“Everything okay?” he asked and opened the fridge.
“You can’t do that,” I barked and looked over at him.
“Do what?” He had a boyish grin on his face.
“You know exactly what you did.”
Nate didn’t speak. Instead, his eyes softened, the grin disappeared from his face, and I was greeted with the most delectable fuck me smile. His tongue ran across his lips.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
He closed the fridge door behind him. I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t.
“Like I want to taste you,” he whispered as he walked by. Goosebumps exploded all over my body. Nate stopped at the sliding door and tugged it open just as Julian made his way into the kitchen.
“If I remember correctly, it’s very sweet,” Nate said.
My cheeks burned.
“What’s sweet?” Julian asked.
Frantic, I shoved my hands into the dishwater and cut myself on a knife. “Fuck!” I jerked my hand out and rinsed off my finger. Luckily, Julian was more concerned with my little cut than Nate’s comment.
I should have put a stop to it all.
I should have packed my bags and run.
But something kept me there.
Maybe it was my vow to stay by Julian through good times and bad. Or maybe it was that somewhere deep down I knew I could never stay away from Nate, no mattered how hard I tried. The love I felt for him was all consuming—and ugly. It never died. It couldn’t. Ten years later we were still the same two people, desperate to be near each other. Our love knew no limits. It didn’t care how many people we hurt, or how badly we hurt each other.
The few seconds we spent together healed years of pain.
There were stolen moments.
Soft, forbidden touches.
Glances that made my heart speed in my chest.
I savored every second.
I felt when his eyes were on me. When he scanned my body from across the room.
Slowly, I began to dress for him: nicer shirts and shorter shorts. A little more blush on my cheeks. I spent more time in the morning making sure my hair was exactly how I wanted it.
It was all for him.
I insinuated my feelings toward him, but I never acted on them. After our passionate kiss in the garage, I kept my distance. My heart was still torn on what I should do. I reminded myself it was for my own good. It was the right thing to do. As if after everything we had been through, I suddenly developed a moral compass.
Julian was getting the help he needed, and that weight was lifted off my shoulders. But I couldn’t leave him now.
For better or for worse.
In sickness and in health.
‘Til death do us part.
It was late one night when I arrived home from the diner to find Delaney out on the deck. She had her feet up, her Kindle on her lap, and a glass of red wine in her hand.
“Hey, D.” I smiled as I passed her.
“You're just now getting home?” I nodded. “Come, have a drink with me.” I didn’t see the harm in that since she was alone.
Two glasses later, we were in a deep conversation about life and how much difference ten years made. We reminisced about our college years and so on. Eventually, Julian came and sat next to me. He had been sober three weeks and proudly carried around his sobriety chip.
He kissed me on the cheek and joined the conversation. Delaney was telling us about Caleb’s summer camp when my phone buzzed on the table. I slid my finger across the screen and was greeted with a text message.
Nicole: I want you for me.
I brought my phone closer to my chest and responded.
Me: That sounds like a personal problem.
Nicole: You look beautiful.
I glanced up and looked around. The kitchen was empty. My glare moved to his office where I spotted him on his chair. He smiled, and my phone buzzed.
Nicole: Hi.
I shoved my phone in my pocket and pushed off the chair. “I'm going to head in,” I stated. “I have an early day tomorrow.”
“Goodnight,” Delaney said.
“I'll be right in.” Julian grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. He then looked over at Delaney and began telling her he had attended the same camp Caleb was at when he was a kid. I was halfway up the steps when I pulled out my phone.
Me: Hi
Nicole: I can't stop thinking about you.
Me: I know what you mean.
Nicole: You’re not going to tell me to stop?
Me: I can’t fight it anymore.
A few seconds passed before the three little dots appeared on my screen.
Nicole: Leave him.
Me: I can’t.
I waited for Nate to respond, but when he didn’t, I sent him a message.
Me: Leave her.
Nicole: Tell me when.
Me: What are we doing?
Nicole: I don’t know. It feels too perfect to stop.
I stared at his message. It was perfect.
My phone buzzed with a new statement.
Nicole: You're avoiding me.
Me: You know why.
Nicole: Tell me you don't want this, and I'll leave you alone.
Me: This is wrong.
Nicole: But it feels right.
Me: We can’t keep doing this.
Nicole: What? Texting?
Me: Ass! I don't want to be your dirty mistress.
Nicole: I want to be with you.
Me: You know that's not possible.
Nicole: Why?
Me: Julian. Delaney. Caleb.
Nicole: So we should be miserable because of them? My life is like the people in a picture frame at a store. The people look happy, their life seems perfect. But I was a stranger in it all. I love my son, and that will never change, but whether I’m with you or her, he will still be my son.
Me: No, we can't be together. I’m not some random girl you fell in love with. I was her roommate in college, her best friend. And let’s not forget that I married your brother. Every which way we look at this, it’s wrong.
Nicole: But I need you.
Me: I know. Me too. But we can’t.
Nicole: Just one taste.
Me: Stop.
Nicole: I still remember what your body feels like. I could never forget.
Me: Stop talking like that.
Nicole: Tell me you forgot about me and I'll stop.
I exhaled the visions that bombarded my mind.
Me: Your office is red.
Nicole: If it were up to me, I'd paint the whole damn house red. Everything reminds me of you, but the red on the wall reminds me of a night I could never forget It’s a constant reminder of everything I lost.
I sighed. My heart ached in my chest as I remembered a time where it was only the two of us breaking into a school to paint a Christmas tree on a wall.
Me: I should go. I have an early day tomorrow.
Nicole: Tell me.
Me: What?
Nicole: That you still love me.
Me: You know I never stopped.
Nicole: Me either.
Me: Maybe in a different lifetime.
Nicole: Maybe.
Maybe in a different universe, Nate and I could be happily married. Maybe then we could have had our happily ever after.
Chapter 30
Nathaniel
She was living only a few feet away yet I couldn’t have her. Not the way I wanted. Most of the time I felt I was in front of a candy store and the doors were locked. I spent hours in my office looking up into her bedroom hoping to get a glimpse of her. Even a smile was enough.
Our text messages continued back and forth, and my phone was glued to me at all times. It got to the point that Delaney brought it to my attention.
“Are you going to put that thing down?” Delaney said from across the room. We were in the living room watching a movie with Caleb late Friday night.
“Huh?” I said a
nd placed the phone on the coffee table. Face down.
“You’re always on that thing. It’s literally glued to your hand.” Delaney stood and walked over to the bar. She uncorked a bottle of wine and poured herself a glass. My gaze was on her. She had already polished off one bottle during dinner.
“Are you . . .” Words failed me. There had to be a way to ask her if she was planning to drink another entire bottle.
“Don’t.” she barked from across the room.
“I didn’t say anything.” I lifted my hands in defeat.
“Your eyes say it all, Nate. It’s been a hellish week at work. I need a drink.” Delaney brought the glass to her lips and sipped the Merlot.
“How’s work going?”
“Why do you care?”
“Because you’ve been drinking almost every day. If work is bad maybe you should sell the boutique.”
“First.” She placed her glass on a side table. “I’m not drinking every day. I usually have a few glasses throughout the week and that’s to unwind. Second, I’m doing something I love. I’m not one to sit home and be your desperate housewife who waits for you to come home.”
“Whoa.” I held my hand up to stop her. “I’m concerned. That’s all.”
“Yeah, sure you are.”
“What’s with the backhanded comments?”
Delaney sighed, her facial features softened, and she sat back on the couch. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately. I think I just need a vacation.” She shifted on the couch and sat on her foot. “Do you think maybe you can take some time off? We can get away.” She looked over at Caleb who had tuned us out, and then back over at me. “Just the two of us.”
“Sure.” I nodded.
This was where things always seemed to be complicated. I was in love with my brother’s wife, who also happened to once be best friends with my wife. Any man would love a child-free vacation that consisted of sex whenever the mood arose. But going away with Delaney meant a week away from Brielle.
Brielle said we should keep our lives the same. She didn’t want me to change the way I was with Delaney. There was only one way to solve this problem.
I’d be inviting Julian and Brielle on vacation with us.
The following morning, I strolled the long hallway of City Hall until I found Julian’s office. I worked on the opposite side of the building with the town’s Architectural Department; Julian worked for the Department of Social Services.
Tapping on the door, I waited for him to invite me in. “Hey.” I said when he didn’t look my way.
“Oh, Nate,” he said. I stepped further in and sat on the leather chair opposite his desk. “What brings you to this side.”
My eyes scanned the surface of his desk. A dollar bill was rolled up near his hand. “I . . . uh.” I couldn’t pull my gaze from the narrow tube he’d fashioned from the money. He caught my gaze and dragged it inside a drawer. “I wanted to ask what your plans were for the beginning of the year?”
Julian wiped the tip of his nose with the back of his hand. “I have no idea what I’ll be doing in six months. Why?”
It was then I paused and took note of my brother. His pupils were dilated, and his tongue ran over his teeth. His fingertips tapped over the papers on his desk. He was jittery. I’d seen this behavior before. Gerald, one of my very first foster parents, carried a rolled up dollar bill with him when he was blowing coke.
I nodded, leaned forward so my elbows were on my knees. “Delaney wants to go away. I figured I’d invite you and Brielle.”
“Yeah, sure. I don’t see why not.”
I waited a few seconds, gauging his movements. “Is everything okay with you?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You sure? Nothing you want to talk to me about?”
“I’m good, Nate. Not everything I do needs to be run by you.”
I stood. There was no need to push it. I knew without a doubt that Julian was using drugs. He had merely replaced one addiction with another.
“I’ll see you later,” I said and walked out of his office. When I rounded the corner I muttered under my breath, “Fuck.”
How the hell could I tell Brielle that I suspected Julian was using?
The following morning, I was walking out of the house when Brielle was walking out of the garage. She was in her work uniform and carrying a traveler’s mug. She stopped when she noticed me.
“Good morning,” I said with a grin.
“Morning.”
“Have a good day at work.” I pulled open my car door. She smiled and climbed into her car.
Brielle pulled out of the driveway first, and I followed behind her. We were around the corner when I called her.
“Hello.”
Pulling up behind her at a traffic light, I noticed she was staring at me through the rearview mirror.
“Hi.”
“We already went over pleasantries,” she said softly.
“What are you doing for lunch?” The light turned green, and I continued to follow her.
“Eating lunch,” she retorted
“Can I eat lunch with you?”
“Nate . . . I—I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She stopped at another light and I pulled up behind her. “Are you following me?”
“No. Maybe. Yes. I will follow you all the way to work until you agree to meet me for lunch. We’re friends, we can have lunch together.”
She sighed. “Fine. Come to the dinner.”
“No.” She glanced up at the mirror, and I smiled. “I know you. If I go to the diner, you’ll wait on me. That’s not what I’m asking for. I want to have lunch with you.”
“What if someone sees us?”
“See what? Me having lunch with my brother’s wife?” “I won’t touch you.” My tongue ran across my lower lip. “Unless you ask me to.”
“I’m not asking.” She sighed again. “We can meet for lunch.”
For an entire week, I had lunch every day with Brielle. I worked my schedule around hers so I had an hour when it was us. Each day it was a different place. It all seemed to be going well until we ran into someone who knew me.
Brielle and I were at Chick-fil-A when Eric, Caleb’s soccer coach, approached me. “Nathaniel,” he called out.
I turned to face him. “How’s it going? Are you guys ready for next season?”
“Good.” He nodded and glanced over at Brielle.” Yeah, I think the kids have a good shot at the championship next year. How is Caleb doing? And Delaney?”
“Good. Caleb is enjoying the summer. He’ll be off to camp soon. And Delaney is great.” I glanced over at Brielle. Her eyes were wide like a deer caught in headlights. “This is my sister-in-law, Brielle. She just moved here from Chicago.”
“Oh.” Eric’s face softened. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“The pleasure is all mine,” Brielle said shakily.
“I’ll let you two enjoy your lunch,” Eric said before walking away.
“Oh my God,” Brielle said when he was out of sight. Her hands rested flat on the table.
I chuckled. “What are you so scared of?”
“I don’t know. Him, running back and telling Delaney? Julian being the one who walks in and finds us?”
“It’s our word against theirs.” I paused and waited for her to look up at me. “And we’re having lunch.”
Brielle nodded. “Can I ask you something?”
I nodded and took one of her waffle fries.
“Do you ever feel guilty?”
“Do you want the truth?” She nodded. “No. There’s not a single second that I’m with you that I feel guilty. I know what we’re doing is wrong, but I can’t seem to stop this. Trust me, I’ve tried. Do you?”
“I don’t know.” She looked down at her tray. “I feel horrible because she’s my friend. So it’s not like I’m betraying just him.”
“If I was to leave her, would you leave him?”
She snapped her head up at m
e. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“It’s not that simple. You have a kid. I’d be breaking my marriage and yours but most of all I would be hurting Caleb. This isn’t college when we’re all only dating. What would your mother think?”
“Brie.” I took her hand in mine. “As long as I’m with you I don’t care what anyone thinks.”
“And your son?”
“Like I said before, he’ll be my son regardless.” I shrugged. “You tell me to leave her and I will. For you, I will.”
Brielle pulled her hand away from mine and covered her face. “I came here to help your brother.”
“Maybe there isn’t anything we can do to help him. Maybe this is the universe giving us another chance.”
She sighed. “Maybe.”
Chapter 31
Brielle
On the Fourth of July, Delaney insisted on having a barbecue. She invited most of her employees and a couple of Nate's co-workers to the big party. The side dishes were catered, the grill was warming up, and I'd gone upstairs to take a shower. The guests would be arriving shortly, and I wanted to seem presentable when I met Julian's new boss.
Walking past the window in our living room, I spotted Nate in the back yard. He was unfolding chairs for the guests to sit on. I paused a second, admiring his polo shirt and khaki shorts. His hair was slicked back and his Ray-Ban’s dangled from his shirt. He looked up at me and our eyes locked. I heard Julian behind me.
“Whatcha looking at?”
“Nothing.” I spun around and faced him. Julian closed the gap between us with long strides. His hand laced around my back and pulled me toward him. His eyes were filled with desire.
“Brie,” he whispered into my wet hair. “I want some.”
I swallowed. We'd been intimate a few times since being here. I'd never said no to Julian. Before, it was from fear of the backlash, and now it was from fear he'd go back to drinking.
I was the dumping ground for his pent up energy.
“Julian, the party is about to start.” He still had me against the small table that leaned up against the window. His hand lowered and cupped my ass cheek.
“I'll be quick.” His voice was low. “Turn around.”
“Julian,” I protested.
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