Hope, Heartbreak & High Heels (HHH)

by Sheryl

  Eva and I glared at her. It was supposed to be a surprise till after brunch!

  “What?” Tish looked confused.

  “Pleaseee can we show her? I’m going to lose it by the time we’re done,” Anya implored.

  “I guess you haven’t left us with much of a choice have you?” I scolded.

  I gave Eva a nod. She got up and came back with a large box.

  “Here you go,” I told Tish, “Happy Birthday from us!”

  Latisha looked at us, confused.

  “Open it, open it!” Anya jumped up and down in her seat and started clapping her hands.

  Latisha opened the box and took out a familiar beige box with white writing sprawled across the top.

  She looked up. “It can’t be…”

  I nodded and Eva smiled. She opened the box and let out a small shriek. Inside lay a pair of brand new dark silver glitter pumps.

  “Guys! This is amazing. This is too much… especially after Friday and last night and…” she trailed off.

  Eva scoffed. “Don’t be silly. This is actually your last birthday with us! Besides, what could have been a more perfect present?”

  “I agree but still..” Latisha protested.

  “Do you not like them?” Anya asked with a worried look.

  “I love them!” Latisha comforted.

  “Good. Because a lot of thought went into these. We tried to find a pair that was true to your style yet encompassed a bit of us. These were classic with a twist. There was a bit of bright, a bit of glitter and a bit of rocker chic,” Anya elaborated.

  Latisha held a shoe in her hand and stroked it softly. “These are perfect,” she repeated softly. “And I’ll think of you guys every single time I put these on.”

  As she looked up I noticed tears in her eyes.

  “Aww come on Tish, don’t get all mushy on us,” Eva joked.

  Latisha laughed. “No but seriously. This is better than Vivek’s present. Thank you guys so much.”

  Anya did a fist pump in the air.

  “Ezra would never believe me if I ever told him that our pair of shoes outdid pearl jewellery,” I joked just as our food arrived.

  Everything looked great. I had gotten a French toast, Latisha had ordered a portion of hash browns and rye toast, Anya had a stack of mini pancakes and Eva had asked for a waffle with strawberries. In addition we had ordered some fries and a fruit platter.

  “Bon appetite!” I dug in.

  “Did Ezra have fun last night?” Latisha asked between bites of her toast.

  “Yeah, I think he enjoys Vivek’s company and then Andrew was there too,” I mumbled between mouthfuls. The food was awesome!

  Anya gave us another silly smile.

  “I never did thank him for all his help,” Latisha said. “Ill send him a text later.”

  “It was pretty nice of the guys to pick up our cake and drink orders,” Eva agreed.

  “Yeah, both Vivek and Ezra are amazing like that. Reliable, dependant, never say no,” I smiled.

  “You guys are lucky,” Anya said wistfully.

  “Who knows, you might get lucky soon too,” Latisha replied with a wink.

  Anya smiled while Eva frowned.

  27 – LATISHA

  I was late. I was never late. But my afternoon nap had lasted longer than I planned and I had forgotten to put on an alarm. Thankfully Aimee had woken me up or else I would have still been in bed right now.

  I walked quickly towards the restaurant. Maybe wearing my new silver glitter heels that the girls had gifted me hadn’t been the best idea especially since I knew I’d be walking tonight. But I was in love with them – their versatility and the sentiment behind them.

  I opened the glass door to the restaurant and asked the hostess for our table of six. She looked confused.

  “It should be booked under Choudhary? Table for six at eight-thirty?” Oh God, I sincerely hoped there hadn’t been a mix up!

  “Oh yes! Well the rest of the group’s here, let me show you to your table,” she said.

  I followed her to the back of my restaurant, taking off my trench coat and pink pashmina, and re-adjusting the pink belt on my grey shift dress. I had tried to dress up a little for the occasion but it was difficult to find an appropriate dress that wasn’t too dressy at the same time. I wanted to look pretty and festive but not like I was going to a club.

  As we rounded the corner I was pleasantly surprised. Seated at the table were my parents, Vivek’s parents, Vivek and both our sisters!

  “Surprise! Happy Birthday!” shrieked Veera and Tanisha as they jumped up to give me hugs. I hugged them both back. I went around the table greeting the adults and receiving birthday wishes before making my way to Vivek.

  “What are you guys doing here?” I asked as I sat down in the empty chair next to Vivek.

  “Well Mom called me on Friday and asked if I’d be able to come home for the weekend since it was your birthday. I have a paper due tomorrow so I worked on it all weekend. And then I took the bus in this morning,” Tanisha chattered excitedly.

  “My friends and I come in to the city this weekend for…uh you know…work and all. I stayed back for dinner,” Veera explained.

  “Veera, you should have called us! Some friends had come over last night and you could have brought your friends too!” I chided her.

  “Don’t worry about it Latisha bhabhi, we were quite busy anyways,” Veera winked. Busy partying I guess.

  “I hope you don’t mind but we’ve already ordered some food. We were quite hungry and need to get back home soon. How was your little party beta?” Vivek’s mom asked.

  “Oh that’s absolutely perfect; I’m so hungry! And last night was so much fun Mummy!” I said, “We had quite a few friends turn up and it was really nice to see everyone.”

  “That’s great. What did you wear?” My mom followed up.

  “Oh, um I wore this printed long dress,” I said uneasily. They wouldn’t have understood why I borrowed a friends dress instead of just buying myself something. Truth was, I had been busy all week and didn’t see the point of spending money on something I thought was ‘o.k.’ for the sake of one evening. Besides, Aimee’s dress had been a last minute fill in.

  “What food did you have?” My mother-in-law pressed on.

  “We had some snacks and dessert and ordered some sushi…”

  She frowned. “That’s all? You should have made a little more effort no?”

  “Oh are those the new earrings Vivekji gifted you?” my mother quickly changed the topic.

  I smiled at her, grateful for the save. “Yes they are. And this is the matching pendant,” I said as I looked at Vivek.

  He squeezed my hand under the table.

  “Ooooh nice! How come you never get me anything so pretty?” Veera pouted.

  “Don’t worry, we’ll ask your fiancé to get you a set too,” Vivek’s father quipped. Everyone laughed while Veera stuck her tongue out at him.

  “Well I want a matching set of shoes to go with it just like Latisha bhabhi. So you can add those to the list too,” Veera joked. “Those pumps are amazing!”

  “Awww thanks! They were a present from my room mates,” I gushed.

  “Such expensive shoes? No, no Veera, it’s better to invest the money in jewellery. Who notices shoes anyways? And such high heels are bad for your feet,” My mother-in-law chided.

  I looked down. I knew it was an indirect rib at me but it was better to let this go. The discussion would just be awkward. Besides my parents would just tell me off if I said something. I decided to keep my mouth shut.

  Thankfully, just then the appetisers arrived. There were a few different salads, vegetable dishes and grilled breads with dips. It looked delicious. Everyone dove in.

  “So how is school going?” I asked.

  “Schools great, I can’t believe I only have half a semester left! I’m going to miss it sooo much,” Veera lamented in her typical high-pitched voice. She was a bit of a drama que
en but a lot of fun to be around. She really knew how to take advantage of situations and lived life to the fullest.

  “I’m so overwhelmed by it all! I mean I haven’t even been there for a semester and I’m knee deep in books and papers and classes. I’ve been trying to apply for jobs this summer, but I’m not completely sure what I want to do yet.” Tanisha told me.

  I smiled. Typical, hardworking, overthinking Tanu. She was always striving to be the best. And she most usually was. Tanu had graduated top of her class and earned a substantial scholarship at Brown. We were very proud of her.

  “Summer jobs already?” Vivek’s mother asked in amazement.

  “Yes auntie. We have to get applications in by December so they’re reviewed and then interviews begin,” Tanisha explained.

  “Wow, that’s ambitious! I don’t think Veera ever worked during her summers,” My father-in-law commended.

  Anyone else would have been upset by the slight jab but Veera didn’t care. She had made it quite clear that work and studies weren’t her forte. And although she managed to fool her parents that she ‘studied hard’ at Rutgers, I’m sure they weren’t expecting Nobel prize work from her.

  “Well I hope that you’ll have time for the wedding and wedding preparations if you do end up getting a summer job,” my mom said worriedly.

  “What do you mean?” Tanu looked confused.

  “Well we’re considering a summer wedding. Veera will be home by then, you won’t have classes and it’s a convenient time for relatives from overseas,” my father said.

  “But I thought Latisha didi didn’t want a summer wedding?” Tanu looked at me.

  “Umm…I don’t mind anything as long as it’s convenient for everyone else,” I stammered. I didn’t want Tanu to start an argument on my behalf. Tanisha believed that I was too much of a pushover and a people pleaser and, therefore, often fought with my parents on my behalf. She was fiercely loyal to me and I knew that she was capable of creating a scene anywhere.

  “A summer wedding? This means we’ll go to India to shop during Spring Break?” Veera asked hopefully.

  “Well depends on when Latisha can get some time off,” Vivek’s mother looked at me.

  “Um yeah, I’ll find out. Thought I’d wait till we pick a date first and then I can put in the requests together,” I explained.

  “Well I’ve spoken to the pundit and he says June 23rd and July 6th are both very good dates. So whichever one everyone wants,” my father offered.

  “How many events are we looking at?” Veera asked. The typical Indian wedding lasted a few days because there were so many religious and cultural ceremonies and traditions.

  “There’s the wedding and reception. And we would like to host a dinner and dance party the night before,” Vivek’s father answered.

  “And we want to have at least a small henna party. So it will definitely be a couple of days,” my mother added.

  “Well why doesn’t Latisha get back to us. Both dates are in the summer and within our timeframe. I don’t want to interfere too much with her work either,” Vivek decided. I squeezed his hand in appreciation.

  “Sounds good. Now before we forget, and before the main course arrives, here’s your gift from us beta. Happy birthday!” My mother-in-law handed me a large Bergdorf’s shopping bag.

  “Thank you!” I said excitedly. I opened the bag and took out a black box. It was a handbag from the fall collection in a burgundy shade.

  “Oh wow, thanks so much!” I told Vivek’s parents.

  “I hope you like it. There were a few other nice bags too but I chose this one because it’s a classic,” she explained animatedly.

  Honestly, I really didn’t like the bag. I mean I knew it was expensive and I really appreciated the thought behind it. But the colour, the style, the brand…it just wasn’t me. However, it wasn’t worth getting into a discussion over. I had learnt very early on to pick my battles carefully where Vivek’s family was concerned. I’d just put this bag away with the few other presents his mother had given me and use it on occasions with them.

  I mean it was just a bag… why hurt someone’s feelings over it?

  28 - EVA

  I tossed and turned in bed. I checked the time on my Blackberry. 1:30 a.m. Ugh. Had to get some sleep. It was Monday tomorrow.

  I kept replaying the weekend in my mind. Well namely last night and this morning.

  “You’re so high up there on your horse that you’ve lost touch of reality…”

  “And why do you always need to jump the gun?”

  “Why can’t you ever just give someone a chance?”

  The voices just kept circulating in my head. Was I wrong? Was everyone else right? Did I always do this?

  I knew that over the years I’d hardened as a person. I knew that that one weekend so many years ago had killed the sweet girl inside me and left behind a cynical realist. But isn’t that what people expected today? Wasn’t that the sort of independence and self-sustainability that guys appreciated in a girl? Isn’t that the sort of woman that got ahead and got promoted? Wasn’t that the basic skill needed to just survive in today’s vicious world?

  I thought about all my friends and their relationships. Yeah sure, today Latisha was happy but she had compromised a lot to get to this point. The reason we always forgot that was because she was such an adjustable person. She always said yes to everything but no one ever asked her what she wanted. And she never complained. But deep down, was she really happy? Was she happier in her life with Vivek compared to one without him? Or did she just not know any better?

  What about Aimee? Aim had dated a few guys. She had had her heart crushed by Jed but she got back in the game. Today she was with Ezra – a guy that would willingly give up his right eye for her. But we knew her and we knew that this wasn’t the relationship she wanted. She craved the drama, the excitement and the passion. While Ezra was kind and reliable, he couldn’t match Aimee’s energy level. Every time she came home early from a date she’d be sulking because clearly she wasn’t the one that had wanted the night to end. And she was constantly talking about how out of place she felt whenever she was with Ezra’s parents or the club. What was the point of a relationship where you never felt fully satisfied? Where you constantly felt like something or things were missing?

  And then of course there was Anya. A new guy every season. And each one left her in the dust. But she never lost hope. She continued going on all sorts of dates. And in each one of her relationships/flings/whatever you want to call them, she would put in 100% effort completely. She spent her time working hard on making her boyfriends happy just so they would enjoy the high, get sick of her, and leave. So what was her mistake – just that she tried too hard? Or that she was honest and expressive about her feelings? What was the point of putting your heart there over and over again just to have it crushed repeatedly? And did she truly like these guys? I mean, if looking for love meant inviting misery, why would I want that?

  Men and relationships were a vicious cycle. Women were either single and spending all their time and energy looking for a fulfilling relationship. Or they were in a relationship and were constantly trying to fix it. Opening myself up to the possibility of love also meant opening myself up to the possibility of heartbreak. And after one, could I go through it again?

  Chaim’s words still echoed in my head when I shut my eyes.

  “Babe, things change. People change. I realised I wanted more, I couldn’t tie myself to you already…” He hadn’t come after me when I left his dorm room crying that Sunday evening in the rain.

  Chaim and I had met our senior year in high school. He lived a few streets away from my parents’ house and I had known him growing up. Over the years in school we had exchanged a few covert glances and shy smiles until one day he came up to me and told me that he liked me.

  But dating was out of the question. Our families were somewhere in between religious and conservative. We were conservative in the way we dressed, o
bserved holidays and approached normal everyday activities. But we were not ultra orthodox so weren’t completely cut off from the whole world.

  So Chaim and I would eat lunch together at school, he’d walk me to the bus stop, we would smile at each other at synagogue, and exchange lots of notes. Notes became emails as we were allowed to use computers. My love for Chaim had been of the purest form; we had loved one another’s mind and heart and soul rather than merely lusting for a physical bond. And the fact that there was always an underlying danger of getting caught had made it all the more thrilling.

  Once Chaim had left for Philly, I had felt him slipping away. Initially he’d tell me about his minor transgressions and attempts to break out such as going out to parties and having a few drinks. But slowly he stopped sharing this information with me because he could sense my discomfort. When we started talking less, the fear of losing him crept into me. I had boarded that Greyhound bus more on impulse and everything I did that weekend had been a desperate attempt to keep him.

  Looking back I can probably point out a number of reasons why Chaim and I would have never worked out. And I can even find a bigger number of reasons why I was thankful for the break up including my newfound confidence that helped me break out of my mould and motivated me to define my life on my own terms. But the pain of heartbreak at that young age always remains so raw.

  No matter how much you mature or grow, you can never forget your first love or your first heartbreak. And it felt so real then. Things always seem more serious in your early twenties – school, work, love, and betrayal. And then comes a phase where nothing matters enough, you begin to accept and believe that life is too short to chase something that’s lost. If one goes, there will always be another.

  However, I wasn’t interested in reliving the past or getting hurt again. For me, age and maturity brought along the realisation that I didn’t want to live in the stereotypical mould that my family or society had created for me; boy, marriage, babies. As I finished college and went to law school, I opened my eyes and my mind up to the world. I loved my work and friends and they were enough to keep my happy and satisfied. I honestly felt like I was at the top of my game and there was nothing more of value that a guy could bring to the table.