Exiles from the War

by Jean Little

  The other cartoons were good, especially Ferdinand the Bull.

  Jane keeps humming “Someday My Prince Will Come” but Sam sings “Whistle While You Work.” The Seven Dwarfs were so funny. They all just fitted their names.

  Sunday, October 6, 1940

  Sam showed me another letter from Terry. It explains why he was so moody lately. Terry does not write much but he sounds absolutely miserable. It is hard on Sam. Terry is in a house on the far side of Toronto. The family make fun of his accent and tell him he must learn to fit in. The advice sounds okay but the people sound mean. Sam will write again but we cannot go to see Terry. He begs Sam to invite him for a visit. Sam says he can’t ask the Bennetts. He didn’t say why but I think he’s afraid Mr. Bennett would be mad at Terry for not being grateful to the people who took him in. I know what he means. Robbie’s father is tougher than mine. I think Sam hopes Mother and Dad will help and he wants me to ask. I guess I will, but I did not much like the look of Terry that time we met. I remember being glad he was not our War Guest.

  A boy named Lorne something is in the hospital because he climbed away up a pole and touched his head to a live wire and burned his scalp and fell and broke bones. Dad made us all come and listen to the story from the paper. As if we would ever be so dumb! Well, I certainly would not. Sam and Robbie had funny looks on their faces. Boys are weird.

  Monday, October 7, 1940

  I made Sam show Mother and Dad Terry’s letter. They said they would see what they could do. They both feel sorry for Terry. I can’t see how they can fix things, but it is nice that they will try. I have great parents, dear Diary, and I know it.

  Jane says Terry is grouchy and an awful tease. He did not want to come to Canada. He told them his mother insisted, but his father said going to Canada is running away just when your country needs you. Jane thinks he made poor Terry feel ashamed.

  The Mercury said that last week the Germans dropped bombs on England from above the clouds. The British soldiers could not see the planes and so could not shoot at them properly. It sounds too terrifying to think about so I won’t.

  Barbara’s parents are worried about relatives they have in France. Maybe it is because of those laws I wrote about before. I asked Dad and I still don’t really understand it but Dad says our government should take in more refugees. I am putting this in partly because of Barbara and partly because Dad feels I ought to include historic events in my journal. It should have a sense of this particular time, he says. Almost all of them are sad though. Isn’t history ever happy?

  Tuesday, October 8, 1940

  Terry is coming next week for Thanksgiving. Mother telephoned. She said Terry’s people said yes before she had finished telling them why she was calling. They told her he was proving to be quite a problem and they could all do with a break. Sam and Jane are pleased he is coming, but not ecstatic. Jane says he is “not an easy boy” — whatever that means. I guess I’ll soon find out for myself.

  He is coming on the train and Sam is coming over to stay at our house while he is here. Robbie will miss Sam, I bet, but our families are having Thanksgiving dinner together.

  We might have trouble being thankful for three whole days with this problem boy. I will do my best, Diary, but I keep remembering how he scowled at us in Toronto.

  Friday, October 11, 1940

  George wrote to say he is training hard and will soon be off on his travels. He could not say more because the letters are censored. He makes it sound like a spree. I think he must be scared but not letting it show because of Mother. I’m scared for him.

  Terry arrives tonight. This week has been busy, but nothing has happened that asked to be written down. Dad is taking Sam to the train station to meet Terry.

  Bedtime

  He came. He only had a duffel bag. His face is covered with pimples and the people have cut his hair in a crewcut, like a soldier. It looks ugly. He and Sam are across the hall but I do not think he is asleep. If he weren’t fourteen, I would think he was crying. Sam is sound asleep. How do I know which one is Sam? I know because I can hear Terry saying, “Sam, are you asleep?” Sam just goes on breathing and does not answer.

  Before we went to bed, Terry hardly spoke. He just grunts! I know I should like him but I can’t. I do feel sorry for him. As Mother says, imagine having to BE him. But I hope he cheers up tomorrow.

  “I think he is missing home, Charlotte,” Jane told me just before she fell asleep.

  Her voice was small and lonely, as though she felt that way herself lots of times. And now I am feeling lonely too.

  Saturday, October 12, 1940

  We went on another family picnic to Monkey Bridge tonight. It is so nice there. It was a bit chilly but we built a big campfire and toasted marshmallows. Terry was not quite so grouchy, although he still had hardly a word to say for himself. He burned his marshmallows on purpose. He said he liked them that way.

  They don’t have Thanksgiving in England. They have Harvest Festival instead, which sounds like the same thing but not on the same day. They don’t have a turkey dinner or pumpkin pie. We are having Thanksgiving Dinner tomorrow and the Bennetts are coming. Terry has never tasted pumpkin pie. Neither have the Brownings.

  It was dark by the time we got home from Monkey Bridge and we wished on the first star. We are so lucky to be able to enjoy the beauty of the night without having to be afraid an air raid is coming.

  Sam slept over again because of Terry.

  Sunday, October 13, 1940

  Jane loves pumpkin pie but both the boys thought it tasted terrible. Sam tried hard to eat his but Terry almost spat out the one little bite he took. Then he swallowed it down with a big gulp of water. He actually said, “Ugh!”

  Robbie’s mother said she thinks they eat pumpkin pie in Heaven. Then Terry amazed us by saying no. In Heaven, they eat bread. He quoted that hymn that says, “Bread of Heaven, bread of Heaven, feed me till I want no more.” Everyone stared at him and he went red and shut up like a clam for the rest of the meal.

  Jane told me later that his family are Plymouth Brothers or something. He goes to “chapel” and he knows lots of hymns and Bible verses. On the ship coming over, when they sang hymns or spirituals, Terry always knew the words without looking at the song sheet. Sam and Jane are Church of England, which is like our Anglicans. They don’t have The United Church of Canada there, of course. That is our church and it is three churches that came together, the Presbyterian, the Methodist and the Congregational. Some Presbyterians stayed out. Hey, Diary, I bet you didn’t know that. I learned it at Sunday School.

  The boys went off on bikes after dinner. Terry borrowed Mr. Bennett’s bicycle. I wanted to go too but I was not invited. Pixie came over to play with Jane. Barbara and her family went to Toronto to be with their family. I admit it, dear Diary. I felt left out and sorry for myself. But when they came back, Sam looked as though it had not been fun, and Terry was growling and scowling.

  One moment showed me a different Terry, though. We were listening to the radio and watching the fire in the fireplace. Britty had wandered in and, without anyone noticing, she jumped onto Terry’s lap. She usually only goes to Jane. Next thing I saw him stroking her and actually smiling. His lips moved and I could see he was saying, “Puss-puss, pretty Britty puss.” And she purred like a locomotive. It didn’t last long but he certainly seemed like a much nicer boy for those minutes. Then he saw me watching him and gave me a dirty look. Britty jumped down as though she could tell she was about to get shoved off his knee.

  His train goes tomorrow after lunch and I am counting the hours.

  Monday, October 14, 1940

  Today was nice because there was no school. But everyone missed George. And somehow we couldn’t talk about him in front of Terry. I don’t know why. I think we were afraid of what he might say or maybe of showing our own feelings. He came down for breakfast carrying his duffle bag all packed and he hardly spoke a word all morning. It was not a thankful day until Dad took him t
o the station. We didn’t do anything all that special, just played crokinole and Parcheesi. But everyone felt happy.

  Tuesday, October 15, 1940

  I felt guilty when we came home from school and I was glad Terry wasn’t here. When his name came up, Mother looked worried and said, “I hope the visit helped the poor lad, but I think he is truly unhappy here.”

  “We can’t fix things,” Dad said. “He’ll have to work it out for himself.”

  Sam thinks Terry is worried about his brother, who is in the Army now. I am worried about my brother, so I ought to be more sympathetic.

  Wednesday, October 16, 1940

  We had a great time at CGIT. I picked up Beth Fielding on the way and we walked there together. Beth loaned me a book called Sue Barton, Student Nurse. I like it too much. I just read another two chapters even though am supposed to be studying for a Math test.

  Thursday, October 17, 1940

  Today, right after school, Sam and I got ready to go on our paper drive. Just as we were setting out, Barbara arrived with her wagon and asked to come too. She did not tell us her wagon was a disaster.

  Anyway, we were given huge piles of newspapers. We tied them up in bundles and tied them onto the wagons. We brought the first load home and stacked it in the garage and set out in the opposite direction. We were blocks from home on our second run when it began to get dark and we tried to hurry but we couldn’t go too fast with our heaped-up wagons.

  We filled Barbara’s last and this was the moment when one of its front wheels started going sideways and sticking. Sam got down and straightened it again and again while Barbara just stood there, looking helpless.

  Since it was dark, we walked her home first. Sam was dragging her dumb wagon for her. Her mother heard us and came out mad as a hornet. Then Barbara cried and actually told her mother that she had not wanted to go, but Sam had made her. Her mother glared at poor Sam and yanked Barbara into the house and slammed the door. When I think how much easier it would have been without her, it makes my blood boil. I began to tell Sam I was sorry but he just started pulling that wagon around to their garage.

  The schools are holding a contest to see which one collects most. With Sam driving us on, Central will win for sure. We won’t take Barbara again.

  We were in trouble coming home so late but Mother and Dad calmed down when they heard where we’d been. We are to get home before dark next time.

  Friday, October 18, 1940

  Barbara came up to me this morning and pretended nothing was wrong. I just stood and stared at her and did not speak until she went red and muttered that she was sorry. I was going to ask her why she lied, but I didn’t because I know why. She is afraid of her mother. How horrible that must be! I cannot imagine feeling that way about mine. I told her to forget it, but I don’t think either of us will. Sam won’t, that is for sure.

  The Steiners are really worried about what is happening to the Jews in Europe and Barbara is terrified that her cousin’s plane will be shot down. But I can’t see that this is any reason to be mean to us. I’m worried about George, but it doesn’t change how I act toward Barbara.

  Saturday, October 19, 1940

  I’m supposed to be cleaning up my room but I need to write in you, I really do. Besides, our room looks fine to me.

  I’m finished the first Sue Barton. Beth has more books about her. I can hardly wait.

  Now that Barbara is home and school is taking up my time too, I have to force myself to write in you, dear Diary. But I must not stop. I know starting up again is much harder if you stop.

  Barbara came over after lunch and wanted to talk about movie stars. Jane followed us and sat down on the bed and Barbara told her this was a discussion for older kids and she should go and find someone her own age to play with. Jane left without a word.

  I told Barbara that this is Jane’s room as much as mine and she should not speak to her like that.

  Then Barbara said she felt sorry for me, being stuck with Jane. She went on to say she thought Jane was babyish and she didn’t like her prissy way of talking.

  I wanted to hit her. I feel as though Jane is my true little sister and Barbara is someone I used to like long, long ago.

  What is more, Jane is not babyish. She’s just young. She looks good in her glasses. She loves them so much she hates taking them off to sleep.

  Barbara left in a huff. I am sorry, but she is rubbing me the wrong way these days. Yet she is still my best friend.

  Sunday, October 20, 1940

  Still mad at Barbara. Tried to get over it. Didn’t. Church did not help.

  Monday, October 21, 1940

  Nothing to write unless you want to hear about how I almost got 100 on my English Composition. I lost two marks for saying “Everyone got their lunches.” I still think “THEIR lunches” sounds right. Miss McColl said the story itself was EXCELLENT.

  Mother told me, in secret, that she is afraid Britty is pregnant. I was thrilled until I thought about what would happen to the kittens. Maybe we can find them homes. Jane will break her heart over giving them up. I hope Mother is wrong this once.

  Wednesday, October 23, 1940

  We are going to have a CGIT Hallowe’en party the night after Hallowe’en and invite our younger sisters. I will bring Jane. After we came home, I told her and she is all excited about the party.

  I am glad I am not as old as Eleanor. She only dresses up if she goes to a masquerade party. It sounds exciting, but to me Hallowe’en still means going out into the dark in a costume and going from house to house saying “Trick or treat.”

  I have thought of a couple of different costumes, but I must match up with Jane somehow. She wants to take Pixie! I think Pixie is a bit young but Mother says she has the clown costume I wore when I was five. So that stopped my objecting. She WILL make a cute clown. And she likes doing what we do.

  Thursday, October 24, 1940

  Sam got another letter from Terry. Terry keeps saying he will run away. He heard that his brother is missing in action. I hated reading that letter, but I really cannot see how we can help. Sam knew we couldn’t, but he still feels terrible.

  I read Jane “Little Orphan Annie” from our poem book last night. She loved it until I turned out the light. Then she shivered and shrieked and pretended goblins were all over our house.

  Saturday, October 26, 1940

  We are gathering stuff for our costumes. Pixie is a clown, of course, so we decided we would all be from the circus. Jane is going as a trapeze artist and I am going as the ringmaster, in Dad’s top hat and carrying Eleanor’s whip from when she had riding lessons. Jane says I should take a chair and be a lion tamer but then the boys heard what we were planning and now Sam is being a lion tamer, with Robbie being a tiger in their tiger-skin rug. The head is really ferocious, with long yellow teeth and glass eyes that look menacing.

  I wish it was ours. I like lying on it and stroking its head despite its fierce expression.

  Sunday, October 27, 1940

  We went to church and Sunday School, of course. They asked me to help out with Jane’s class because the teacher had a headache. Jane positively beamed. Except for that grin, it was a dull day.

  Monday, October 28, 1940

  I wish Hallowe’en would hurry up and come! Lizby made lemon snow pudding tonight. We have not had it for ages. Yummy! It is the custard sauce that makes it so good. We got some extra eggs given to us by the people George worked for in the summer.

  Tuesday, October 29, 1940

  Tonight we carved wonderful jack-o’-lanterns to put in front of our houses. Robbie and Sam did theirs at the same time. Sam made a scowling one. Mine is grinning and has a tooth missing. Mr. Bennett brought home a skeleton he borrowed from his nephew. It is not a real one, but it looks great. They have it hanging in the hall with candles lighting it up. It is enough to make a little kid faint dead away on the doorstep.

  Dad helped Pixie do one of the pumpkins. She was so pleased. She kept beaming up at him a
s though he was her fairy godfather.

  Wednesday, October 30, 1940

  Barbara came over to see my costume. We are friends again although we are still a bit stiff.

  Mother has made homemade fudge to pass out and taffy apples and balls of caramel corn. There are lots of candy kisses too in their orange and black paper. I like them especially. Maybe I like them so much because you can’t get them any other time of year. They are like hot cross buns or Christmas cookies.

  Hallowe’en, Thursday, October 31, 1940

  After school

  We can’t go out until we have had supper, but I am too excited to read or even listen to the radio. Our costumes are magnificent. Mother found a ballerina dress for Jane and sewed spangles all over it. She made her a headdress too, with ribbons that will float when she swings through the air. I am wearing George’s church suit and Father’s tall hat and Eleanor’s riding boots, which I said fit me although they are really a bit too big. Mother found me a fake moustache to stick on.