12 Days of Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “What did that paper do to you?” Xander’s voice startles me, and instantly my heart starts racing and my body takes me back to the gym… the weight bench… and his hands gripping my hips. He’ll never know this, but he left bruises. He marked me, and I enjoyed it.

  He sits down next to me and rests his elbows on his legs. He turns and looks at me. I can’t maintain eye contact because I’m embarrassed about what we did, about what I did and how I left things. We hold each other’s gazes until I have to look away. I’m afraid if I stare at him too long, I’ll see something that might scare me, like the truth about our one night stand.

  “I’m glad I ran into you,” he says.

  “Oh yeah, why’s that?” I can’t imagine why he wants to even talk to me.

  “I don’t like the way things were left the other night. That’s not who I am, and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t you either.”

  I scoff. “It was me, I was there.” I play it off like our night together was no big deal. I don’t want him to see through me, to see the anguish I’m dealing with. The thought of him telling me to leave or him thanking me are other factors in me bailing as soon as he went to the bathroom.

  He sits up, and shakes his head. “I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about how things were when you left.”

  I turn slightly to face Xander and wish I hadn’t. Seeing him here like this and sitting next to me makes me wish the other night didn’t happen. But it did and now I have to pay the price. “Look, I’m sorry about last night. It never should’ve happened. I put you in a horrible situation, and that’s wrong. I can understand if you don’t want to be friends and avoid me like the plague until I’m gone. I promise not to make the holidays uncomfortable for you. I’ll be out of town in no time.”

  Xander’s lips go into a thin line as he shakes his head. Disappointment masks his features. Who knew coming clean about being a psycho was a bad thing?

  “Sometimes I think you talk too much. I don’t regret the other night. Yes, there are some things I’d like to change, but being with you, like that… I’ve never felt so out of control and completely calm in my life. You’re like this pint-sized hurricane that’s rolling through town, and I’m the weather man chasing the storm. I’m not gonna lie, last night was amazing — different, but worth it. You’re like a fantasy come true.”

  Xander pauses and watches the shoppers. There’s a group of young kids, a few with their arms around each other that seem to be having a good time. They’re laughing and carrying on. One of the guys is even holding his girlfriend’s shopping bags.

  “I think you and I got off on the wrong foot, and so what if we did things a little backwards? You’re here for a week or so and need to have a good time. It just so happens that I’m available if you’re interested.”

  Xander juts out his arm, giving my hand a resting place if I chose to accept.

  “One condition,” I say, putting the power back into my hands.

  “What’s that?”

  “That you don’t tell my brother, Liam or Jimmy what happened.”

  Xander laughs that stupid guy laugh where he’s not sure if he’s been caught or if he’s heard something stupid. He picks up my hand and places his lips there in one of the sweetest moments of my life.

  “I’d never tell your brother, or anyone else for that matter, about us. That’s between us, and only us. I know the guys gossip like women, but I’m still on the outside. And even though I have your brother’s blessing, I think I’d rather keep our escapades between us.”

  “Excuse me, what?” I ask, confused as to why he was asking Harrison for his blessing. “You asked my brother?”

  Xander puts his hands up. “It’s not what you’re thinking. He came to me, and said he wouldn’t have a problem if we dated.”

  “Oh,” I say, immediately feeling stupid. “That’s just… I don’t have a dad, ya know? He died when I was a baby and Harrison has always been the man of the house. So, wow I guess he approves of you.” I try and force a smile, but fail miserably. Xander pulls me into his arms, and I use this to my advantage to smell his cologne. He smells like home. I know it sounds odd, but it’s the best way to describe it. I feel at ease in his arms.

  “I’m sorry about your dad; Harrison never mentioned it. And for the record, I’m happy he gave me permission because I’d like to spend as much time with you as possible until you leave.”

  I pull away and wipe under my eyes. I’m not crying, but my eyes are misty. “I think I’d like that too. It sucks being the fifth wheel.”

  Xander laughs, and it’s the most beautiful sound I’ve heard in a long time. “You have no idea.”

  Bumping into Yvie at the mall was not by mistake. Quinn is quite the little matchmaker when he wants to be. I know it’s wrong asking a child for dirt on his aunt, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I needed to see her, so I went to Harrison’s. She wasn’t there, but Quinn was all too forthcoming with the fact that she left to go shopping. Fate was on my side when I walked in and there she was, sitting in the “man” section as Liam calls it.

  I stood there, watching her for a few minutes before approaching. Truth be told, I was working up the nerve to face her. What she and I did last night was every fantasy I’ve ever had, but I never thought it would play out like that. Now every time I close my eyes, I see her in the mirror begging me with her eyes. My gym will never be the same after last night. Her body is nothing like the women I see coming in and out of the gym. Her long legs and dancer body are a turn on, and I didn’t know that’s what I’d be attracted to until I saw her.

  Sitting next to her, I find myself wanting to take her back to my house. Not for sex, although I wouldn’t rule that out¸ but just to be with her in private. To hold her, to be the shoulder she leans into when the movie we’re watching is too sad or she’s scared. I find myself wanting to cook her dinner and massage her feet after a long day of rehearsals. The latter is a long-term dream that I don’t foresee happening. I shouldn’t even be thinking past the end of the week. She’s not staying here.

  The urge to hold her hand is strong, but I resist. I think she needs a friend, not some horny ass man trying to get in her pants. Besides, Harrison mentioned that her producer used to be her boyfriend. I don’t want to think that the other night was a rebound fuck, but the thought has been plaguing my mind.

  Thing is, I can see Yvie as someone with whom to settle down. The only problem in my thought process is that she’s a big city girl who doesn’t need small town life. It has nothing to offer her and frankly, neither do I. When you’re someone like Yvie James – performing on Broadway – the last thing that looks appealing is a gym owner.

  My problem is that I overthink everything. Yvie and I are both adults and capable of making our own decisions. I could go down the friends’ route and just hang out with her while she’s here, or I can break my own heart and put it all out there for her. The third option is to do both. Take whatever this connection is between us and make the best of it, and if that means we end up naked and on my weight bench with her legs straddling me, so be it. I’ll just be there when she gets on the plane and heads back to New York City.

  I take her hand in mine and start walking. She has a list of presents to buy and if it means I get to spend the day with her, I’m going to brave the crowds.

  “Who do you have left to buy for?” I ask her as we meander through the hoards of people.

  “The twins,” she says as she lets out a sigh. I can’t tell if it’s from frustration or if she’s just being dramatic.

  I laugh, hoping to put her at ease. “Is that a good thing?”

  “No, it’s not. I don’t know them very well so I’m really not sure what to buy them. With Quinn, it’s easy. With Peyton and Elle, not so much.”

  One of the benefits of living in Beaumont is going to be my savior. “I can help, you know, if you want me to? I’ve spent some time with them and know what they like.”

  Yvie stops us,
much to the disgruntled shoppers who have to move around us. “Am I a bad aunt for not spending more time with them?”

  I move us to the side so we aren’t bumped and pushed by others. “Many people live away from their relatives. You can’t think that you’re a bad aunt because you don’t know what the girls like. Quinn grew up with you and the twins have only just come into your life. You need time to get to know them.”

  “I know, but how do I do that living in New York?”

  “Tell Harrison that he has to bring the kids to you for at least a month every summer,” I say with a smirk. Her face lights up acknowledging that I am a genius. “C’mon, twinkle toes, let’s get this shopping done.” I put my arm around her shoulders and pull her into me. It’d be so easy to capture her lips, but I refrain. I opt for the ever platonic kiss on the forehead and call it good.

  Within two steps of entering the holiday foot traffic, my hand drops from her shoulder, my fingers entwining with hers. It’s more intimate, at least for me. I direct Yvie to a very girly store. I’ve seen these bags litter the James’ house so I know one of the girls likes to shop here. My guess is Elle. She’s the princess in the making, always trying to steal the spotlight. It’s not hard with how shy Peyton is, and without a doubt Quinn is her protector. I’ve been around enough to watch him with her. He’s always in front, guarding her from whatever may come her way.

  “I think a bottle of Pepto Bismol exploded in this store,” Yvie says, as soon as we step in. She’s right; it’s very pink.

  “This is Elle’s favorite store.”

  Yvie nods and starts looking around. I hang back, waiting to see what she picks out. I bought the kids a couple of board games. As much as they include me, I still feel like I’m on the outside a little. They’ve all known each other for years and are a family through and through. I’m just thankful they invite me to be a part of their lives.

  “What do you think of this?”

  “Um, what is that?” All I see is something pink, short and lots of ruffles.

  “It’s a tutu, but one that Elle could wear to school.”

  I shrug. “You’re the woman here. All I can tell you is that she’s very girly.”

  Yvie bites her lip and nods, and I find myself wanting to rub her lower lip and kiss away the pain she’s causing it. I have to stop thinking like this. The last thing I want to do is confuse her about my feelings. Hell, I don’t want to confuse myself about my feelings. The ones I’m having now are causing me enough grief.

  I take the bag from Yvie as soon as she’s done paying. She looks at me and smiles, holding my gaze as she slips her hand back into mine. I could definitely get used to having her around, which tells me I need to put up a wall and shut off all emotions. She’s leaving, and I know I’m not enough to keep her here. Not that I’d even try. She’s a big city girl with big city dreams. She needs to fulfill those dreams in order to be happy.

  “Peyton’s next,” she says as we walk back into the mall. I direct us toward the large department store. This will give Yvie the opportunity to choose from various items. She could go with something sporty, buy Peyton a game, or go with the safe option and pick out clothes.

  “I know she likes football, but what else?”

  “Well, sometimes she dresses like her sister, but only when Katelyn makes her for photos. She likes music, and plays Harrison’s drums all the time. She likes to hang out with Noah and Liam on weekends because they watch a lot of football. When you think about it, she’s a very well-rounded little girl.”

  Yvie sighs as she starts look through racks of clothes. “I don’t think she likes me.”

  I lean onto the rack to catch her attention. “She doesn’t know you. From what Harrison has said, she’s afraid that if she loves someone they’ll leave her. It took her a while to cozy up to Harrison and now she doesn’t let him out of her sight unless she’s with Liam; and if Quinn and Noah are around, you can forget existing. They create a bubble for her that even Elle isn’t a part of.”

  “Interesting,” she states as she walks out of this section. I try not to smile when she waits for me, holding out her hand. She’s never going to know this, but this gesture alone makes me feel like I’m on top of world.

  We spend an hour in this store until Yvie is satisfied with what’s she’s picked for Peyton: a set of pajamas and a necklace with a football charm. Yvie says she’s catering to both the girl and tomboy sides.

  As soon as we’re in the parking lot, I walk Yvie to my car and put her bags in there quickly before she can balk. I take her hand again and pull her back toward the mall.

  “Where are we going?”

  “I have a surprise.”

  If I’m not mistaken, there might be a slight smile creeping over her face. I’m trying to keep my eyes facing forward, but I’m definitely sneaking glances at her.

  I open the door to the ice skating rink and hear a slight gasp from her. She turns, and places her arms around my waist.

  “How’d you know I love ice skating?”

  “I didn’t, but am surely thanking my quick thinking for bringing you here.”

  After paying the rental fee, we both hurry to get our skates on. Holding her hand, we step out onto the ice and start gliding. Yvie lets go of my hand and skates away. She turns to face me, skating backwards like a pro.

  “Wow, and here I thought I’d get to hold your hand the entire time,” I say as she circles me.

  “I try to do this once a week. Oliver doesn’t like it, but I don’t care.”

  “Your ex?” I ask, quickly regretting my question. Harrison told his name in confidence and my big mouth likely just ruined everything.

  Yvie slows down in front of me, setting her hands on my chest to stop me. “He’s my producer, and yes, he’s also my ex. I broke up with him because I’m not sure about my life right now. He wants one thing, and I’m not sure I want that with him. I also want to make it on my own. I don’t want to get a lead because of who my boyfriend is, ya know?”

  No, not really. “Yeah, I get it.”

  “You weren’t a rebound or anything like that. I don’t even want to say you were a one-night stand because that’s not why I went to the gym.”

  “Why did you go?” I ask only because I need to know even if this is the last place I wanted to have this conversation.

  “I felt something the first day we met, and I know it’s stupid, but I just had to know. I just went about it the wrong way.”

  I nod, and set my hands on her hips. “And do you?”

  Before she can answer, a young punk skates by us, clipping me on the shoulder. My feet start to slip out, and all I can see is the roof as I start to fall. Yvie comes with me because in my moment of gracefulness, I forget to let her go.

  We land with a thump, and the cold instantly chills me. Yvie laughs, and I quickly follow suit.

  “Sorry, I should’ve let you go.”

  “I’m not,” she replies, as she brushes her lips against mine. I don’t let her pull away as I set my hand on the back of her head and hold her to my mouth. We shouldn’t be doing this, but I don’t want to stop. When her tongue tangles with mine, and her fingers push into my hair, I’m done for. She’s worth getting to know, even if it means it’s over in a week.

  Baby giggles are the best. This I’ve just learned after listening to Eden laugh. All the kids are so well behaved with her, making her laugh and feel like she’s a big girl, even though she’s just over a year old. She chases them from the living room and into the dining room and the back again, and she’s laughing the entire time. Each time they come back into the living room, Eden falls into Jimmy’s arms. He holds her for a moment before he encourages her to get them. Then it starts all over again.

  I find myself watching and waiting for their return, laughing with them. Eden is adorable with her dark, curly hair and chubby cheeks. She loves everyone, but the minute she sees her mom or dad in the room, her eyes light up.

  Jenna comes into the living ro
om with a squealing Eden in her arms. She sets her down, only for Eden to waddle-run back to wherever the other kids are.

  “She’s gorgeous, Jenna.”

  “Thanks! She’s a handful, that’s for sure. She’s all Jimmy and has him completely wrapped around her finger.”

  “Quinn was the same way with Harrison. It’s not hard when they’re so innocent, and you can’t help but fall in love with them.”

  This time it’s Jimmy that walks in with Eden in his arms. She’s patting his cheeks and saying “Daddy”. I’ve known Jimmy for a long time, and it’s hard to think that he almost wasn’t here to see his daughter come into the world. The guys have always dealt with overzealous fans, but only in the form of women. I’ve witnessed far too many women throwing themselves at the guys, but never have they had a problem with a man until Jenna’s ex wanted her back.

  Jenna takes a squirming Eden from Jimmy’s hands, and she tries to push Jimmy away from Jenna when he goes to kiss her. It’s cute how possessive she is.

  “When are you going to get up the duff?”

  The slap and “ouch” that quickly follows comes as a result of Jenna slapping Jimmy. “What, Sweet Lips? It’s a valid question.”

  “It’s rude, Jimmy. Not everyone wants kids, ya know. You didn’t.”

  “Yeah, but that was before I knocked you up good and proper.” Jimmy moves out of the way before Jenna can slap him again. As soon as he’s out of the room, Eden wants down.

  “I don’t know how you put up with Jimmy for so long,” Jenna says with a shake of her head.

  I shrug. “It’s one of those things you just learn to deal with. He’s always been like a brother to me. He’s not the same though. You make him different,” I say, much to her joy. Her smile is wide, and she ducks her head as she looks away.

  “He’s changed me. He put up with so much after he was shot, and then after my ex tried to… well, let’s just say Jimmy has had more than enough reasons to leave me.”

  “I think you underestimate his love for you, Jenna. I was there when he was with Chelsea. He never looked at her the way he looks at you. You’re his match.”