Hope, Heartbreak & High Heels (HHH)

by Sheryl

Gone was the traditional curly haired Jewish boy she had fallen in love with. Gone were the hopes and dreams, the suburban house with the shiny beamer and five chubby cheeked kids. Gone was the Chaim that had made her feel alive, whom she had planned on dedicating her future to. Most importantly, gone was the romantic and naïve Eva that believed in true love and the possibility of everlasting romance.

  I looked over at Eva sleeping across the room. My heart hurt every single time I thought about what she had been through. And moreover at the fact that she had never recovered from it. That weekend in Philly had changed everything. Although she would never defy her parents to their faces, Eva no longer dressed, ate or behaved in the traditional way she had been taught. On her visits home she would do as told, but the rest of the time she was a liberal woman that didn’t shy away from anything. And even though I knew that deep down she missed the sense of security religion gave her, I also knew she blamed it for her broken heart. Or lack of one.

  That was the other outcome of that night with Philly. Eva no longer trusted men. She always thought they had an ulterior motive and could never like her for her. I know for a fact she hadn’t been romantically involved since Chaim. Not that any of us had given up.

  Tall and athletic with lightly freckled fair skin, clear blue eyes and reddish-brown curly hair, Eva was a catch that turned heads wherever she went. Despite her parents’ constant efforts at matchmaking and our few suggestions, Eva went out on rare dates to humour us but was firm not to put herself out there again; emotionally or physically. Eva’s only passion was her career and all her energy was spent in becoming the best in her field.

  But I still had hope. I knew someday she’d find her way back. I knew someday she’d meet someone who’d awaken her dreams and desires to get married and start a family. After all, it was the way we had grown up. And with that hope I drifted off to sleep.

  3 – AIMEE

  A wine induced headache was pounding at my temples as my eyes drifted open. Adjusting to the bright light coming in from the loft window, I slowly got up. As I took in my surroundings, memories from last night came back to me. Anya! I quickly turned to my right and a wave of relief washed over me as I saw she was still asleep, clutching her new shoes.

  I stretched my legs out in front of me and willed myself to stand. As the pressing need to relieve my bladder grew, I somehow managed to stumble over to the bathroom that Anya and I shared. Mon Dieu! My reflection in the mirror shocked away any lingering drowsiness.

  I stood there in a short shiny dress and too much makeup. My eyes looked like punched in black holes and rouge lipstick was smeared across my face.

  Zut! Ezra.

  Somewhere between comforting Anya and our very girly slumber party, I had completely forgotten about him. I frantically looked around the adjoining bedroom for my cell. Finding it in my black clutch, I switched it on.

  Five new messages. Merde!

  I scrolled through my inbox and relaxed a little. Two had been from Eva responding to my SOS Anyamergency. The other three were from Ezra.

  Message one.

  From: Ezra W.

  Time: 8:25 P.M.

  Sure babe --- Take your time.

  Message two.

  From: Ezra W.

  Time: 9:00 P.M.

  Just wanted to check up on you and make sure Anya’s ok. Is there anything I can do to help? Maybe bring over some food or something?

  Message three.

  From: Ezra W.

  Time: 9:45 P.M.

  Hey. So I’m guessing things are taking a little longer than expected. Don’t worry about it, we’ll just postpone and hang out another day. Let me know if you guys need anything. Take Care.

  Love you.

  Phew! He wasn’t angry or upset. He was so sweet and gentil and in that moment I felt lucky to have him, especially after watching and listening to Anya the night before. Feeling lighter and happier, I decided to go for a quick shower and made a mental note to call him later. I owed it to him for being so patient and understanding.

  As the hot water soothed my headache a sudden thought struck me. Why wasn’t he angry or upset? Didn’t he care that he hadn’t seen me all week and that I had cancelled on our date? I didn’t want him to be possessive but a slight indication that he was disappointed would have been nice… especially since I was used to more attention.

  I had grown up in Paris and had moved to the U.S. as a post graduation. I met Latisha during her time at Tufts where we were roommates for one year. While getting my masters in Genetic Engineering, I fell in love with the country. Tish and I kept in touch and she offered me a room at the loft when I eventually decided to move to New York after graduation.

  However I came from a very different background compared to Tish. My parents had split up when I was 5 and Maman had raised me. My parents had married young but somewhere down the line Papa’s hunger for money eroded away the very foundation that was the base of their marriage. He was constantly working and never had time for us. Rather than a hate, it was his indifference towards Maman that broke her and their marriage.

  But my mother never let that wear her down. She had taught me to stay strong and never settle in life for anything, but the very best. She was the most beautiful and resilient woman I know and throughout my childhood I had seen many men try to win her but each one falling short. Life hadn’t been smooth sailing for us but then again, it wasn’t like we had gone through real hardship either. And I guess Maman just never felt that spark with anyone else again.

  Not that I had lacked love in my own relationships. My biggest heartbreak had been Jed. Jed Clarkson. He had been a stockbroker down at Wall Street. Passionate and intense, Jed was the dreamy hero all romance novels were based on with his smooth charm and heart stopping looks. His volatile nature and sultriness had drawn me to him like a moth to a flame. But like a moth, upon getting too close I had been burnt. Impulsive and quick-tempered, he had walked out on me as soon as our relationship had gotten too real for him.

  And then this past March, I met Ezra. He ran a hedge fund and lived in the city. He had grown up in a wealthy WASP neighbourhood just outside of New York. Kind, stable and supportive; Ezra is the kind of comfortable security blanket each girl craves. He was one of the good ones; calls when he’s supposed to, behaves like a gentleman on our dates, listens to me when I talk too much and takes care of me when I am drunk.

  No, he was definitely one of the good ones.

  Shaking away the last shred of doubt from my head, I switched off the shower. I dried myself off, pulled on a pair of grey leggings and a pink tee and wrapped my long brown hair in a towel. Thank God my hair was already straight and I didn’t have to spend hours dealing with frizz and unwanted volume like Eva did.

  I stared back at my reflection in the mirror. A tall, mince body, no curves and a pale, oval visage with high cheekbones and bright green eyes stared back at me. I put on a hint of mascara and a quick splash of rouge on my cheeks in case Ezra might stop by.

  He will… won’t he?

  Part of me really wanted to see him make the grand gesture but the other part of me was too proud to admit it. I shook away the questions and strode out towards the kitchen. I need caffeine.

  As I walked out of the bedroom I shared with Anya, I heard muffled voices across the hall in the other bedroom. Their shower went on. Bon. Eva and Latisha must be awake. Maybe I could convince Tish into making us some breakfast. After all, she was the only one that could really cook among us.

  I loved the loft. It was a comfortably sized space. Upon entering, there was a very large open salon with an open plan kitchen along the wall on the right. A large wooden dining table with eight brightly coloured chairs separated the two areas. The salon had been comfortably decorated with a large beige overstuffed L-shaped couch, two big purple beanies, a large wooden coffee table, and a plush brown area rug. On the left hand-side red brick wall hung a large 45-inch flat screen, pawned off for cheap from one of Anya’s ex-losers. One had to a
dmit, although her taste in men sucks, she did always find a way of getting back at them.

  Along the back wall was a set of floor length windows that opened out onto a rooftop balcony. It was usually used for private phone conversations, my occasional cigarette breaks, or when one of the girls needed some air. There was a bookshelf in one corner filled with law and biology books, magazines and pictures in tiny, girly frames of the four of us. On the left hand side, near the door, was the coveted Closet and a small passageway with the two en-suite bedrooms facing each other.

  Yes, it was a comfortable space, one that had become more than home for me over the last year. Although it had been hard to cover expenses initially, the girls had been more than lenient by paying for all the furniture and allowing me to pay rent in instalments until I got my job on track. Besides, who could have refused my stilettos collection?

  4 – ANYA

  I woke up to the scent of coffee teasing my nostrils and the warmth of fleece suffocating me. I rolled over and something sharp jabbed my ribcage. As my eyes reluctantly opened, I caught sight of my precious new shoes, which brought a smile to my face until I noticed the mountain of tissues behind it, bringing back memories of the day before.

  It’s over Anya, I just don’t feel the same way…

  His voice in my head brought back fresh tears. I couldn’t believe that’s how it ended. After three amazing months together how could he have just walk out? Was there something wrong with me? No matter how hard I tried, every guy I gave my heart to always managed to crush it in some way or the other. But that didn’t stop me from trying. No. I wanted what my parents had. A content life and trustworthy companionship. Was that the cause of all my problems? Was I simply expecting too much?

  I sat up on the couch and tears started welling up in my eyes again. The quiet whispers forced me to turn around. They were all staring at me as if I was some poor, wounded creature alone in a cage somewhere. And I knew what they were probably saying

  Poor Anya…

  This always happens to her…

  How long will it take her to get over him?

  No. I shook my head hard until my curls bounced side to side. I was not going to be pathetic again. I had whined enough last night. I knew they thought of me as a broken record and it was time I was stronger. I brushed away the tears with the back of me hand, forced myself to smile and stood up.

  “Morning y’all. Is that coffee I smell?”

  “Hey hun. Yeah it is… Want some?” Eva cautiously replied.

  “Sure. I smell breakfast too”

  Aimee jumped in, “Tish cooked us some. C’est delicieux!”

  Latisha observed quietly as I made my way to the table and sat down. I pulled my robe tighter, knowing she was watching every muscle movement in my body. Latisha was our mother hen and I could see the concern etched on her face. I was determined not to let my heart betray my will.

  “Are you ok?” she asked softly. Three pairs of eyes gazed at me intently – a battle of green, blue and hazel against my own grey.

  “Uh. I reckon... I mean I will be”, I stammered. Oh darn, my resolve was wearing down, “takes time right? Just gotta nuss the pain.” I smiled weakly, clenching my teeth together before they started trembling again.

  “You know, we could always hack into the system and fabricate a warrant for his arrest. Or at the least some outstanding parking tickets” Eva suggested with a wink.

  “Thanks” I offered with a small smile. I knew they were trying. They always did. And I hated that they had to clean up my mess when I ended up like this, which was every time.

  “It’s going to be alright Anya. Really. You’re just meant for something better,” Latisha promised.

  Not wanting to break down, I tried to change the topic.

  “You’re lucky you have Vivek. Which reminds me, where has he been recently?” I attempted.

  It worked. Latisha blushed. “He’s been travelling a lot for work. I saw him last night before he got on the red eye. He said he’d come by sometime this week...”

  “Any progress on the wedding plans?” Aimee asked between mouthfuls.

  “I’m supposed to have lunch with his parents next weekend. Maybe we’ll make some progress then.”

  Latisha Choudhary had been dating Vivek since she was fifteen years old. And they had been engaged for over a year now; he’d proposed to her the day she graduated medical school. Both belonged to the same Indian community and their parents had been friends forever. He was a great guy that worked with his family in their garment business, which meant he was often travelling to meet clients and oversee orders. Vivek was a couple of years older than Tish and had looked after her their whole life. They were destined to be.

  Latisha had grown up just outside the city and was a second year resident at a hospital uptown. Eva grew up near her and that’s how we ended up sharing the loft. Living with Tish was easy – she was always organized and neat and kept out of everyone’s way. Even though she was the only one with a consistent relationship, she never rubbed it in our faces. Vivek came over about once a week for dinner and they went out on dates twice a week when he was in town. Everyone in the loft loved him and he treated us like family.

  Vivek’s parents still lived in the same neighbourhood as Tish’s. Once a month Tish would go meet them. Everyone knew everyone growing up and, from what I could tell, they adored Latisha.

  Who wouldn’t?

  Latisha was smart, responsible and caring; the unofficial maternal figure of the loft. And to top it off she was a knockout; with waist length thick black hair that framed her hazel eyes and tanned face. Although she dressed conservatively, underneath the layers were some killer curves on an otherwise slight body.

  “Well you better give us some advance notice, especially if the wedding isn’t in New York. I need enough time to shop” Aimee demanded.

  “Yeah ‘cause you know she’s going to take longer getting ready than the bride will” Eva snorted.

  “I do not! I mean will not! I’m just slower…”

  “Or you need more time improving your imperfections…” They started bickering.

  Thankfully just then Eva’s phone rang and cut Aimee off.

  5 – EVA

  The sound of my Blackberry ringing cut our squabbling short. Oh, well. With Aim there would always be a next time.

  I looked down at the screen and groaned inwardly. Damn it. It was my phone reminding me to pick up the present for my niece’s twelfth birthday. Ugh, I totally forgot about the lunch I was supposed to attend tomorrow. I was crazy about my niece Noa but…extended relatives, my overbearing parents, happily married siblings and all the other Jewish families from the neighbourhood – it was the perfect recipe for a torturous afternoon in the suburbs. Thankfully, I wasn’t going alone. The girls had promised me last month that they were coming with.

  “Who’s buzzing?” Aimee inquired.

  “It’s my calendar. I have to pick out a present for Noa’s Bat Mitzvah. All of you do remember that you’re coming right?”

  No one was looking me in the eye.

  “Well I have that thing tomorrow…” stammered Aimee, all her earlier mightiness vanished.

  “And I should probably get started on some wedding research to prepare for my lunch next weekend. Besides my parents are going to be there and…” Latisha mumbled.

  Anya just resorted to biting her fingernails.

  Oh no. I knew this shtick way too well. They were not abandoning me. Family events for me were more painful than root canals. Or amputations. Constant questions about my love life, ticking biological clock and future plans mixed with pathetic attempts at matchmaking. And Noa’s birthday party was going to be big. There was no way I could survive this alone.

  “You guys are not allowed to ditch. You promised me last month!” I was not letting them off the hook. “I’ve attended all your social events with family and in-laws and work colleagues. You guys are not chickening out. Especially when you know how they�
��re going to torture me.”

  “Guys you should join her especially since I can’t go given…you know…” Anya encouraged in her smallest and saddest voice.

  I took a deep breath and put on my courtroom voice, “Oh no Anya, you’re coming too. You can use the change of scenery. Now all of you, get dressed and we’re going shopping – Y’alla!” With that I stormed off to get my jacket.

  “I want to find her a really cute present. Becky told me that she’ll be wearing the cutest white gown. Besides the custom wad of cash, I wanna get her something she’ll love. I mean I remember my Bat Mitzvah and although the money’s cool when you’re older, you want actual presents at this age!” I was lost in the girl’s department and no closer to finding Noa’s present.

  “Well I’m pretty sure your sister’s got everything for tomorrow covered. Becky’s always two steps ahead of things. Oooh what about this cute leather skirt? It’ll be perfect for bringing in her teenage years!” Aimee squealed holding up the tiniest little skirt covered in silver studs. Typical Aims.

  “Gevalt! Aimee LeFleur! I can’t tell if you’re serious. My parents would have a coronary.” I made a face as Aimee exploded into giggles. “I’m just going to go check out the accessories in that corner.”

  “Ok, I’ll continue looking here. But hurry. Latisha’s distracting Anya and herself downstairs in the shoe department and they’re starving. If we don’t feed them soon we might just end up with a few more pairs of shoes at home.”

  “Maybe that’s not such a bad idea” I winked.

  As I browsed through the shelves, I thought about how much fun dressing up little kids could be. This stuff was fun; little clips, headbands, bows, purses…albeit useless, but cute. I felt a twinge of regret as I tried to quash the familiar feeling of longing I experienced every time I was surrounded by my married siblings and their kids. They had all married young and reproduced almost immediately. I was the youngest and the only one still single. I blinked back memories as my fingers found a pretty pink Gucci scarf, gloves and hat set.