  ‘Oh.’

  Emer wished he didn’t sound so disappointed. His negativity towards Luke was, so far, the one thing about him she didn’t like.

  ‘I took him to the funeral home this afternoon. He asked me to go with him so he could say goodbye to his mother.’

  There was silence at the end of the line.

  ‘Jack – are you there?’

  There was a long sigh. ‘I wish he hadn’t gone. Surely that’s the last thing he needed. Couldn’t you have stalled him until I had a chance to speak to him?’

  She could have. Perhaps she should have, but Luke was an adult who had to be allowed to make his own decisions. ‘I think he would have gone anyway. I preferred to be there in case he needed me.’

  Silence again. Emer sipped at her wine, and waited.

  ‘I suppose he was upset afterwards,’ Jack finally said. ‘Probably hated me afresh all over again.’

  Emer bristled. ‘It wasn’t really about you, Jack. It was about Luke and his mother. And yes, he was upset. He was very pale when he came out. And very quiet. No tears, but he was shaken. I asked the nurses to keep a close eye on him.’

  She’d spoken sharply and Jack might be offended. That would be unfortunate, but she was only doing her job. Luke was a young man in a world of pain and she’d do all she could to support him.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Jack, but there was still an undercurrent of frustration in his voice.

  ‘You know,’ Emer said, ‘beneath that tough façade, I think Luke’s crying out for affection – for someone who cares.’

  Jack gave an ironic laugh. ‘I must have missed that somehow. In between his throwing things and calling me a bastard.’

  Emer wanted to shout Get over yourself! but held back. ‘Luke’s obviously built a defensive wall around himself. Can’t you understand that? Every time you get into a confrontation with him, he builds the wall higher. Give him time to adjust. Support him whenever you can. And don’t, for God’s sake, criticise him for going to pay his respects to his mother. Promise me you won’t do that tomorrow.’

  ‘Of course not!’ exclaimed Jack. ‘What kind of a man do you think I am?’

  It seemed father and son shared a bit of a temper. As did Emer – her father used to call her a spitfire when she’d give out about some perceived injustice. Time to take things down a notch now, though, or they’d all get nowhere fast. ‘I think you’re a generous man at heart. A kind man. And I’d like Luke to see that side of you. As I said, just be patient. You’ve both got a funeral to get through – you’ll need all your strength for that.’

  ‘The funeral.’ All the fire had suddenly gone out of Jack’s voice. ‘I’ve put off thinking about that. I’ll ask Luke tomorrow if he wants it to be in Ennis or here in Dublin.’

  ‘Travellers like to be buried in a place they’ve known. You could … no, I guess not …’ She stopped herself. It was a mad suggestion.

  ‘What were you going to say? … Emer?’

  ‘Well, just that if Luke goes home with you to England, you could bury Annie there.’

  There was silence. She’d probably overstepped the mark. It was none of her business really.

  ‘Luke will likely veto that idea but I’ll run it past him anyway,’ conceded Jack.

  He was making an effort, Emer could see that. Jack’s life had also been turned upside down when the past had come back to haunt him in a shocking way. Perhaps she should cut him some slack.

  ‘So, do you still want to meet tomorrow?’ she asked. ‘Or have you had enough of my bossiness?’

  ‘I’ll be there,’ he promised. ‘But I might be wearing a bulletproof vest.’

  Emer laughed, relieved she hadn’t scared him off. It wasn’t everyone who would take on a straight-talking woman. She’d tone it down a bit tomorrow, though.

  Chapter Four

  Tuesday morning. Three days since Jack had arrived in Dublin. It seemed longer. He was e
ating breakfast when his mobile rang: Emer.

  ‘Jack – can you come to the hospital?’

  He caught the urgency in her voice. ‘Has something happened to Luke?’

  ‘No, he’s okay,’ she reassured him. ‘But the Guards have just turned up to interview him. They’re in the waiting room while he’s having some tests. I told you how upset he was yesterday. I think he needs some support, a family member in his corner … This is important, Jack.’

  God, they’d be raking over the accident. All the details about the car crash. Could Jack cope with that? ‘Can’t you …’

  Emer hung up without saying goodbye. Obviously pissed off with him. Great.

  Jack pushed his breakfast aside and grabbed his coat. He’d only been about to say Can’t you put them off for today? Emer, though, probably thought he was suggesting she take Jack’s place during the police interview. Now their afternoon could be spoiled because of this.

  Not for the first time, he cursed Luke Kiernan.

  Luke assessed the two Guards standing in his hospital room. The usual double act. Introduced themselves as though that made them individuals, but they seemed like all the other Guards he’d met. They generally despised Travellers. Assumed they were all crooks and troublemakers. Didn’t give a damn about the decent ones. Only regular folk got respect and protection.

  Like that night, some ten years ago, when his Uncle Joe was knocking Annie about … again. Luke had quietly called the police from the hall phone. The Guards didn’t turn up till the next day, and when they did, they brought a search warrant and ransacked the house, looking for stolen goods. Any excuse. They eventually looked at his mother’s bruises, asking if she wanted to press charges, but of course she’d said no. They made a comment about her child being worried, which landed Luke in it good and proper. Joe had gone mental because the police had been called and later he bashed Luke’s head so hard against a wall that blood ran from his ear. He couldn’t stand up for a week without feeling dizzy.

  It was a lesson. The authorities were added to Luke’s growing list of people not to trust. No one was going to help him or his mother. They were on their own, and it was down to him to look after her. Fine job he’d made of that.